<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Uncle Josh in an Auction Room </h2>
<p>I'D seen a good many funny things in New York at one time and another, so
the last day I wuz thar, I wuz a packin' up my traps, a gittin' ready to
go home, when I jist conclooded I'd go out and buy somethin' to remember
New York by.</p>
<p>Wall I wuz a walkin' along down the street when I cum to a place whar they
wuz auckshuneerin' off a lot of things. I stopped to see what they had to
sell. Wall that place wuz jist chuck full of old-fashioned cooriositys. I
saw an old book thar, they sed it wuz five hundred years old, and it
belonged at one time to Loois the Seventeenth or Eighteenth, or some of
them old rascals; durned if I believe anybody could read it.</p>
<p>Wall I commenced a biddin' on different things, but it jist looked as
though everybody had more money than I did, and they sort of out-bid me;
but finally they put up an old-fashioned shugar bowl fer sale, and I
wanted to git that mighty bad, cos I thought as how mother would like it
fust rate. Wall I commenced a biddin' on it, and it wuz knocked down to me
fer three dollars and fifty cents I put my hand in my pockit to git my
pockit book to pay fer it, and by gosh it was gone. So I went up to the
feller what wuz a sellin' the things, and I sed—now look here
mister, will you jist wait a minnit with your "goin' at thirty make it
thirty-five, once, twice, three times a goin'", and he sed "wall now
what's the matter with you?" And I sed, there's matter enuff, by gosh;
when I cum in here I had a pockit book in my pockit, had fifty dollars in
it, and I lost it somewhars round here; I wish you'd say to the feller
what found it that I'll give five dollars fer it; another feller sed "make
it ten," another sed "give you twenty," and another sed "go you
twenty-five."</p>
<p>Durned if I know which one of 'em got it; when I left they wuz still a
biddin' on it.</p>
<p>Advice—Advice is somethin' the other feller can't use, so<br/>
he gives it to you.—Punkin Centre Philosophy.<br/></p>
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