- Goops and How to Be Them
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Frank Gelett Burgess
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Let me introduce a Race
Void of Beauty and of Grace,
Extraordinary Creatures
With a Paucity of Features.
Though their Forms are fashioned ill,
They have Manners stranger still;
For in Rudeness they're Precocious,
They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious!
Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright,
Politeness from the Impolite.
When you've finished with the Book,
At your Conduct take a Look;
Ask yourself, upon the Spot,
Are you Goop, or are you Not?
For, although it's Fun to See them
It is Terrible to Be them!
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- Chapters
- Introduction, Table Manners—I, Table Manners—II, Cleanliness, Neatness, Courtesy, Generosity, Consideration, Miss Manners, Borrowing, Memory
- Books, Honesty, "Why?", Bed-Time, Modesty, Disfiguration, Bravery, Tidiness, Patience Fortitude, George Adolphus
- Politeness, Gentleness, Hospitality, Pets, Remember, Curiosity, Willy, Clothes, Helpfulness, Quietness, Order
- Teasing, Interruption, Cry-Baby, Caution, Tardiness, Obedience, Church Headaches, Perseverance, Doll-Time, Combing and Curling, Cheerfulness
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