<h2><SPAN name="chap02"></SPAN>CHAPTER II</h2>
<p class="letter">
I grow up—am hated by my Relations—sent to School—neglected
by my Grandfather—maltreated by my Master—seasoned to
Adversity—I form Cabals against the Pedant—am debarred Access to my
Grandfather—hunted by his Heir—I demolish the Teeth of his Tutor</p>
<p>There were not wanting some who suspected my uncles of being concerned in my
father’s fate, on the supposition that they would all share in the
patrimony destined for him; and this conjecture was strengthened by reflecting
that in all his calamities they never discovered the least inclination to serve
him; but, on the contrary, by all the artifices in their power, fed his
resentment and supported his resolution of leaving him to misery and want. But
people of judgment treated this insinuation as an idle chimera; because, had my
relations been so wicked as to consult their interest by committing such an
atrocious crime, the fate of my father would have extended to me too whose life
was another obstacle to their expectation. Meanwhile, I grew apace, and as I
strongly resembled my father, who was the darling of the tenants, I wanted
nothing which their indigent circumstances could afford: but their favour was a
weak resource against the jealous enmity of my cousins; who the more my infancy
promised, conceived the more implacable hatred against me: and before I was six
years of age, had so effectually blockaded my grandfather that I never saw him
but by stealth, when I sometimes made up to his chair as he sat to view his
labourers in the field: on which occasion he would stroke my head, bid me be a
good boy, and promise to take care of me.</p>
<p>I was soon after sent to school at a village hard by, of which he had been
dictator time out of mind; but as he never paid for my board, nor supplied me
with clothes, books, and other necessaries I required, my condition was very
ragged and contemptible, and the schoolmaster, who, through fear of my
grandfather, taught me gratis, gave himself no concern about the progress I
made under his instruction. In spite of all these difficulties and disgraces, I
became a good proficient in the Latin tongue; and, as soon as I could write
tolerably, pestered my grandfather with letters to such a degree that he sent
for my master, and chid him severely for bestowing such pains on my education,
telling him that, if ever I should be brought to the gallows for forgery, which
he had taught me to commit, my blood would lie on his head.</p>
<p>The pedant, who dreaded nothing more than the displeasure of his patron,
assured his honour that the boy’s ability was more owing to his own
genius and application than to any instruction or encouragement he received;
that, although he could not divest him of the knowledge he had already imbibed,
unless he would empower him to disable his fingers, he should endeavour, with
God’s help, to prevent his future improvement. And, indeed, he punctually
performed what he had undertaken; for, on pretence that I had written
impertinent letters to my grandfather, he caused a board to be made with five
holes in it, through which he thrust the fingers and thumb of my right hand,
and fastened it by whipcord to my wrist, in such a manner as effectually
debarred me the use of my pen. But this restraint I was freed from in a few
days, by an accident which happened in a quarrel between me and another boy;
who, taking upon him to insult my poverty, I was so incensed at his ungenerous
reproach that with one stroke with my machine I cut him to the skull, to the
great terror of myself and schoolfellows, who left him bleeding on the ground,
and ran to inform the master of what had happened. I was so severely punished
for this trespass that, were I to live to the age of Methusalem, the impression
it made on me would not be effaced; the more than the antipathy and horror I
conceived for the merciless tyrant who inflicted it. The contempt which my
appearance naturally produced in all who saw me, the continual wants to which I
was exposed, and my own haughty disposition, impatient of affronts, involved me
in a thousand troublesome adventures, by which I was at length inured in
adversity, and emboldened to undertakings far above my years. I was often
inhumanly scourged for crimes I did not commit, because, having the character
of a vagabond in the village, every piece of mischief, whose author lay
unknown, was charged upon me. I have been found guilty of robbing orchards I
never entered, of killing cats I never hunted, of stealing gingerbread I never
touched, and of abusing old women I never saw. Nay, a stammering carpenter had
eloquence enough to persuade my master that I fired a pistol loaded with small
shot into his window; though my landlady and the whole family bore witness that
I was abed fast asleep at the time when this outrage was committed. I was once
flogged for having narrowly escaped drowning, by the sinking of a ferry boat in
which I was passenger. Another time, for having recovered of a bruise
occasioned by a horse and cart running over me. A third time, for being bitten
by a baker’s dog. In short, whether I was guilty or unfortunate, the
correction and sympathy of this arbitrary pedagogue were the same.</p>
<p>Far from being subdued by this informal usage, my indignation triumphed over
that slavish awe which had hitherto enforced my obedience; and the more my
years and knowledge increased, the more I perceived the injustice and barbarity
of his behaviour. By the help of an uncommon genius, and the advice and
direction of our usher, who had served my father in his travels, I made a
surprising progress in the classics, writing, and arithmetic; so that, before I
was twelve years old, I was allowed by everybody to be the best scholar in the
school. This qualification, together with the boldness of temper and strength
of make which had subjected almost all my contemporaries, gave me such
influence over them that I began to form cabals against my persecutor; and was
in hope of, being able to bid him defiance in a very short time. Being at the
head of a faction, consisting of thirty boys, most of them of my own age, I was
determined to put their mettle to trial, that I might know how far they were to
be depended upon, before I put my grand scheme in execution: with this view, we
attacked a body of stout apprentices, who had taken possession of a part of the
ground allotted to us for the scheme of our diversions, and who were then
playing at ninepins on the spot; but I had the mortification to see my
adherents routed in an instant, and a leg of one of them broke in his flight by
the bowl, which one of our adversaries had detached in pursuit of us. This
discomfiture did not hinder us from engaging them afterwards in frequent
skirmishes, which we maintained by throwing stones at a distance, wherein I
received many wounds, the scars of which still remain. Our enemies were so
harassed and interrupted by these alarms that they at last abandoned their
conquest, and left us to the peaceable enjoyment of our own territories.</p>
<p>It would be endless to enumerate the exploits we performed in the course of
this confederacy, which became the terror of the whole village; insomuch that,
when different interests divided it, one of the parties commonly courted the
assistance of Roderick Random (by which name I was known) to cast the balance,
and keep the opposite faction in awe. Meanwhile, I took the advantage of every
play-day to present myself before my grandfather, to whom I seldom found
access, by reason of his being closely besieged by a numerous family of his
female grandchildren, who, though they perpetually quarrelled among themselves,
never failed to join against me, as the common enemy of all. His heir, who was
about the age of eighteen, minded nothing but fox-hunting, and indeed was
qualified for nothing else, notwithstanding his grandfather’s indulgence
in entertaining a tutor for him at home; who at the same time performed the
office of parish clerk. This young Actaeon, who inherited his
grandfather’s antipathy to everything in distress, never sat eyes on me
without uncoupling his beagles, and hunting me into some cottage or other,
whither I generally fled for shelter. In this Christian amusement he was
encouraged by his preceptor, who, no doubt, took such opportunities to
ingratiate himself with the rising sun, observing, that the old gentleman,
according to the course of nature, had not long to live, for he was already on
the verge of fourscore.</p>
<p>The behaviour of this rascally sycophant incensed me so much, that one day,
when I was beleaguered by him and his hounds in a farmer’s house, where I
had found protection, I took aim at him (being an excellent marksman) with a
large pebble, which struck out four of his foreteeth, and effectually
incapacitated him from doing the office of a clerk.</p>
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