<h2><SPAN name="chap14"></SPAN>CHAPTER XIV</h2>
<p class="letter">
We visit Strap’s friend—a description of him—his
advice—we go to Mr. Cringer’s house—are denied
admittance—an Accident befalls Strap—his behaviour
thereupon—an extraordinary adventure occurs, in the course of which I
lose all my money</p>
<p>In the afternoon my companion proposed to call at his friend’s house,
which, we were informed, was in the neighbourhood, whither we accordingly went,
and were so lucky as to find him at home. This gentleman, who had come from
Scotland three or four years before, kept a school in town, where he taught the
Latin, French, and Italian languages; but what he chiefly professed was the
pronunciation of the English tongue, after a method more speedy and uncommon
than any practised heretofore, and, indeed, if his scholars spoke like their
master, the latter part of his undertaking was certainly performed to a tittle:
for although I could easily understand every word of what I had heard hitherto
since I entered England, three parts in four of his dialect were as
unintelligible to me as if he had spoken in Arabic or Irish. He was a
middle-sized man, and stooped very much, though not above the age of forty; his
face was frightfully pitted with the small-pox, and his mouth extended from ear
to ear. He was dressed in a night-gown of plaid, fastened about his middle with
a sergeant’s old sash, and a tie-periwig with a foretop three inches
high, in the fashion of King Charles the Second’s reign.</p>
<p>After he had received Strap, who was related to him, very courteously, he
inquired of him who I was; and being informed, he took me by the hand, telling
me he was at school with my father. When he understood my situation, he assured
me that he would do me all the service in his power, both by his advice and
otherwise, and while he spoke these words eyed me with great attention, walking
round me several times, and muttering, “Oh, dear! Oh, dear! fat a saight
is here!” I soon guessed the reason of his ejaculation, and said,
“I suppose, sir, you are not pleased with my dress.”
“Dress,” answered he, “you may caal it fat you please in your
country, but I vow to Gad ’tis a masquerade here. No Christian will admit
such a figure into his house. Upon my conscience, I wonder the dogs did not
hunt you. Did you pass through St. James’s market? Bless my eyesaight!
you are like a cousin-german of an ourangoutang.” I began to be a little
serious at this discourse, and asked him, if he thought I should obtain
entrance to-morrow at the house of Mr. Cringer, on whom I chiefly depended for
an introduction into business? “Mr. Cringer, Mr. Cringer,” replied
he, scratching his cheek, “may be a very honest gentleman—I know
nothing to the contrary; but is your sole dependence upon him? Who recommended
you to him?” I pulled out Mr. Crab’s letter, and told him the
foundation of my hopes, at which he stared at me, and repeated “Oh dear!
Oh dear!” I began to conceive bad omens from this behaviour of his, and
begged he would assist me with his advice, which he promised to give very
frankly; and as a specimen, directed us to a periwig warehouse in the
neighbourhood, in order to be accommodated; laying strong injunctions on me not
to appear before Mr. Cringer till I had parted with my carroty locks, which, he
said, were sufficient to beget an antipathy against me in all mankind. And as
we were going to pursue this advice, he called me back and bade me be sure to
deliver my letter into Mr. Cringer’s own hand.</p>
<p>As we walked along, Strap triumphed greatly in our reception with his friend,
who, it seems, had assured him he would in a day or two provide for him with
some good master; “I and now,” says he, “I you will see how I
will fit you with a wig. There’s ne’er a barber in London (and
that’s a bold word) can palm a rotten caul, or a pennyweight of dead
hair, upon me.” And, indeed, this zealous adherent did wrangle so long
with the merchant, that he was desired twenty times to leave the shop, and see
if he could get one cheaper elsewhere. At length I made choice (if a good
handsome bob), for which I paid ten shillings, and returned to our lodging,
where Strap in a moment rid me of that hair which had given the schoolmaster so
much offence.</p>
<p>We got up next day betimes, having been informed that Mr. Cringer gave audience
by candle-light to all his dependents, he himself being obliged to attend the
levee of my Lord Terrier at break of day, because his lordship made one at the
minister’s between eight and nine o’clock. When we came to Mr.
Cringer’s door, Strap, to give me all instance of his politeness, ran to
the knocker, which he employed so loud and so long, that he alarmed the whole
street; and a window opening in the second story of the next house, a vessel
was discharged upon him so successfully, that the poor barber was wet to the
skin, while I, being luckily at some distance, escaped the unsavoury deluge. In
the meantime, a footman opening the door, and seeing nobody in the street but
us, asked, with a stern countenance, if it was I who made such a noise, and
what I wanted. I told him I had business with his master, whom I desired to
see. Upon which he slapped the door in my face, telling me I must learn better
manners before I could have access to his master. Vexed at this disappointment,
I turned my resentment against Strap, whom I sharply reprimanded for his
presumption; but he, not in the least regarding what I said, wrung the wet out
of his periwig, and lifting up a large stone, flung it with such force against
the street door of that house from whence he had been bedewed, that the lock
giving way, it flew wide open, and he took to his heels, leaving me to follow
him as I could. Indeed, there was no time for deliberation; I therefore pursued
him with all the speed I could exert, until we found ourselves about the dawn
in a street we did not know. Here, as we wandered along gaping about, a very
decent sort of a man, passing by me, stopped of a sudden and took up something,
which having examined, he turned and presented to me with these words:
“Sir, you have dropped half-a-crown.” I was not a little surprised
at this instance of honesty, and told him it did not belong to me; but he bade
me recollect, and see if all my money was safe; upon which I pulled out my
purse, for I had bought one since I came to town, and, reckoning my money in my
hand, which was now reduced to five guineas seven shillings and twopence,
assured him I had lost nothing. “Well, then, says he, so much the better;
this is a godsend, and as you two were present when I picked it up, you are
entitled to equal shares with me.” I was astonished at these words, and
looked upon this person to be a prodigy of integrity, but absolutely refused to
take any part of the sum. “Come, gentlemen,” said he, “you
are too modest—I see you are strangers, but you shall give me leave to
treat you with a whet this cold raw morning.” I would have declined the
invitation, but Strap whispered to me that the gentleman would be affronted,
and I complied. “Where shall we go?” said the stranger; “I am
quite ignorant of this part of the town.” I informed him that we were in
the same situation; upon which he proposed to go into the first public-house we
should find open; and as we walked together, he began in this manner: “I
find by your tongues you are from Scotland, gentlemen; my grandmother by the
father’s side was of your country, and I am so prepossessed in its
favour, that I never meet a Scotchman but my heart warms. The Scots are very
brave people. There is scarce a great family in the kingdom that cannot boast
of some exploits performed by its ancestors many hundred years ago.
There’s your Douglasses, Gordons, Campbells, Hamiltons. We have no such
ancient families here in England. Then you are all very well educated. I have
known a pedlar talk in Greek and Hebrew as well as if they had been his
mother-tongue. And for honesty—I once had a servant, his name was Gregor
Macgregor, I would have trusted him with untold gold.”</p>
<p>This eulogium of my native country gained my affections so strongly, that I
believe I could have gone to death to serve the author; and Strap’s eyes
swam in tears. At length, as we passed through a dark narrow lane, we perceived
a public-house, which we entered, and found a man sitting by the fire, smoking
a pipe, with a pint of purl before him. Our new acquaintance asked us if ever
we had drunk egg-flip? To which question we answering in the negative, he
assured us of a regale, and ordered a quart to be prepared, calling for pipes
and tobacco at the same time. We found this composition very palateable, and
drank heartily; the conversation, which was introduced by the gentleman,
turning upon the snares that young inexperienced people are exposed to in this
metropolis. He described a thousand cheats that are daily practised upon the
ignorant and unwary, and warned us of them with so much good nature and
concern, that we blessed the opportunity which threw us in his way. After we
had put the can about for some time, our new friend began to yawn, telling us
he had been up all night with a sick person; and proposed we should have
recourse to some diversion to keep him awake. “Suppose,” said he,
“we should take a hand at whist for pastime. But let me see: that
won’t do, there’s only three of us; and I cannot play at any other
game. The truth is, I seldom or never play, but out of complaisance, or at such
a time as this, when I am in danger of falling asleep.”</p>
<p>Although I was not much inclined to gaming, I felt no aversion to pass an hour
or two at cards with a friend; and knowing that Strap understood as much of the
matter as I, made no scruple of saying, “I wish we could find a fourth
hand.” While we were in this perplexity the person whom we found in the
house at our entrance, overhearing our discourse, took the pipe from his mouth
very gravely, and accosted us thus: “Gentlemen, my pipe is out, you
see,” shaking the ashes into the fire, “and rather than you should
be balked, I don’t care if I take a hand with you for a trifle—but
remember I won’t play for anything of consequence.” We accepted his
proffer with pleasure. Having cut for partners, it fell to my lot to play with
him against our friend and Strap, for threepence a game. We were so successful,
that in a short time I was half-a-crown gainer; when the gentleman whom we had
met in the street observing he had no luck to-day, proposed to leave off, or
change partners. By this time I was inflamed with my good fortune and the
expectation of improving it, as I perceived the two strangers played but
indifferently; therefore I voted for giving him his revenge: and cutting again,
Strap and I, to our mutual satisfaction, happened to be partners. My good
fortune attended me still, and in less than an hour we had got thirty shillings
of their money, for as they lost they grew the keener, and doubled stakes every
time. At last the inconstant goddess began to veer about, and we were very soon
stripped of all our gains, and about forty shillings of our own money. This
loss mortified me extremely, and had a visible effect on the muscles of
Strap’s face, which lengthened apace; but our antagonists perceiving our
condition, kindly permitted us to retrieve our loss, and console ourselves with
a new acquisition. Then my companion wisely suggested it was time to be gone;
upon which the person who had joined us in the house began to curse the cards,
and muttered that we were indebted to fortune only for what we had got, no part
of our success being owing to our good play. This insinuation nettled me so
much that I challenged him to a game at piquet for a crown: and he was with
difficulty persuaded to accept the invitation. This contest ended in less than
an hour to my inexpressible affliction, who lost every shilling of my own
money, Strap absolutely refusing to supply me with a sixpence.</p>
<p>The gentleman at whose request we had come in, perceiving by my disconsolate
looks the situation of my heart, which well nigh burst with grief and
resentment, when the other stranger got up, and went away with my money, began
in this manner:—“I am truly afflicted at your bad luck, and would
willingly repair it, were it in my power. But what in the name of goodness
could provoke you to tempt your fate so long? It is always a maxim with
gamesters to pursue success as far us it will go, and to stop whenever fortune
shifts about. You are a young man, and your passions are too impetuous; you
must learn to govern them better. However, there is no experience like that
which is bought; you will be the better for this the longest day you have to
live. As for the fellow who has got your money, I don’t half like him.
Did not you see me tip you the wink to leave off in time?” I answered,
“No.” “No,” continued he; “you was too eager to
mind anything but the game. But, harkee,” said he in a whisper,
“are you satisfied of that young man’s honesty? His looks are a
little suspicious—but I may be mistaken; he made a great many grimaces
while he stood behind you, this is a very wicked town.” I told him I was
very well convinced of my comrade’s integrity and, that the grimaces he
mentioned were doubtless owing to his anxiety of my loss. “Oh ho! if that
be the case, I ask his pardon. Landlord, see what’s to pay.” The
reckoning amounted to eighteenpence, which, having discharged, the gentleman
shook us both by the hand, and, saying he should be very glad to see us again,
departed.</p>
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