<h2> CHAPTER VIII. STRONGLY ILLUSTRATIVE OF THE POSITION, THAT THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE IS NOT A RAILWAY </h2>
<p class="pfirst">
<span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he quiet seclusion
of Dingley Dell, the presence of so many of the gentler sex, and the
solicitude and anxiety they evinced in his behalf, were all favourable to
the growth and development of those softer feelings which nature had
implanted deep in the bosom of Mr. Tracy Tupman, and which now appeared
destined to centre in one lovely object. The young ladies were pretty,
their manners winning, their dispositions unexceptionable; but there was a
dignity in the air, a touch-me-not-ishness in the walk, a majesty in the
eye, of the spinster aunt, to which, at their time of life, they could lay
no claim, which distinguished her from any female on whom Mr. Tupman had
ever gazed. That there was something kindred in their nature, something
congenial in their souls, something mysteriously sympathetic in their
bosoms, was evident. Her name was the first that rose to Mr. Tupman’s lips
as he lay wounded on the grass; and her hysteric laughter was the first
sound that fell upon his ear when he was supported to the house. But had
her agitation arisen from an amiable and feminine sensibility which would
have been equally irrepressible in any case; or had it been called forth
by a more ardent and passionate feeling, which he, of all men living,
could alone awaken? These were the doubts which racked his brain as he lay
extended on the sofa; these were the doubts which he determined should be
at once and for ever resolved.</p>
<p>It was evening. Isabella and Emily had strolled out with Mr. Trundle; the
deaf old lady had fallen asleep in her chair; the snoring of the fat boy,
penetrated in a low and monotonous sound from the distant kitchen; the
buxom servants were lounging at the side door, enjoying the pleasantness
of the hour, and the delights of a flirtation, on first principles, with
certain unwieldy animals attached to the farm; and there sat the
interesting pair, uncared for by all, caring for none, and dreaming only
of themselves; there they sat, in short, like a pair of carefully-folded
kid gloves—bound up in each other.</p>
<p>‘I have forgotten my flowers,’ said the spinster aunt.</p>
<p>‘Water them now,’ said Mr. Tupman, in accents of persuasion.</p>
<p>‘You will take cold in the evening air,’ urged the spinster aunt
affectionately.</p>
<p>‘No, no,’ said Mr. Tupman, rising; ‘it will do me good. Let me accompany
you.’</p>
<p>The lady paused to adjust the sling in which the left arm of the youth was
placed, and taking his right arm led him to the garden.</p>
<p>There was a bower at the farther end, with honeysuckle, jessamine, and
creeping plants—one of those sweet retreats which humane men erect
for the accommodation of spiders.</p>
<p>The spinster aunt took up a large watering-pot which lay in one corner,
and was about to leave the arbour. Mr. Tupman detained her, and drew her
to a seat beside him.</p>
<p>‘Miss Wardle!’ said he.</p>
<p>The spinster aunt trembled, till some pebbles which had accidentally found
their way into the large watering-pot shook like an infant’s rattle.</p>
<p>‘Miss Wardle,’ said Mr. Tupman, ‘you are an angel.’</p>
<p>‘Mr. Tupman!’ exclaimed Rachael, blushing as red as the watering-pot
itself.</p>
<p>‘Nay,’ said the eloquent Pickwickian—‘I know it but too well.’</p>
<p>‘All women are angels, they say,’ murmured the lady playfully.</p>
<p>‘Then what can you be; or to what, without presumption, can I compare
you?’ replied Mr. Tupman. ‘Where was the woman ever seen who resembled
you? Where else could I hope to find so rare a combination of excellence
and beauty? Where else could I seek to—Oh!’ Here Mr. Tupman paused,
and pressed the hand which clasped the handle of the happy watering-pot.</p>
<p>The lady turned aside her head. ‘Men are such deceivers,’ she softly
whispered.</p>
<p>‘They are, they are,’ ejaculated Mr. Tupman; ‘but not all men. There lives
at least one being who can never change—one being who would be
content to devote his whole existence to your happiness—who lives
but in your eyes—who breathes but in your smiles—who bears the
heavy burden of life itself only for you.’</p>
<p>‘Could such an individual be found—’ said the lady.</p>
<p>‘But he <i>can</i> be found,’ said the ardent Mr. Tupman, interposing. ‘He
<i>is</i> found. He is here, Miss Wardle.’ And ere the lady was aware of
his intention, Mr. Tupman had sunk upon his knees at her feet.</p>
<p>‘Mr. Tupman, rise,’ said Rachael.</p>
<p>‘Never!’ was the valorous reply. ‘Oh, Rachael!’ He seized her passive
hand, and the watering-pot fell to the ground as he pressed it to his
lips.—‘Oh, Rachael! say you love me.’</p>
<p>‘Mr. Tupman,’ said the spinster aunt, with averted head, ‘I can hardly
speak the words; but—but—you are not wholly indifferent to
me.’</p>
<p>Mr. Tupman no sooner heard this avowal, than he proceeded to do what his
enthusiastic emotions prompted, and what, for aught we know (for we are
but little acquainted with such matters), people so circumstanced always
do. He jumped up, and, throwing his arm round the neck of the spinster
aunt, imprinted upon her lips numerous kisses, which after a due show of
struggling and resistance, she received so passively, that there is no
telling how many more Mr. Tupman might have bestowed, if the lady had not
given a very unaffected start, and exclaimed in an affrighted tone—</p>
<p>‘Mr. Tupman, we are observed!—we are discovered!’</p>
<p>Mr. Tupman looked round. There was the fat boy, perfectly motionless, with
his large circular eyes staring into the arbour, but without the slightest
expression on his face that the most expert physiognomist could have
referred to astonishment, curiosity, or any other known passion that
agitates the human breast. Mr. Tupman gazed on the fat boy, and the fat
boy stared at him; and the longer Mr. Tupman observed the utter vacancy of
the fat boy’s countenance, the more convinced he became that he either did
not know, or did not understand, anything that had been going forward.
Under this impression, he said with great firmness—</p>
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<p>‘What do you want here, Sir?’</p>
<p>‘Supper’s ready, sir,’ was the prompt reply.</p>
<p>‘Have you just come here, sir?’ inquired Mr. Tupman, with a piercing look.</p>
<p>‘Just,’ replied the fat boy.</p>
<p>Mr. Tupman looked at him very hard again; but there was not a wink in his
eye, or a curve in his face.</p>
<p>Mr. Tupman took the arm of the spinster aunt, and walked towards the
house; the fat boy followed behind.</p>
<p>‘He knows nothing of what has happened,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>‘Nothing,’ said the spinster aunt.</p>
<p>There was a sound behind them, as of an imperfectly suppressed chuckle.
Mr. Tupman turned sharply round. No; it could not have been the fat boy;
there was not a gleam of mirth, or anything but feeding in his whole
visage.</p>
<p>‘He must have been fast asleep,’ whispered Mr. Tupman.</p>
<p>‘I have not the least doubt of it,’ replied the spinster aunt.</p>
<p>They both laughed heartily.</p>
<p>Mr. Tupman was wrong. The fat boy, for once, had not been fast asleep. He
was awake—wide awake—to what had been going forward.</p>
<p>The supper passed off without any attempt at a general conversation. The
old lady had gone to bed; Isabella Wardle devoted herself exclusively to
Mr. Trundle; the spinster’s attentions were reserved for Mr. Tupman; and
Emily’s thoughts appeared to be engrossed by some distant object—possibly
they were with the absent Snodgrass.</p>
<p>Eleven—twelve—one o’clock had struck, and the gentlemen had
not arrived. Consternation sat on every face. Could they have been waylaid
and robbed? Should they send men and lanterns in every direction by which
they could be supposed likely to have travelled home? or should they—Hark!
there they were. What could have made them so late? A strange voice, too!
To whom could it belong? They rushed into the kitchen, whither the truants
had repaired, and at once obtained rather more than a glimmering of the
real state of the case.</p>
<p>Mr. Pickwick, with his hands in his pockets and his hat cocked completely
over his left eye, was leaning against the dresser, shaking his head from
side to side, and producing a constant succession of the blandest and most
benevolent smiles without being moved thereunto by any discernible cause
or pretence whatsoever; old Mr. Wardle, with a highly-inflamed
countenance, was grasping the hand of a strange gentleman muttering
protestations of eternal friendship; Mr. Winkle, supporting himself by the
eight-day clock, was feebly invoking destruction upon the head of any
member of the family who should suggest the propriety of his retiring for
the night; and Mr. Snodgrass had sunk into a chair, with an expression of
the most abject and hopeless misery that the human mind can imagine,
portrayed in every lineament of his expressive face.</p>
<p>‘Is anything the matter?’ inquired the three ladies.</p>
<p>‘Nothing the matter,’ replied Mr. Pickwick. ‘We—we’re—all
right.—I say, Wardle, we’re all right, ain’t we?’</p>
<p>‘I should think so,’ replied the jolly host.—‘My dears, here’s my
friend Mr. Jingle—Mr. Pickwick’s friend, Mr. Jingle, come ‘pon—little
visit.’</p>
<p>‘Is anything the matter with Mr. Snodgrass, Sir?’ inquired Emily, with
great anxiety.</p>
<p>‘Nothing the matter, ma’am,’ replied the stranger. ‘Cricket dinner—glorious
party—capital songs—old port—claret—good—very
good—wine, ma’am—wine.’</p>
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<p>‘It wasn’t the wine,’ murmured Mr. Snodgrass, in a broken voice. ‘It was
the salmon.’ (Somehow or other, it never is the wine, in these cases.)</p>
<p>‘Hadn’t they better go to bed, ma’am?’ inquired Emma. ‘Two of the boys
will carry the gentlemen upstairs.’</p>
<p>‘I won’t go to bed,’ said Mr. Winkle firmly.</p>
<p>‘No living boy shall carry me,’ said Mr. Pickwick stoutly; and he went on
smiling as before.</p>
<p>‘Hurrah!’ gasped Mr. Winkle faintly.</p>
<p>‘Hurrah!’ echoed Mr. Pickwick, taking off his hat and dashing it on the
floor, and insanely casting his spectacles into the middle of the kitchen.
At this humorous feat he laughed outright.</p>
<p>‘Let’s—have—‘nother—bottle,’ cried Mr. Winkle,
commencing in a very loud key, and ending in a very faint one. His head
dropped upon his breast; and, muttering his invincible determination not
to go to his bed, and a sanguinary regret that he had not ‘done for old
Tupman’ in the morning, he fell fast asleep; in which condition he was
borne to his apartment by two young giants under the personal
superintendence of the fat boy, to whose protecting care Mr. Snodgrass
shortly afterwards confided his own person, Mr. Pickwick accepted the
proffered arm of Mr. Tupman and quietly disappeared, smiling more than
ever; and Mr. Wardle, after taking as affectionate a leave of the whole
family as if he were ordered for immediate execution, consigned to Mr.
Trundle the honour of conveying him upstairs, and retired, with a very
futile attempt to look impressively solemn and dignified.</p>
<p>‘What a shocking scene!’ said the spinster aunt.</p>
<p>‘Dis-gusting!’ ejaculated both the young ladies.</p>
<p>‘Dreadful—dreadful!’ said Jingle, looking very grave: he was about a
bottle and a half ahead of any of his companions. ‘Horrid spectacle—very!’</p>
<p>‘What a nice man!’ whispered the spinster aunt to Mr. Tupman.</p>
<p>‘Good-looking, too!’ whispered Emily Wardle.</p>
<p>‘Oh, decidedly,’ observed the spinster aunt.</p>
<p>Mr. Tupman thought of the widow at Rochester, and his mind was troubled.
The succeeding half-hour’s conversation was not of a nature to calm his
perturbed spirit. The new visitor was very talkative, and the number of
his anecdotes was only to be exceeded by the extent of his politeness. Mr.
Tupman felt that as Jingle’s popularity increased, he (Tupman) retired
further into the shade. His laughter was forced—his merriment
feigned; and when at last he laid his aching temples between the sheets,
he thought, with horrid delight, on the satisfaction it would afford him
to have Jingle’s head at that moment between the feather bed and the
mattress.</p>
<p>The indefatigable stranger rose betimes next morning, and, although his
companions remained in bed overpowered with the dissipation of the
previous night, exerted himself most successfully to promote the hilarity
of the breakfast-table. So successful were his efforts, that even the deaf
old lady insisted on having one or two of his best jokes retailed through
the trumpet; and even she condescended to observe to the spinster aunt,
that ‘He’ (meaning Jingle) ‘was an impudent young fellow:’ a sentiment in
which all her relations then and there present thoroughly coincided.</p>
<p>It was the old lady’s habit on the fine summer mornings to repair to the
arbour in which Mr. Tupman had already signalised himself, in form and
manner following: first, the fat boy fetched from a peg behind the old
lady’s bedroom door, a close black satin bonnet, a warm cotton shawl, and
a thick stick with a capacious handle; and the old lady, having put on the
bonnet and shawl at her leisure, would lean one hand on the stick and the
other on the fat boy’s shoulder, and walk leisurely to the arbour, where
the fat boy would leave her to enjoy the fresh air for the space of half
an hour; at the expiration of which time he would return and reconduct her
to the house.</p>
<p>The old lady was very precise and very particular; and as this ceremony
had been observed for three successive summers without the slightest
deviation from the accustomed form, she was not a little surprised on this
particular morning to see the fat boy, instead of leaving the arbour, walk
a few paces out of it, look carefully round him in every direction, and
return towards her with great stealth and an air of the most profound
mystery.</p>
<p>The old lady was timorous—most old ladies are—and her first
impression was that the bloated lad was about to do her some grievous
bodily harm with the view of possessing himself of her loose coin. She
would have cried for assistance, but age and infirmity had long ago
deprived her of the power of screaming; she, therefore, watched his
motions with feelings of intense horror which were in no degree diminished
by his coming close up to her, and shouting in her ear in an agitated, and
as it seemed to her, a threatening tone—</p>
<p>‘Missus!’</p>
<p>Now it so happened that Mr. Jingle was walking in the garden close to the
arbour at that moment. He too heard the shouts of ‘Missus,’ and stopped to
hear more. There were three reasons for his doing so. In the first place,
he was idle and curious; secondly, he was by no means scrupulous; thirdly,
and lastly, he was concealed from view by some flowering shrubs. So there
he stood, and there he listened.</p>
<p>‘Missus!’ shouted the fat boy.</p>
<p>‘Well, Joe,’ said the trembling old lady. ‘I’m sure I have been a good
mistress to you, Joe. You have invariably been treated very kindly. You
have never had too much to do; and you have always had enough to eat.’</p>
<p>This last was an appeal to the fat boy’s most sensitive feelings. He
seemed touched, as he replied emphatically—</p>
<p>‘I knows I has.’</p>
<p>‘Then what can you want to do now?’ said the old lady, gaining courage.</p>
<p>‘I wants to make your flesh creep,’ replied the boy.</p>
<p>This sounded like a very bloodthirsty mode of showing one’s gratitude; and
as the old lady did not precisely understand the process by which such a
result was to be attained, all her former horrors returned.</p>
<p>‘What do you think I see in this very arbour last night?’ inquired the
boy.</p>
<p>‘Bless us! What?’ exclaimed the old lady, alarmed at the solemn manner of
the corpulent youth.</p>
<p>‘The strange gentleman—him as had his arm hurt—a-kissin’ and
huggin’—’</p>
<p>‘Who, Joe? None of the servants, I hope.’</p>
<p>Worser than that,’ roared the fat boy, in the old lady’s ear.</p>
<p>‘Not one of my grandda’aters?’</p>
<p>‘Worser than that.’</p>
<p>‘Worse than that, Joe!’ said the old lady, who had thought this the
extreme limit of human atrocity. ‘Who was it, Joe? I insist upon knowing.’</p>
<p>The fat boy looked cautiously round, and having concluded his survey,
shouted in the old lady’s ear—</p>
<p>‘Miss Rachael.’</p>
<p>‘What!’ said the old lady, in a shrill tone. ‘Speak louder.’</p>
<p>‘Miss Rachael,’ roared the fat boy.</p>
<p>‘My da’ater!’</p>
<p>The train of nods which the fat boy gave by way of assent, communicated a
blanc-mange like motion to his fat cheeks.</p>
<p>‘And she suffered him!’ exclaimed the old lady. A grin stole over the fat
boy’s features as he said—</p>
<p>‘I see her a-kissin’ of him agin.’</p>
<p>If Mr. Jingle, from his place of concealment, could have beheld the
expression which the old lady’s face assumed at this communication, the
probability is that a sudden burst of laughter would have betrayed his
close vicinity to the summer-house. He listened attentively. Fragments of
angry sentences such as, ‘Without my permission!’—‘At her time of
life’—‘Miserable old ‘ooman like me’—‘Might have waited till I
was dead,’ and so forth, reached his ears; and then he heard the heels of
the fat boy’s boots crunching the gravel, as he retired and left the old
lady alone.</p>
<p>It was a remarkable coincidence perhaps, but it was nevertheless a fact,
that Mr. Jingle within five minutes of his arrival at Manor Farm on the
preceding night, had inwardly resolved to lay siege to the heart of the
spinster aunt, without delay. He had observation enough to see, that his
off-hand manner was by no means disagreeable to the fair object of his
attack; and he had more than a strong suspicion that she possessed that
most desirable of all requisites, a small independence. The imperative
necessity of ousting his rival by some means or other, flashed quickly
upon him, and he immediately resolved to adopt certain proceedings tending
to that end and object, without a moment’s delay. Fielding tells us that
man is fire, and woman tow, and the Prince of Darkness sets a light to
‘em. Mr. Jingle knew that young men, to spinster aunts, are as lighted gas
to gunpowder, and he determined to essay the effect of an explosion
without loss of time.</p>
<p>Full of reflections upon this important decision, he crept from his place
of concealment, and, under cover of the shrubs before mentioned,
approached the house. Fortune seemed determined to favour his design. Mr.
Tupman and the rest of the gentlemen left the garden by the side gate just
as he obtained a view of it; and the young ladies, he knew, had walked out
alone, soon after breakfast. The coast was clear.</p>
<p>The breakfast-parlour door was partially open. He peeped in. The spinster
aunt was knitting. He coughed; she looked up and smiled. Hesitation formed
no part of Mr. Alfred Jingle’s character. He laid his finger on his lips
mysteriously, walked in, and closed the door.</p>
<p>‘Miss Wardle,’ said Mr. Jingle, with affected earnestness, ‘forgive
intrusion—short acquaintance—no time for ceremony—all
discovered.’</p>
<p>‘Sir!’ said the spinster aunt, rather astonished by the unexpected
apparition and somewhat doubtful of Mr. Jingle’s sanity.</p>
<p>‘Hush!’ said Mr. Jingle, in a stage-whisper—‘Large boy—dumpling
face—round eyes—rascal!’ Here he shook his head expressively,
and the spinster aunt trembled with agitation.</p>
<p>‘I presume you allude to Joseph, Sir?’ said the lady, making an effort to
appear composed.</p>
<p>‘Yes, ma’am—damn that Joe!—treacherous dog, Joe—told the
old lady—old lady furious—wild—raving—arbour—Tupman—kissing
and hugging—all that sort of thing—eh, ma’am—eh?’</p>
<p>‘Mr. Jingle,’ said the spinster aunt, ‘if you come here, Sir, to insult me—’</p>
<p>‘Not at all—by no means,’ replied the unabashed Mr. Jingle—‘overheard
the tale—came to warn you of your danger—tender my services—prevent
the hubbub. Never mind—think it an insult—leave the room’—and
he turned, as if to carry the threat into execution.</p>
<p>‘What <i>shall</i> I do!’ said the poor spinster, bursting into tears. ‘My
brother will be furious.’</p>
<p>‘Of course he will,’ said Mr. Jingle pausing—‘outrageous.’</p>
<p>Oh, Mr. Jingle, what <i>can</i> I say!’ exclaimed the spinster aunt, in
another flood of despair.</p>
<p>‘Say he dreamt it,’ replied Mr. Jingle coolly.</p>
<p>A ray of comfort darted across the mind of the spinster aunt at this
suggestion. Mr. Jingle perceived it, and followed up his advantage.</p>
<p>‘Pooh, pooh!—nothing more easy—blackguard boy—lovely
woman—fat boy horsewhipped—you believed—end of the
matter—all comfortable.’</p>
<p>Whether the probability of escaping from the consequences of this
ill-timed discovery was delightful to the spinster’s feelings, or whether
the hearing herself described as a ‘lovely woman’ softened the asperity of
her grief, we know not. She blushed slightly, and cast a grateful look on
Mr. Jingle.</p>
<p>That insinuating gentleman sighed deeply, fixed his eyes on the spinster
aunt’s face for a couple of minutes, started melodramatically, and
suddenly withdrew them.</p>
<p>‘You seem unhappy, Mr. Jingle,’ said the lady, in a plaintive voice. ‘May
I show my gratitude for your kind interference, by inquiring into the
cause, with a view, if possible, to its removal?’</p>
<p>‘Ha!’ exclaimed Mr. Jingle, with another start—‘removal! remove my
unhappiness, and your love bestowed upon a man who is insensible to the
blessing—who even now contemplates a design upon the affections of
the niece of the creature who—but no; he is my friend; I will not
expose his vices. Miss Wardle—farewell!’ At the conclusion of this
address, the most consecutive he was ever known to utter, Mr. Jingle
applied to his eyes the remnant of a handkerchief before noticed, and
turned towards the door.</p>
<p>‘Stay, Mr. Jingle!’ said the spinster aunt emphatically. ‘You have made an
allusion to Mr. Tupman—explain it.’</p>
<p>‘Never!’ exclaimed Jingle, with a professional (i.e., theatrical) air.
‘Never!’ and, by way of showing that he had no desire to be questioned
further, he drew a chair close to that of the spinster aunt and sat down.</p>
<p>‘Mr. Jingle,’ said the aunt, ‘I entreat—I implore you, if there is
any dreadful mystery connected with Mr. Tupman, reveal it.’</p>
<p>‘Can I,’ said Mr. Jingle, fixing his eyes on the aunt’s face—‘can I
see—lovely creature—sacrificed at the shrine—heartless
avarice!’ He appeared to be struggling with various conflicting emotions
for a few seconds, and then said in a low voice— ‘Tupman only wants
your money.’</p>
<p>‘The wretch!’ exclaimed the spinster, with energetic indignation. (Mr.
Jingle’s doubts were resolved. She <i>had</i> money.)</p>
<p>‘More than that,’ said Jingle—‘loves another.’</p>
<p>‘Another!’ ejaculated the spinster. ‘Who?’</p>
<p>Short girl—black eyes—niece Emily.’</p>
<p>There was a pause.</p>
<p>Now, if there was one individual in the whole world, of whom the spinster
aunt entertained a mortal and deep-rooted jealousy, it was this identical
niece. The colour rushed over her face and neck, and she tossed her head
in silence with an air of ineffable contempt. At last, biting her thin
lips, and bridling up, she said—</p>
<p>‘It can’t be. I won’t believe it.’</p>
<p>‘Watch ‘em,’ said Jingle.</p>
<p>‘I will,’ said the aunt.</p>
<p>‘Watch his looks.’</p>
<p>‘I will.’</p>
<p>‘His whispers.’</p>
<p>‘I will.’</p>
<p>‘He’ll sit next her at table.’</p>
<p>‘Let him.’</p>
<p>‘He’ll flatter her.’</p>
<p>‘Let him.’</p>
<p>‘He’ll pay her every possible attention.’</p>
<p>‘Let him.’</p>
<p>‘And he’ll cut you.’</p>
<p>‘Cut <i>me</i>!’ screamed the spinster aunt. ‘<i>he</i> cut <i>me</i>;
will he!’ and she trembled with rage and disappointment.</p>
<p>‘You will convince yourself?’ said Jingle.</p>
<p>‘I will.’</p>
<p>‘You’ll show your spirit?’</p>
<p>‘I will.’</p>
<p>You’ll not have him afterwards?’</p>
<p>‘Never.’</p>
<p>‘You’ll take somebody else?’</p>
<p>Yes.’</p>
<p>‘You shall.’</p>
<p>Mr. Jingle fell on his knees, remained thereupon for five minutes
thereafter; and rose the accepted lover of the spinster aunt—conditionally
upon Mr. Tupman’s perjury being made clear and manifest.</p>
<p>The burden of proof lay with Mr. Alfred Jingle; and he produced his
evidence that very day at dinner. The spinster aunt could hardly believe
her eyes. Mr. Tracy Tupman was established at Emily’s side, ogling,
whispering, and smiling, in opposition to Mr. Snodgrass. Not a word, not a
look, not a glance, did he bestow upon his heart’s pride of the evening
before.</p>
<p>‘Damn that boy!’ thought old Mr. Wardle to himself.—He had heard the
story from his mother. ‘Damn that boy! He must have been asleep. It’s all
imagination.’</p>
<p>‘Traitor!’ thought the spinster aunt. ‘Dear Mr. Jingle was not deceiving
me. Ugh! how I hate the wretch!’</p>
<p>The following conversation may serve to explain to our readers this
apparently unaccountable alteration of deportment on the part of Mr. Tracy
Tupman.</p>
<p>The time was evening; the scene the garden. There were two figures walking
in a side path; one was rather short and stout; the other tall and slim.
They were Mr. Tupman and Mr. Jingle. The stout figure commenced the
dialogue.</p>
<p>‘How did I do it?’ he inquired.</p>
<p>‘Splendid—capital—couldn’t act better myself—you must
repeat the part to-morrow—every evening till further notice.’</p>
<p>‘Does Rachael still wish it?’</p>
<p>‘Of course—she don’t like it—but must be done—avert
suspicion—afraid of her brother—says there’s no help for it—only
a few days more—when old folks blinded—crown your happiness.’</p>
<p>‘Any message?’</p>
<p>‘Love—best love—kindest regards—unalterable affection.
Can I say anything for you?’</p>
<p>‘My dear fellow,’ replied the unsuspicious Mr. Tupman, fervently grasping
his ‘friend’s’ hand—‘carry my best love—say how hard I find it
to dissemble—say anything that’s kind: but add how sensible I am of
the necessity of the suggestion she made to me, through you, this morning.
Say I applaud her wisdom and admire her discretion.’</p>
<p>I will. Anything more?’</p>
<p>‘Nothing, only add how ardently I long for the time when I may call her
mine, and all dissimulation may be unnecessary.’</p>
<p>‘Certainly, certainly. Anything more?’</p>
<p>‘Oh, my friend!’ said poor Mr. Tupman, again grasping the hand of his
companion, ‘receive my warmest thanks for your disinterested kindness; and
forgive me if I have ever, even in thought, done you the injustice of
supposing that you could stand in my way. My dear friend, can I ever repay
you?’</p>
<p>‘Don’t talk of it,’ replied Mr. Jingle. He stopped short, as if suddenly
recollecting something, and said—‘By the bye—can’t spare ten
pounds, can you?—very particular purpose—pay you in three
days.’</p>
<p>‘I dare say I can,’ replied Mr. Tupman, in the fulness of his heart.
‘Three days, you say?’</p>
<p>‘Only three days—all over then—no more difficulties.’ Mr.
Tupman counted the money into his companion’s hand, and he dropped it
piece by piece into his pocket, as they walked towards the house.</p>
<p>‘Be careful,’ said Mr. Jingle—‘not a look.’</p>
<p>‘Not a wink,’ said Mr. Tupman.</p>
<p>‘Not a syllable.’</p>
<p>‘Not a whisper.’</p>
<p>‘All your attentions to the niece—rather rude, than otherwise, to
the aunt—only way of deceiving the old ones.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll take care,’ said Mr. Tupman aloud.</p>
<p>‘And <i>I’ll</i> take care,’ said Mr. Jingle internally; and they entered
the house.</p>
<p>The scene of that afternoon was repeated that evening, and on the three
afternoons and evenings next ensuing. On the fourth, the host was in high
spirits, for he had satisfied himself that there was no ground for the
charge against Mr. Tupman. So was Mr. Tupman, for Mr. Jingle had told him
that his affair would soon be brought to a crisis. So was Mr. Pickwick,
for he was seldom otherwise. So was not Mr. Snodgrass, for he had grown
jealous of Mr. Tupman. So was the old lady, for she had been winning at
whist. So were Mr. Jingle and Miss Wardle, for reasons of sufficient
importance in this eventful history to be narrated in another chapter.</p>
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