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Potash and Perlmutter: Their Copartnership Ventures and Adventures

<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> "After all, Mawruss," Abe declared as he glanced over the columns of the Daily Cloak and Suit Record, "after all a feller feels more satisfied when he could see the customers himself and find out just exactly how they do business, y'understand. Maybe the way we lost Louis Mintz wasn't such a bad thing anyhow, Mawruss. I bet yer if Louis would of been selling goods for us, Mawruss, we would of been in that Cohen & Schondorf business too. Me, I am different, Mawruss. So soon as I went in that store, Mawruss, I could see that them fellers was in bad. I'm very funny that way, Mawruss." "You shouldn't throw no bouquets at yourself because you got a little luck, Abe," Morris commented. "Some people calls it luck, Mawruss, but I call it judgment, y'understand." "Sure, I know," Morris continued, "but how about Hymie Kotzen, Abe? Always you said it that feller got lots of judgment, Abe." "A feller could got so much judgment as Andrew Carnegie," Abe retorted, "and oncet in a while he[Pg 105] could play in hard luck too. Yes, Mawruss, Hymie Kotzen is certainly playing in hard luck." "Is he?" Morris Perlmutter replied. "Well, he don't look it when I seen him in the Harlem Winter Garden last night, Abe. Him and Mrs. Kotzen was eating a family porterhouse between 'em with tchampanyer wine yet." "Well, Mawruss," Abe said, "he needs it tchampanyer wine, Mawruss. Last month I seen it he gets stung two thousand by Cohen & Schondorf, and to-day he's chief mourner by the Ready Pay Store, Barnet Fischman proprietor. Barney stuck him for fifteen hundred, Mawruss, so I guess he needs it tchampanyer wine to cheer him up." "Well, maybe he needs it diamonds to cheer him up, also, Abe," Morris added. "That feller got diamonds on him, Abe, like 'lectric lights on the front of a moving-picture show." "Diamonds never harmed nobody's credit, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "You can get your money out of diamonds most any time, Mawruss. I see by the papers diamonds increase in price thirty per cent. in six months already. Yes, Mawruss, diamonds goes up every day." "And so does the feller what wears 'em, Abe," Morris went on. "In fact, the way that Hymie Kotzen does business I shouldn't be surprised if he goes up any day, too. Andrew Carnegie couldn't stand it the failures what that feller gets into, Abe." "That's just hard luck, Mawruss," Abe replied;[Pg 106] "and if he wears it diamonds, Mawruss, he paid for 'em himself, Mawruss, and he's got a right to wear 'em. So far what I hear it, Mawruss, he never stuck nobody for a cent." "Oh, Hymie ain't no crook, Abe," Morris admitted, "but I ain't got no use for a feller wearing diamonds. Diamonds looks good on women, Abe, and maybe also on a hotel-clerk or a feller what runs a restaurant, Abe, but a business man ain't got no right wearing diamonds." "Of course, Mawruss, people's got their likes and dislikes," Abe said; "but all the same I seen it many a decent, respectable feller with a good business, Abe, what wants a little accommodation at his bank. But he gets turned down just because he goes around looking like a slob; while a feller what can't pay his own laundry bill, Mawruss, has no trouble getting a thousand dollars because the second vice-president is buffaloed already by a stovepipe hat, a Prince Albert coat and a four-carat stone with a flaw in it." "Well, a four-carat stone wouldn't affect me none, Abe," Morris said, "and believe me, Abe, Hymie Kotzen's diamonds don't worry me none, neither. All I'm troubling about now is that I got an appetite like a horse, so I guess I'll go to lunch." Abe jumped to his feet. "Give me a chance oncet in a while, Mawruss," he protested. "Every day comes half-past twelve you got to go to your lunch. Ain't I got no stomach, neither, Mawruss?" [Pg 107]"Oh, go ahead if you want to," Morris grumbled, "only don't stay all day, Abe. Remember there's other people wants to eat, too, Abe." "I guess the shoe pinches on the other foot now, Mawruss," Abe retorted as he put on his hat. "When I get through eating I'll be back." He walked across the street to Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant and seated himself at his favorite table. "Well, Mr. Potash," Louis, the waiter, cried, dusting off the tablecloth with a red-and-white towel, "some nice Metzelsuppe to-day, huh?" "No, Louis," Abe replied as he took a dill pickle from a dishful on the table, "I guess I won't have no soup to-day. Give me some gedämpftes Kalbfleisch mit Kartoffelklösse." "Right away quick, Mr. Potash," said Louis, starting to hurry away. "Ain't I nobody here, Louis?" cried a bass voice at the table behind Abe. "Do I sit here all day?" "Ex-cuse me, Mr. Kotzen," Louis exclaimed. "Some nice roast chicken to-day, Mr. Kotzen?" "I'll tell you what I want it, Louis, not you me," Mr. Kotzen grunted. "If I want to eat it roast chicken I'll say so. If I don't I won't." "Sure, sure," Louis cried, rubbing his hands in a perfect frenzy of apology. "Gimme a Schweizerkäse sandwich and a cup of coffee," Mr. Kotzen concluded, "and if you don't think you can bring it back here in half an hour,[Pg 108] Louis, let me know, that's all, and I'll ask Wasserbauer if he can help you out." Abe had started on his second dill pickle, and he held it in his hand as he turned around in his chair. "Hallo, Hymie," he said; "ain't you feeling good to-day?" "Oh, hallo, Abe," Kotzen cried, glancing over; "why don't you come over and sit at my table?" "I guess I will," Abe replied. He rose to his feet with his napkin tucked into his collar and, carrying the dish of dill pickles with him, he moved over to Kotzen's table. "What's the matter, Hymie?" Abe asked. "You ain't sick, are you?" "That depends what you call it sick, Abe," Hymie replied. "I don't got to see no doctor exactly, Abe, if that's what you mean. But that Sam Feder by the Kosciusko Bank, I was over to see him just now, and I bet you he makes me sick." "I thought you always got along pretty good with Sam, Hymie," Abe mumbled through a mouthful of dill pickle. "So I do," said Hymie; "but he heard it something about this here Ready Pay Store and how I'm in it for fifteen hundred, and also this Cohen & Schondorf sticks me also, and he's getting anxious. So, either he wants me I should give him over a couple of accounts, or either I should take up some of my paper. Well, you know Feder, Abe. He don't want nothing but A Number One concerns, and then he got[Pg 109] the bank's lawyer what is his son-in-law, De Witt C. Feinholz, that he should draw up the papers; and so it goes. I got it bills receivable due the first of the month, five thousand dollars from such people like Heller, Blumenkrohn & Co., of Cincinnati, and The Emporium, Duluth, all gilt-edge accounts, Abe, and why should I lose it twenty per cent. on them, ain't it?" "Sure," Abe murmured. "Well, that's what I told Feder," Hymie went on. "If I got to take up a couple of thousand dollars I'll do it. But running a big plant like I got it, Abe, naturally it makes me a little short." "Naturally," Abe agreed. He scented what was coming. "But anyhow, I says to Feder, I got it lots of friends in the trade, and I ain't exactly broke yet, neither, Abe." He lifted his Swiss-cheese sandwich in his left hand, holding out the third finger the better to display a five-carat stone, while Abe devoted himself to his veal. "Of course, Abe," Hymie continued, "on the first of the month—that's only two weeks already—things will be running easy for me." He looked at Abe for encouragement, but Abe's facial expression was completely hidden by veal stew, fragments of which were clinging to his eyebrows. "But, naturally, I'm at present a little short," Hymie croaked, "and so I thought maybe you could[Pg 110] help me out with, say a thousand dollars till the first of the month, say." Abe laid down his knife and fork and massaged his face with his napkin. "For my part, Hymie," he said, "you should have it in a minute. I know it you are good as gold, and if you say that you will pay on the first of the month a U-nited States bond ain't no better." He paused impressively and laid a hand on Hymie's knee. "Only, Hymie," he concluded, "I got it a partner. Ain't it? And you know Mawruss Perlmutter, Hymie. He's a pretty hard customer, Hymie, and if I was to draw you the firm's check for a thousand, Hymie, that feller would have a receiver by the court to-morrow morning already. He's a holy terror, Hymie, believe me." Hymie sipped gloomily at his coffee. "But Mawruss Perlmutter was always a pretty good friend of mine, Abe," he said. "Why shouldn't he be willing to give it me if you are agreeable? Ain't it? And, anyhow, Abe, it can't do no harm to ask him." "Well, Hymie, he's over at the store now," Abe replied. "Go ahead and ask him." "I know it what he'd say if I ask him, Abe. He'd tell me I should see you; but you say I should see him, and then I'm up in the air. Ain't it?" Abe treated himself to a final rubdown with the napkin and scrambled to his feet. [Pg 111]"All right, Hymie," he said. "If you want me I should ask him I'll ask him." "Remember, Abe," Hymie said as Abe turned away, "only till the first, so sure what I'm sitting here. I'll ring you up in a quarter of an hour." When Abe entered the firm's show-room five minutes later he found Morris consuming the last of some crullers and coffee brought in from a near-by bakery by Jake, the shipping clerk. "Well, Abe, maybe you think that's a joke you should keep me here a couple of hours already," Morris said. "Many a time I got to say that to you already, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "But, anyhow, I didn't eat it so much, Mawruss. It was Hymie Kotzen what keeps me." "Hymie Kotzen!" Morris cried. "What for should he keep you, Abe? Blows you to some tchampanyer wine, maybe?" "Tchampanyer he ain't drinking it to-day, Mawruss, I bet yer," Abe replied. "He wants to lend it from us a thousand dollars." Morris laughed raucously. "What a chance!" he said. "Till the first of the month, Mawruss," Abe continued, "and I thought maybe we would let him have it." Morris ceased laughing and glared at Abe. "Tchampanyer you must have been drinking it, Abe," he commented. [Pg 112]"Why shouldn't we let him have it, Mawruss?" Abe demanded. "Hymie's a good feller, Mawruss, and a smart business man, too." "Is he?" Morris yelled. "Well, he ain't smart enough to keep out of failures like Barney Fischman's and Cohen & Schondorf's, Abe, but he's too smart to lend it us a thousand dollars, supposing we was short for a couple of days. No, Abe, I heard it enough about Hymie Kotzen already. I wouldn't positively not lend him nothing, Abe, and that's flat." To end the discussion effectually he went to the cutting-room upstairs and remained there when Hymie rang up. "It ain't no use, Hymie," Abe said. "Mawruss wouldn't think of it. We're short ourselves. You've no idee what trouble we got it with some of our collections." "But, Abe," Hymie protested, "I got to have the money. I promised Feder I would give it him this afternoon." Abe remained silent. "I tell you what I'll do, Abe," Hymie insisted; "I'll come around and see you." "It won't be no use, Hymie," Abe said, but Central was his only auditor, for Hymie had hung up the receiver. Indeed, Abe had hardly returned to the show-room before Hymie entered the store door. "Where's Mawruss?" he asked. "Up in the cutting-room," Abe replied. [Pg 113]"Good!" Hymie cried. "Now look'y here, Abe, I got a proposition to make it to you." He tugged at the diamond ring on the third finger of his left hand and laid it on a sample-table. Then from his shirt-bosom he unscrewed a miniature locomotive headlight, which he deposited beside the ring. "See them stones, Abe?" he continued. "They costed it me one thousand three hundred dollars during the panic already, and to-day I wouldn't take two thousand for 'em. Now, Abe, you sit right down and write me out a check for a thousand dollars, and so help me I should never stir out of this here office, Abe, if I ain't on the spot with a thousand dollars in hand two weeks from to-day, Abe, you can keep them stones, settings and all." Abe's eyes fairly bulged out of his head as he looked at the blazing diamonds. "But, Hymie," he exclaimed, "I don't want your diamonds. If I had it the money myself, Hymie, believe me, you are welcome to it like you was my own brother." "I know all about that, Abe," Hymie replied, "but you ain't Mawruss, and if you got such a regard for me what you claim you have, Abe, go upstairs and ask Mawruss Perlmutter will he do it me the favor and let me have that thousand dollars with the stones as security." Without further parley Abe turned and left the show-room. [Pg 114]"Mawruss," he called from the foot of the stairs, "come down here once. I want to show you something." In the meantime Hymie pulled down the shades and turned on the electric lights. Then he took a swatch of black velveteen from his pocket and arranged it over the sample-table with the two gems in its folds. "Hymie Kotzen is inside the show-room," Abe explained when Morris appeared in answer to his summons. "Well, what have I got to do with Hymie Kotzen?" Morris demanded. "Come inside and speak to him, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "He won't eat you." "Maybe you think I'm scared to turn him down, Abe?" Morris concluded as he led the way to the show-room. "Well, I'll show you different." "Hallo, Mawruss," Hymie cried. "What's the good word?" Morris grunted an inarticulate greeting. "What you got all the shades down for, Abe?" he asked. "Don't touch 'em," Hymie said. "Just you have a look at this sample-table first." Hymie seized Morris by the arm and turned him around until he faced the velveteen. "Ain't them peaches, Mawruss?" he asked. Morris stared at the diamonds, almost hypnotized by their brilliancy. [Pg 115]"Them stones belong to you, Mawruss," Hymie went on, "if I don't pay you inside of two weeks the thousand dollars what you're going to lend me." "We ain't going to lend you no thousand dollars, Hymie," Morris said at last, "because we ain't got it to lend. We need it in our own business, Hymie, and, besides, you got the wrong idee. We ain't no pawnbrokers, Hymie; we are in the cloak and suit business." "Hymie knows it all about that, Mawruss," Abe broke in, "and he shows he ain't no crook, neither. If he's willing to trust you with them diamonds, Mawruss, we should be willing to trust him with a thousand dollars. Ain't it?" "He could trust me with the diamonds, Abe, because I ain't got no use for diamonds," Morris replied. "If anyone gives me diamonds that I should take care of it into the safe they go. I ain't a person what sticks diamonds all over myself, Abe, and I don't buy no tchampanyer wine one day and come around trying to lend it from people a thousand dollars the next day, Abe." "It was my wife's birthday," Hymie explained; "and if I got to spend it my last cent, Mawruss, I always buy tchampanyer on my wife's birthday." "All right, Hymie," Morris retorted; "if you think it so much of your wife, lend it from her a thousand dollars." "Make an end, make an end," Abe cried; "I[Pg 116] hear it enough already. Put them diamonds in the safe and we give Hymie a check for a thousand dollars." Morris shrugged his shoulders. "All right, Abe," he said. "Do what you please, but remember what I tell it you now. I don't know nothing about diamonds and I don't care nothing about diamonds, and if it should be that we got to keep it the diamonds I don't want nothing to do with them. All I want it is my share of the thousand dollars." He turned on his heel and banged the show-room door behind him, while Abe pulled up the shades and Hymie turned off the lights. "That's a fine crank for you, Abe," Hymie exclaimed. Abe said nothing, but sat down and wrote out a check for a thousand dollars. "I hope them diamonds is worth it," he murmured, handing the check to Hymie. "If they ain't," Hymie replied as he made for the door, "I'll eat 'em, Abe, and I ain't got too good a di-gestion, neither." At intervals of fifteen minutes during the remainder of the afternoon Morris visited the safe and inspected the diamonds until Abe was moved to criticise his partner's behavior. "Them diamonds ain't going to run away, Mawruss." "Maybe they will, Abe," Morris replied, "if we[Pg 117] leave the safe open and people comes in and out all the time." "So far, nobody ain't took nothing out of that safe, Mawruss," Abe retorted; "but if you want to lock the safe I'm agreeable." "What for should we lock the safe?" Morris asked. "We are all the time getting things out of it what we need. Ain't it? A better idee I got it, Abe, is that you should put on the ring and I will wear the pin, or you wear the pin and I will put on the ring." "No, siree, Mawruss," Abe replied. "If I put it on a big pin like that and I got to take it off again in a week's time might I would catch a cold on my chest, maybe. Besides, I ain't built for diamonds, Mawruss. So, you wear 'em both, Mawruss." Morris forced a hollow laugh. "Me wear 'em, Abe!" he exclaimed. "No, siree, Abe, I'm not the kind what wears diamonds. I leave that to sports like Hymie Kotzen." Nevertheless, he placed the ring on the third finger of his left hand, with the stone turned in, and carefully wrapping up the pin in tissue-paper he placed it in his waistcoat pocket. The next day was Wednesday, and he screwed the pin into his shirt-front underneath a four-in-hand scarf. On Thursday he wore the ring with the stone exposed, and on Friday he discarded the four-in-hand scarf for a bow tie and shamelessly flaunted both ring and pin. "Mawruss," Abe commented on Saturday, "must[Pg 118] you stick out your little finger when you smoke it a cigar?" "Habits what I was born with, Abe," Morris replied. "I can't help it none." "Maybe you was born with a diamond ring on your little finger. What?" Abe jeered. Morris glared at his partner. "If you think that I enjoy it wearing that ring, Abe," he declared, "you are much mistaken. You got us to take these here diamonds, Abe, and if they got stole on us, Abe, we are not only out the thousand dollars, but we would also got to pay it so much more as Hymie Kotzen would sue us for in the courts. I got to wear this here ring, Abe, and that's all there is to it." He walked away to the rear of the store with the air of a martyr, while Abe gazed after him in silent admiration. Two weeks sped quickly by, during which Morris safeguarded the diamonds with the utmost zest and enjoyment, and at length the settling day arrived. Morris was superintending the unpacking of piece goods in the cutting-room when Abe darted upstairs. "Mawruss," he hissed, "Hymie Kotzen is downstairs." By a feat of legerdemain that a conjurer might have envied, Morris transferred the pin and ring to his waistcoat pocket and followed Abe to the show-room. [Pg 119]"Well, Hymie," Morris cried, "we thought you would be prompt on the day. Ain't it?" Hymie smiled a sickly smirk in which there was as little mirth as there was friendliness. "You got another think coming," Hymie replied. "What d'ye mean?" Morris exclaimed. "I'm up against it, boys," Hymie explained. "I expected to get it a check for two thousand from Heller, Blumenkrohn this morning." "And didn't it come?" Abe asked. "Sure it come," Hymie replied, "but it was only sixteen hundred and twenty dollars. They claim it three hundred and eighty dollars for shortage in delivery, so I returned 'em the check." "You returned 'em the check, Hymie?" Morris cried. "And we got to wait for our thousand dollars because you made it a shortage in delivery." "I didn't make no shortage in delivery," Hymie declared. "Well, Hymie," Abe broke in, "you say it yourself Heller, Blumenkrohn is gilt-edge, A Number One people. They ain't going to claim no shortage if there wasn't none, Hymie." "I guess you don't know Louis Blumenkrohn, Abe," Hymie retorted. "He claims it shortage before he unpacks the goods already." "Well, what has that got to do with us, Hymie?" Morris burst out. "You see how it is, boys," Hymie explained; "so I got to ask it you a couple of weeks' extension." [Pg 120]"A couple of weeks' extension is nix, Hymie," Abe said, and Morris nodded his head in approval. "Either you give it us the thousand, Hymie," was Morris' ultimatum, "or either we keep the diamonds, and that's all there is to it." "Now, Mawruss," Hymie protested, "you ain't going to shut down on me like that! Make it two weeks more and I'll give you a hundred dollars bonus and interest at six per cent." Abe shook his head. "No, Hymie," he said firmly, "we ain't no loan sharks. If you got to get that thousand dollars to-day you will manage it somehow. So that's the way it stands. We keep open here till six o'clock, Hymie, and the diamonds will be waiting for you as soon so you bring us the thousand dollars. That's all." There was a note of finality in Abe's tones that made Hymie put on his hat and leave without another word. "Yes, Abe," Morris commented as the door closed behind Hymie, "so liberal you must be with my money. Ain't I told you from the very start that feller is a lowlife? Tchampanyer he must drink it on his wife's birthday, Abe, and also he got to wear it diamonds, Abe, when he ain't got enough money to pay his laundry bill yet." "I ain't worrying, Mawruss," Abe replied. "He ain't going to let us keep them diamonds for a thousand dollars, Mawruss. They're worth a whole lot more as that, Mawruss." [Pg 121]"I don't know how much they're worth, Abe," Morris grunted, putting on his hat, "but one thing I do know; I'm going across the street to get a shave; and then I'm going right down to Sig Pollak on Maiden Lane, Abe, and I'll find out just how much they are worth." A moment later he descended the basement steps into the barber-shop under Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant. "Hallo, Mawruss," a voice cried from the proprietor's chair. "Ain't it a hot weather?" It was Sam Feder, vice-president of the Kosciusko Bank, who spoke. He was midway in the divided enjoyment of a shampoo and a large black cigar, while an electric fan oscillated over his head. "I bet yer it's hot, Mr. Feder," Morris agreed, taking off his coat. "Why don't you take your vest off, too, Mawruss?" Sam Feder suggested. "That's a good idee," Morris replied, peeling off his waistcoat. He hung it next to his coat and relapsed with a sigh into the nearest vacant chair. "Just once around, Phil," he said to the barber, and closed his eyes for a short nap. When he woke up ten minutes later Phil was spraying him with witch-hazel while the proprietor stood idly in front of the mirror and curled his flowing black mustache. "Don't take it so particular, Phil," Morris enjoined.[Pg 122] "I ain't got it all day to sit here in this chair." "All right, Mr. Perlmutter, all right," Phil cried, and in less than three minutes, powdered, oiled and combed, Morris climbed out of the chair. His coat was in waiting, held by a diminutive Italian brushboy, but Morris waved his hand impatiently. "My vest," he demanded. "I don't put my coat on under my vest." The brushboy turned to the vacant row of hooks. "No gotta da vest," he said. "What!" Morris gasped. "You didn't have no vest on, did you, Mr. Perlmutter?" the proprietor asked. "Sure I had a vest," Morris cried. "Where is it?" On the wall hung a sign which advised customers to check their clothing with the cashier or no responsibility would be assumed by the management, and it was to this notice that the proprietor pointed before answering. "I guess somebody must have pinched it," he replied nonchalantly. It was not until two hours after the disappearance of his waistcoat that Morris returned to the store. In the meantime he had been to police headquarters and had inserted an advertisement in three daily newspapers. Moreover he had consulted a lawyer, the eminent Henry D. Feldman, and had received no consolation[Pg 123] either on the score of the barber's liability to Potash & Perlmutter or of his own liability to Kotzen. "Well, Mawruss," Abe said, "how much are them diamonds worth?" Then he looked up and for the first time saw his partner's haggard face. "Holy smokes!" he cried. "They're winder-glass." Morris shook his head. "I wish they was," he croaked. "You wish they was!" Abe repeated in accents of amazement. "What d'ye mean?" "Somebody pinched 'em on me," Morris replied. "What!" Abe shouted. "S-sh," Morris hissed as the door opened. It was Hymie Kotzen who entered. "Well, boys," he cried, "every cloud is silver-plated. Ain't it? No sooner did I get back to my store than I get a letter from Henry D. Feldman that Cohen & Schondorf want to settle for forty cents cash. On the head of that, mind you, in comes Rudolph Heller from Cincinnati, and when I tell him about the check what they sent it me he fixes it up on the spot." He beamed at Abe and Morris. "So, bring out them diamonds, boys," he concluded, "and we'll settle up C. O. D." He pulled a roll of bills from his pocket and toyed with them, but neither Abe nor Morris stirred. "[Pg 124]What's the hurry, Hymie?" Abe asked feebly. "What's the hurry, Abe!" Hymie repeated. "Well, ain't that a fine question for you to ask it of me! Don't sit there like a dummy, Abe. Get the diamonds and we'll fix it up." "But wouldn't to-morrow do as well?" Morris asked. Hymie sat back and eyed Morris suspiciously. "What are you trying to do, Mawruss?" he asked. "Make jokes with me?" "I ain't making no jokes, Hymie," Morris replied. "The fact is, Hymie, we got it the diamonds, now—in our—now—safety-deposit box, and it ain't convenient to get at it now." "Oh, it ain't, ain't it?" Hymie cried. "Well, it's got to be convenient; so, Abe, you get a move on you and go down to them safety-deposit vaults and fetch them." "Let Mawruss fetch 'em," Abe replied wearily. "The safety deposit is his idee, Hymie, not mine." Hymie turned to Morris. "Go ahead, Mawruss," he said, "you fetch 'em." "I was only stringing you, Hymie," Morris croaked. "We ain't got 'em in no safety-deposit vault at all." "That settles it," Hymie cried, jumping to his feet and jamming his hat down with both hands. "Where you going, Hymie?" Abe called after him. "For a policeman," Hymie said. "I want them diamonds and I'm going to have 'em, too." [Pg 125]Morris ran to the store door and grabbed Hymie by the coattails. "Wait a minute," he yelled. "Hymie, I'm surprised at you that you should act that way." Hymie stopped short. "I ain't acting, Mawruss," he said. "It's you what's acting. All I want it is you should give me my ring and pin, and I am satisfied to pay you the thousand dollars." They returned to the show-room and once more sat down. "I'll tell you the truth, Hymie," Morris said at last. "I loaned them diamonds to somebody, and that's the way it is." "You loaned 'em to somebody!" Hymie cried, jumping once more to his feet. "My diamonds you loaned it, Mawruss? Well, all I got to say is either you get them diamonds back right away, or either I will call a policeman and make you arrested." "Make me arrested, then, Hymie," Morris replied resignedly, "because the feller what I loaned them diamonds to won't return 'em for two weeks anyhow." Hymie sat down again. "For two weeks, hey?" he said. He passed his handkerchief over his face and looked at Abe. "That's a fine, nervy partner what you got it, Abe, I must say," he commented. "Well, Hymie," Abe replied, "so long as you can't get them diamonds back for two weeks keep the thousand[Pg 126] dollars for two weeks and we won't charge you no interest nor nothing." "No, siree," Hymie said; "either I pay you the thousand now, Abe, or I don't pay it you for three months, and no interest nor nothing." Abe looked at Morris, who nodded his head slowly. "What do we care, Abe," he said, "two weeks or three months is no difference now, ain't it?" "I'm agreeable, then, Hymie," Abe declared. "All right," Hymie said eagerly; "put it down in writing and sign it, and I am satisfied you should keep the diamonds three months." Abe sat down at his desk and scratched away for five minutes. "Here it is, Hymie," he said at last. "Hyman Kotzen and Potash & Perlmutter agrees it that one thousand dollars what he lent it off of them should not be returned for three months from date, no interest nor nothing. And also, that Potash & Perlmutter should not give up the diamonds, neither. POTASH & PERLMUTTER." "That's all right," Hymie said. He folded the paper into his pocketbook and turned to Morris. "Also it is understood, Mawruss, you shouldn't lend them diamonds to nobody else," he concluded, and a minute later the store door closed behind him. After he had gone there was an ominous silence which Abe was the first to break. "Well, Mawruss," he said, "ain't that a fine mess you got us into it? Must you wore it them diamonds,[Pg 127] Mawruss? Why couldn't you leave 'em in the safe?" Morris made no answer. "Or if you had to lose 'em, Mawruss," Abe went on, "why didn't you done it the day we loaned Hymie the money? Then we could of stopped our check by the bank. Now we can do nothing." "I didn't lose the diamonds, Abe," Morris protested. "I left 'em in my vest in the barber-shop and somebody took it the vest." "Well, ain't you got no suspicions, Mawruss?" Abe asked. "Think, Mawruss, who was it took the vest?" Morris raised his head and was about to reply when the store door opened and Sam Feder, vice-president of the Kosciusko Bank, entered bearing a brown paper parcel under his arm. A personal visit from so well-known a financier covered Abe with embarrassment, and he jumped to his feet and rushed out of the show-room with both arms outstretched. "Mr. Feder," he exclaimed, "ain't this indeed a pleasure? Come inside, Mr. Feder. Come inside into our show-room." He brought out a seat for the vice-president and dusted it carefully. "I ain't come to see you, Abe," Mr. Feder said; "I come to see that partner of yours." He untied the string that bound the brown paper parcel and pulled out its contents. [Pg 128]"Why!" Morris gasped. "That's my vest." "Sure it is," Mr. Feder replied, "and it just fits me, Mawruss. In fact, it fits me so good that when I went to the barber-shop in a two-piece suit this morning, Mawruss, I come away with a three-piece suit and a souvenir besides." "A souvenir!" Abe cried. "What for a souvenir?" Mr. Feder put his hand in his trousers pocket and tumbled the missing ring and pin on to a baize-covered sample table. "That was the souvenir, Abe," he said. "In fact, two souvenirs." Morris and Abe stared at the diamonds, too stunned for utterance. "You're a fine feller, Mawruss," Mr. Feder continued, "to be carrying around valuable stones like them in your vest pocket. Why, I showed them stones to a feller what was in my office an hour ago and he says they must be worth pretty near five hundred dollars." He paused and looked at Morris. "And he was a pretty good judge of diamonds, too," he continued. "Who was the feller, Mr. Feder?" Abe asked. "I guess you know, Abe," Mr. Feder replied. "His name is Hymie Kotzen." <hr style="width: 65%;" /> [Pg 129] <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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