<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> ACT II. </h2>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE I.—GÉRONTE, ARGANTE. </h2>
<p>GER. Yes, there is no doubt but that with this weather we shall have our
people with us to-day; and a sailor who has arrived from Tarentum told me
just now that he had seen our man about to start with the ship. But my
daughter's arrival will find things strangely altered from what we thought
they would be, and what you have just told me of your son has put an end
to all the plans we had made together.</p>
<p>ARG. Don't be anxious about that; I give you my word that I shall remove
that obstacle, and I am going to see about it this moment.</p>
<p>GER. In all good faith, Mr. Argante, shall I tell you what? The education
of children is a thing that one could never be too careful about.</p>
<p>ARG. You are right; but why do you say that?</p>
<p>GER. Because most of the follies of young men come from the way they have
been brought up by their fathers.</p>
<p>ARG. It is so sometimes, certainly; but what do you mean by saying that to
me?</p>
<p>GER. Why do I say that to you?</p>
<p>ARG. Yes.</p>
<p>GER. Because, if, like a courageous father, you had corrected your son
when he was young, he would not have played you such a trick.</p>
<p>ARG. I see. So that you have corrected your own much better?</p>
<p>GER. Certainly; and I should be very sorry if he had done anything at all
like what yours has done.</p>
<p>ARG. And if that son, so well brought up, had done worse even than mine,
what would you say?</p>
<p>GER. What?</p>
<p>ARG. What?</p>
<p>GER. What do you mean?</p>
<p>ARG. I mean, Mr. Géronte, that we should never be so ready to blame the
conduct of others, and that those who live in glass houses should not
throw stones.</p>
<p>GER. I really do not understand you.</p>
<p>ARG. I will explain myself.</p>
<p>GER. Have you heard anything about my son?</p>
<p>ARG. Perhaps I have.</p>
<p>GER. But what?</p>
<p>ARG. Your servant Scapin, in his vexation, only told me the thing roughly,
and you can learn all the particulars from him or from some one else. For
my part, I will at once go to my solicitor, and see what steps I can take
in the matter. Good-bye.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE II.—GÉRONTE (<i>alone</i>). </h2>
<p>GER. What can it be? Worse than what his son has done! I am sure I don't
know what anyone can do more wrong than that; and to marry without the
consent of one's father is the worst thing that I can possibly imagine.
{Footnote: No exaggeration, if we consider that this was said two hundred
years ago, and by a French father.}</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE III—GÉRONTE, LÉANDRE. </h2>
<p>GER. Ah, here you are!</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>going quickly towards his father to embrace him</i>). Ah! father,
how glad I am to see you!</p>
<p>GER. (<i>refusing to embrace him</i>). Stay, I have to speak to you first.</p>
<p>LEA. Allow me to embrace you, and....</p>
<p>GER. (<i>refusing him again</i>). Gently, I tell you.</p>
<p>LEA. How! father, you deprive me of the pleasure of showing you my joy at
your return?</p>
<p>GER. Certainly; we have something to settle first of all.</p>
<p>LEA. But what?</p>
<p>GER. Just stand there before me, and let me look at you.</p>
<p>LEA. What for?</p>
<p>GER. Look me straight in the face.</p>
<p>LEA. Well?</p>
<p>GER. Will you tell me what has taken place here in my absence?</p>
<p>LEA. What has taken place?</p>
<p>GER. Yes; what did you do while I was away?</p>
<p>LEA. What would you have me do, father?</p>
<p>GER. It is not I who wanted you to do anything, but who ask you now what
it is you did?</p>
<p>LEA. I have done nothing to give you reason to complain.</p>
<p>GER. Nothing at all?</p>
<p>LEA. No.</p>
<p>GER. You speak in a very decided tone.</p>
<p>LEA. It is because I am innocent.</p>
<p>GER. And yet Scapin has told me all about you.</p>
<p>LEA. Scapin!</p>
<p>GER. Oh! oh! that name makes you change colour.</p>
<p>LEA. He has told you something about me?</p>
<p>GER. He has. But this is not the place to talk about the business, and we
must go elsewhere to see to it. Go home at once; I will be there
presently. Ah! scoundrel, if you mean to bring dishonour upon me, I will
renounce you for my son, and you will have to avoid my presence for ever!</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE IV.—LÉANDRE (<i>alone</i>). </h2>
<p>LEA. To betray me after that fashion! A rascal who for so many reasons
should be the first to keep secret what I trust him with! To go and tell
everything to my father! Ah! I swear by all that is dear to me not to let
such villainy go unpunished.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE V.—OCTAVE, LÉANDRE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>OCT. My dear Scapin, what do I not owe to you? What a wonderful man you
are, and how kind of Heaven to send you to my help!</p>
<p>LEA. Ah, ah! here you are, you rascal!</p>
<p>SCA. Sir, your servant; you do me too much honour.</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>drawing his sword</i>). You are setting me at defiance, I
believe...Ah! I will teach you how....</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>falling on his knees</i>). Sir!</p>
<p>OCT. (<i>stepping between them</i>). Ah! Léandre.</p>
<p>LEA. No, Octave, do not keep me back.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>to</i> LÉANDRE). Eh! Sir.</p>
<p>OCT. (<i>keeping back</i> LÉANDRE). For mercy's sake!</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>trying to strike</i>). Leave me to wreak my anger upon him.</p>
<p>OCT. In the name of our friendship, Léandre, do not strike him.</p>
<p>SCA. What have I done to you, Sir?</p>
<p>LEA. What you have done, you scoundrel!</p>
<p>OCT. (<i>still keeping back</i> LÉANDRE). Gently, gently.</p>
<p>LEA. No, Octave, I will have him confess here on the spot the perfidy of
which he is guilty. Yes, scoundrel, I know the trick you have played me; I
have just been told of it. You did not think the secret would be revealed
to me, did you? But I will have you confess it with your own lips, or I
will run you through and through with my sword.</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! Sir, could you really be so cruel as that?</p>
<p>LEA. Speak, I say.</p>
<p>SCA. I have done something against you, Sir?</p>
<p>LEA. Yes, scoundrel! and your conscience must tell you only too well what
it is.</p>
<p>SCA. I assure you that I do not know what you mean.</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>going towards</i> SCAPIN <i>to strike him</i>). You do not know?</p>
<p>OCT. (<i>keeping back</i> LÉANDRE). Léandre!</p>
<p>SCA. Well, Sir, since you will have it, I confess that I drank with some
of my friends that small cask of Spanish wine you received as a present
some days ago, and that it was I who made that opening in the cask, and
spilled some water on the ground round it, to make you believe that all
the wine had leaked out.</p>
<p>LEA. What! scoundrel, it was you who drank my Spanish wine, and who
suffered me to scold the servant so much, because I thought it was she who
had played me that trick?</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, Sir; I am very sorry, Sir.</p>
<p>LEA. I am glad to know this. But this is not what I am about now.</p>
<p>SCA. It is not that, Sir?</p>
<p>LEA. No; it is something else, for which I care much more, and I will have
you tell it me.</p>
<p>SCA. I do not remember, Sir, that I ever did anything else.</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>trying to strike</i> SCAPIN). Will you speak?</p>
<p>SCA. Ah!</p>
<p>OCT. (<i>keeping back</i> LÉANDRE). Gently.</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, Sir; it is true that three weeks ago, when you sent me in the
evening to take a small watch to the gypsy {Footnote: <i>Égyptienne</i>.
Compare act v. scene ii. <i>Bohémienne</i> is a more usual name.} girl you
love, and I came back, my clothes spattered with mud and my face covered
with blood, I told you that I had been attacked by robbers who had beaten
me soundly and had stolen the watch from me. It is true that I told a lie.
It was I who kept the watch, Sir.</p>
<p>LEA. It was you who stole the watch?</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, Sir, in order to know the time.</p>
<p>LEA. Ah! you are telling me fine things; I have indeed a very faithful
servant! But it is not this that I want to know of you.</p>
<p>SCA. It is not this?</p>
<p>LEA. No, infamous wretch! it is something else that I want you to confess.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>aside</i>). Mercy on me!</p>
<p>LEA. Speak at once; I will not be put off.</p>
<p>SCA. Sir, I have done nothing else.</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>trying to strike</i> SCAPIN). Nothing else?</p>
<p>OCT. (<i>stepping between them</i>). Ah! I beg....</p>
<p>SCA. Well, Sir, you remember that ghost that six months ago cudgelled you
soundly, and almost made you break your neck down a cellar, where you fell
whilst running away?</p>
<p>LEA. Well?</p>
<p>SCA. It was I, Sir, who was playing the ghost.</p>
<p>LEA. It was you, wretch! who were playing the ghost?</p>
<p>SCA. Only to frighten you a little, and to cure you of the habit of making
us go out every night as you did.</p>
<p>LEA. I will remember in proper time and place all I have just heard. But
I'll have you speak about the present matter, and tell me what it is you
said to my father.</p>
<p>SCA. What I said to your father?</p>
<p>LEA. Yes, scoundrel! to my father.</p>
<p>SCA. Why, I have not seen him since his return!</p>
<p>LEA. You have not seen him?</p>
<p>SCA. No, Sir.</p>
<p>LEA. Is that the truth?</p>
<p>SCA. The perfect truth; and he shall tell you so himself.</p>
<p>LEA. And yet it was he himself who told me.</p>
<p>SCA. With your leave, Sir, he did not tell you the truth.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE VI.—LÉANDRE, OCTAVE, CARLE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>CAR. Sir, I bring you very bad news concerning your love affair.</p>
<p>LEA. What is it now?</p>
<p>CAR. The gypsies are on the point of carrying off Zerbinette. She came
herself all in tears to ask me to tell you that, unless you take to them,
before two hours are over, the money they have asked you for her, she will
be lost to you for ever.</p>
<p>LEA. Two hours?</p>
<p>CAR. Two hours.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE VII.—LÉANDRE, OCTAVE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>LEA. Ah! my dear Scapin, I pray you to help me.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>rising and passing proudly before</i> LÉANDRE). Ah! my dear
Scapin! I am my dear Scapin, now that I am wanted.</p>
<p>LEA. I will forgive you all that you confessed just now, and more also.</p>
<p>SCA. No, no; forgive me nothing; run your sword through and through my
body. I should be perfectly satisfied if you were to kill me.</p>
<p>LEA. I beseech you rather to give me life by serving my love.</p>
<p>SCA. Nay, nay; better kill me.</p>
<p>LEA. You are too dear to me for that. I beg of you to make use for me of
that wonderful genius of yours which can conquer everything.</p>
<p>SCA. Certainly not. Kill me, I tell you.</p>
<p>LEA. Ah! for mercy's sake, don't think of that now, but try to give me the
help I ask.</p>
<p>OCT. Scapin, you must do something to help him.</p>
<p>SCA. How can I after such abuse?</p>
<p>LEA. I beseech you to forget my outburst of temper, and to make use of
your skill for me.</p>
<p>OCT. I add my entreaties to his.</p>
<p>SCA. I cannot forget such an insult.</p>
<p>OCT. You must not give way to resentment, Scapin.</p>
<p>LEA. Could you forsake me, Scapin, in this cruel extremity?</p>
<p>SCA. To come all of a sudden and insult me like that.</p>
<p>LEA. I was wrong, I acknowledge.</p>
<p>SCA. To call me scoundrel, knave, infamous wretch!</p>
<p>LEA. I am really very sorry.</p>
<p>SCA. To wish to send your sword through my body!</p>
<p>LEA. I ask you to forgive me, with all my heart; and if you want to see me
at your feet, I beseech you, kneeling, not to give me up.</p>
<p>OCT. Scapin, you cannot resist that?</p>
<p>SCA. Well, get up, and another time remember not to be so hasty.</p>
<p>LEA. Will you try to act for me?</p>
<p>SCA. I will see.</p>
<p>LEA. But you know that time presses.</p>
<p>SCA. Don't be anxious. How much is it you want?</p>
<p>LEA. Five hundred crowns.</p>
<p>SCA. You?</p>
<p>OCT. Two hundred pistoles.</p>
<p>SCA. I must extract this money from your respective fathers' pockets. (<i>To</i>
OCTAVE) As far as yours is concerned, my plan is all ready. (<i>To</i>
LÉANDRE) And as for yours, although he is the greatest miser imaginable,
we shall find it easier still; for you know that he is not blessed with
too much intellect, and I look upon him as a man who will believe
anything. This cannot offend you; there is not a suspicion of a
resemblance between him and you; and you know what the world thinks, that
he is your father only in name.</p>
<p>LEA. Gently, Scapin.</p>
<p>SCA. Besides, what does it matter? But, Mr. Octave, I see your father
coming. Let us begin by him, since he is the first to cross our path.
Vanish both of you; (<i>to</i> OCTAVE) and you, please, tell Silvestre to
come quickly, and take his part in the affair.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE VIII.—ARGANTE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>SCA. (<i>aside</i>). Here he is, turning it over in his mind.</p>
<p>ARG. (<i>thinking himself alone</i>). Such behaviour and such lack of
consideration! To entangle himself in an engagement like that! Ah! rash
youth.</p>
<p>SCA. Your servant, Sir.</p>
<p>ARG. Good morning, Scapin.</p>
<p>SCA. You are thinking of your son's conduct.</p>
<p>ARG. Yes, I acknowledge that it grieves me deeply.</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! Sir, life is full of troubles; and we should always be prepared
for them. I was told, a long time ago, the saying of an ancient
philosopher which I have never forgotten.</p>
<p>ARG. What was it?</p>
<p>SCA. That if the father of a family has been away from home for ever so
short a time, he ought to dwell upon all the sad news that may greet him
on his return. He ought to fancy his house burnt down, his money stolen,
his wife dead, his son married, his daughter ruined; and be very thankful
for whatever falls short of all this. In my small way of philosophy, I
have ever taken this lesson to heart; and I never come home but I expect
to have to bear with the anger of my masters, their scoldings, insults,
kicks, blows, and horse-whipping. And I always thank my destiny for
whatever I do not receive.</p>
<p>ARG. That's all very well; but this rash marriage is more than I can put
up with, and it forces me to break off the match I had intended for my
son. I have come from my solicitor's to see if we can cancel it.</p>
<p>SCA. Well, Sir, if you will take my advice, you will look to some other
way of settling this business. You know what a law-suit means in this
country, and you'll find yourself in the midst of a strange bush of
thorns.</p>
<p>ARG. I am fully aware that you are quite right; but what else can I do?</p>
<p>SCA. I think I have found something that will answer much better. The
sorrow that I felt for you made me rummage in my head to find some means
of getting you out of trouble; for I cannot bear to see kind fathers a
prey to grief without feeling sad about it, and, besides, I have at all
times had the greatest regard for you.</p>
<p>ARG. I am much obliged to you.</p>
<p>SCA. Then you must know that I went to the brother of the young girl whom
your son has married. He is one of those fire-eaters, one of those men all
sword-thrusts, who speak of nothing but fighting, and who think no more of
killing a man than of swallowing a glass of wine. I got him to speak of
this marriage; I showed him how easy it would be to have it broken off,
because of the violence used towards your son. I spoke to him of your
prerogatives as father, and of the weight which your rights, your money,
and your friends would have with justice. I managed him so that at last he
lent a ready ear to the propositions I made to him of arranging the matter
amicably for a sum of money. In short, he will give his consent to the
marriage being cancelled, provided you pay him well.</p>
<p>ARG. And how much did he ask?</p>
<p>SCA. Oh! at first things utterly out of the question.</p>
<p>ARG. But what?</p>
<p>SCA. Things utterly extravagant.</p>
<p>ARG. But what?</p>
<p>SCA. He spoke of no less than five or six hundred pistoles.</p>
<p>ARG. Five or six hundred agues to choke him withal. Does he think me a
fool?</p>
<p>SCA. Just what I told him. I laughed his proposal to scorn, and made him
understand that you were not a man to be duped in that fashion, and of
whom anyone can ask five or six hundred pistoles! However, after much
talking, this is what we decided upon. "The time is now come," he said,
"when I must go and rejoin the army. I am buying my equipments, and the
want of money I am in forces me to listen to what you propose. I must have
a horse, and I cannot obtain one at all fit for the service under sixty
pistoles."</p>
<p>ARG. Well, yes; I am willing to give sixty pistoles.</p>
<p>SCA. He must have the harness and pistols, and that will cost very nearly
twenty pistoles more.</p>
<p>ARG. Twenty and sixty make eighty.</p>
<p>SCA. Exactly.</p>
<p>ARG. It's a great deal; still, I consent to that.</p>
<p>SCA. He must also have a horse for his servant, which, we may expect, will
cost at least thirty pistoles.</p>
<p>ARG. How, the deuce! Let him go to Jericho. He shall have nothing at all.</p>
<p>SCA. Sir!</p>
<p>ARG. No; he's an insolent fellow.</p>
<p>SCA. Would you have his servant walk?</p>
<p>ARG. Let him get along as he pleases, and the master too.</p>
<p>SCA. Now, Sir, really don't go and hesitate for so little. Don't have
recourse to law, I beg of you, but rather give all that is asked of you,
and save yourself from the clutches of justice.</p>
<p>ARG. Well, well! I will bring myself to give these thirty pistoles also.</p>
<p>SCA. "I must also have," he said, "a mule to carry...."</p>
<p>ARG. Let him go to the devil with his mule! This is asking too much. We
will go before the judges.</p>
<p>SCA. I beg of you, Sir!</p>
<p>ARG. No, I will not give in.</p>
<p>SCA. Sir, only one small mule.</p>
<p>ARG. No; not even an ass.</p>
<p>SCA. Consider....</p>
<p>ARG. No, I tell you; I prefer going to law.</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! Sir, what are you talking about, and what a resolution you are
going to take. Just cast a glance on the ins and outs of justice, look at
the number of appeals, of stages of jurisdiction; how many embarrassing
procedures; how many ravening wolves through whose claws you will have to
pass; serjeants, solicitors, counsel, registrars, substitutes, recorders,
judges and their clerks. There is not one of these who, for the merest
trifle, couldn't knock over the best case in the world. A serjeant will
issue false writs without your knowing anything of it. Your solicitor will
act in concert with your adversary, and sell you for ready money. Your
counsel, bribed in the same way, will be nowhere to be found when your
case comes on, or else will bring forward arguments which are the merest
shooting in the air, and will never come to the point. The registrar will
issue writs and decrees against you for contumacy. The recorder's clerk
will make away with some of your papers, or the instructing officer
himself will not say what he has seen, and when, by dint of the wariest
possible precautions, you have escaped all these traps, you will be amazed
that your judges have been set against you either by bigots or by the
women they love. Ah! Sir, save yourself from such a hell, if you can. 'Tis
damnation in this world to have to go to law; and the mere thought of a
lawsuit is quite enough to drive me to the other end of the world.</p>
<p>ARG. How much does he want for the mule?</p>
<p>SCA. For the mule, for his horse and that of his servant, for the harness
and pistols, and to pay a little something he owes at the hotel, he asks
altogether two hundred pistoles, Sir.</p>
<p>ARG. Two hundred pistoles?</p>
<p>SCA. Yes.</p>
<p>ARG. (<i>walking about angrily</i>). No, no; we will go to law.</p>
<p>SCA. Recollect what you are doing.</p>
<p>ARG. I shall go to law.</p>
<p>SCA. Don't go and expose yourself to....</p>
<p>ARG. I will go to law.</p>
<p>SCA. But to go to law you need money. You must have money for the summons,
you must have money for the rolls, for prosecution, attorney's
introduction, solicitor's advice, evidence, and his days in court. You
must have money for the consultations and pleadings of the counsel, for
the right of withdrawing the briefs, and for engrossed copies of the
documents. You must have money for the reports of the substitutes, for the
court fees {1} at the conclusion, for registrar's enrolment, drawing up of
deeds, sentences, decrees, rolls, signings, and clerks' despatches;
letting alone all the presents you will have to make. Give this money to
the man, and there you are well out of the whole thing.</p>
<p>{1} <i>Épices</i>, "spices," in ancient times, equalled <i>sweetmeats</i>,
and were given to the judge by the side which gained the suit, as a mark
of gratitude. These <i>épices</i> had long been changed into a compulsory
payment of money when Molière wrote. In Racine's <i>Plaideurs</i>, act ii.
scene vii., Petit Jean takes literally the demand of the judge for <i>épices</i>,
and fetches the pepper-box to satisfy him.</p>
<p>ARG. Two hundred pistoles!</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, and you will save by it. I have made a small calculation in my
head of all that justice costs, and I find that by giving two hundred
pistoles to your man you will have a large margin left—say, at least
a hundred and fifty pistoles—without taking into consideration the
cares, troubles, and anxieties, which you will spare yourself. For were it
only to avoid being before everybody the butt of some facetious counsel, I
had rather give three hundred pistoles than go to law. {Footnote: What
would Molière have said if he had been living now!}</p>
<p>ARG. I don't care for that, and I challenge all the lawyers to say
anything against me.</p>
<p>SCA. You will do as you please, but in your place I would avoid a lawsuit.</p>
<p>ARG. I will never give two hundred pistoles.</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! here is our man.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0020" id="link2H_4_0020"> </SPAN></p>
<br/>
<h2> SCENE IX.—ARGANTE, SCAPIN, SILVESTRE, </h2>
<p><i>dressed out as a bravo</i>.</p>
<p>SIL. Scapin, show me that Argante who is the father of Octave.</p>
<p>SCA. What for, Sir?</p>
<p>SIL. I have just been told that he wants to go to law with me, and to have
my sister's marriage annulled.</p>
<p>SCA. I don't know if such is his intention, but he won't consent to give
the two hundred pistoles you asked; he says it's too much.</p>
<p>SIL. S'death! s'blood! If I can but find him, I'll make mince-meat of him,
were I to be broken alive on the wheel afterwards.</p>
<p>(ARGANTE <i>hides, trembling, behind</i> SCAPIN.)</p>
<p>SCA. Sir, the father of Octave is a brave man, and perhaps he will not be
afraid of you.</p>
<p>SIL. Ah! will he not? S'blood! s'death! If he were here, I would in a
moment run my sword through his body. (<i>Seeing</i> ARGANTE.) Who is that
man?</p>
<p>SCA. He's not the man, Sir; he's not the man.</p>
<p>SIL. Is he one of his friends?</p>
<p>SCA. No, Sir; on the contrary, he's his greatest enemy.</p>
<p>SIL. His greatest enemy?</p>
<p>SCA. Yes.</p>
<p>SIL. Ah! zounds! I am delighted at it. (<i>To</i> ARGANTE) You are an
enemy of that scoundrel Argante, are you?</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, yes; I assure you that it is so.</p>
<p>SIL. (<i>shaking</i> ARGANTE'S <i>hand roughly</i>). Shake hands, shake
hands. I give you my word, I swear upon my honour, by the sword I wear, by
all the oaths I can take, that, before the day is over, I shall have
delivered you of that rascally knave, of that scoundrel Argante. Trust me.</p>
<p>SCA. But, Sir, violent deeds are not allowed in this country.</p>
<p>SIL. I don't care, and I have nothing to lose.</p>
<p>SCA. He will certainly take his precautions; he has relations, friends,
servants, who will take his part against you.</p>
<p>SIL. Blood and thunder! It is all I ask, all I ask. (<i>Drawing his sword</i>.)
Ah! s'death! ah! s'blood! Why can I not meet him at this very moment, with
all these relations and friends of his? If he would only appear before me,
surrounded by a score of them! Why do they not fall upon me, arms in hand?
(<i>Standing upon his guard</i>.) What! you villains! you dare to attack
me? Now, s'death! Kill and slay! (<i>He lunges out on all sides; as if he
were fighting many people at once</i>.) No quarter; lay on. Thrust. Firm.
Again. Eye and foot. Ah! knaves! ah! rascals! ah! you shall have a taste
of it. I'll give you your fill. Come on, you rabble! come on. That's what
you want, you there. You shall have your fill of it, I say. Stick to it,
you brutes; stick to it. Now, then, parry; now, then, you. (<i>Turning
towards</i> ARGANTE and SCAPIN.) Parry this; parry. You draw back? Stand
firm, man! S'death! What! Never flinch, I say.</p>
<p>SCA. Sir, we have nothing to do with it.</p>
<p>SIL. That will teach you to trifle with me.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
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<br/>
<h2> SCENE X.—ARGANTE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>SCA. Well, Sir, you see how many people are killed for two hundred
pistoles. Now I wish you a good morning.</p>
<p>ARG. (<i>all trembling</i>). Scapin.</p>
<p>SCA. What do you say?</p>
<p>ARG. I will give the two hundred pistoles.</p>
<p>SCA. I am very glad of it, for your sake.</p>
<p>ARG. Let us go to him; I have them with me.</p>
<p>SCA. Better give them to me. You must not, for your honour, appear in this
business, now that you have passed for another; and, besides, I should be
afraid that he would ask you for more, if he knew who you are.</p>
<p>ARG. True; still I should be glad to see to whom I give my money.</p>
<p>SCA. Do you mistrust me then?</p>
<p>ARG. Oh no; but....</p>
<p>SCA. Zounds! Sir; either I am a thief or an honest man; one or the other.
Do you think I would deceive you, and that in all this I have any other
interest at heart than yours and that of my master, whom you want to take
into your family? If I have not all your confidence, I will have no more
to do with all this, and you can look out for somebody else to get you out
of the mess.</p>
<p>ARG. Here then.</p>
<p>SCA. No, Sir; do not trust your money to me. I would rather you trusted
another with your message.</p>
<p>ARG. Ah me! here, take it.</p>
<p>SCA. No, no, I tell you; do not trust me. Who knows if I do not want to
steal your money from you?</p>
<p>ARG. Take it, I tell you, and don't force me to ask you again. However,
mind you have an acknowledgment from him.</p>
<p>SCA. Trust me; he hasn't to do with an idiot.</p>
<p>ARG. I will go home and wait for you.</p>
<p>SCA. I shall be sure to go. (<i>Alone</i>.) That one's all right; now for
the other. Ah! here he is. They are sent one after the other to fall into
my net.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
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<br/>
<h2> SCENE XI.—GÉRONTE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>SCA. (<i>affecting not to see</i> GÉRONTE). O Heaven! O unforeseen
misfortune! O unfortunate father! Poor Géronte, what will you do?</p>
<p>GER. (<i>aside</i>). What is he saying there with that doleful face?</p>
<p>SCA. Can no one tell me whereto find Mr. Géronte?</p>
<p>GER. What is the matter, Scapin?</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>running about on the stage, and still affecting not to see or
hear</i> GÉRONTE). Where could I meet him, to tell him of this misfortune?</p>
<p>GER. (<i>stopping</i> SCAPIN). What is the matter?</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>as before</i>). In vain I run everywhere to meet him. I cannot
find him.</p>
<p>GER. Here I am.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>as before</i>). He must have hidden himself in some place which
nobody can guess.</p>
<p>GER. (<i>stopping</i> SCAPIN <i>again</i>). Ho! I say, are you blind?
Can't you see me?</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! Sir, it is impossible to find you.</p>
<p>GER. I have been near you for the last half-hour. What is it all about?</p>
<p>SCA. Sir....</p>
<p>GER. Well!</p>
<p>SCA. Your son, Sir....</p>
<p>GER. Well! My son....</p>
<p>SCA. Has met with the strangest misfortune you ever heard of.</p>
<p>GER. What is it?</p>
<p>SCA. This afternoon I found him looking very sad about something which you
had said to him, and in which you had very improperly mixed my name. While
trying: to dissipate his sorrow, we went and walked about in the harbour.
There, among other things, was to be seen a Turkish galley. A young Turk,
with a gentlemanly look about him, invited us to go in, and held out his
hand to us. We went in. He was most civil to us; gave us some lunch, with
the most excellent fruit and the best wine you have ever seen.</p>
<p>GER. What is there so sad about all this?</p>
<p>SCA. Wait a little; it is coming. Whilst we were eating, the galley left
the harbour, and when in the open sea, the Turk made me go down into a
boat, and sent me to tell you that unless you sent by me five hundred
crowns, he would take your son prisoner to Algiers.</p>
<p>GER. What! five hundred crowns!</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, Sir; and, moreover, he only gave me two hours to find them in.</p>
<p>GER. Ah! the scoundrel of a Turk to murder me in that fashion!</p>
<p>SCA. It is for you, Sir, to see quickly about the means of saving from
slavery a son whom you love so tenderly.</p>
<p>GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for? {Footnote: <i>Que
diable allait-il faire dans cette galère?</i> This sentence has become
established in the language with the meaning, "Whatever business had he
there?"}</p>
<p>SCA. He had no idea of what would happen.</p>
<p>GER. Go, Scapin, go quickly, and tell that Turk that I shall send the
police after him.</p>
<p>SCA. The police in the open sea! Are you joking?</p>
<p>GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for?</p>
<p>SCA. A cruel destiny will sometimes lead people.</p>
<p>GER. Listen, Scapin; you must act in this the part of a faithful servant.</p>
<p>SCA. How, Sir?</p>
<p>GER. You must go and tell that Turk that he must send me back my son, and
that you will take his place until I have found the sum he asks.</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! Sir; do you know what you are saying? and do you fancy that that
Turk will be foolish enough to receive a poor wretch like me in your son's
stead?</p>
<p>GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for?</p>
<p>SCA. He could not foresee his misfortune. However, Sir, remember that he
has given me only two hours.</p>
<p>GER. You say that he asks....</p>
<p>SCA. Five hundred crowns.</p>
<p>GER. Five hundred crowns! Has he no conscience?</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! ah! Conscience in a Turk!</p>
<p>GER. Does he understand what five hundred crowns are?</p>
<p>SCA. Yes, Sir, he knows that five hundred crowns are one thousand five
hundred francs. {Footnote: The <i>écu</i> stands usually for <i>petit écu</i>,
which equalled three franks. "Crown," employed in a general sense, seems
the only translation possible.}</p>
<p>GER. Does the scoundrel think that one thousand five hundred francs are to
be found in the gutter?</p>
<p>SCA. Such people will never listen to reason.</p>
<p>GER. But what the deuce did he want to go in that galley for?</p>
<p>SCA. Ah! what a waste of words! Leave the galley alone; remember that time
presses, and that you are running the risk of losing your son for ever.
Alas! my poor master, perhaps I shall never see you again, and that at
this very moment, whilst I am speaking to you, they are taking you away to
make a slave of you in Algiers! But Heaven is my witness that I did all I
could, and that, if you are not brought back, it is all owing to the want
of love of your father.</p>
<p>GER. Wait a minute, Scapin; I will go and fetch that sum of money.</p>
<p>SCA. Be quick, then, for I am afraid of not being in time.</p>
<p>GER. You said four hundred crowns; did you not?</p>
<p>SCA. No, five hundred crowns.</p>
<p>GER. Five hundred crowns!</p>
<p>SCA. Yes.</p>
<p>GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for?</p>
<p>SCA. Quite right, but be quick.</p>
<p>GER. Could he not have chosen another walk?</p>
<p>SCA. It is true; but act promptly.</p>
<p>GER. Cursed galley!</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>aside</i>) That galley sticks in his throat.</p>
<p>GER. Here, Scapin; I had forgotten that I have just received this sum in
gold, and I had no idea it would so soon be wrenched from me. (<i>Taking
his purse out of his pocket, and making as if he were giving it to</i>
SCAPIN.) But mind you tell that Turk that he is a scoundrel.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>holding out his hand</i>). Yes.</p>
<p>GER. (<i>as above</i>). An infamous wretch.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>still holding out his hand</i>). Yes.</p>
<p>GER. (<i>as above</i>). A man without conscience, a thief.</p>
<p>SCA. Leave that to me.</p>
<p>GER. (<i>as above</i>). That....</p>
<p>SCA. All right.</p>
<p>GER. (<i>as above</i>). And that, if ever I catch him, he will pay for it.</p>
<p>SCA. Yes.</p>
<p>GER. (<i>putting back the purse in his pocket</i>). Go, go quickly, and
fetch my son.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>running after him</i>). Hallo! Sir.</p>
<p>GER. Well?</p>
<p>SCA. And the money?</p>
<p>GER. Did I not give it to you?</p>
<p>SCA. No, indeed, you put it back in pour pocket.</p>
<p>GER. Ah! it is grief which troubles my mind.</p>
<p>SCA. So I see.</p>
<p>GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for? Ah! cursed
galley! Scoundrel of a Turk! May the devil take you!</p>
<p>SCAPIN (<i>alone</i>). He can't get over the five hundred crowns I wrench
from him; but he has not yet done with me, and I will make him pay in a
different money his imposture about me to his son.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
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<br/>
<h2> SCENE XII.-OCTAVE, LÉANDRE, SCAPIN. </h2>
<p>OCT. Well, Scapin, have your plans been successful?</p>
<p>LEA. Have you done anything towards alleviating my sorrow?</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>to</i> OCTAVE). Here are two hundred pistoles I have got from
your father.</p>
<p>OCT. Ah! how happy you make me.</p>
<p>SCA. (<i>to</i> LÉANDRE), But I could do nothing for you.</p>
<p>LEA. (<i>going away</i>). Then I must die, Sir, for I could not live
without Zerbinette.</p>
<p>SCA. Hallo! stop, stop; my goodness, how quick you are!</p>
<p>LEA. What can become of me?</p>
<p>SCA. There, there, I have all you want.</p>
<p>LEA. Ah! you bring me back to life again.</p>
<p>SCA. But I give it you only on one condition, which is that you will allow
me to revenge myself a little on your father for the trick he has played
me.</p>
<p>LEA. You may do as you please.</p>
<p>SCA. You promise it to me before witnesses?</p>
<p>LEA. Yes.</p>
<p>SCA. There, take these five hundred crowns.</p>
<p>LEA. Ah! I will go at once and buy her whom I adore.</p>
<p><br/><br/></p>
<hr />
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