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<h3>CHAPTER XX</h3>
<h2><i>AUSTIN RUTHYN SETS OUT ON HIS JOURNEY</i></h2>
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<p>The Rev. William Fairfield, Doctor Clay's somewhat bald curate,
a mild, thin man, with a high and thin nose, who was preparing
me for confirmation, came next day; and when our catechetical
conference was ended, and before lunch was announced, my
father sent for him to the study, where he remained until the
bell rang out its summons.</p>
<p>'We have had some interesting—I may say <i>very</i>
interesting—conversation,
your papa and I, Miss Ruthyn,' said my reverend
<i>vis-à-vis</i>, so soon as nature was refreshed, smiling and shining, as
he leaned back in his chair, his hand upon the table, and his
finger curled gently upon the stem of his wine-glass. 'It never
was your privilege, I believe, to see your uncle, Mr. Silas Ruthyn,
of Bartram-Haugh?'</p>
<p>'No—never; he leads so retired—so <i>very</i> retired a life.'</p>
<p>'Oh, no,—of course, no; but I was going to remark a likeness—I
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mean, of course, a <i>family</i> likeness—only <i>that</i> sort of
thing—you understand—between him and the profile of Lady
Margaret in the drawing-room—is not it Lady Margaret?—which
you were so good as to show me on Wednesday last. There
certainly <i>is</i> a likeness. I <i>think</i> you would agree with me, if you
had the pleasure of seeing your uncle.'</p>
<p>'You know him, then? I have never seen him.'</p>
<p>'Oh dear, yes—I am happy to say, I know him very well. I
have that privilege. I was for three years curate of Feltram, and
I had the honour of being a pretty constant visitor at Bartram-Haugh
during that, I may say, protracted period; and I think
it really never has been my privilege and happiness, I may say,
to enjoy the acquaintance and society of so very experienced a
Christian, as my admirable friend, I may call him, Mr. Ruthyn,
of Bartram-Haugh. I look upon him, I do assure you, quite in
the light of a saint; not, of course, in the Popish sense, but in
the very highest, you will understand me, which <i>our</i> Church
allows,—a man built up in faith—full of faith—faith and
grace—altogether
exemplary; and I often ventured to regret, Miss
Ruthyn, that Providence in its mysterious dispensations should
have placed him so far apart from his brother, your respected
father. His influence and opportunities would, no doubt, we may
venture to hope, at least have been blessed; and, perhaps, we—my
valued rector and I—might possibly have seen more of him at
church, than, I deeply regret, we <i>have</i> done.' He shook his head
a little, as he smiled with a sad complacency on me through his
blue steel spectacles, and then sipped a little meditative sherry.</p>
<p>'And you saw a good deal of my uncle?'</p>
<p>'Well, a <i>good</i> deal, Miss Ruthyn—I may say a <i>good</i>
deal—principally at his own house. His health is wretched—miserable
health—a sadly afflicted man he has been, as, no doubt, you are
aware. But afflictions, my dear Miss Ruthyn, as you remember
Doctor Clay so well remarked on Sunday last, though birds of
ill omen, yet spiritually resemble the ravens who supplied the
prophet; and when they visit the faithful, come charged with
nourishment for the soul.</p>
<p>'He is a good deal embarrassed pecuniarily, I should say,'
continued the curate, who was rather a good man than a very
well-bred one. 'He found a difficulty—in fact it was not in his
power—to subscribe generally to our little funds, and—and
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objects, and I used to say to him, and I really felt it, that it was
more gratifying, such were his feeling and his power of expression,
to be refused by him than assisted by others.'</p>
<p>'Did papa wish you to speak to me about my uncle?' I enquired,
as a sudden thought struck me; and then I felt half
ashamed of my question.</p>
<p>He looked surprised.</p>
<p>'No, Miss Ruthyn, certainly not. Oh dear, no. It was merely
a conversation between Mr. Ruthyn and me. He never suggested
my opening that, or indeed any other point in my interview with
you, Miss Ruthyn—not the least.'</p>
<p>'I was not aware before that Uncle Silas was so religious.'</p>
<p>He smiled tranquilly, not quite up to the ceiling, but gently
upward, and shook his head in pity for my previous ignorance,
as he lowered his eyes—</p>
<p>'I don't say that there may not be some little matters in a
few points of doctrine which we could, perhaps, wish otherwise.
But these, you know, are speculative, and in all essentials he
is Church—not in the perverted modern sense; far from it—unexceptionably
Church, strictly so. Would there were more
among us of the same mind that is in him! Ay, Miss Ruthyn,
even in the highest places of the Church herself.'</p>
<p>The Rev. William Fairfield, while fighting against the Dissenters
with his right hand, was, with his left, hotly engaged
with the Tractarians. A good man I am sure he was, and I dare
say sound in doctrine, though naturally, I think, not very wise.
This conversation with him gave me new ideas about my uncle
Silas. It quite agreed with what my father had said. These
principles and his increasing years would necessarily quiet the
turbulence of his resistance to injustice, and teach him to
acquiesce in his fate.</p>
<p>You would have fancied that one so young as I, born to
wealth so vast, and living a life of such entire seclusion, would
have been exempt from care. But you have seen how troubled
my life was with fear and anxiety during the residence of Madame
de la Rougierre, and now there rested upon my mind a
vague and awful anticipation of the trial which my father had
announced, without defining it.</p>
<p>An 'ordeal' he called it, requiring not only zeal but nerve,
which might possibly, were my courage to fail, become frightful,
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and even intolerable. What, and of what nature, could it be?
Not designed to vindicate the fair fame of the meek and submissive
old man—who, it seemed, had ceased to care for his
bygone wrongs, and was looking to futurity—but the reputation
of our ancient family.</p>
<p>Sometimes I repented my temerity in having undertaken it. I
distrusted my courage. Had I not better retreat, while it was yet
time? But there was shame and even difficulty in the thought.
How should I appear before my father? Was it not important—had
I not deliberately undertaken it—and was I not bound in
conscience? Perhaps he had already taken steps in the matter
which committed <i>him</i>. Besides, was I sure that, even were I free
again, I would not once more devote myself to the trial, be
it what it might? You perceive I had more spirit than courage.
I think I had the mental attributes of courage; but then I was
but a hysterical girl, and in so far neither more nor less than
a coward.</p>
<p>No wonder I distrusted myself; no wonder also my will stood
out against my timidity. It was a struggle, then; a proud, wild
resolve against constitutional cowardice.</p>
<p>Those who have ever had cast upon them more than their
strength seemed framed to bear—the weak, the aspiring, the adventurous
and self-sacrificing in will, and the faltering in nerve—will
understand the kind of agony which I sometimes endured.</p>
<p>But, again, consolation would come, and it seemed to me that
I must be exaggerating my risk in the coming crisis; and certain
at least, if my father believed it attended with real peril, he
would never have wished to see me involved in it. But the silence
under which I was bound was terrifying—double so when
the danger was so shapeless and undivulged.</p>
<p>I was soon to understand it all—soon, too, to know all about
my father's impending journey, whither, with what visitor, and
why guarded from me with so awful a mystery.</p>
<p>That day there came a lively and goodnatured letter from
Lady Knollys. She was to arrive at Knowl in two or three days'
time. I thought my father would have been pleased, but he
seemed apathetic and dejected.</p>
<p>'One does not always feel quite equal to Monica. But for
you—yes, thank God. I wish she could only stay, Maud, for a
month or two; I may be going then, and would be glad—provided
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she talks about suitable things—very glad, Maud, to leave
her with you for a week or so.'</p>
<p>There was something, I thought, agitating my father secretly
that day. He had the strange hectic flush I had observed when
he grew excited in our interview in the garden about Uncle
Silas. There was something painful, perhaps even terrible, in
the circumstances of the journey he was about to make, and
from my heart I wished the suspense were over, the annoyance
past, and he returned.</p>
<p>That night my father bid me good-night early and went up-stairs.
After I had been in bed some little time, I heard his
hand-bell ring. This was not usual. Shortly after I heard his
man, Ridley, talking with Mrs. Rusk in the gallery. I could
not be mistaken in their voices. I knew not why I was startled
and excited, and had raised myself to listen on my elbow. But
they were talking quietly, like persons giving or taking an ordinary
direction, and not in the haste of an unusual emergency.</p>
<p>Then I heard the man bid Mrs. Rusk good-night and walk
down the gallery to the stairs, so that I concluded he was wanted
no more, and all must therefore be well. So I laid myself down
again, though with a throbbing at my heart, and an ominous
feeling of expectation, listening and fancying footsteps.</p>
<p>I was going to sleep when I heard the bell ring again; and,
in a few minutes, Mrs. Rusk's energetic step passed along the
gallery; and, listening intently, I heard, or fancied, my father's
voice and hers in dialogue. All this was very unusual, and again
I was, with a beating heart, leaning with my elbow on my
pillow.</p>
<p>Mrs. Rusk came along the gallery in a minute or so after, and
stopping at my door, began to open it gently. I was startled, and
challenged my visitor with—</p>
<p>'Who's there?'</p>
<p>'It's only Rusk, Miss. Dearie me! and are you awake still?'</p>
<p>'Is papa ill?'</p>
<p>'Ill! not a bit ill, thank God. Only there's a little black book
as I took for your prayer-book, and brought in here; ay, here it
is, sure enough, and he wants it. And then I must go down to
the study, and look out this one, "C, 15;" but I can't read the
name, noways; and I was afraid to ask him again; if you be so
kind to read it, Miss—I suspeck my eyes is a-going.'</p>
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<p>I read the name; and Mrs. Rusk was tolerably expert at
finding out books, as she had often been employed in that way
before. So she departed.</p>
<p>I suppose that this particular volume was hard to find, for
she must have been a long time away, and I had actually fallen
into a doze when I was roused in an instant by a dreadful crash
and a piercing scream from Mrs. Rusk. Scream followed scream,
wilder and more terror-stricken. I shrieked to Mary Quince,
who was sleeping in the room with me:—'Mary, do you hear?
what is it? It is something dreadful.'</p>
<p>The crash was so tremendous that the solid flooring even of
my room trembled under it, and to me it seemed as if some
heavy man had burst through the top of the window, and shook
the whole house with his descent. I found myself standing at my
own door, crying, 'Help, help! murder! murder!' and Mary
Quince, frightened half out of her wits, by my side.</p>
<p>I could not think what was going on. It was plainly something
most horrible, for Mrs. Rusk's screams pealed one after the
other unabated, though with a muffled sound, as if the door was
shut upon her; and by this time the bells of my father's room
were ringing madly.</p>
<p>'They are trying to murder him!' I cried, and I ran along
the gallery to his door, followed by Mary Quince, whose white
face I shall never forget, though her entreaties only sounded like
unmeaning noises in my ears.</p>
<p>'Here! help, help, help!' I cried, trying to force open the
door.</p>
<p>'Shove it, shove it, for God's sake! he's across it,' cried Mrs.
Rusk's voice from within; 'drive it in. I can't move him.'</p>
<p>I strained all I could at the door, but ineffectually. We heard
steps approaching. The men were running to the spot, and
shouting as they did so—</p>
<p>'Never mind; hold on a bit; here we are; all right;' and the
like.</p>
<p>We drew back, as they came up. We were in no condition to
be seen. We listened, however, at my open door.</p>
<p>Then came the straining and bumping at the door. Mrs.
Rusk's voice subsided to a sort of wailing; the men were talking
all together, and I suppose the door opened, for I heard some
of the voices, on a sudden, as if in the room; and then came a
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strange lull, and talking in very low tones, and not much even
of that.</p>
<p>'What is it, Mary? what <i>can</i> it be?' I ejaculated, not knowing
what horror to suppose. And now, with a counterpane about
my shoulders, I called loudly and imploringly, in my horror, to
know what had happened.</p>
<p>But I heard only the subdued and eager talk of men engaged
in some absorbing task, and the dull sounds of some heavy
body being moved.</p>
<p>Mrs. Rusk came towards us looking half wild, and pale as a
spectre, and putting her thin hands to my shoulders, she said—'Now,
Miss Maud, darling, you must go back again; 'tisn't no
place for you; you'll see all, my darling, time enough—you will.
There now, there, like a dear, do get into your room.'</p>
<p>What was that dreadful sound? Who had entered my father's
chamber? It was the visitor whom we had so long expected,
with whom he was to make the unknown journey, leaving me
alone. The intruder was Death!</p>
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