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Lysistrata (version 3)

<h1> LYSISTRATA </h1> <h2> ARISTOPHANES </h2> <hr /> <h2>SCENE I</h2> LYSISTRATA stands alone with the Propylaea at her back. LYSISTRATA If they were trysting for a Bacchanal, A feast of Pan or Colias or Genetyllis, The tambourines would block the rowdy streets, But now there's not a woman to be seen Except--ah, yes--this neighbour of mine yonder. Enter CALONICE. Good day Calonice. CALONICE Good day Lysistrata. But what has vexed you so? Tell me, child. What are these black looks for? It doesn't suit you To knit your eyebrows up glumly like that. LYSISTRATA Calonice, it's more than I can bear, I am hot all over with blushes for our sex. Men say we're slippery rogues-- CALONICE And aren't they right? LYSISTRATA Yet summoned on the most tremendous business For deliberation, still they snuggle in bed. CALONICE My dear, they'll come. It's hard for women, you know, To get away. There's so much to do; Husbands to be patted and put in good tempers: Servants to be poked out: children washed Or soothed with lullays or fed with mouthfuls of pap. LYSISTRATA But I tell you, here's a far more weighty object. CALONICE What is it all about, dear Lysistrata, That you've called the women hither in a troop? What kind of an object is it? LYSISTRATA A tremendous thing! CALONICE And long? LYSISTRATA Indeed, it may be very lengthy. CALONICE Then why aren't they here? LYSISTRATA No man's connected with it; If that was the case, they'd soon come fluttering along. No, no. It concerns an object I've felt over And turned this way and that for sleepless nights. CALONICE It must be fine to stand such long attention. LYSISTRATA So fine it comes to this--Greece saved by Woman! CALONICE By Woman? Wretched thing, I'm sorry for it. LYSISTRATA Our country's fate is henceforth in our hands: To destroy the Peloponnesians root and branch-- CALONICE What could be nobler! LYSISTRATA Wipe out the Boeotians-- CALONICE Not utterly. Have mercy on the eels! [Footnote: The Boeotian eels were highly esteemed delicacies in Athens.] LYSISTRATA But with regard to Athens, note I'm careful Not to say any of these nasty things; Still, thought is free.... But if the women join us From Peloponnesus and Boeotia, then Hand in hand we'll rescue Greece. CALONICE How could we do Such a big wise deed? We women who dwell Quietly adorning ourselves in a back-room With gowns of lucid gold and gawdy toilets Of stately silk and dainty little slippers.... LYSISTRATA These are the very armaments of the rescue. These crocus-gowns, this outlay of the best myrrh, Slippers, cosmetics dusting beauty, and robes With rippling creases of light. CALONICE Yes, but how? LYSISTRATA No man will lift a lance against another-- CALONICE I'll run to have my tunic dyed crocus. LYSISTRATA Or take a shield-- CALONICE I'll get a stately gown. LYSISTRATA Or unscabbard a sword-- CALONICE Let me buy a pair of slipper. LYSISTRATA Now, tell me, are the women right to lag? CALONICE They should have turned birds, they should have grown wings and flown. LYSISTRATA My friend, you'll see that they are true Athenians: Always too late. Why, there's not a woman From the shoreward demes arrived, not one from Salamis. CALONICE I know for certain they awoke at dawn, And got their husbands up if not their boat sails. LYSISTRATA And I'd have staked my life the Acharnian dames Would be here first, yet they haven't come either! CALONICE Well anyhow there is Theagenes' wife We can expect--she consulted Hecate. But look, here are some at last, and more behind them. See ... where are they from? CALONICE From Anagyra they come. LYSISTRATA Yes, they generally manage to come first. Enter MYRRHINE. MYRRHINE Are we late, Lysistrata? ... What is that? Nothing to say? LYSISTRATA I've not much to say for you, Myrrhine, dawdling on so vast an affair. MYRRHINE I couldn't find my girdle in the dark. But if the affair's so wonderful, tell us, what is it? LYSISTRATA No, let us stay a little longer till The Peloponnesian girls and the girls of Bocotia Are here to listen. MYRRHINE That's the best advice. Ah, there comes Lampito. Enter LAMPITO. LYSISTRATA Welcome Lampito! Dear Spartan girl with a delightful face, Washed with the rosy spring, how fresh you look In the easy stride of your sleek slenderness, Why you could strangle a bull! LAMPITO I think I could. It's frae exercise and kicking high behint. [Footnote: The translator has put the speech of the Spartan characters in Scotch dialect which is related to English about as was the Spartan dialect to the speech of Athens. The Spartans, in their character, anticipated the shrewd, canny, uncouth Scotch highlander of modern times.] LYSISTRATA What lovely breasts to own! LAMPITO Oo ... your fingers Assess them, ye tickler, wi' such tender chucks I feel as if I were an altar-victim. LYSISTRATA Who is this youngster? LAMPITO A Boeotian lady. LYSISTRATA There never was much undergrowth in Boeotia, Such a smooth place, and this girl takes after it. CALONICE Yes, I never saw a skin so primly kept. LYSISTRATA This girl? LAMPITO A sonsie open-looking jinker! She's a Corinthian. LYSISTRATA Yes, isn't she Very open, in some ways particularly. LAMPITO But who's garred this Council o' Women to meet here? LYSISTRATA I have. LAMPITO Propound then what you want o' us. MYRRHINE What is the amazing news you have to tell? LYSISTRATA I'll tell you, but first answer one small question. MYRRHINE As you like. LYSISTRATA Are you not sad your children's fathers Go endlessly off soldiering afar In this plodding war? I am willing to wager There's not one here whose husband is at home. CALONICE Mine's been in Thrace, keeping an eye on Eucrates For five months past. MYRRHINE And mine left me for Pylos Seven months ago at least. LAMPITO And as for mine No sooner has he slipped out frae the line He straps his shield and he's snickt off again. LYSISTRATA And not the slightest glitter of a lover! And since the Milesians betrayed us, I've not seen The image of a single upright man To be a marble consolation to us. Now will you help me, if I find a means To stamp the war out. MYRRHINE By the two Goddesses, Yes! I will though I've to pawn this very dress And drink the barter-money the same day. CALONICE And I too though I'm split up like a turbot And half is hackt off as the price of peace. LAMPITO And I too! Why, to get a peep at the shy thing I'd clamber up to the tip-top o' Taygetus. LYSISTRATA Then I'll expose my mighty mystery. O women, if we would compel the men To bow to Peace, we must refrain-- MYRRHINE From what? O tell us! LYSISTRATA Will you truly do it then? MYRRHINE We will, we will, if we must die for it. LYSISTRATA We must refrain from every depth of love.... Why do you turn your backs? Where are you going? Why do you bite your lips and shake your heads? Why are your faces blanched? Why do you weep? Will you or won't you, or what do you mean? MYRRHINE No, I won't do it. Let the war proceed. CALONICE No, I won't do it. Let the war proceed. LYSISTRATA You too, dear turbot, you that said just now You didn't mind being split right up in the least? CALONICE Anything else? O bid me walk in fire But do not rob us of that darling joy. What else is like it, dearest Lysistrata? LYSISTRATA And you? MYRRHINE O please give me the fire instead. LYSISTRATA Lewd to the least drop in the tiniest vein, Our sex is fitly food for Tragic Poets, Our whole life's but a pile of kisses and babies. But, hardy Spartan, if you join with me All may be righted yet. O help me, help me. LAMPITO It's a sair, sair thing to ask of us, by the Twa, A lass to sleep her lane and never fill Love's lack except wi' makeshifts.... But let it be. Peace maun be thought of first. LYSISTRATA My friend, my friend! The only one amid this herd of weaklings. CALONICE But if--which heaven forbid--we should refrain As you would have us, how is Peace induced? LYSISTRATA By the two Goddesses, now can't you see All we have to do is idly sit indoors With smooth roses powdered on our cheeks, Our bodies burning naked through the folds Of shining Amorgos' silk, and meet the men With our dear Venus-plats plucked trim and neat. Their stirring love will rise up furiously, They'll beg our arms to open. That's our time! We'll disregard their knocking, beat them off-- And they will soon be rabid for a Peace. I'm sure of it. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image021.png (685K)" src="images/021.png" width-obs="100%" /></div> LAMPITO           Just as Menelaus, they say, Seeing the bosom of his naked Helen Flang down the sword. CALONICE                But we'll be tearful fools If our husbands take us at our word and leave us. LYSISTRATA There's only left then, in Pherecrates' phrase, To flay a skinned dog--flay more our flayed desires. CALONICE Bah, proverbs will never warm a celibate. But what avail will your scheme be if the men Drag us for all our kicking on to the couch? LYSISTRATA Cling to the doorposts. CALONICE                But if they should force us? LYSISTRATA Yield then, but with a sluggish, cold indifference. There is no joy to them in sullen mating. Besides we have other ways to madden them; They cannot stand up long, and they've no delight Unless we fit their aim with merry succour. CALONICE Well if you must have it so, we'll all agree. LAMPITO For us I ha' no doubt. We can persuade Our men to strike a fair an' decent Peace, But how will ye pitch out the battle-frenzy O' the Athenian populace? LYSISTRATA I promise you We'll wither up that curse. LAMPITO I don't believe it. Not while they own ane trireme oared an' rigged, Or a' those stacks an' stacks an' stacks O' siller. LYSISTRATA I've thought the whole thing out till there's no flaw. We shall surprise the Acropolis today: That is the duty set the older dames. While we sit here talking, they are to go And under pretence of sacrificing, seize it. LAMPITO Certie, that's fine; all's working for the best. LYSISTRATA Now quickly, Lampito, let us tie ourselves To this high purpose as tightly as the hemp of words Can knot together. LAMPITO Set out the terms in detail And we'll a' swear to them. LYSISTRATA Of course.... Well then Where is our Scythianess? Why are you staring? First lay the shield, boss downward, on the floor And bring the victim's inwards. CAILONICE But, Lysistrata, What is this oath that we're to swear? LYSISTRATA What oath! In Aeschylus they take a slaughtered sheep And swear upon a buckler. Why not we? CALONICE O Lysistrata, Peace sworn on a buckler! LYSISTRATA What oath would suit us then? CALONICE Something burden bearing Would be our best insignia.... A white horse! Let's swear upon its entrails. LYSISTRATA A horse indeed! CALONICE Then what will symbolise us? LYSISTRATA This, as I tell you-- First set a great dark bowl upon the ground And disembowel a skin of Thasian wine, Then swear that we'll not add a drop of water. LAMPITO   Ah, what aith could clink pleasanter than that! LYSISTRATA   Bring me a bowl then and a skin of wine. CALONICE   My dears, see what a splendid bowl it is;   I'd not say No if asked to sip it off. LYSISTRATA   Put down the bowl. Lay hands, all, on the victim.   Skiey Queen who givest the last word in arguments,   And thee, O Bowl, dear comrade, we beseech:   Accept our oblation and be propitious to us. CALONICE   What healthy blood, la, how it gushes out! LAMPITO   An' what a leesome fragrance through the air. LYSISTRATA   Now, dears, if you will let me, I'll speak first. CALONICE   Only if you draw the lot, by Aphrodite! LYSISTRATA   SO, grasp the brim, you, Lampito, and all.   You, Calonice, repeat for the rest   Each word I say. Then you must all take oath   And pledge your arms to the same stern conditions-- LYSISTRATA   To husband or lover I'll not open arms CALONICE To husband or lover I'll not open arms LYSISTRATA Though love and denial may enlarge his charms. CALONICE Though love and denial may enlarge his charms. O, O, my knees are failing me, Lysistrata! LYSISTRATA But still at home, ignoring him, I'll stay, CALONICE But still at home, ignoring him, I'll stay, LYSISTRATA Beautiful, clad in saffron silks all day. CALONICE Beautiful, clad in saffron silks all day. LYSISTRATA If then he seizes me by dint of force, CALONICE If then he seizes me by dint of force, LYSISTRATA I'll give him reason for a long remorse. CALONICE I'll give him reason for a long remorse. LYSISTRATA I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling, CALONICE I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling, LYSISTRATA Nor like a lion on all fours go kneeling. CALONICE Nor like a lion on all fours go kneeling. LYSISTRATA If I keep faith, then bounteous cups be mine. CALONICE If I keep faith, then bounteous cups be mine. LYSISTRATA If not, to nauseous water change this wine. CALONICE   If not, to nauseous water change this wine. LYSISTRATA Do you all swear to this? MYRRHINE We do, we do. LYSISTRATA Then I shall immolate the victim thus. She drinks. CALONICE Here now, share fair, haven't we made a pact? Let's all quaff down that friendship in our turn. LAMPITO Hark, what caterwauling hubbub's that? LYSISTRATA As I told you, The women have appropriated the citadel. So, Lampito, dash off to your own land And raise the rebels there. These will serve as hostages, While we ourselves take our places in the ranks And drive the bolts right home. <div class="fig"> <ANTIMG alt="image032a (41K)" src="images/032a.jpg" width-obs="100%" /></div> CALONICE But won't the men March straight against us? LYSISTRATA And what if they do? No threat shall creak our hinges wide, no torch Shall light a fear in us; we will come out To Peace alone. CALONICE That's it, by Aphrodite! As of old let us seem hard and obdurate. <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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