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<h2> CHAPTER 13. THE SEQUEL OF MY RESOLUTION </h2>
<p>For anything I know, I may have had some wild idea of running all the way
to Dover, when I gave up the pursuit of the young man with the
donkey-cart, and started for Greenwich. My scattered senses were soon
collected as to that point, if I had; for I came to a stop in the Kent
Road, at a terrace with a piece of water before it, and a great foolish
image in the middle, blowing a dry shell. Here I sat down on a doorstep,
quite spent and exhausted with the efforts I had already made, and with
hardly breath enough to cry for the loss of my box and half-guinea.</p>
<p>It was by this time dark; I heard the clocks strike ten, as I sat resting.
But it was a summer night, fortunately, and fine weather. When I had
recovered my breath, and had got rid of a stifling sensation in my throat,
I rose up and went on. In the midst of my distress, I had no notion of
going back. I doubt if I should have had any, though there had been a
Swiss snow-drift in the Kent Road.</p>
<p>But my standing possessed of only three-halfpence in the world (and I am
sure I wonder how they came to be left in my pocket on a Saturday night!)
troubled me none the less because I went on. I began to picture to myself,
as a scrap of newspaper intelligence, my being found dead in a day or two,
under some hedge; and I trudged on miserably, though as fast as I could,
until I happened to pass a little shop, where it was written up that
ladies’ and gentlemen’s wardrobes were bought, and that the best price was
given for rags, bones, and kitchen-stuff. The master of this shop was
sitting at the door in his shirt-sleeves, smoking; and as there were a
great many coats and pairs of trousers dangling from the low ceiling, and
only two feeble candles burning inside to show what they were, I fancied
that he looked like a man of a revengeful disposition, who had hung all
his enemies, and was enjoying himself.</p>
<p>My late experiences with Mr. and Mrs. Micawber suggested to me that here
might be a means of keeping off the wolf for a little while. I went up the
next by-street, took off my waistcoat, rolled it neatly under my arm, and
came back to the shop door.</p>
<p>‘If you please, sir,’ I said, ‘I am to sell this for a fair price.’</p>
<p>Mr. Dolloby—Dolloby was the name over the shop door, at least—took
the waistcoat, stood his pipe on its head, against the door-post, went
into the shop, followed by me, snuffed the two candles with his fingers,
spread the waistcoat on the counter, and looked at it there, held it up
against the light, and looked at it there, and ultimately said:</p>
<p>‘What do you call a price, now, for this here little weskit?’</p>
<p>‘Oh! you know best, sir,’ I returned modestly.</p>
<p>‘I can’t be buyer and seller too,’ said Mr. Dolloby. ‘Put a price on this
here little weskit.’</p>
<p>‘Would eighteenpence be?’—I hinted, after some hesitation.</p>
<p>Mr. Dolloby rolled it up again, and gave it me back. ‘I should rob my
family,’ he said, ‘if I was to offer ninepence for it.’</p>
<p>This was a disagreeable way of putting the business; because it imposed
upon me, a perfect stranger, the unpleasantness of asking Mr. Dolloby to
rob his family on my account. My circumstances being so very pressing,
however, I said I would take ninepence for it, if he pleased. Mr. Dolloby,
not without some grumbling, gave ninepence. I wished him good night, and
walked out of the shop the richer by that sum, and the poorer by a
waistcoat. But when I buttoned my jacket, that was not much. Indeed, I
foresaw pretty clearly that my jacket would go next, and that I should
have to make the best of my way to Dover in a shirt and a pair of
trousers, and might deem myself lucky if I got there even in that trim.
But my mind did not run so much on this as might be supposed. Beyond a
general impression of the distance before me, and of the young man with
the donkey-cart having used me cruelly, I think I had no very urgent sense
of my difficulties when I once again set off with my ninepence in my
pocket.</p>
<p>A plan had occurred to me for passing the night, which I was going to
carry into execution. This was, to lie behind the wall at the back of my
old school, in a corner where there used to be a haystack. I imagined it
would be a kind of company to have the boys, and the bedroom where I used
to tell the stories, so near me: although the boys would know nothing of
my being there, and the bedroom would yield me no shelter.</p>
<p>I had had a hard day’s work, and was pretty well jaded when I came
climbing out, at last, upon the level of Blackheath. It cost me some
trouble to find out Salem House; but I found it, and I found a haystack in
the corner, and I lay down by it; having first walked round the wall, and
looked up at the windows, and seen that all was dark and silent within.
Never shall I forget the lonely sensation of first lying down, without a
roof above my head!</p>
<p>Sleep came upon me as it came on many other outcasts, against whom
house-doors were locked, and house-dogs barked, that night—and I
dreamed of lying on my old school-bed, talking to the boys in my room; and
found myself sitting upright, with Steerforth’s name upon my lips, looking
wildly at the stars that were glistening and glimmering above me. When I
remembered where I was at that untimely hour, a feeling stole upon me that
made me get up, afraid of I don’t know what, and walk about. But the
fainter glimmering of the stars, and the pale light in the sky where the
day was coming, reassured me: and my eyes being very heavy, I lay down
again and slept—though with a knowledge in my sleep that it was cold—until
the warm beams of the sun, and the ringing of the getting-up bell at Salem
House, awoke me. If I could have hoped that Steerforth was there, I would
have lurked about until he came out alone; but I knew he must have left
long since. Traddles still remained, perhaps, but it was very doubtful;
and I had not sufficient confidence in his discretion or good luck,
however strong my reliance was on his good nature, to wish to trust him
with my situation. So I crept away from the wall as Mr. Creakle’s boys
were getting up, and struck into the long dusty track which I had first
known to be the Dover Road when I was one of them, and when I little
expected that any eyes would ever see me the wayfarer I was now, upon it.</p>
<p>What a different Sunday morning from the old Sunday morning at Yarmouth!
In due time I heard the church-bells ringing, as I plodded on; and I met
people who were going to church; and I passed a church or two where the
congregation were inside, and the sound of singing came out into the
sunshine, while the beadle sat and cooled himself in the shade of the
porch, or stood beneath the yew-tree, with his hand to his forehead,
glowering at me going by. But the peace and rest of the old Sunday morning
were on everything, except me. That was the difference. I felt quite
wicked in my dirt and dust, with my tangled hair. But for the quiet
picture I had conjured up, of my mother in her youth and beauty, weeping
by the fire, and my aunt relenting to her, I hardly think I should have
had the courage to go on until next day. But it always went before me, and
I followed.</p>
<p>I got, that Sunday, through three-and-twenty miles on the straight road,
though not very easily, for I was new to that kind of toil. I see myself,
as evening closes in, coming over the bridge at Rochester, footsore and
tired, and eating bread that I had bought for supper. One or two little
houses, with the notice, ‘Lodgings for Travellers’, hanging out, had
tempted me; but I was afraid of spending the few pence I had, and was even
more afraid of the vicious looks of the trampers I had met or overtaken. I
sought no shelter, therefore, but the sky; and toiling into Chatham,—which,
in that night’s aspect, is a mere dream of chalk, and drawbridges, and
mastless ships in a muddy river, roofed like Noah’s arks,—crept, at
last, upon a sort of grass-grown battery overhanging a lane, where a
sentry was walking to and fro. Here I lay down, near a cannon; and, happy
in the society of the sentry’s footsteps, though he knew no more of my
being above him than the boys at Salem House had known of my lying by the
wall, slept soundly until morning.</p>
<p>Very stiff and sore of foot I was in the morning, and quite dazed by the
beating of drums and marching of troops, which seemed to hem me in on
every side when I went down towards the long narrow street. Feeling that I
could go but a very little way that day, if I were to reserve any strength
for getting to my journey’s end, I resolved to make the sale of my jacket
its principal business. Accordingly, I took the jacket off, that I might
learn to do without it; and carrying it under my arm, began a tour of
inspection of the various slop-shops.</p>
<p>It was a likely place to sell a jacket in; for the dealers in second-hand
clothes were numerous, and were, generally speaking, on the look-out for
customers at their shop doors. But as most of them had, hanging up among
their stock, an officer’s coat or two, epaulettes and all, I was rendered
timid by the costly nature of their dealings, and walked about for a long
time without offering my merchandise to anyone.</p>
<p>This modesty of mine directed my attention to the marine-store shops, and
such shops as Mr. Dolloby’s, in preference to the regular dealers. At last
I found one that I thought looked promising, at the corner of a dirty
lane, ending in an enclosure full of stinging-nettles, against the palings
of which some second-hand sailors’ clothes, that seemed to have overflowed
the shop, were fluttering among some cots, and rusty guns, and oilskin
hats, and certain trays full of so many old rusty keys of so many sizes
that they seemed various enough to open all the doors in the world.</p>
<p>Into this shop, which was low and small, and which was darkened rather
than lighted by a little window, overhung with clothes, and was descended
into by some steps, I went with a palpitating heart; which was not
relieved when an ugly old man, with the lower part of his face all covered
with a stubbly grey beard, rushed out of a dirty den behind it, and seized
me by the hair of my head. He was a dreadful old man to look at, in a
filthy flannel waistcoat, and smelling terribly of rum. His bedstead,
covered with a tumbled and ragged piece of patchwork, was in the den he
had come from, where another little window showed a prospect of more
stinging-nettles, and a lame donkey.</p>
<p>‘Oh, what do you want?’ grinned this old man, in a fierce, monotonous
whine. ‘Oh, my eyes and limbs, what do you want? Oh, my lungs and liver,
what do you want? Oh, goroo, goroo!’</p>
<p>I was so much dismayed by these words, and particularly by the repetition
of the last unknown one, which was a kind of rattle in his throat, that I
could make no answer; hereupon the old man, still holding me by the hair,
repeated:</p>
<p>‘Oh, what do you want? Oh, my eyes and limbs, what do you want? Oh, my
lungs and liver, what do you want? Oh, goroo!’—which he screwed out
of himself, with an energy that made his eyes start in his head.</p>
<p>‘I wanted to know,’ I said, trembling, ‘if you would buy a jacket.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, let’s see the jacket!’ cried the old man. ‘Oh, my heart on fire, show
the jacket to us! Oh, my eyes and limbs, bring the jacket out!’</p>
<p>With that he took his trembling hands, which were like the claws of a
great bird, out of my hair; and put on a pair of spectacles, not at all
ornamental to his inflamed eyes.</p>
<p>‘Oh, how much for the jacket?’ cried the old man, after examining it. ‘Oh—goroo!—how
much for the jacket?’</p>
<p>‘Half-a-crown,’ I answered, recovering myself.</p>
<p>‘Oh, my lungs and liver,’ cried the old man, ‘no! Oh, my eyes, no! Oh, my
limbs, no! Eighteenpence. Goroo!’</p>
<p>Every time he uttered this ejaculation, his eyes seemed to be in danger of
starting out; and every sentence he spoke, he delivered in a sort of tune,
always exactly the same, and more like a gust of wind, which begins low,
mounts up high, and falls again, than any other comparison I can find for
it.</p>
<p>‘Well,’ said I, glad to have closed the bargain, ‘I’ll take
eighteenpence.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, my liver!’ cried the old man, throwing the jacket on a shelf. ‘Get
out of the shop! Oh, my lungs, get out of the shop! Oh, my eyes and limbs—goroo!—don’t
ask for money; make it an exchange.’ I never was so frightened in my life,
before or since; but I told him humbly that I wanted money, and that
nothing else was of any use to me, but that I would wait for it, as he
desired, outside, and had no wish to hurry him. So I went outside, and sat
down in the shade in a corner. And I sat there so many hours, that the
shade became sunlight, and the sunlight became shade again, and still I
sat there waiting for the money.</p>
<p>There never was such another drunken madman in that line of business, I
hope. That he was well known in the neighbourhood, and enjoyed the
reputation of having sold himself to the devil, I soon understood from the
visits he received from the boys, who continually came skirmishing about
the shop, shouting that legend, and calling to him to bring out his gold.
‘You ain’t poor, you know, Charley, as you pretend. Bring out your gold.
Bring out some of the gold you sold yourself to the devil for. Come! It’s
in the lining of the mattress, Charley. Rip it open and let’s have some!’
This, and many offers to lend him a knife for the purpose, exasperated him
to such a degree, that the whole day was a succession of rushes on his
part, and flights on the part of the boys. Sometimes in his rage he would
take me for one of them, and come at me, mouthing as if he were going to
tear me in pieces; then, remembering me, just in time, would dive into the
shop, and lie upon his bed, as I thought from the sound of his voice,
yelling in a frantic way, to his own windy tune, the ‘Death of Nelson’;
with an Oh! before every line, and innumerable Goroos interspersed. As if
this were not bad enough for me, the boys, connecting me with the
establishment, on account of the patience and perseverance with which I
sat outside, half-dressed, pelted me, and used me very ill all day.</p>
<p>He made many attempts to induce me to consent to an exchange; at one time
coming out with a fishing-rod, at another with a fiddle, at another with a
cocked hat, at another with a flute. But I resisted all these overtures,
and sat there in desperation; each time asking him, with tears in my eyes,
for my money or my jacket. At last he began to pay me in halfpence at a
time; and was full two hours getting by easy stages to a shilling.</p>
<p>‘Oh, my eyes and limbs!’ he then cried, peeping hideously out of the shop,
after a long pause, ‘will you go for twopence more?’</p>
<p>‘I can’t,’ I said; ‘I shall be starved.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, my lungs and liver, will you go for threepence?’</p>
<p>‘I would go for nothing, if I could,’ I said, ‘but I want the money
badly.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, go-roo!’ (it is really impossible to express how he twisted this
ejaculation out of himself, as he peeped round the door-post at me,
showing nothing but his crafty old head); ‘will you go for fourpence?’</p>
<p>I was so faint and weary that I closed with this offer; and taking the
money out of his claw, not without trembling, went away more hungry and
thirsty than I had ever been, a little before sunset. But at an expense of
threepence I soon refreshed myself completely; and, being in better
spirits then, limped seven miles upon my road.</p>
<p>My bed at night was under another haystack, where I rested comfortably,
after having washed my blistered feet in a stream, and dressed them as
well as I was able, with some cool leaves. When I took the road again next
morning, I found that it lay through a succession of hop-grounds and
orchards. It was sufficiently late in the year for the orchards to be
ruddy with ripe apples; and in a few places the hop-pickers were already
at work. I thought it all extremely beautiful, and made up my mind to
sleep among the hops that night: imagining some cheerful companionship in
the long perspectives of poles, with the graceful leaves twining round
them.</p>
<p>The trampers were worse than ever that day, and inspired me with a dread
that is yet quite fresh in my mind. Some of them were most
ferocious-looking ruffians, who stared at me as I went by; and stopped,
perhaps, and called after me to come back and speak to them, and when I
took to my heels, stoned me. I recollect one young fellow—a tinker,
I suppose, from his wallet and brazier—who had a woman with him, and
who faced about and stared at me thus; and then roared to me in such a
tremendous voice to come back, that I halted and looked round.</p>
<p>‘Come here, when you’re called,’ said the tinker, ‘or I’ll rip your young
body open.’</p>
<p>I thought it best to go back. As I drew nearer to them, trying to
propitiate the tinker by my looks, I observed that the woman had a black
eye.</p>
<p>‘Where are you going?’ said the tinker, gripping the bosom of my shirt
with his blackened hand.</p>
<p>‘I am going to Dover,’ I said.</p>
<p>‘Where do you come from?’ asked the tinker, giving his hand another turn
in my shirt, to hold me more securely.</p>
<p>‘I come from London,’ I said.</p>
<p>‘What lay are you upon?’ asked the tinker. ‘Are you a prig?’</p>
<p>‘N-no,’ I said.</p>
<p>‘Ain’t you, by G—? If you make a brag of your honesty to me,’ said
the tinker, ‘I’ll knock your brains out.’</p>
<p>With his disengaged hand he made a menace of striking me, and then looked
at me from head to foot.</p>
<p>‘Have you got the price of a pint of beer about you?’ said the tinker. ‘If
you have, out with it, afore I take it away!’</p>
<p>I should certainly have produced it, but that I met the woman’s look, and
saw her very slightly shake her head, and form ‘No!’ with her lips.</p>
<p>‘I am very poor,’ I said, attempting to smile, ‘and have got no money.’</p>
<p>‘Why, what do you mean?’ said the tinker, looking so sternly at me, that I
almost feared he saw the money in my pocket.</p>
<p>‘Sir!’ I stammered.</p>
<p>‘What do you mean,’ said the tinker, ‘by wearing my brother’s silk
handkerchief! Give it over here!’ And he had mine off my neck in a moment,
and tossed it to the woman.</p>
<p>The woman burst into a fit of laughter, as if she thought this a joke, and
tossed it back to me, nodded once, as slightly as before, and made the
word ‘Go!’ with her lips. Before I could obey, however, the tinker seized
the handkerchief out of my hand with a roughness that threw me away like a
feather, and putting it loosely round his own neck, turned upon the woman
with an oath, and knocked her down. I never shall forget seeing her fall
backward on the hard road, and lie there with her bonnet tumbled off, and
her hair all whitened in the dust; nor, when I looked back from a
distance, seeing her sitting on the pathway, which was a bank by the
roadside, wiping the blood from her face with a corner of her shawl, while
he went on ahead.</p>
<p>This adventure frightened me so, that, afterwards, when I saw any of these
people coming, I turned back until I could find a hiding-place, where I
remained until they had gone out of sight; which happened so often, that I
was very seriously delayed. But under this difficulty, as under all the
other difficulties of my journey, I seemed to be sustained and led on by
my fanciful picture of my mother in her youth, before I came into the
world. It always kept me company. It was there, among the hops, when I lay
down to sleep; it was with me on my waking in the morning; it went before
me all day. I have associated it, ever since, with the sunny street of
Canterbury, dozing as it were in the hot light; and with the sight of its
old houses and gateways, and the stately, grey Cathedral, with the rooks
sailing round the towers. When I came, at last, upon the bare, wide downs
near Dover, it relieved the solitary aspect of the scene with hope; and
not until I reached that first great aim of my journey, and actually set
foot in the town itself, on the sixth day of my flight, did it desert me.
But then, strange to say, when I stood with my ragged shoes, and my dusty,
sunburnt, half-clothed figure, in the place so long desired, it seemed to
vanish like a dream, and to leave me helpless and dispirited.</p>
<p>I inquired about my aunt among the boatmen first, and received various
answers. One said she lived in the South Foreland Light, and had singed
her whiskers by doing so; another, that she was made fast to the great
buoy outside the harbour, and could only be visited at half-tide; a third,
that she was locked up in Maidstone jail for child-stealing; a fourth,
that she was seen to mount a broom in the last high wind, and make direct
for Calais. The fly-drivers, among whom I inquired next, were equally
jocose and equally disrespectful; and the shopkeepers, not liking my
appearance, generally replied, without hearing what I had to say, that
they had got nothing for me. I felt more miserable and destitute than I
had done at any period of my running away. My money was all gone, I had
nothing left to dispose of; I was hungry, thirsty, and worn out; and
seemed as distant from my end as if I had remained in London.</p>
<p>The morning had worn away in these inquiries, and I was sitting on the
step of an empty shop at a street corner, near the market-place,
deliberating upon wandering towards those other places which had been
mentioned, when a fly-driver, coming by with his carriage, dropped a
horsecloth. Something good-natured in the man’s face, as I handed it up,
encouraged me to ask him if he could tell me where Miss Trotwood lived;
though I had asked the question so often, that it almost died upon my
lips.</p>
<p>‘Trotwood,’ said he. ‘Let me see. I know the name, too. Old lady?’</p>
<p>‘Yes,’ I said, ‘rather.’</p>
<p>‘Pretty stiff in the back?’ said he, making himself upright.</p>
<p>‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I should think it very likely.’</p>
<p>‘Carries a bag?’ said he—‘bag with a good deal of room in it—is
gruffish, and comes down upon you, sharp?’</p>
<p>My heart sank within me as I acknowledged the undoubted accuracy of this
description.</p>
<p>‘Why then, I tell you what,’ said he. ‘If you go up there,’ pointing with
his whip towards the heights, ‘and keep right on till you come to some
houses facing the sea, I think you’ll hear of her. My opinion is she won’t
stand anything, so here’s a penny for you.’</p>
<p>I accepted the gift thankfully, and bought a loaf with it. Dispatching
this refreshment by the way, I went in the direction my friend had
indicated, and walked on a good distance without coming to the houses he
had mentioned. At length I saw some before me; and approaching them, went
into a little shop (it was what we used to call a general shop, at home),
and inquired if they could have the goodness to tell me where Miss
Trotwood lived. I addressed myself to a man behind the counter, who was
weighing some rice for a young woman; but the latter, taking the inquiry
to herself, turned round quickly.</p>
<p>‘My mistress?’ she said. ‘What do you want with her, boy?’</p>
<p>‘I want,’ I replied, ‘to speak to her, if you please.’</p>
<p>‘To beg of her, you mean,’ retorted the damsel.</p>
<p>‘No,’ I said, ‘indeed.’ But suddenly remembering that in truth I came for
no other purpose, I held my peace in confusion, and felt my face burn.</p>
<p>My aunt’s handmaid, as I supposed she was from what she had said, put her
rice in a little basket and walked out of the shop; telling me that I
could follow her, if I wanted to know where Miss Trotwood lived. I needed
no second permission; though I was by this time in such a state of
consternation and agitation, that my legs shook under me. I followed the
young woman, and we soon came to a very neat little cottage with cheerful
bow-windows: in front of it, a small square gravelled court or garden full
of flowers, carefully tended, and smelling deliciously.</p>
<p>‘This is Miss Trotwood’s,’ said the young woman. ‘Now you know; and that’s
all I have got to say.’ With which words she hurried into the house, as if
to shake off the responsibility of my appearance; and left me standing at
the garden-gate, looking disconsolately over the top of it towards the
parlour window, where a muslin curtain partly undrawn in the middle, a
large round green screen or fan fastened on to the windowsill, a small
table, and a great chair, suggested to me that my aunt might be at that
moment seated in awful state.</p>
<p>My shoes were by this time in a woeful condition. The soles had shed
themselves bit by bit, and the upper leathers had broken and burst until
the very shape and form of shoes had departed from them. My hat (which had
served me for a night-cap, too) was so crushed and bent, that no old
battered handleless saucepan on a dunghill need have been ashamed to vie
with it. My shirt and trousers, stained with heat, dew, grass, and the
Kentish soil on which I had slept—and torn besides—might have
frightened the birds from my aunt’s garden, as I stood at the gate. My
hair had known no comb or brush since I left London. My face, neck, and
hands, from unaccustomed exposure to the air and sun, were burnt to a
berry-brown. From head to foot I was powdered almost as white with chalk
and dust, as if I had come out of a lime-kiln. In this plight, and with a
strong consciousness of it, I waited to introduce myself to, and make my
first impression on, my formidable aunt.</p>
<p>The unbroken stillness of the parlour window leading me to infer, after a
while, that she was not there, I lifted up my eyes to the window above it,
where I saw a florid, pleasant-looking gentleman, with a grey head, who
shut up one eye in a grotesque manner, nodded his head at me several
times, shook it at me as often, laughed, and went away.</p>
<p>I had been discomposed enough before; but I was so much the more
discomposed by this unexpected behaviour, that I was on the point of
slinking off, to think how I had best proceed, when there came out of the
house a lady with her handkerchief tied over her cap, and a pair of
gardening gloves on her hands, wearing a gardening pocket like a
toll-man’s apron, and carrying a great knife. I knew her immediately to be
Miss Betsey, for she came stalking out of the house exactly as my poor
mother had so often described her stalking up our garden at Blunderstone
Rookery.</p>
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<p>‘Go away!’ said Miss Betsey, shaking her head, and making a distant chop
in the air with her knife. ‘Go along! No boys here!’</p>
<p>I watched her, with my heart at my lips, as she marched to a corner of her
garden, and stooped to dig up some little root there. Then, without a
scrap of courage, but with a great deal of desperation, I went softly in
and stood beside her, touching her with my finger.</p>
<p>‘If you please, ma’am,’ I began.</p>
<p>She started and looked up.</p>
<p>‘If you please, aunt.’</p>
<p>‘EH?’ exclaimed Miss Betsey, in a tone of amazement I have never heard
approached.</p>
<p>‘If you please, aunt, I am your nephew.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, Lord!’ said my aunt. And sat flat down in the garden-path.</p>
<p>‘I am David Copperfield, of Blunderstone, in Suffolk—where you came,
on the night when I was born, and saw my dear mama. I have been very
unhappy since she died. I have been slighted, and taught nothing, and
thrown upon myself, and put to work not fit for me. It made me run away to
you. I was robbed at first setting out, and have walked all the way, and
have never slept in a bed since I began the journey.’ Here my self-support
gave way all at once; and with a movement of my hands, intended to show
her my ragged state, and call it to witness that I had suffered something,
I broke into a passion of crying, which I suppose had been pent up within
me all the week.</p>
<p>My aunt, with every sort of expression but wonder discharged from her
countenance, sat on the gravel, staring at me, until I began to cry; when
she got up in a great hurry, collared me, and took me into the parlour.
Her first proceeding there was to unlock a tall press, bring out several
bottles, and pour some of the contents of each into my mouth. I think they
must have been taken out at random, for I am sure I tasted aniseed water,
anchovy sauce, and salad dressing. When she had administered these
restoratives, as I was still quite hysterical, and unable to control my
sobs, she put me on the sofa, with a shawl under my head, and the
handkerchief from her own head under my feet, lest I should sully the
cover; and then, sitting herself down behind the green fan or screen I
have already mentioned, so that I could not see her face, ejaculated at
intervals, ‘Mercy on us!’ letting those exclamations off like minute guns.</p>
<p>After a time she rang the bell. ‘Janet,’ said my aunt, when her servant
came in. ‘Go upstairs, give my compliments to Mr. Dick, and say I wish to
speak to him.’</p>
<p>Janet looked a little surprised to see me lying stiffly on the sofa (I was
afraid to move lest it should be displeasing to my aunt), but went on her
errand. My aunt, with her hands behind her, walked up and down the room,
until the gentleman who had squinted at me from the upper window came in
laughing.</p>
<p>‘Mr. Dick,’ said my aunt, ‘don’t be a fool, because nobody can be more
discreet than you can, when you choose. We all know that. So don’t be a
fool, whatever you are.’</p>
<p>The gentleman was serious immediately, and looked at me, I thought, as if
he would entreat me to say nothing about the window.</p>
<p>‘Mr. Dick,’ said my aunt, ‘you have heard me mention David Copperfield?
Now don’t pretend not to have a memory, because you and I know better.’</p>
<p>‘David Copperfield?’ said Mr. Dick, who did not appear to me to remember
much about it. ‘David Copperfield? Oh yes, to be sure. David, certainly.’</p>
<p>‘Well,’ said my aunt, ‘this is his boy—his son. He would be as like
his father as it’s possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too.’</p>
<p>‘His son?’ said Mr. Dick. ‘David’s son? Indeed!’</p>
<p>‘Yes,’ pursued my aunt, ‘and he has done a pretty piece of business. He
has run away. Ah! His sister, Betsey Trotwood, never would have run away.’
My aunt shook her head firmly, confident in the character and behaviour of
the girl who never was born.</p>
<p>‘Oh! you think she wouldn’t have run away?’ said Mr. Dick.</p>
<p>‘Bless and save the man,’ exclaimed my aunt, sharply, ‘how he talks! Don’t
I know she wouldn’t? She would have lived with her god-mother, and we
should have been devoted to one another. Where, in the name of wonder,
should his sister, Betsey Trotwood, have run from, or to?’</p>
<p>‘Nowhere,’ said Mr. Dick.</p>
<p>‘Well then,’ returned my aunt, softened by the reply, ‘how can you pretend
to be wool-gathering, Dick, when you are as sharp as a surgeon’s lancet?
Now, here you see young David Copperfield, and the question I put to you
is, what shall I do with him?’</p>
<p>‘What shall you do with him?’ said Mr. Dick, feebly, scratching his head.
‘Oh! do with him?’</p>
<p>‘Yes,’ said my aunt, with a grave look, and her forefinger held up. ‘Come!
I want some very sound advice.’</p>
<p>‘Why, if I was you,’ said Mr. Dick, considering, and looking vacantly at
me, ‘I should—’ The contemplation of me seemed to inspire him with a
sudden idea, and he added, briskly, ‘I should wash him!’</p>
<p>‘Janet,’ said my aunt, turning round with a quiet triumph, which I did not
then understand, ‘Mr. Dick sets us all right. Heat the bath!’</p>
<p>Although I was deeply interested in this dialogue, I could not help
observing my aunt, Mr. Dick, and Janet, while it was in progress, and
completing a survey I had already been engaged in making of the room.</p>
<p>My aunt was a tall, hard-featured lady, but by no means ill-looking. There
was an inflexibility in her face, in her voice, in her gait and carriage,
amply sufficient to account for the effect she had made upon a gentle
creature like my mother; but her features were rather handsome than
otherwise, though unbending and austere. I particularly noticed that she
had a very quick, bright eye. Her hair, which was grey, was arranged in
two plain divisions, under what I believe would be called a mob-cap; I
mean a cap, much more common then than now, with side-pieces fastening
under the chin. Her dress was of a lavender colour, and perfectly neat;
but scantily made, as if she desired to be as little encumbered as
possible. I remember that I thought it, in form, more like a riding-habit
with the superfluous skirt cut off, than anything else. She wore at her
side a gentleman’s gold watch, if I might judge from its size and make,
with an appropriate chain and seals; she had some linen at her throat not
unlike a shirt-collar, and things at her wrists like little
shirt-wristbands.</p>
<p>Mr. Dick, as I have already said, was grey-headed, and florid: I should
have said all about him, in saying so, had not his head been curiously
bowed—not by age; it reminded me of one of Mr. Creakle’s boys’ heads
after a beating—and his grey eyes prominent and large, with a
strange kind of watery brightness in them that made me, in combination
with his vacant manner, his submission to my aunt, and his childish
delight when she praised him, suspect him of being a little mad; though,
if he were mad, how he came to be there puzzled me extremely. He was
dressed like any other ordinary gentleman, in a loose grey morning coat
and waistcoat, and white trousers; and had his watch in his fob, and his
money in his pockets: which he rattled as if he were very proud of it.</p>
<p>Janet was a pretty blooming girl, of about nineteen or twenty, and a
perfect picture of neatness. Though I made no further observation of her
at the moment, I may mention here what I did not discover until
afterwards, namely, that she was one of a series of protegees whom my aunt
had taken into her service expressly to educate in a renouncement of
mankind, and who had generally completed their abjuration by marrying the
baker.</p>
<p>The room was as neat as Janet or my aunt. As I laid down my pen, a moment
since, to think of it, the air from the sea came blowing in again, mixed
with the perfume of the flowers; and I saw the old-fashioned furniture
brightly rubbed and polished, my aunt’s inviolable chair and table by the
round green fan in the bow-window, the drugget-covered carpet, the cat,
the kettle-holder, the two canaries, the old china, the punchbowl full of
dried rose-leaves, the tall press guarding all sorts of bottles and pots,
and, wonderfully out of keeping with the rest, my dusty self upon the
sofa, taking note of everything.</p>
<p>Janet had gone away to get the bath ready, when my aunt, to my great
alarm, became in one moment rigid with indignation, and had hardly voice
to cry out, ‘Janet! Donkeys!’</p>
<p>Upon which, Janet came running up the stairs as if the house were in
flames, darted out on a little piece of green in front, and warned off two
saddle-donkeys, lady-ridden, that had presumed to set hoof upon it; while
my aunt, rushing out of the house, seized the bridle of a third animal
laden with a bestriding child, turned him, led him forth from those sacred
precincts, and boxed the ears of the unlucky urchin in attendance who had
dared to profane that hallowed ground.</p>
<p>To this hour I don’t know whether my aunt had any lawful right of way over
that patch of green; but she had settled it in her own mind that she had,
and it was all the same to her. The one great outrage of her life,
demanding to be constantly avenged, was the passage of a donkey over that
immaculate spot. In whatever occupation she was engaged, however
interesting to her the conversation in which she was taking part, a donkey
turned the current of her ideas in a moment, and she was upon him
straight. Jugs of water, and watering-pots, were kept in secret places
ready to be discharged on the offending boys; sticks were laid in ambush
behind the door; sallies were made at all hours; and incessant war
prevailed. Perhaps this was an agreeable excitement to the donkey-boys; or
perhaps the more sagacious of the donkeys, understanding how the case
stood, delighted with constitutional obstinacy in coming that way. I only
know that there were three alarms before the bath was ready; and that on
the occasion of the last and most desperate of all, I saw my aunt engage,
single-handed, with a sandy-headed lad of fifteen, and bump his sandy head
against her own gate, before he seemed to comprehend what was the matter.
These interruptions were of the more ridiculous to me, because she was
giving me broth out of a table-spoon at the time (having firmly persuaded
herself that I was actually starving, and must receive nourishment at
first in very small quantities), and, while my mouth was yet open to
receive the spoon, she would put it back into the basin, cry ‘Janet!
Donkeys!’ and go out to the assault.</p>
<p>The bath was a great comfort. For I began to be sensible of acute pains in
my limbs from lying out in the fields, and was now so tired and low that I
could hardly keep myself awake for five minutes together. When I had
bathed, they (I mean my aunt and Janet) enrobed me in a shirt and a pair
of trousers belonging to Mr. Dick, and tied me up in two or three great
shawls. What sort of bundle I looked like, I don’t know, but I felt a very
hot one. Feeling also very faint and drowsy, I soon lay down on the sofa
again and fell asleep.</p>
<p>It might have been a dream, originating in the fancy which had occupied my
mind so long, but I awoke with the impression that my aunt had come and
bent over me, and had put my hair away from my face, and laid my head more
comfortably, and had then stood looking at me. The words, ‘Pretty fellow,’
or ‘Poor fellow,’ seemed to be in my ears, too; but certainly there was
nothing else, when I awoke, to lead me to believe that they had been
uttered by my aunt, who sat in the bow-window gazing at the sea from
behind the green fan, which was mounted on a kind of swivel, and turned
any way.</p>
<p>We dined soon after I awoke, off a roast fowl and a pudding; I sitting at
table, not unlike a trussed bird myself, and moving my arms with
considerable difficulty. But as my aunt had swathed me up, I made no
complaint of being inconvenienced. All this time I was deeply anxious to
know what she was going to do with me; but she took her dinner in profound
silence, except when she occasionally fixed her eyes on me sitting
opposite, and said, ‘Mercy upon us!’ which did not by any means relieve my
anxiety.</p>
<p>The cloth being drawn, and some sherry put upon the table (of which I had
a glass), my aunt sent up for Mr. Dick again, who joined us, and looked as
wise as he could when she requested him to attend to my story, which she
elicited from me, gradually, by a course of questions. During my recital,
she kept her eyes on Mr. Dick, who I thought would have gone to sleep but
for that, and who, whensoever he lapsed into a smile, was checked by a
frown from my aunt.</p>
<p>‘Whatever possessed that poor unfortunate Baby, that she must go and be
married again,’ said my aunt, when I had finished, ‘I can’t conceive.’</p>
<p>‘Perhaps she fell in love with her second husband,’ Mr. Dick suggested.</p>
<p>‘Fell in love!’ repeated my aunt. ‘What do you mean? What business had she
to do it?’</p>
<p>‘Perhaps,’ Mr. Dick simpered, after thinking a little, ‘she did it for
pleasure.’</p>
<p>‘Pleasure, indeed!’ replied my aunt. ‘A mighty pleasure for the poor Baby
to fix her simple faith upon any dog of a fellow, certain to ill-use her
in some way or other. What did she propose to herself, I should like to
know! She had had one husband. She had seen David Copperfield out of the
world, who was always running after wax dolls from his cradle. She had got
a baby—oh, there were a pair of babies when she gave birth to this
child sitting here, that Friday night!—and what more did she want?’</p>
<p>Mr. Dick secretly shook his head at me, as if he thought there was no
getting over this.</p>
<p>‘She couldn’t even have a baby like anybody else,’ said my aunt. ‘Where
was this child’s sister, Betsey Trotwood? Not forthcoming. Don’t tell me!’</p>
<p>Mr. Dick seemed quite frightened.</p>
<p>‘That little man of a doctor, with his head on one side,’ said my aunt,
‘Jellips, or whatever his name was, what was he about? All he could do,
was to say to me, like a robin redbreast—as he is—“It’s a
boy.” A boy! Yah, the imbecility of the whole set of ‘em!’</p>
<p>The heartiness of the ejaculation startled Mr. Dick exceedingly; and me,
too, if I am to tell the truth.</p>
<p>‘And then, as if this was not enough, and she had not stood sufficiently
in the light of this child’s sister, Betsey Trotwood,’ said my aunt, ‘she
marries a second time—goes and marries a Murderer—or a man
with a name like it—and stands in THIS child’s light! And the
natural consequence is, as anybody but a baby might have foreseen, that he
prowls and wanders. He’s as like Cain before he was grown up, as he can
be.’</p>
<p>Mr. Dick looked hard at me, as if to identify me in this character.</p>
<p>‘And then there’s that woman with the Pagan name,’ said my aunt, ‘that
Peggotty, she goes and gets married next. Because she has not seen enough
of the evil attending such things, she goes and gets married next, as the
child relates. I only hope,’ said my aunt, shaking her head, ‘that her
husband is one of those Poker husbands who abound in the newspapers, and
will beat her well with one.’</p>
<p>I could not bear to hear my old nurse so decried, and made the subject of
such a wish. I told my aunt that indeed she was mistaken. That Peggotty
was the best, the truest, the most faithful, most devoted, and most
self-denying friend and servant in the world; who had ever loved me
dearly, who had ever loved my mother dearly; who had held my mother’s
dying head upon her arm, on whose face my mother had imprinted her last
grateful kiss. And my remembrance of them both, choking me, I broke down
as I was trying to say that her home was my home, and that all she had was
mine, and that I would have gone to her for shelter, but for her humble
station, which made me fear that I might bring some trouble on her—I
broke down, I say, as I was trying to say so, and laid my face in my hands
upon the table.</p>
<p>‘Well, well!’ said my aunt, ‘the child is right to stand by those who have
stood by him—Janet! Donkeys!’</p>
<p>I thoroughly believe that but for those unfortunate donkeys, we should
have come to a good understanding; for my aunt had laid her hand on my
shoulder, and the impulse was upon me, thus emboldened, to embrace her and
beseech her protection. But the interruption, and the disorder she was
thrown into by the struggle outside, put an end to all softer ideas for
the present, and kept my aunt indignantly declaiming to Mr. Dick about her
determination to appeal for redress to the laws of her country, and to
bring actions for trespass against the whole donkey proprietorship of
Dover, until tea-time.</p>
<p>After tea, we sat at the window—on the look-out, as I imagined, from
my aunt’s sharp expression of face, for more invaders—until dusk,
when Janet set candles, and a backgammon-board, on the table, and pulled
down the blinds.</p>
<p>‘Now, Mr. Dick,’ said my aunt, with her grave look, and her forefinger up
as before, ‘I am going to ask you another question. Look at this child.’</p>
<p>‘David’s son?’ said Mr. Dick, with an attentive, puzzled face.</p>
<p>‘Exactly so,’ returned my aunt. ‘What would you do with him, now?’</p>
<p>‘Do with David’s son?’ said Mr. Dick.</p>
<p>‘Ay,’ replied my aunt, ‘with David’s son.’</p>
<p>‘Oh!’ said Mr. Dick. ‘Yes. Do with—I should put him to bed.’</p>
<p>‘Janet!’ cried my aunt, with the same complacent triumph that I had
remarked before. ‘Mr. Dick sets us all right. If the bed is ready, we’ll
take him up to it.’</p>
<p>Janet reporting it to be quite ready, I was taken up to it; kindly, but in
some sort like a prisoner; my aunt going in front and Janet bringing up
the rear. The only circumstance which gave me any new hope, was my aunt’s
stopping on the stairs to inquire about a smell of fire that was prevalent
there; and janet’s replying that she had been making tinder down in the
kitchen, of my old shirt. But there were no other clothes in my room than
the odd heap of things I wore; and when I was left there, with a little
taper which my aunt forewarned me would burn exactly five minutes, I heard
them lock my door on the outside. Turning these things over in my mind I
deemed it possible that my aunt, who could know nothing of me, might
suspect I had a habit of running away, and took precautions, on that
account, to have me in safe keeping.</p>
<p>The room was a pleasant one, at the top of the house, overlooking the sea,
on which the moon was shining brilliantly. After I had said my prayers,
and the candle had burnt out, I remember how I still sat looking at the
moonlight on the water, as if I could hope to read my fortune in it, as in
a bright book; or to see my mother with her child, coming from Heaven,
along that shining path, to look upon me as she had looked when I last saw
her sweet face. I remember how the solemn feeling with which at length I
turned my eyes away, yielded to the sensation of gratitude and rest which
the sight of the white-curtained bed—and how much more the lying
softly down upon it, nestling in the snow-white sheets!—inspired. I
remember how I thought of all the solitary places under the night sky
where I had slept, and how I prayed that I never might be houseless any
more, and never might forget the houseless. I remember how I seemed to
float, then, down the melancholy glory of that track upon the sea, away
into the world of dreams.</p>
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