<p><SPAN name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Chapter Six </h2>
<p>She had read "Paul and Virginia," and she had dreamed of the little
bamboo-house, the nigger Domingo, the dog Fidele, but above all of the
sweet friendship of some dear little brother, who seeks red fruit for you
on trees taller than steeples, or who runs barefoot over the sand,
bringing you a bird's nest.</p>
<p>When she was thirteen, her father himself took her to town to place her in
the convent. They stopped at an inn in the St. Gervais quarter, where, at
their supper, they used painted plates that set forth the story of
Mademoiselle de la Valliere. The explanatory legends, chipped here and
there by the scratching of knives, all glorified religion, the
tendernesses of the heart, and the pomps of court.</p>
<p>Far from being bored at first at the convent, she took pleasure in the
society of the good sisters, who, to amuse her, took her to the chapel,
which one entered from the refectory by a long corridor. She played very
little during recreation hours, knew her catechism well, and it was she
who always answered Monsieur le Vicaire's difficult questions. Living
thus, without every leaving the warm atmosphere of the classrooms, and
amid these pale-faced women wearing rosaries with brass crosses, she was
softly lulled by the mystic languor exhaled in the perfumes of the altar,
the freshness of the holy water, and the lights of the tapers. Instead of
attending to mass, she looked at the pious vignettes with their azure
borders in her book, and she loved the sick lamb, the sacred heart pierced
with sharp arrows, or the poor Jesus sinking beneath the cross he carries.
She tried, by way of mortification, to eat nothing a whole day. She
puzzled her head to find some vow to fulfil.</p>
<p>When she went to confession, she invented little sins in order that she
might stay there longer, kneeling in the shadow, her hands joined, her
face against the grating beneath the whispering of the priest. The
comparisons of betrothed, husband, celestial lover, and eternal marriage,
that recur in sermons, stirred within her soul depths of unexpected
sweetness.</p>
<p>In the evening, before prayers, there was some religious reading in the
study. On week-nights it was some abstract of sacred history or the
Lectures of the Abbe Frayssinous, and on Sundays passages from the "Genie
du Christianisme," as a recreation. How she listened at first to the
sonorous lamentations of its romantic melancholies reechoing through the
world and eternity! If her childhood had been spent in the shop-parlour of
some business quarter, she might perhaps have opened her heart to those
lyrical invasions of Nature, which usually come to us only through
translation in books. But she knew the country too well; she knew the
lowing of cattle, the milking, the ploughs.</p>
<p>Accustomed to calm aspects of life, she turned, on the contrary, to those
of excitement. She loved the sea only for the sake of its storms, and the
green fields only when broken up by ruins.</p>
<p>She wanted to get some personal profit out of things, and she rejected as
useless all that did not contribute to the immediate desires of her heart,
being of a temperament more sentimental than artistic, looking for
emotions, not landscapes.</p>
<p>At the convent there was an old maid who came for a week each month to
mend the linen. Patronized by the clergy, because she belonged to an
ancient family of noblemen ruined by the Revolution, she dined in the
refectory at the table of the good sisters, and after the meal had a bit
of chat with them before going back to her work. The girls often slipped
out from the study to go and see her. She knew by heart the love songs of
the last century, and sang them in a low voice as she stitched away.</p>
<p>She told stories, gave them news, went errands in the town, and on the sly
lent the big girls some novel, that she always carried in the pockets of
her apron, and of which the good lady herself swallowed long chapters in
the intervals of her work. They were all love, lovers, sweethearts,
persecuted ladies fainting in lonely pavilions, postilions killed at every
stage, horses ridden to death on every page, sombre forests, heartaches,
vows, sobs, tears and kisses, little skiffs by moonlight, nightingales in
shady groves, "gentlemen" brave as lions, gentle as lambs, virtuous as no
one ever was, always well dressed, and weeping like fountains. For six
months, then, Emma, at fifteen years of age, made her hands dirty with
books from old lending libraries.</p>
<p>Through Walter Scott, later on, she fell in love with historical events,
dreamed of old chests, guard-rooms and minstrels. She would have liked to
live in some old manor-house, like those long-waisted chatelaines who, in
the shade of pointed arches, spent their days leaning on the stone, chin
in hand, watching a cavalier with white plume galloping on his black horse
from the distant fields. At this time she had a cult for Mary Stuart and
enthusiastic veneration for illustrious or unhappy women. Joan of Arc,
Heloise, Agnes Sorel, the beautiful Ferroniere, and Clemence Isaure stood
out to her like comets in the dark immensity of heaven, where also were
seen, lost in shadow, and all unconnected, St. Louis with his oak, the
dying Bayard, some cruelties of Louis XI, a little of St. Bartholomew's
Day, the plume of the Bearnais, and always the remembrance of the plates
painted in honour of Louis XIV.</p>
<p>In the music class, in the ballads she sang, there was nothing but little
angels with golden wings, madonnas, lagunes, gondoliers;-mild compositions
that allowed her to catch a glimpse athwart the obscurity of style and the
weakness of the music of the attractive phantasmagoria of sentimental
realities. Some of her companions brought "keepsakes" given them as new
year's gifts to the convent. These had to be hidden; it was quite an
undertaking; they were read in the dormitory. Delicately handling the
beautiful satin bindings, Emma looked with dazzled eyes at the names of
the unknown authors, who had signed their verses for the most part as
counts or viscounts.</p>
<p>She trembled as she blew back the tissue paper over the engraving and saw
it folded in two and fall gently against the page. Here behind the
balustrade of a balcony was a young man in a short cloak, holding in his
arms a young girl in a white dress wearing an alms-bag at her belt; or
there were nameless portraits of English ladies with fair curls, who
looked at you from under their round straw hats with their large clear
eyes. Some there were lounging in their carriages, gliding through parks,
a greyhound bounding along in front of the equipage driven at a trot by
two midget postilions in white breeches. Others, dreaming on sofas with an
open letter, gazed at the moon through a slightly open window half draped
by a black curtain. The naive ones, a tear on their cheeks, were kissing
doves through the bars of a Gothic cage, or, smiling, their heads on one
side, were plucking the leaves of a marguerite with their taper fingers,
that curved at the tips like peaked shoes. And you, too, were there,
Sultans with long pipes reclining beneath arbours in the arms of
Bayaderes; Djiaours, Turkish sabres, Greek caps; and you especially, pale
landscapes of dithyrambic lands, that often show us at once palm trees and
firs, tigers on the right, a lion to the left, Tartar minarets on the
horizon; the whole framed by a very neat virgin forest, and with a great
perpendicular sunbeam trembling in the water, where, standing out in
relief like white excoriations on a steel-grey ground, swans are swimming
about.</p>
<p>And the shade of the argand lamp fastened to the wall above Emma's head
lighted up all these pictures of the world, that passed before her one by
one in the silence of the dormitory, and to the distant noise of some
belated carriage rolling over the Boulevards.</p>
<p>When her mother died she cried much the first few days. She had a funeral
picture made with the hair of the deceased, and, in a letter sent to the
Bertaux full of sad reflections on life, she asked to be buried later on
in the same grave. The goodman thought she must be ill, and came to see
her. Emma was secretly pleased that she had reached at a first attempt the
rare ideal of pale lives, never attained by mediocre hearts. She let
herself glide along with Lamartine meanderings, listened to harps on
lakes, to all the songs of dying swans, to the falling of the leaves, the
pure virgins ascending to heaven, and the voice of the Eternal discoursing
down the valleys. She wearied of it, would not confess it, continued from
habit, and at last was surprised to feel herself soothed, and with no more
sadness at heart than wrinkles on her brow.</p>
<p>The good nuns, who had been so sure of her vocation, perceived with great
astonishment that Mademoiselle Rouault seemed to be slipping from them.
They had indeed been so lavish to her of prayers, retreats, novenas, and
sermons, they had so often preached the respect due to saints and martyrs,
and given so much good advice as to the modesty of the body and the
salvation of her soul, that she did as tightly reined horses; she pulled
up short and the bit slipped from her teeth. This nature, positive in the
midst of its enthusiasms, that had loved the church for the sake of the
flowers, and music for the words of the songs, and literature for its
passional stimulus, rebelled against the mysteries of faith as it grew
irritated by discipline, a thing antipathetic to her constitution. When
her father took her from school, no one was sorry to see her go. The Lady
Superior even thought that she had latterly been somewhat irreverent to
the community.</p>
<p>Emma, at home once more, first took pleasure in looking after the
servants, then grew disgusted with the country and missed her convent.
When Charles came to the Bertaux for the first time, she thought herself
quite disillusioned, with nothing more to learn, and nothing more to feel.</p>
<p>But the uneasiness of her new position, or perhaps the disturbance caused
by the presence of this man, had sufficed to make her believe that she at
last felt that wondrous passion which, till then, like a great bird with
rose-coloured wings, hung in the splendour of the skies of poesy; and now
she could not think that the calm in which she lived was the happiness she
had dreamed.</p>
<div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />