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Immortal Moment

<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> MARSTON cancelled that appointment at Whitehall. Somebody else's business would have to wait another day, that was all. He was wont to settle affairs as they arose, methodically, punctually, in the order of their importance. At the moment his own affair and Kitty's was of supreme importance. Until it was settled he could not attend to anybody else. He was determined not to let her go. He meant to have her. He did not yet know precisely how he was to achieve this end, but as a first step to it he engaged a room indefinitely at the Métropole. There was nothing like being on the spot. He would consider himself defeated when Lucy had actually married her. Meanwhile, he was uplifted by his supreme distrust of the event. His rival had made a very favourable[195] impression on him, with the curious effect of heightening Kitty's value in his eyes. Other causes contributed, her passion for Lucy, and the subtle purification it had wrought in her (a charm to which Marston was by no means unsusceptible), the very fact that his own dominion was uncertain and his possession incomplete. Up till now he had been unaware of the grip she had on him. He had never allowed for the possibility of permanence in his relations with her sex. The idea of marriage was peculiarly unsupportable to him. Even in his youth he had had no love affairs, avowed and sanctioned. Though Marston professed the utmost devotion to women like Miss Lucy, the women whom his mother and his sisters knew, he had noticed a little sadly that he soon wearied of their society, that he had no power of sustained communion with the good. The unfallen were for him the unapproachable. Therefore he had gravitated by taste and temperament[196] to the women of the underworld. There his incurable fastidiousness drove him to the pursuit of a possible perfection, distinction within the limits, the inherent frailties of the type. In Kitty Tailleur he had found even more than he was looking for. Kitty had certain graces, reminiscent of the upper world; a heritage from presumably irreproachable parents, that marked her from the women of her class. She had, moreover, a way of her own, different from the charm of the unfallen, different, too, from the coarse lures of the underworld. Kitty was never rank, never insipid. She had a few light brains in her body, and knew how to use them, woman-like, for the heightening of her charm. There were other good points about Kitty. Marston disliked parting with his money, and he had found Kitty, so far, inexpensive, as women went. For these reasons, so many and so plausible that they disguised the true kind and degree[197] of his subjection, he had before now returned to Kitty more than once after he thought that he had tired of her. Only three weeks ago, on her return from Matlock, he judged that he had come to the end of his passion for her; and here he was again at the very beginning of it. Instead of perishing it had thrived on absence. He found himself on the verge of a new and unforeseen adventure, with impulse sharpened by antagonism and frustration. Yet his only chance, he knew, was not to be impulsive, but cool rather, calculating and cautious. The fight he was in for would have to be fought with brains; his against hers. He sent a note to her early in the morning asking her to see him at nine. At nine she saw him. "I thought," she said, "you were going up to town early." "I'm not going up to town at all, as it happens, to-day."[198] "Isn't it rather a pity to neglect your business?" "My business, dear Kitty, is not any business of yours." "I'm only trying to make you see that it isn't worth your while stopping out of town because of me." He was a little disconcerted at her divination of his motives, her awareness of her own power. "Well, you see, though the affairs of Whitehall are not your affairs, your affairs, unfortunately, are mine; and, since I have to attend to them, I prefer to do it at once and get it over. I had some talk with Lucy last night." She turned on him. "Ah, you have given me away." "Did you ever know me give any one away?" She did not answer all at once. He was shocked at her suspicion; at the things she believed it possible for a man to[199] do. In the upper world, in a set that discussed its women freely, he had never used his knowledge of a woman to harm her. He had carried the same scruple into that other world where Kitty lived, where he himself was most at home, where an amused, contemptuous tolerance played the part of chivalry. The women there trusted him; they found him courteous in his very contempt. He had connived at their small deceits, the preposterous hypocrisies wherewith they protected themselves. He accepted urbanely their pitiful imitations of the lost innocence. Kitty, moving reckless and high in her sad circle, had been scornful of her sisters' methods. Her soul was as much above them as her body, in its unique, incongruous beauty, was above their rouge and coloured raiment. It was this superiority of hers that had brought her to her present pass; caused her to be mistaken for an honest woman. In her contempt for the underworld's[200] deceptions she had achieved the supreme deceit. Her deceit—that was his point. "Then," she said presently, "what did you say to him?" "I said nothing, my dear child, in your disparagement. On the contrary, I congratulated him on his engagement. As I'm supposed to be acting as your agent, or solicitor, or whatever it is I am acting as, I imagine I did right. Is that so?" "Yes; if that's all you said." "It is not quite all. I sustained my character by giving him a hint, the merest hint, that in the event of your marriage your worldly position would be slightly altered. We must prepare him, you know, for the sudden collapse of your income." He rose and went to the mantelpiece, and lingered there over the lighting of a cigarette. "You hadn't thought of that?" he said as he seated himself again. "No; I hadn't thought of it."[201] "Well, he didn't appear to have thought of it either." "What did he say, when you told him that?" "He said it didn't matter in the very least." "I knew he would." "He said, in fact, that nothing mattered." "What did you say then?" "Nothing. What could I say?" She looked at him, trying to see deep into his design, trusting him no further than she saw. "Look here, Kitty, I think you're making a mistake, even from your own point of view. You ought to tell him." "I—can't." "You must. He's such an awfully decent chap, you can't let him in for marrying you without telling him." That was his point and he meant to stick to it. "It's what you might call playing it low down on a guileless and confiding man. Isn't it?"[202] "Yes, but I can't tell him." "It's the straight thing, Kitty." "I know. But it means giving him up." "Not at all. He'll respect you all the more for it. He won't go back on you." "He wouldn't if he'd only himself to think of." "He isn't bound to tell his people. That's another thing." "It isn't his people—it's—it's his children." Marston became suddenly attentive. "His children? He's got children, has he?" "Yes, two; two little girls." That strengthened his point. "Then, my dear girl, you can't—in common decency—not tell him. Hang it all, you've got to give the man a chance." "A chance to escape? You talk as if I'd set a trap for him." "My dear child, you haven't sense enough to set a trap. But, since there are spring-guns in his neighbourhood, I repeat that[203] you ought to inform him of the fact. I dare say he wouldn't funk a spring-gun on his own account, but he may not want his children to be hurt." "I know. He'd be afraid I should contaminate them. I wouldn't, Wilfrid, I wouldn't. I wouldn't hurt them for the world." "I'm sure you wouldn't. But he might think you would. The fathers of little girls sometimes have strange prejudices. You see it's all very well as long as you can keep him in his beautiful innocence. But, if he finds out that you've deceived him, he—well, he might resent it." He never turned his eyes from that livid, vulnerable spot, striking at it with the sword-thrust of his point. "A man can forgive many things in a woman, but not that." "I must risk it. He mayn't find out for years and years. If I tell him I shall lose him now."[204] "Not necessarily. Not if he cares for you as much as I should say he does." "It doesn't matter how much he cares. He'd never marry me." "No. He might make another and more sensible arrangement." "And then?" She faced him with it. "Then you'll be satisfied. You'll have had your fling." "And—when—I've—had it?" she said slowly. "Then, I suppose, I shall have to take you back." "I see. That's where you think you'll come in." "I wasn't thinking, at the moment, of myself. The suggestion was thrown out entirely on your behalf, and I may say his. I'm simply telling you what—knowing you as I do—I consider the wiser course, for both of you." "You don't know. And you don't know him. He wouldn't do it. He isn't that sort." [205]She paused, brooding over it. "Besides, I couldn't bear it. I can't go back to that." "And how many years do you think you'll stand being proper and respectable, which is what you'll have to be as long as you're Mrs. Robert Lucy? It's a stiffish job, my child, for you to tackle. Just think of the practical difficulties. I've accounted for the sudden, very singular collapse of your income, but there are all sorts of things that you won't be able to account for. The disappearance, for instance, of the entire circle of your acquaintance." She smiled. "It would be much more awkward if it didn't disappear." "True. Still, a female friend or two is an indispensable part of a married woman's outfit. The Lucys mayn't mind, but their friends may regard the omission as peculiar. Then—you have charming manners, I know—but your speech is apt, at times, to be a little, what shall I say? Unfettered.[206] The other day, when you were annoyed with me, you called me a beast." "That's nothing. I might have called you something much worse." "You might. Happily, you did not. I've no objection to the word; it can be used as a delicate endearment, but in your mouth it loses any tender grace it might have had." "I'm sorry, Wilfrid." "Don't apologise. I didn't mind. But if you call Lucy a beast he won't like it." "I couldn't. Besides, I shall be very careful." "You will have to be extremely careful. The Lucys live in Hampstead, I believe, and Hampstead enjoys the reputation of being the most respectable suburb of London. You've no idea of the sort of people you'll have to meet there. You'll terrify them, and they, my poor Kitten, will exterminate you. You don't know what respectability is like." "I don't care. I can stand anything."[207] "You think you can. I know that you won't be able to stand it for a fortnight. You'll find that the air of Hampstead doesn't agree with you. And wherever you go it'll be the same thing. You had very much better stick to me." "To you?" "You'll be safer and happier. If you'll stay with me——" "I never have—stayed—with you." "No, but I'd like you to." He was not going to make love to her. He was far too clever for that. He knew that with a woman like Kitty, in Kitty's state of mind, he had nothing to gain by making love. Neither did he propose to pit his will against hers. That course had answered well enough in the time of his possession of her. Passion, which was great in her, greater than her will, made his will powerless over her. His plan was to match the forces of her brain with superior, with overwhelming forces.[208] He continued coldly. "I'm not satisfied with the present arrangement any more than you are. If you'll stay with me you shall live where you choose; only don't choose Park Lane, for I can't afford it. I'll give you any mortal thing I can afford." "You think you can give me what Robert Lucy's giving me?" "I can give you a home, Kitty, as long as you'll live in it. I can give you the advantages of marriage without its drawbacks. You won't be tied to me a minute longer than you like. Whereas you can't leave Lucy without a scandal." "You think that a safe arrangement, do you? I can leave you when I want to." "You can leave me any day. So the chances are that you won't want to." "And when you're tired of me?" <div></div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/icol3.jpg" class="jpg" width-obs="380" height-obs="600" alt=""'You won't be tied to me a minute longer than you like.'"" title="" /> "'You won't be tied to me a minute longer than you like.'"</div> "That's it. I shan't be tired of you. I've a different feeling for you from any I've ever had for any other woman, for the simple reason that you're a different woman every [209]time I see you. That's the secret of your fascination. Didn't you know it?" She shook her head, but she was not attending to him. "If you don't know it there's no harm in telling you that I'm very fond of you." "What earthly use is it, Wilfrid, being fond of me, as long as I'm not fond of you?" Ah, that was a mistake. He was on perilous ground. She was strong there. She matched his bloodless, unblushing candour with her throbbing, passionate sincerity. "That's all the better," he said. "It wouldn't pay you, Kitty, to be fond of me. If I thought you were fond of me to-day it would leave me with nothing to look forward to to-morrow. If you were as fond of me as you are of Lucy, it would bore me horribly. What's more, it would bore you. It would tire you out, and you'd bolt in a week's time. As, I can tell you, you'll bolt from him." "You think I shall do that. He doesn't. That's why I'm fond of him."[210] "I wouldn't be too fond of him. It never pays. Either you'll tire of him in a week, or, if you go on being fond of him you'll end by being afraid of him. You need never be afraid of me." "I am afraid of you." "Not you. I understand you, Kitty, and he doesn't." "You mean you know the worst of me?" "Precisely. What's more, I should condone what you call the worst of you, and he wouldn't." "I know you would. That's why I'm afraid of you. You only know the worst of me, and he—he knows, he understands, the rest. There's something in me that you've never seen; you couldn't see it; you wouldn't believe in it; you'd kill it if I stayed with you. It's no use talking, for I won't." "Why not?" he asked as if nothing she had said had been of any moment. "I've told you why not. But I don't expect you to understand it."[211] "If there's anything in it I shall understand it in the end. I'm not a fool." "No, you're not a fool. I'll say that for you." "Unless it's folly to be as fond of you as I am." "Oh, no, that's not folly. You'll be fond of me just as long as I'm nice to look at; as long as it doesn't bore you to talk to me; as long as I don't give you any trouble." "Good God! Why, look at the trouble you're giving me now." "Yes, the trouble I'm giving you now, when I'm young and pretty and you can't have me. But when you have had me; when I'm tired out and ill and—and thin; will you be fool enough to be fond of me then?" "You have been ill, you were ill last night, and—I've got over it." "You never came near me when I was ill at Matlock. You call that giving me what Robert Lucy gives me? Robert has seen me[212] when I've been as ugly as sin, when my eyes have been bunged up with crying. And it made no difference. He'll love me when I'm thin and ill and old. When I'm dead he'll love me." He faced her passion as it flamed up before him, faced it with his cold, meditative smile. "That's just what makes it such a beastly shame." "My not giving him up? How can I give him up?" "I see your point. You think you're exchanging a temporary affection for a permanent one. You admit that I shall love you as long as you're nice to look at. Very well. You'll be nice to look at for some considerable time. I shall therefore love you for some considerable time. Robert Lucy will love you just as long as he believes in you. How long will that be?" She did not answer. "You don't know. Have you calculated[213] the probable effect of gradual enlightenment on our friend's mind?" "I've calculated nothing." "No. You are not a calculating woman. I just ask you to consider this point. I am not, as you know, in the least surprised at any of your charming little aberrations. But our friend Lucy has not had many surprises in his life. He'll come to you with an infinite capacity for astonishment. It's quite uncertain how he'll take—er—anything in the nature of a surprise. And, if you ask me, I should say he'd take it hard. Are you going to risk that?" He was returning to his point even when he feigned to have lost sight of it. Tortured and panting she evaded it with pitiful subterfuges. He urged her back, pressing her tender breast against the prick of it. "I'm going to risk everything," she said. "Risk it, risk it, then. Tie yourself for life to a man you don't know; who doesn't really know you, though you think he does;[214] who on your own showing wouldn't marry you if he did know. You see what a whopping big risk it is, for he's bound to know in the end." She sickened and wearied. "He is not bound to know. Why is he?" "Because, my dear girl, you're bound to give yourself away some day. I know you. I know the perverse little devil that is in you. When you realise what you've let yourself in for you'll break loose, suddenly—like that." He threw out his arms as if he burst bonds asunder. "You can't help yourself. You simply can't live the life. You may yearn for it, but you can't live it." "I don't want to be respectable. It isn't that." "What is it then?" "Can't you see?" He looked at her closely, as if he saw it for the first time. "Are you so awfully gone on him?"[215] "Yes," she said. "You won't tell him? It'll kill me if he knows." "You think it will, but it won't." "I shall kill myself, then." "Oh no, you won't. You only think you will. It's Lucy I'm sorry for." "And it's me you're hard on. You were always hard. You say you condone things, but you condone nothing, and you're not good yourself." "No, I'm not good myself. But there is conduct and conduct. I can condone everything but the fraud you're practising on this innocent man." He rose. "It's—well—you see, it's such a beastly shame." It was to be a battle of brains, and she had foiled him with the indomitable stupidity of her passion. But his point—the one point that he stuck to—was a sword point for her passion. "You won't tell him? You won't? It would be a blackguardly thing to do." "If Lucy was a friend of mine I'm afraid[216] the blackguardly thing would be to hold my tongue." "You'd tell him then?" she said. "You wouldn't think of me?" She came to him. She laid her arms upon his shoulders. Her hands touched him with dispassionate, deliberate, ineffectual caresses, a pitiful return to a discarded manner, an outrageous imitation of the old professional cajoleries. It was so poor a thing that it had no power to move him. What moved him was the look in her eyes, the look which his brain told him was the desperate, incredulous appeal of her unhappy soul. "I don't know, Kitty," he said. "Thank heaven, he's not a friend of mine." <hr /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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