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<h2> CHAPTER XIII </h2>
<p>Soon after the Christmas holidays Nicholas told his mother of his love for
Sonya and of his firm resolve to marry her. The countess, who had long
noticed what was going on between them and was expecting this declaration,
listened to him in silence and then told her son that he might marry whom
he pleased, but that neither she nor his father would give their blessing
to such a marriage. Nicholas, for the first time, felt that his mother was
displeased with him and that, despite her love for him, she would not give
way. Coldly, without looking at her son, she sent for her husband and,
when he came, tried briefly and coldly to inform him of the facts, in her
son's presence, but unable to restrain herself she burst into tears of
vexation and left the room. The old count began irresolutely to admonish
Nicholas and beg him to abandon his purpose. Nicholas replied that he
could not go back on his word, and his father, sighing and evidently
disconcerted, very soon became silent and went in to the countess. In all
his encounters with his son, the count was always conscious of his own
guilt toward him for having wasted the family fortune, and so he could not
be angry with him for refusing to marry an heiress and choosing the
dowerless Sonya. On this occasion, he was only more vividly conscious of
the fact that if his affairs had not been in disorder, no better wife for
Nicholas than Sonya could have been wished for, and that no one but
himself with his Mitenka and his uncomfortable habits was to blame for the
condition of the family finances.</p>
<p>The father and mother did not speak of the matter to their son again, but
a few days later the countess sent for Sonya and, with a cruelty neither
of them expected, reproached her niece for trying to catch Nicholas and
for ingratitude. Sonya listened silently with downcast eyes to the
countess' cruel words, without understanding what was required of her. She
was ready to sacrifice everything for her benefactors. Self-sacrifice was
her most cherished idea but in this case she could not see what she ought
to sacrifice, or for whom. She could not help loving the countess and the
whole Rostov family, but neither could she help loving Nicholas and
knowing that his happiness depended on that love. She was silent and sad
and did not reply. Nicholas felt the situation to be intolerable and went
to have an explanation with his mother. He first implored her to forgive
him and Sonya and consent to their marriage, then he threatened that if
she molested Sonya he would at once marry her secretly.</p>
<p>The countess, with a coldness her son had never seen in her before,
replied that he was of age, that Prince Andrew was marrying without his
father's consent, and he could do the same, but that she would never
receive that intriguer as her daughter.</p>
<p>Exploding at the word intriguer, Nicholas, raising his voice, told his
mother he had never expected her to try to force him to sell his feelings,
but if that were so, he would say for the last time.... But he had no time
to utter the decisive word which the expression of his face caused his
mother to await with terror, and which would perhaps have forever remained
a cruel memory to them both. He had not time to say it, for Natasha, with
a pale and set face, entered the room from the door at which she had been
listening.</p>
<p>"Nicholas, you are talking nonsense! Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet, I tell
you!..." she almost screamed, so as to drown his voice.</p>
<p>"Mamma darling, it's not at all so... my poor, sweet darling," she said to
her mother, who conscious that they had been on the brink of a rupture
gazed at her son with terror, but in the obstinacy and excitement of the
conflict could not and would not give way.</p>
<p>"Nicholas, I'll explain to you. Go away! Listen, Mamma darling," said
Natasha.</p>
<p>Her words were incoherent, but they attained the purpose at which she was
aiming.</p>
<p>The countess, sobbing heavily, hid her face on her daughter's breast,
while Nicholas rose, clutching his head, and left the room.</p>
<p>Natasha set to work to effect a reconciliation, and so far succeeded that
Nicholas received a promise from his mother that Sonya should not be
troubled, while he on his side promised not to undertake anything without
his parents' knowledge.</p>
<p>Firmly resolved, after putting his affairs in order in the regiment, to
retire from the army and return and marry Sonya, Nicholas, serious,
sorrowful, and at variance with his parents, but, as it seemed to him,
passionately in love, left at the beginning of January to rejoin his
regiment.</p>
<p>After Nicholas had gone things in the Rostov household were more
depressing than ever, and the countess fell ill from mental agitation.</p>
<p>Sonya was unhappy at the separation from Nicholas and still more so on
account of the hostile tone the countess could not help adopting toward
her. The count was more perturbed than ever by the condition of his
affairs, which called for some decisive action. Their town house and
estate near Moscow had inevitably to be sold, and for this they had to go
to Moscow. But the countess' health obliged them to delay their departure
from day to day.</p>
<p>Natasha, who had borne the first period of separation from her betrothed
lightly and even cheerfully, now grew more agitated and impatient every
day. The thought that her best days, which she would have employed in
loving him, were being vainly wasted, with no advantage to anyone,
tormented her incessantly. His letters for the most part irritated her. It
hurt her to think that while she lived only in the thought of him, he was
living a real life, seeing new places and new people that interested him.
The more interesting his letters were the more vexed she felt. Her letters
to him, far from giving her any comfort, seemed to her a wearisome and
artificial obligation. She could not write, because she could not conceive
the possibility of expressing sincerely in a letter even a thousandth part
of what she expressed by voice, smile, and glance. She wrote to him
formal, monotonous, and dry letters, to which she attached no importance
herself, and in the rough copies of which the countess corrected her
mistakes in spelling.</p>
<p>There was still no improvement in the countess' health, but it was
impossible to defer the journey to Moscow any longer. Natasha's trousseau
had to be ordered and the house sold. Moreover, Prince Andrew was expected
in Moscow, where old Prince Bolkonski was spending the winter, and Natasha
felt sure he had already arrived.</p>
<p>So the countess remained in the country, and the count, taking Sonya and
Natasha with him, went to Moscow at the end of January.</p>
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