<h2 id="id00637" style="margin-top: 4em">CHAPTER XVII</h2>
<p id="id00638">Late that evening I had a talk with Mrs. Mundy. I told her where Etta
Blake lived, that is, where she could find the house from which I had
seen her come with the baby in her arms, the house whose address had
been given me by Selwyn, and the next morning she was to go and see
her; but the next morning Mrs. Mundy was ill. Acute indigestion was
what the doctor called it, but to Bettina and me it seemed a much more
dreadful thing, and for the time all thought of other matters was put
aside and held in abeyance.</p>
<p id="id00639">With Bettina's help I tried to do Mrs. Mundy's work, but my first
breakfast was not an artistic product. I shall never know how to cook.
I don't want to know how. I don't like to cook. There were many other
things I could do, however, and though Mrs. Mundy wept, being weak from
nausea, at my refusal to leave undone the usual cleaning, I did it with
pride and delight in the realization that, notwithstanding little
practice, I could do it very well. I am a perfect dish-washer, and I
can make up beds as well as a trained nurse.</p>
<p id="id00640" style="margin-top: 2em">Mrs. Mundy is much better to-day and to-morrow she will be up. Three
days in bed is for her an unusual and depressing experience, and her
sunny spirit drooped under the combined effects of over-indulgence in
certain delectable dishes, and inability to do her usual work.</p>
<p id="id00641">"It don't make any difference how much character a person's got, it's
gone when sick-stomach is a-wrenching of 'em." Mrs. Mundy groaned
feebly. "I 'ain't had a spell like this since Bettina was a baby. Pig
feet did it. When they're fried in batter I'm worse than the thing I'm
eating. I et three, and I never can eat more than two. And to think
you had to do everything for Lillie Pierce, to get her off in time!
The doctor says she can't live many months. Outside the doctor, and
Nurse White and Mr. Guard, don't anybody know she's been here. I
reckon it ain't necessary to mention it. People are so—"</p>
<p id="id00642">"People-ish! They love to stick pins in other people! It's
tyranny—the fear of what people will think about us, say about us, do
about us! I'm going to give myself a present when I get like Mr. Guard
and can tell some people to go—go anywhere they please, if it's where
I won't meet them. Are you all right now and ready for your nap?"</p>
<p id="id00643">Mrs. Mundy nodded, looked at me with something of anxiety in her eyes
as I straightened the counterpane of her spotless bed; but she said
nothing more, and, lowering the shades at the windows lest the sunlight
bother her, I went out of the room and left her to go asleep.</p>
<p id="id00644">I am glad of the much work of these past few days. It has kept me from
thinking too greatly of what Selwyn told me of Harrie, of the girl to
whom he is engaged, and of the little cashier-girl whose terror-filled
face is ever with me. It has kept me, also, from dwelling too
constantly on the message Lillie Pierce sent by me to the women of
clean and happy worlds. For herself there was no plea for pity or for
pardon, no effort at palliation or excuse. But with strength born of
bitter knowledge she begged, demanded, that I do something to make good
women understand that worlds like hers will never pass away if men
alone are left to rid earth of them. Ceaselessly I keep busy lest I
realize too clearly what such a message means. I shrink from it,
appalled at what it may imply. I am a coward. As great a coward as
the women whose unconcern I have of late been so condemning.</p>
<p id="id00645">Yesterday Lillie went away. Mr. Guard took her to the mountains where
a woman he used to know in the days of his mission work will take care
of her. He is coming back to-morrow. The sense of comfort that his
coming means is beyond analysis or definition. Only once or twice in a
lifetime does one meet a man of David Guard's sort, and whatever my
mistakes, whatever my impulses and lack of judgment may lead me to do,
he will never be impatient with me. We have had several long and frank
and friendly talks since the day he brought Lillie in to Mrs. Mundy,
and if Scarborough Square did no more for me than to give me his
friendship I should be forever in its debt.</p>
<p id="id00646">Early this morning I had a dream I have been trying all day to forget.
Through the first part of the night sleep had been impossible. The
haunting memory of Lillie's eyes could not be shut out, and the sound
of her voice made the stillness of the room unendurable. I tried to
read, to write, to do anything but think. I fought, resisted; refused
to face what I did not want to see, to listen to what I did not want to
hear; and not until the dawn of a new day did I fall asleep.</p>
<p id="id00647">In my dream Lillie was in front of me, the bit of wall-flower in her
hands, and gaspingly she cried out that something should be done.</p>
<p id="id00648">"It can never be made clean, the world we women live in. But there
should never be such worlds. Good women pretend they do not know.
They do not want to know!"</p>
<p id="id00649">"But, Lillie"—I tried to hold her twisting, writhing hands. "There is
much that has been done. Some women do know, and homes and
institutions and societies—"</p>
<p id="id00650">"Homes and institutions and societies!" She drew her hands away in
scornful gesture. "They are poultice and plaster things. They are for
surface sores, and the trouble is in the blood. To cure, to cleanse,
undo the evil of our world is not in human power. It's the root of the
tree that must be killed. You can cut off its top for a thousand years
and it will come back again. Women have got to go deeper than that and
make men know that they'll be damned the same as we if they sin the
same as we do."</p>
<p id="id00651">She was slipping from me and I tried to hold her back. "Tell me what
women must do! Tell me where they fail!" In terror I caught her
hands. "Do not go until you tell me—"</p>
<p id="id00652">In misty grayness she was vanishing. "When women make their sons know
there is no less of sin and shame in sinful, shameful lives for them
than for their sisters our worlds will pass away. You've got to stop
the evil at the source. Men don't do what women won't stand for. Tell
women that—"</p>
<p id="id00653">She was gone and, waking, I found I was sitting up in bed, my hands
outstretched.</p>
<p id="id00654" style="margin-top: 2em">I had a note from Selwyn to-day telling me the Swinks had come and are
at the Melbourne. Harrie is not well.</p>
<p id="id00655" style="margin-top: 2em">Kitty telephoned me late yesterday afternoon that Billie had an
engagement for a club dinner of some sort, and she had appendicitis, or
something that felt like it, and wouldn't I please come up and have
supper with her in her sitting-room. There was something she wanted to
talk to me about.</p>
<p id="id00656">Kitty has a remarkable voice. It is capable of every variation of
appeal. I went. Mrs. Crimm came in to stay with Mrs. Mundy.</p>
<p id="id00657">The appendicitis possibility was not disturbing, and in a very lovely
pink velvet negligee, with cap and slippers and stockings to match,
Kitty was waiting for me. She is peculiarly skilful in the settings
she arranges for her pretty self, and as I looked at her they seemed
far-away things, the world of Scarborough Square, with its daily
struggle for daily bread, and the world of Lillie Pierce, with its evil
and polluting life, and the world of the little cashier-girl with its
temptations and denials. I tried to put them from me. The evening was
to be Kitty's. She took her luxuries as the birds of the air take
light and sunshine. Unearned, they seemed a right.</p>
<p id="id00658">She did not like the dress I had on. It's a perfectly good dress.</p>
<p id="id00659">"I'll certainly be glad when you stop wearing black. It's too severe
for you; that is, black crepe de chine is. You're too tall and slender
for it, though it gives you a certain distinction. Did Selwyn send you
those violets?"</p>
<p id="id00660">"He did. Where's your pain? What did the doctor say was the matter?"</p>
<p id="id00661">"I telephoned him not to come. I haven't got any pain. It's gone. I
just wanted you by myself." Kitty settled herself more comfortably in
her cushion-filled chair and stretched her feet on the stool in front
of her. "Why didn't you come to Grace Peterson's luncheon yesterday?"</p>
<p id="id00662">"I had something else more important to do. Grace knew I wasn't coming
when she asked me. Society and Scarborough Square can't be served at
the same time." I smiled. "During the days of apprenticeship only a
half-hour is allowed for lunch. Did you have a good time?"</p>
<p id="id00663">"Of course I didn't. Who does with an anxious hostess? One of the
guests was an out-of-town person who used to know you well. She wanted
to hear all about you and everybody told her something different. All
that's necessary is to mention your name and—"</p>
<p id="id00664">"The play's begun. To be an inexhaustible subject of chatter is to
serve a purpose in life. I'd prefer a nobler one, still— Who was my
inquiring friend?"</p>
<p id="id00665">"I've forgotten her name. She was the most miserable-looking woman I
ever saw. On any one else her clothes would have been stunning. Don't
think she and her husband hit it off very well. There's another lady
he finds more entertaining than she is, and she hasn't the nerve to
tell him to quit it or go to Ballyhack. Women make me tired!"</p>
<p id="id00666">"They tire men, also. A woman who accepts insult is hardly apt to be
interesting. Tell me about the luncheon. Who was at it?"</p>
<p id="id00667">"Same old bunch. Grace left out nothing that could be brought in.
Most of the entertaining nowadays is a game of show-down, regular
exhibitions of lace and silver and food and flowers and china and
glass, and gorgeous gowns and stupid people. I'm getting sick of them."</p>
<p id="id00668">"Why don't you start a new kind? You might have your butler hand a
note to each of your guests on arriving, stating that all the things
other people had for their tables you had for yours, but only what was
necessary would be used. Then you might have a good time. It's
difficult to talk down to an excess of anything."</p>
<p id="id00669">"Wish I had the nerve to do it!" Kitty again changed her position;
fixed more comfortably the pink-lined, embroidered pillows at her back,
and looked at me uncertainly. I waited. Presently she leaned toward
me.</p>
<p id="id00670">"People are talking about you, Danny. You won't mind if I tell you?"
Her blue eyes, greatly troubled, looked into mine, then away, and her
hand slipped into my hand and held it tightly. "Sometimes I hate
people! They are so mean, so nasty!"</p>
<p id="id00671">"What are they saying?" I straightened the slender fingers curled
about mine and stroked them. "Only dead people aren't talked about.
What is being said about me?"</p>
<p id="id00672">"Horrid things—not to me, of course. They'd better not be! But—Mrs.
Herbert came to see me yesterday afternoon. She wasn't at the luncheon
and Grace got the first rap, but most of her hatefulness she took out
on you. She's worse than a germ disease. I always feel I ought to be
disinfected after I see her. If she were a leper she wouldn't be
allowed at large, and she's much more deadly. People like that ought
to be locked up."</p>
<p id="id00673">"What did she tell you about me?" I smiled in Kitty's flushed face,
smiled also at the remembrance of Alice Herbert's would-be cut some
time ago, but I did not mention it. "You oughtn't to be so hard on
her. She's crazy."</p>
<p id="id00674">"But crazy people are dangerous. A mosquito can kill a king, and a
king has to be careful about mosquitoes. I'm more afraid of people
than I am of insects. If you could only label them—"</p>
<p id="id00675">"People label themselves. What did Alice Herbert say about me?"</p>
<p id="id00676">"First, of course, how strange it was that you should care to live in
Scarborough Square, especially as you were a person who held yourself
so aloof from—"</p>
<p id="id00677">"People like her. I do. What else did she say?"</p>
<p id="id00678">"That you met all sorts of people, had all sorts to come and see you.
A trained nurse who is with a sick friend of her aunt's told her she'd
heard you let a—let a bad woman come in your house." Kitty's voice
trailed huskily. "She said it would ruin you if things like that got
out. I told her it was a lie—it wasn't so."</p>
<p id="id00679">"It was so." I held Kitty's eyes, horror-filled and unbelieving. "She
stayed with Mrs. Mundy a week. Yesterday she went away to the
mountains—to die."</p>
<p id="id00680">For a moment longer Kitty stared at me, and in her face crept deep and
crimson color. "You mean—that you let a—a woman like that come in
your house and stay a week? Mean—"</p>
<p id="id00681" style="margin-top: 2em">For a long time we sat by the fire in Kitty's sitting-room with its
rose-colored hangings, its mellow furnishings, its soft burning logs on
their brass andirons, its elusive fragrance of fresh flowers, and
unsparingly I told her what all women should know. In the twilight
that of which I talked made pictures come and go that gave her
understanding never glimpsed before, and, slipping on her knees, she
buried her face, shudderingly, in my lap.</p>
<p id="id00682">"Is it I, Danny? Is it women like me who could do something and
don't?" she said, after a long, long while. "Oh, Danny, is it I?"</p>
<p id="id00683">[Illustration: "Is it I, Danny? Is it women like me who could do
something and don't?"]</p>
<p id="id00684">"It is all of us." My fingers smoothed the beautiful brown hair.
"Every woman of to-day who thinks there's a halo on her head ought to
take it off and look at it. She wouldn't see much. We like halos. We
imagine we deserve them. And we like the pretty speeches which have
spoiled us. What we need is plain truth, Kitty. We need to see
without confusion. Sometimes I wonder if we are not the colossal
failure of life—we women who have hardly begun to use the power God
put in our hands when He made us the mothers of sons and daughters—"</p>
<p id="id00685">"But we've only been educated such a little while—most of us aren't
educated yet. I'm not." Her arms on my knees, Kitty looked up in my
face, in hers the dawning light of vision long delayed. "Men haven't
wanted us to think. They want to think for us."</p>
<p id="id00686">"But ours is the first chance at starting men to thinking right.
Through babyhood and boyhood they are ours. If all women could
understand—"</p>
<p id="id00687">"All women haven't got anything to understand with even if they wanted
to understand. Some who have sense don't want responsibility." Kitty
bit her lip. "I haven't wanted it. It's so much easier not—not to
have it. And now—now you've put it on me."</p>
<p id="id00688">"When women know, they will not shirk. So many of us are children yet.<br/>
We've got to grow up." Stooping, I kissed her. "In Scarborough Square<br/>
I've learned to see it's a pretty wasteful world I've lived in. And<br/>
life is short, Kitty. There's not a moment of it to be wasted."<br/></p>
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