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Pirates of Penzance, The

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<h2> ACT II </h2> (Scene.-A ruined chapel by moonlight. Aisles C., R. and L., divided by pillars and arches, ruined Gothic windows at back. MAJOR-GENERAL STANLEY discovered seated R.C. pensively, surrounded by his daughters.) CHORUS Oh, dry the glist'ning tear That dews that martial cheek, Thy loving children hear, In them thy comfort seek. With sympathetic care Their arms around thee creep, For oh, they cannot bear To see their father weep! (Enter MABEL) SOLO—MABEL Dear father, why leave your bed At this untimely hour, When happy daylight is dead, And darksome dangers low'r? See, heav'n has lit her lamp, The midnight hour is past, And the chilly night-air is damp, And the dews are falling fast! Dear father, why leave your bed When happy daylight is dead? GIRLS: Oh, dry the glist'ning tear, etc. (FREDERIC enters) MABEL: Oh, Frederic, cannot you, in the calm excellence of your wisdom, reconcile it with your conscience to say something that will relieve my father's sorrow? FREDERIC: I will try, dear Mabel. But why does he sit, night after night, in this draughty old ruin? GENERAL: Why do I sit here? To escape from the pirates' clutches, I described myself as an orphan; and, heaven help me, I am no orphan! I come here to humble myself before the tombs of my ancestors, and to implore their pardon for having brought dishonour on the family escutcheon. FREDERIC: But you forget, sir, you only bought the property a year ago, and the stucco on your baronial castle is scarcely dry. GENERAL: Frederic, in this chapel are ancestors: you cannot deny that. With the estate, I bought the chapel and its contents. I don't know whose ancestors they were, but I know whose ancestors they are, and I shudder to think that their descendant by purchase (if I may so describe myself) should have brought disgrace upon what, I have no doubt, was an unstained escutcheon. FREDERIC: Be comforted. Had you not acted as you did, these reckless men would assuredly have called in the nearest clergyman, and have married your large family on the spot. GENERAL: I thank you for your proffered solace, but it is unavailing. I assure you, Frederic, that such is the anguish and remorse I feel at the abominable falsehood by which I escaped these easily deluded pirates, that I would go to their simple-minded chief this very night and confess all, did I not fear that the consequences would be most disastrous to myself. At what time does your expedition march against these scoundrels? FREDERIC: At eleven, and before midnight I hope to have atoned for my involuntary association with the pestilent scourges by sweeping them from the face of the earth— and then, dear Mabel, you will be mine! GENERAL: Are your devoted followers at hand? FREDERIC: They are, they only wait my orders. RECIT—GENERAL Then, Frederic, let your escort lion-hearted Be summoned to receive a gen'ral's blessing, Ere they depart upon their dread adventure. FREDERIC: Dear, sir, they come. (Enter POLICE, marching in single file. They form in line, facing audience.) SONG—SERGEANT When the foeman bares his steel, Tarantara! tarantara! We uncomfortable feel, Tarantara! And we find the wisest thing, Tarantara! tarantara! Is to slap our chests and sing, Tarantara! For when threatened with -meutes, Tarantara! tarantara! And your heart is in your boots, Tarantara! There is nothing brings it round Like the trumpet's martial sound, Like the trumpet's martial sound Tarantara! tarantara!, etc. MABEL: Go, ye heroes, go to glory, Though you die in combat gory, Ye shall live in song and story. Go to immortality! Go to death, and go to slaughter; Die, and every Cornish daughter With her tears your grave shall water. Go, ye heroes, go and die! GIRLS: Go, ye heroes, go and die! Go, ye heroes, go and die! POLICE: Though to us it's evident, Tarantara! tarantara! These attentions are well meant, Tarantara! Such expressions don't appear, Tarantara! tarantara! Calculated men to cheer Tarantara! Who are going to meet their fate In a highly nervous state. Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara! Still to us it's evident These attentions are well meant. Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara! EDITH: Go and do your best endeavour, And before all links we sever, We will say farewell for-ever. Go to glory and the grave! GIRLS: For your foes are fierce and ruthless, False, unmerciful, and truthless; Young and tender, old and toothless, All in vain their mercy crave. SERGEANT: We observe too great a stress, On the risks that on us press, And of reference a lack To our chance of coming back. Still, perhaps it would be wise Not to carp or criticise, For it's very evident These attentions are well meant. POLICE: Yes, it's very evident These attentions are well meant, Evident, yes, well meant, evident Ah, yes, well meant! ENSEMBLE Chorus of all but Police Chorus of Police Go and do your best endeavour, Such expressions don't appear, And before all links we sever Tarantara, tarantara! We will say farewell for ever. Calculated men to cheer, Go to glory and the grave! Tarantara! For your foes and fierce and Who are going to their fate, ruthless, Tarantara, tarantara! False, unmerciful, and In a highly nervous state— truthless. Tarantara! Young and tender, old and We observe too great a stress, toothless, Tarantara, tarantara! All in vain their mercy crave. On the risks that on us press, Tarantara! And of reference a lack, Tarantara, tarantara! To our chance of coming back, Tarantara! GENERAL: Away, away! POLICE: (without moving) Yes, yes, we go. GENERAL: These pirates slay. POLICE: Tarantara! GENERAL: Then do not stay. POLICE: Tarantara! GENERAL: Then why this delay? POLICE: All right, we go. ALL: Yes, forward on the foe! Yes, forward on the foe! GENERAL: Yes, but you don't go! POLICE: We go, we go ALL: Yes, forward on the foe! Yes, forward on the foe! GENERAL: Yes, but you don't go! POLICE: We go, we go ALL: At last they go! At last they really go! (Exeunt POLICE. MABEL tears herself from FREDERIC and exits, followed by her sisters, consoling her. The MAJOR-GENERAL and others follow the POLICE off. FREDERIC remains alone.) RECIT-FREDERIC Now for the pirates' lair! Oh, joy unbounded! Oh, sweet relief! Oh, rapture unexampled! At last I may atone, in some slight measure, For the repeated acts of theft and pillage Which, at a sense of duty's stern dictation, I, circumstance's victim, have been guilty! (PIRATE KING and RUTH appear at the window, armed.) KING: Young Frederic! (Covering him with pistol) FREDERIC: Who calls? KING: Your late commander! RUTH: And I, your little Ruth! (Covering him with pistol) FREDERIC: Oh, mad intruders, How dare ye face me? Know ye not, oh rash ones, That I have doomed you to extermination? (KING and RUTH hold a pistol to each ear) KING: Have mercy on us! hear us, ere you slaughter! FREDERIC: I do not think I ought to listen to you. Yet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment, And so I will be merciful— say on! TRIO—RUTH, KING, and FREDERIC RUTH: When you had left our pirate fold, We tried to raise our spirits faint, According to our custom old, With quips and quibbles quaint. But all in vain the quips we heard, We lay and sobbed upon the rocks, Until to somebody occurred A startling paradox. FREDERIC: A paradox? KING: (laughing) A paradox! RUTH: A most ingenious paradox! We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks, But none to beat this paradox! A paradox, a paradox, A most ingenious paradox! Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha! KING: We knew your taste for curious quips, For cranks and contradictions queer; And with the laughter on our lips, We wished you there to hear. We said, "If we could tell it him, How Frederic would the joke enjoy!" And so we've risked both life and limb To tell it to our boy. FREDERIC: (interested). That paradox? That paradox? KING and RUTH: (laughing) That most ingenious paradox! We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks, But none to beat this paradox! A paradox, a paradox, A most ingenious paradox! Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho! ho! ho! CHANT—KING For some ridiculous reason, to which, however, I've no desire to be disloyal, Some person in authority, I don't know who, very likely the Astronomer Royal, Has decided that, although for such a beastly month as February, twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty, One year in every four his days shall be reckoned as nine and- twenty. Through some singular coincidence— I shouldn't be surprised if it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy— You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February; And so, by a simple arithmetical process, you'll easily discover, That though you've lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by birthdays, you're only five and a little bit over! RUTH: Ha! ha! ha! ha! KING: Ho! ho! ho! ho! FREDERIC: Dear me! Let's see! (counting on fingers) Yes, yes; with yours my figures do agree! ALL: Ha! ha! ha! ho! ho! ho! ho! FREDERIC: (more amused than any) How quaint the ways of Paradox! At common sense she gaily mocks! Though counting in the usual way, Years twenty-one I've been alive, Yet, reck'ning by my natal day, Yet, reck'ning by my natal day, I am a little boy of five! RUTH/KING: He is a little boy of five! Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ALL: A paradox, a paradox, A most ingenious paradox! Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!, etc. (RUTH and KING throw themselves back on seats, exhausted with laughter) FREDERIC: Upon my word, this is most curious— most absurdly whimsical. Five-and-a-quarter! No one would think it to look at me! RUTH: You are glad now, I'll be bound, that you spared us. You would never have forgiven yourself when you discovered that you had killed two of your comrades. FREDERIC: My comrades? KING: (rises) I'm afraid you don't appreciate the delicacy of your position: You were apprenticed to us— FREDERIC: Until I reached my twenty-first year. KING: No, until you reached your twenty-first birthday (producing document), and, going by birthdays, you are as yet only five-and-a-quarter. FREDERIC: You don't mean to say you are going to hold me to that? KING: No, we merely remind you of the fact, and leave the rest to your sense of duty. RUTH: Your sense of duty! FREDERIC: (wildly) Don't put it on that footing! As I was merciful to you just now, be merciful to me! I implore you not to insist on the letter of your bond just as the cup of happiness is at my lips! RUTH: We insist on nothing; we content ourselves with pointing out to you your duty. KING: Your duty! FREDERIC: (after a pause) Well, you have appealed to my sense of duty, and my duty is only too clear. I abhor your infamous calling; I shudder at the thought that I have ever been mixed up with it; but duty is before all — at any price I will do my duty. KING: Bravely spoken! Come, you are one of us once more. FREDERIC: Lead on, I follow. (Suddenly) Oh, horror! KING/RUTH: What is the matter? FREDERIC: Ought I to tell you? No, no, I cannot do it; and yet, as one of your band— KING: Speak out, I charge you by that sense of conscientiousness to which we have never yet appealed in vain. FREDERIC: General Stanley, the father of my Mabel— KING/RUTH: Yes, yes! FREDERIC: He escaped from you on the plea that he was an orphan? KING: He did. FREDERIC: It breaks my heart to betray the honoured father of the girl I adore, but as your apprentice I have no alternative. It is my duty to tell you that General Stanley is no orphan! KING/RUTH: What! FREDERIC: More than that, he never was one! KING: Am I to understand that, to save his contemptible life, he dared to practice on our credulous simplicity? (FREDERIC nods as he weeps) Our revenge shall be swift and terrible. We will go and collect our band and attack Tremorden Castle this very night. FREDERIC: But stay— KING: Not a word! He is doomed! TRIO KING and RUTH: FREDERIC Away, away! my heart's on fire; Away, away! ere I expire— I burn, this base deception to I find my duty hard to do to- repay. day! This very night my vengeance dire My heart is filled with anguish dire, Shall glut itself in gore. It strikes me to the core. Away, away! Away, away! KING: With falsehood foul He tricked us of our brides. Let vengeance howl; The Pirate so decides. Our nature stern He softened with his lies, And, in return, To-night the traitor dies. ALL: Yes, yes! to-night the traitor dies! Yes, yes! to-night the traitor dies! RUTH: To-night he dies! KING: Yes, or early to-morrow. FREDERIC: His girls likewise? RUTH: They will welter in sorrow. KING: The one soft spot RUTH: In their natures they cherish— FREDERIC: And all who plot KING: To abuse it shall perish! ALL: To-night he dies, etc. (Exeunt KING and RUTH. FREDERIC throws himself on a stone in blank despair. Enter MABEL.) RECIT—MABEL All is prepared, your gallant crew await you. My Frederic in tears? It cannot be That lion-heart quails at the coming conflict? FREDERIC: No, Mabel, no. A terrible disclosure Has just been made. Mabel, my dearly-loved one, I bound myself to serve the pirate captain Until I reached my one-and-twentieth birthday— MABEL: But you are twenty-one? FREDERIC: I've just discovered That I was born in leap-year, and that birthday Will not be reached by me till nineteen forty! MABEL: Oh, horrible! catastrophe appalling! FREDERIC: And so, farewell! MABEL: No, no! Ah, Frederic, hear me. DUET—MABEL and FREDERIC MABEL: Stay, Fred'ric, stay! They have no legal claim, No shadow of a shame Will fall upon thy name. Stay, Frederic, stay! FREDERIC: Nay, Mabel, nay! To-night I quit these walls, The thought my soul appalls, But when stern Duty calls, I must obey. MABEL: Stay, Fred'ric, stay! FREDERIC: Nay, Mabel, nay! MABEL: They have no claim— FREDERIC: But Duty's name. The thought my soul appalls, But when stern Duty calls, MABEL: Stay, Fred'ric, stay! FREDERIC: I must obey. BALLAD—MABEL Ah, leave me not to pine Alone and desolate; No fate seemed fair as mine, No happiness so great! And Nature, day by day, Has sung in accents clear This joyous roundelay, "He loves thee— he is here. Fa-la, la-la, Fa-la, la-la. He loves thee— he is here. Fa-la, la-la, Fa-la." FREDERIC: Ah, must I leave thee here In endless night to dream, Where joy is dark and drear, And sorrow all supreme— Where nature, day by day, Will sing, in altered tone, This weary roundelay, "He loves thee— he is gone. Fa-la, la-la, Fa-la, la-la. He loves thee— he is gone. Fa-la, la-la, Fa-la." FREDERIC: In 1940 I of age shall be, I'll then return, and claim you—I declare it! MABEL: It seems so long! FREDERIC: Swear that, till then, you will be true to me. MABEL: Yes, I'll be strong! By all the Stanleys dead and gone, I swear it! ENSEMBLE Oh, here is love, and here is truth, And here is food for joyous laughter: He (she) will be faithful to his (her) sooth Till we are wed, and even after. Oh, here is love, etc. (FREDERIC rushes to window and leaps out) MABEL: (almost fainting) No, I am brave! Oh, family descent, How great thy charm, thy sway how excellent! Come one and all, undaunted men in blue, A crisis, now, affairs are coming to! (Enter POLICE, marching in single file) SERGEANT: Though in body and in mind POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara! SERGEANT: We are timidly inclined, POLICE: Tarantara! SERGEANT: And anything but blind POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara! SERGEANT: To the danger that's behind, POLICE: Tarantara! SERGEANT: Yet, when the danger's near, POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara! SERGEANT: We manage to appear POLICE: Tarantara! SERGEANT: As insensible to fear As anybody here, As anybody here. POLICE: Tarantara! tarantara!, etc. MABEL: Sergeant, approach! Young Frederic was to have led you to death and glory. POLICE: That is not a pleasant way of putting it. MABEL: No matter; he will not so lead you, for he has allied himself once more with his old associates. POLICE: He has acted shamefully! MABEL: You speak falsely. You know nothing about it. He has acted nobly. POLICE: He has acted nobly! MABEL: Dearly as I loved him before, his heroic sacrifice to his sense of duty has endeared him to me tenfold; but if it was his duty to constitute himself my foe, it is likewise my duty to regard him in that light. He has done his duty. I will do mine. Go ye and do yours. (Exit MABEL) POLICE: Right oh! SERGEANT: This is perplexing. POLICE: We cannot understand it at all. SERGEANT: Still, as he is actuated by a sense of duty— POLICE: That makes a difference, of course. At the same time, we repeat, we cannot understand it at all. SERGEANT: No matter. Our course is clear: we must do our best to capture these pirates alone. It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby our erring fellow- creatures are deprived of that liberty which is so dear to us all— but we should have thought of that before we joined the force. POLICE: We should! SERGEANT: It is too late now! POLICE: It is! SOLO AND CHORUS SERGEANT: When a felon's not engaged in his employment POLICE: His employment SERGEANT: Or maturing his felonious little plans, POLICE: Little plans, SERGEANT: His capacity for innocent enjoyment POLICE: 'Cent enjoyment SERGEANT: Is just as great as any honest man's. POLICE: Honest man's. SERGEANT: Our feelings we with difficulty smother POLICE: 'Culty smother SERGEANT: When constabulary duty's to be done. POLICE: To be done. SERGEANT: Ah, take one consideration with another, POLICE: With another, SERGEANT: A policeman's lot is not a happy one. ALL: Ah, when constabulary duty's to be done, to be done, A policeman's lot is not a happy one, happy one. SERGEANT: When the enterprising burglar's not a-burgling POLICE: Not a-burgling SERGEANT: When the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime, POLICE: 'Pied in crime, SERGEANT: He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling POLICE: Brook a-gurgling SERGEANT: And listen to the merry village chime. POLICE: Village chime. SERGEANT: When the coster's finished jumping on his mother, POLICE: On his mother, SERGEANT: He loves to lie a-basking in the sun. POLICE: In the sun. SERGEANT: Ah, take one consideration with another, POLICE: With another, SERGEANT: A policeman's lot is not a happy one. ALL: Ah, when constabulary duty's to be done, to be done, A policeman's lot is not a happy one, happy one. (Chorus of Pirates without, in the distance) A rollicking band of pirates we, Who, tired of tossing on the sea, Are trying their hand at a burglaree, With weapons grim and gory. SERGEANT: Hush, hush! I hear them on the manor poaching, With stealthy step the pirates are approaching. (Chorus of Pirates, resumed nearer.) We are not coming for plate or gold; A story General Stanley's told; We seek a penalty fifty-fold, For General Stanley's story. POLICE: They seek a penalty PIRATES: Fifty-fold! We seek a penalty POLICE: Fifty-fold! ALL: They (We) seek a penalty fifty-fold, For General Stanley's story. SERGEANT: They come in force, with stealthy stride, Our obvious course is now—to hide. POLICE: Tarantara! Tarantara! etc. (Police conceal themselves in aisle. As they do so, the Pirates, with RUTH and FREDERIC, are seen appearing at ruined window. They enter cautiously, and come down stage on tiptoe. SAMUEL is laden with burglarious tools and pistols, etc.) CHORUS—PIRATES (very loud) With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal; In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel. No sound at all! We never speak a word; A fly's foot-fall Would be distinctly heard— POLICE: (softly) Tarantara, tarantara! PIRATES: So stealthily the pirate creeps, While all the household soundly sleeps. Come, friends, who plough the sea, Truce to navigation; Take another station; Let's vary piracee With a little burglaree! POLICE: (softly) Tarantara, tarantara! SAMUEL: (distributing implements to various members of the gang) Here's your crowbar and your centrebit, Your life-preserver—you may want to hit! Your silent matches, your dark lantern seize, Take your file and your skeletonic keys. POLICE: Tarantara! PIRATES: With cat-like tread POLICE: Tarantara! PIRATES: in silence dread, (Enter KING, FREDERIC and RUTH) ALL (fortissimo). With cat-like tread, etc. RECIT FREDERIC: Hush, hush! not a word; I see a light inside! The Major-Gen'ral comes, so quickly hide! PIRATES: Yes, yes, the Major-General comes! (Exeunt KING, FREDERIC, SAMUEL, and RUTH) POLICE: Yes, yes, the Major-General comes! GENERAL: (entering in dressing-gown, carrying a light) Yes, yes, the Major-General comes! SOLO—GENERAL Tormented with the anguish dread Of falsehood unatoned, I lay upon my sleepless bed, And tossed and turned and groaned. The man who finds his conscience ache No peace at all enjoys; And as I lay in bed awake, I thought I heard a noise. MEN: He thought he heard a noise— ha! ha! GENERAL: No, all is still In dale, on hill; My mind is set at ease— So still the scene, It must have been The sighing of the breeze. BALLAD—GENERAL Sighing softly to the river Comes the loving breeze, Setting nature all a-quiver, Rustling through the trees. MEN: Through the trees. GENERAL: And the brook, in rippling measure, Laughs for very love, While the poplars, in their pleasure, Wave their arms above. MEN: Yes, the trees, for very love, Wave their leafy arms above. ALL: River, river, little river, May thy loving prosper ever! Heaven speed thee, poplar tree, May thy wooing happy be. GENERAL: Yet, the breeze is but a rover, When he wings away, Brook and poplar mourn a lover Sighing,"Well-a-day!" MEN: Well-a-day! GENERAL: Ah! the doing and undoing, That the rogue could tell! When the breeze is out a-wooing, Who can woo so well? MEN: Shocking tales the rogue could tell, Nobody can woo so well. ALL: Pretty brook, thy dream is over, For thy love is but a rover; Sad the lot of poplar trees, Courted by a fickle breeze! (Enter the MAJOR-GENERAL's daughters, led by MABEL, all in white peignoirs and night-caps, and carrying lighted candles.) GIRLS: Now what is this, and what is that, and why does father leave his rest At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed? Dear father is, and always was, the most methodical of men! It's his invariable rule to go to bed at half-past ten. What strange occurrence can it be that calls dear father from his rest At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed? (Enter KING, SAMUEL, and FREDERIC) KING: Forward, my men, and seize that General there! His life is over. (They seize the GENERAL) GIRLS: The pirates! the pirates! Oh, despair! PIRATES: (springing up) Yes, we're the pirates, so despair! GENERAL: Frederic here! Oh, joy! Oh. rapture! Summon your men and effect their capture! MABEL: Frederic, save us! FREDERIC: Beautiful Mabel, I would if I could, but I am not able. PIRATES: He's telling the truth, he is not able. KING: With base deceit You worked upon our feelings! Revenge is sweet, And flavours all our dealings! With courage rare And resolution manly, For death prepare, Unhappy Gen'ral Stanley. MABEL: (wildly) Is he to die, unshriven, unannealed? GIRLS: Oh, spare him! MABEL: Will no one in his cause a weapon wield? GIRLS: Oh, spare him! POLICE: (springing up) Yes, we are here, though hitherto concealed! GIRLS: Oh, rapture! POLICE: So to Constabulary, pirates yield! GIRLS: Oh, rapture! (A struggle ensues between Pirates and Police, RUTH tackling the SERGEANT. Eventually the Police are overcome and fall prostrate, the Pirates standing over them with drawn swords.) CHORUS OF PIRATES AND POLICE PIRATES POLICE We triumph now, for well we You triumph now, for well we trow trow Your mortal career's cut short; Our mortal career's cut short; No pirate band will take its No pirate band will take its stand stand At the Central Criminal Court. At the Central Criminal Court. SERGEANT: To gain a brief advantage you've contrived, But your proud triumph will not be long-lived KING: Don't say you are orphans, for we know that game. SERGEANT: On your allegiance we've a stronger claim. We charge you yield, we charge you yield, In Queen Victoria's name! KING: (baffled) You do? POLICE: We do! We charge you yield, In Queen Victoria's name! (PIRATES kneel, POLICE stand over them triumphantly.) KING: We yield at once, with humbled mien, Because, with all our faults, we love our Queen. POLICE: Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen. ALL: Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen. (POLICE, holding PIRATES by the collar, take out handkerchiefs and weep.) GENERAL: Away with them, and place them at the bar! (Enter RUTH) RUTH: One moment! let me tell you who they are. They are no members of the common throng; They are all noblemen who have gone wrong. ALL: They are all noblemen who have gone wrong. GENERAL: No Englishman unmoved that statement hears, Because, with all our faults, we love our House of Peers. (All kneel) I pray you, pardon me, ex-Pirate King! Peers will be peers, and youth will have its fling. Resume your ranks and legislative duties, And take my daughters, all of whom are beauties. FINALE—MABEL, EDITH and ENSEMBLE Poor wandering ones! Though ye have surely strayed, Take heart of grace, Your steps retrace, Poor wandering ones! Poor wandering ones! If such poor love as ours Can help you find True peace of mind, Why, take it, it is yours! ALL: Poor wandering ones! etc. END OF OPERA <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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