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Eye of Dread

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<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> <h3>THE PASSING OF TIME</h3></div> It was winter. The snow was blowing past the windows in blinding drifts, and the road in front of the Ballards’ home was fast filling to the tops of the fences. A bright wood-fire was burning in the great cookstove, which had been brought into the living room for warmth and to economize steps, as all the work of the household devolved on Mary and little Betty, since Martha spent the week days at the Deans in the village in order to attend the high school. Mary gazed anxiously now and then through the fast-frosting window panes on the opaque whiteness of the storm without, where the trees tossed their bare branches weirdly, like threatening gray phantoms, grotesque and dimly seen through the driving snow. It was Friday afternoon and still early, and brave, busy little Martha always came home on Fridays after school to help her mother on Saturdays. “Oh, I hope Martha hasn’t started,” said Mary. “Look out, Bertrand. This is the wildest storm we have had this year.” “Mrs. Dean would never allow her to set out in this storm, I’m sure,” said Bertrand. “I cautioned her yesterday when I was there never to start when the weather seemed like a blizzard.” Bertrand had painted in his studio above as long as the 50 light remained, and now he was washing his brushes, carefully swishing the water out of them and drawing each one between his lips to shape it properly before laying it down. Mary laid the babe in her arms in its crib, and rocked it a moment while she and Bertrand chatted. A long winter and summer had passed since the troops marched away from Leauvite, and now another winter was passing. For a year and a bit more, little Janey, the babe now being hushed to sleep, had been a member of the family circle. Thus it was that Mary Ballard seldom went to the village, and Betty learned her lessons at home as best she could, and tended the baby and helped her mother. But Bertrand and his wife had plenty to talk about; for he went out and saw their friends in the village, led the choir on Sundays, taught the Bible class, heard all the news, and talked it over with Mary. Thus, in one way or another, all the new books found their way into the Ballards’ home, were read and commented on, even though books were not written so much for commercial purposes then as now, and their writers were looked up to with more respect than criticism. The Atlantic Monthly and Littell’s Living Age, Harper’s Magazine, and the New York Tribune also brought up a variety of subjects for discussion. Now and then a new poem by Whittier, or Bryant, or some other of the small galaxy of poets who justly were becoming the nation’s pride, would appear and be read aloud to Mary as she prepared their meals, or washed the dishes or ironed small garments, while Betty listened with intent eyes and ears, as she helped her mother or tended the baby. That afternoon, while the storm soughed without, the 51 cow and horse were comfortably quartered in their small stable, which was banked with straw to keep out the cold. Indoors, Jamie was whittling behind the warm cookstove over a newspaper spread to catch the chips, while Bobby played quietly in a corner with two gray kittens and a worsted ball. Janey was asleep in the crib which Betty jogged now and then while she knit on a sock for the soldiers,––Mary and the two little girls were always knitting socks for the soldiers these days in their spare moments and during the long winter evenings,––Mary was kneading white loaves of bread with floury hands, and Bertrand sat close beside the window to catch the last rays of daylight by which to read the war news. Bertrand always read the war news first,––news of battles and lists of wounded and slain and imprisoned, and saddest of all, lists of the missing,––following closely the movements of their own company of “boys” from Leauvite. Mary listened always with a thought of the shadow in the banker’s home, and the mother there, watching and waiting for the return of her boy. Although their own home was safe, the sorrow of other homes, devastated and mourning, weighed heavily upon Mary Ballard, and she needed to listen to the stirring editorials of the Tribune, which Bertrand read with dramatic intensity, to bolster up her faith in the rightness of this war between men who ought to be brothers in their hopes and ambitions for the national life of their great country. “I suppose it is too great a thing to ask––that such a tremendous and mixed nation as ours should be knit together for the good of all men in a spirit of brotherly love––but what a thing to ask for! What a thing to try for! 52 If I were a man, I would pray that I might gain influence over my fellows just for that––just––for that,” said Mary. “Ah,” replied her husband, with fond optimism, “you need not say ‘If I were a man,’ for that. It is the women who have the influence; don’t you know that, Mary?” Mary looked down at her work, an incredulous smile playing about her lips. “Well, my dear?” Bertrand loved a response. “Well, Bertrand? Men do like to talk about our ‘sweet influence,’ don’t they?” Then she laughed outright. “But, Mary––but, Mary, it is true. Women do more with their influence than men can do with their guns,” and Bertrand really meant what he said. Dusky shadows filled the room, but if the light had been stronger, he would have seen that little ironical smile still playing about his wife’s lips. “Did you see Judge Logan again about those Waupaca lots?” Bertrand wondered what the lots had to do with the subject, but suffered the digression patiently, for the feminine mind was not supposed to be coherent. “Yes, my love; I saw him yesterday.” “What did you do about them? I hope you refused.” “No, my dear. I thought best not. He showed me very conclusively that in time they will be worth more––much more––than the debt.” “Then why did he offer them to you for the debt? The portrait you painted for him will be worth more, too, in time, than the debt. You remember when you asked me what I thought, I said we needed the money more now.” <div>53</div> “Yes, I remember; but this plan is a looking toward the future. I didn’t think it wise to refuse.” Mary said nothing, but went out, returning presently with two lighted candles. Bertrand was replenishing the fire. Had he been looking at her face with the light of the candles on it as she carried them, he would have noticed that little smile about her lips. “I’m very glad we brought the bees in yesterday,” he said. “This storm would have made it impossible to do it to-day, and we should have lost them.” “How about those lectures, dear? The ‘boys’ are all gone now, and you won’t have them to take up your time evenings, so you can easily prepare them. They will take you into the city now and then, and that will keep you in touch with the world outside this village.” Bertrand had been requested to give a series of lectures on art in one of the colleges in the city. He had been well pleased and had accepted, but later had refused because of certain dictatorship exercised by the Board, which he felt infringed on his province of a suitable selection of subjects. He was silent for a moment. Again Mary had irrelevantly and abruptly changed the subject of conversation. Where was the connection between bees and lectures? “I really wish you would, dear,” urged Mary. “You still wish it after the affront the Board has given me?” “I know, but what do they know about art? I would give the lectures if it was only to be able––incidentally––to teach them something. Be a little conciliatory, dear.” “I will make no concessions. If I give the lectures, I must be allowed to select my courses. It is my province.” <div>54</div> “Did you see Elder Craigmile about it?” “I did.” “And what did he say?” “He seemed to think the Board was right.” “I knew he would. You remember I asked you not to go to him about it, and that was why.” “Why did you think so? He assumes to be my friend.” “Because people who don’t know anything about art always are satisfied with their own opinions. They don’t know anything to upset them. He knows more than some of them, but how much is that? Enough to know that he owns some fine paintings; but you taught him their value, now, didn’t you?” Bertrand smiled, but said nothing, and his wife continued. “Prepare the lectures, dear, for my sake. I love to know that you are doing such work.” “I can’t. The action of the Board is an insult to my intelligence. What are you smiling about?” “About you, dear.” “Mary, why, Mary! I––” But Mary only smiled the more. “You love my irrelevance and inconsistency, you say,––” “I love any weakness that is yours, Mary. What are you keeping back from me?” “The weakness that is mine, dear.” Again Mary laughed outright. “It would be useless to tell you––or to try to explain. I love you, isn’t that enough?” Bertrand thought it ought to be, but was not sure, and said so. Then Mary laughed again, and he kissed her, shaking his head dubiously, and took up his violin for solace. Thus an hour passed; then Betty set the table for supper, and the long evening followed like many another evening, 55 filled with the companionship only comfortably married people know, while Bertrand read from the poets. Since, with a man’s helplessness in such matters, he could not do the family mending, or knit for the soldiers, or remodel old garments into new, it behooved him to render such tasks pleasant for the busy hand and brain that must devise and create and make much out of little for economy’s sake; and this Bertrand did to Mary’s complete satisfaction. Evenings like these were Betty’s school, and they seemed all the schooling she was likely to get, for the family funds were barely sufficient to cover the expenses of one child at a time. But, as Mary said, “It’s not so bad for Betty to be kept at home, for she will read and study, anyway, because she likes it, and it won’t hurt her to learn to be practical as well;” and no doubt Mary was right. Bertrand was himself a poet in his appreciation and fineness of choice, and he read for Mary with all the effectiveness and warmth of color that he would put into a recitation for a large audience, carried on solely by his one sympathetic listener and his love for what he read; while Betty, in her corner close to the lamp behind her father’s chair, listened unnoticed, with eager soul, rapt and uplifted. As Bertrand read he commented. “These men who are writing like this are doing for this country what the Lake Poets did for England. They are making true literature for the nation, and saving it from banality. They are going to live. They will be classed some day with Wordsworth and all the rest of the best. Hear this from James Russell Lowell. It’s about a violin, and is called ‘In the Twilight.’ It’s worthy of Shelley.” And Bertrand read the 56 poem through, while Mary let her knitting fall in her lap and listened. He loved to see her listen in that way. “Read again the verse that begins: ‘O my life.’ I seem to like it best.” And he read it over:–– <table summary=''><tr><td> “O my life, have we not had seasons  That only said, Live and rejoice? That asked not for causes and reasons,  But made us all feeling and voice? When we went with the winds in their blowing,  When Nature and we were peers, And we seemed to share in the flowing  Of the inexhaustible years?  Have we not from the earth drawn juices  Too fine for earth’s sordid uses?  Have I heard, have I seen  All I feel, all I know?  Doth my heart overween?  Or could it have been  Long ago?” </td></tr></table> “And the next, Bertrand. I love to hear them over again.” And he read:–– <table summary=''><tr><td> “Sometimes a breath floats by me,  An odor from Dreamland sent, That makes the ghost seem nigh me  Of a splendor that came and went, Of a life lived somewhere, I know not  In what diviner sphere, Of memories that stay not and go not,  Like music heard once by an ear  That cannot forget or reclaim it, A something so shy, it would shame it  To make it a show, A something too vague, could I name it, 57  For others to know, As if I had lived it or dreamed it, As if I had acted or schemed it,  Long ago!“ </td></tr></table> “And the last verse, father. I like the last best,” cried Betty, suddenly. “Why, my deary. I thought you were gone to bed.” “No, mother lets me sit up a little while longer when you’re reading. I like to hear you.” And he read for her the last verse:–– <table summary=''><tr><td> “And yet, could I live it over,  This life that stirs my brain, Could I be both maiden and lover, Moon and tide, bee and clover,  As I seem to have been, once again, Could I but speak it and show it,  This pleasure more sharp than pain,  That baffles and lures me so, The world should once more have a poet,  Such as it had  In the ages glad,  Long ago!” </td></tr></table> Then, wishing to know more of the secret springs of his little daughter’s life, he asked: “Why do you love that stanza best, Betty, my dear?” Betty blushed crimson to the roots of her hair, for what she carried in her heart was too precious to tell, but she meant to be a poet. Even then, in the pocket of her calico dress lay a little book and a stubbed lead pencil, and in the book was already the beginning of her great epic. Her father had said the epic was a thing of the past, that in the 58 future none would be written, for that it was a form of expressions that belonged to the world’s youth, and that age brought philosophy and introspection, but not epics. She meant to surprise her father some day with this poem. The great world was so full of mystery––of seductive beauty and terror and of strange, enticing charm! She saw and felt it always. Even now, in the driving, whirling storm without, in the darkness of her chamber, or when she looked through the frosted panes into the starry skies at midnight, always it was there all about her,––a something unexpressed, unseen, but close––close to her,––the mystery which throbbed through all her small being, and which she was one day to find out and understand and put into her great epic. She thought over her father’s question, hardly knowing why she liked that last stanza best. She slowly wound up her ball of yarn and thrust the needles through it, and dropped it into her mother’s workbasket before she replied; then, taking up her candle, she looked shyly in her father’s eyes. “Because I like where it says: ‘This pleasure more sharp than pain, That baffles and lures me so.’” Then she was gone, hurrying away lest they should question her further and learn about the little book in her pocket. Thus time passed with the Ballards, many days swiftly flying, laden with a fair share of sweetness and pleasure, and much of harassment and toil, but in the main bringing happiness. <hr class='toprule' /> <div class='chsp'> 59 <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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