<h2>CHAPTER XXXI</h2>
<h3>ROBERT KATER’S SUCCESS</h3></div>
<p>“Halloo! So it’s here!” Robert Kater stood by a
much-littered table and looked down on a few papers and
envelopes which some one had laid there during his absence.
All day long he had been wandering about the streets of
Paris, waiting––passing the time as he could in his impatience––hoping
for the communication contained in
one of these very envelopes. Now that it had come he
felt himself struck with a singular weakness, and did not
seize it and tear it open. Instead, he stood before the table,
his hands in his pockets, and whistled softly.</p>
<p>He made the tour of the studio several times, pausing
now and then to turn a canvas about, apparently as if he
would criticize it, looking at it but not regarding it, only
absently turning one and another as if it were a habit with
him to do so; then returning to the table he stirred the envelopes
apart with one finger and finally separated one from
the rest, bearing an official seal, and with it a small package
carefully secured and bearing the same seal, but he did not
open either. “Yes, it’s here, and that’s the one,” he said, but
he spoke to himself, for there was no one else in the room.</p>
<p>He moved wearily away, keeping the packet in his hand,
but leaving the envelope on the table, and hung his hat upon
a point of an easel and wiped his damp brow. As he did so,
he lifted the dark brown hair from his temple, showing a
jagged scar. Quickly, as if with an habitual touch, he
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_388' name='page_388'></SPAN>388</span>
rearranged the thick, soft lock so that the scar was covered,
and mounting a dais, seated himself on a great thronelike
chair covered with a royal tiger skin. The head of the
tiger, mounted high, with glittering eyes and fangs showing,
rested on the floor between his feet, and there, holding the
small packet in his hand, with elbows resting on the arms of
the throne, he sat with head dropped forward and shoulders
lifted and eyes fixed on the tiger’s head.</p>
<p>For a long time he sat thus in the darkening room. At
last it grew quite dark. Only the great skylight over his
head showed a defined outline. The young man had had
no dinner and no supper, for his pockets were empty and
his last sou gone. If he had opened the envelopes, he would
have found money, and more than money, for he would
have learned that the doors of the Salon had opened to him
and the highest medal awarded him, and that for which he
had toiled and waited and hoped,––for which he had
staked his last effort and sacrificed everything, was won.
He was recognized, and all Paris would quickly know it, and
not Paris only, but all the world. But when he would open
the envelope, his hands fell slack, and there it still lay on the
table concealed by the darkness.</p>
<p>Down three flights of stairs in the court a strange and
motley group were collecting, some bearing candles, all
masked, some fantastically dressed and others only concealed
by dominoes. The stairs went up on the outer
wall of this inner court, past the windows of the basement
occupied by the concierge and his wife and pretty daughter,
and entered the building on the first floor above. By this
arrangement the concierge could always see from his window
who mounted them.</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_389' name='page_389'></SPAN>389</span></div>
<p>“Look, mamma.” The pretty daughter stood peering
out, her face framed in the white muslin curtains. “Look.
See the students. Ah, but they are droll!”</p>
<p>“Come away, ma fille.”</p>
<p>“But the owl and the ape, there, they seem on very good
terms. I wonder if they go to the room of Monsieur
Kater! I think so; for one––the ghost in white, he is a
little lame like the Englishman who goes always to the
room of Monsieur.––Ah, bah! Imbecile! Away with
you! Pig!”</p>
<p>The ape had suddenly approached his ugly face close to
the face framed in the white muslin curtains on the other
side of the window, and made exaggerated motions of an
embrace. The wife of the concierge snatched her daughter
away and drew the curtains close.</p>
<p>“Foolish child! Why do you stand and watch the rude
fellows? This is what you get by it. I have told you to
keep your eyes within.”</p>
<p>“But I love to see them, so droll they are.”</p>
<p>Stealthily the fantastic creatures began to climb the stairs,
one, two, three flights, traversing a long hall at the end of
each flight and turning to climb again. The expense of
keeping a light on each floor for the corridors was not
allowed in this building, and they moved along in the darkness,
but for the flickering light of the few candles carried
among them. As they neared the top they grew more
stealthy and kept close together on the landing outside the
studio door. One stooped and listened at the keyhole, then
tried to look through it. “Not there?” whispered another.</p>
<p>“No light,” was the whispered reply. They spoke now in
French, now in English.</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_390' name='page_390'></SPAN>390</span></div>
<p>“He has heard us and hid himself. He is a strange man,
this Scotchman. He did not attend the ‘Vernissage,’ nor
the presentation of prizes, yet he wins the highest.” The
owl stretched out an arm, bare and muscular, from under
his wing and tried the door very gently. It was not
locked, and he thrust his head within, then reached back
and took a candle from the ghost. “This will give
light enough. Put out the rest of yours and make no
noise.”</p>
<p>Thus in the darkness they crept into the studio and
gathered around the table. There they saw the unopened
envelopes.</p>
<p>“He is not here. He does not know,” said one and
another.</p>
<p>“Where then can he be?”</p>
<p>“He has taken a panic and fled. I told you so,” said the
ghost.</p>
<p>“Ah, here he is! Behold! The Hamlet of our ghost!
Wake, Hamlet; your father’s spirit has arrived,” cried one
in English with a very French accent.</p>
<p>They now gathered before the dais, shouting and cheering
in both English and French. One brought the envelopes
on a palette and presented them. The young man gazed
at them, stupidly at first, then with a feverish gleam in his
eyes, but did not take them.</p>
<p>“Yes, I found them when I came in––but they are––not
for me.”</p>
<p>“They are addressed to you, Robert Kater, and the news
is published and you leave them here unopened.”</p>
<p>“He does not know––I told you so.”</p>
<p>“You have the packet in your hand. Open it. Take it
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_391' name='page_391'></SPAN>391</span>
from him and decorate him. He is in a dream. It is the
great medal. We will wake him.”</p>
<p>They began to cheer and cheer again, each after the
manner of the character he had assumed. The ass brayed,
the owl hooted, the ghost groaned. The ape leaped on the
back of the throne whereon the young man still sat, and
seized him by the hair, chattering idiotically after the manner
of apes, and began to wag his head back and forth. In
the midst of the uproar Demosthenes stepped forward and
took the envelopes from the palette, and, tearing them open,
began reading them aloud by the light of a candle held for
him by Lady Macbeth, who now and then interrupted with
the remark that “her little hand was stained with blood,”
stretching forth an enormous, hairy hand for their inspection.
But as Demosthenes read on the uproar ceased,
and all listened with courteous attention. The ape leaped
down from the back of the throne, the owl ceased hooting,
and all were silent until the second envelope had been
opened and the contents made known––that his exhibit
had been purchased by the Salon.</p>
<p>“Robert Kater, you are at the top. We congratulate
you. To be recognized by the ‘Salon des Artistes Francaises’
is to be recognized and honored by all the world.”</p>
<p>They all came forward with kindly and sincere words,
and the young man stood to receive them, but reeling and
swaying, weary with emotion, and faint with hunger.</p>
<p>“Were you not going to the mask?”</p>
<p>“I was weary; I had not thought.”</p>
<p>“Then wake up and go. We come for you.”</p>
<p>“I have no costume.”</p>
<p>“Ah, that is nothing. Make one; it is easy.”</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_392' name='page_392'></SPAN>392</span></div>
<p>“He sits there like his own Saul, enveloped in gloom.
Come, I will be your David,” cried one, and snatched a
guitar and began strumming it wildly.</p>
<p>While the company scattered and searched the studio for
materials with which to create for him a costume for the
mask, the ghost came limping up to the young man who had
seated himself again wearily on the throne, and spoke to
him quietly.</p>
<p>“The tide’s turned, Kater; wake up to it. You’re clear
of the breakers. The two pictures you were going to destroy
are sold. I brought those Americans here while you were
away and showed them. I told you they’d take something
as soon as you were admitted. Here’s the money.”</p>
<p>Robert Kater raised himself, looking in the eyes of his
friend, and took the bank notes as if he were not aware
what they really might be.</p>
<p>“I say! You’ve enough to keep you for a year if you
don’t throw it away. Count it. I doubled your price and
they took them at the price I made. Look at these.”</p>
<p>Then Robert Kater looked at them with glittering eyes,
and his shaking hand shut upon them, crushing the bank
notes in a tight grip. “We’ll halve it, share and share
alike,” he whispered, staring at the ghost without counting
it. “As for this,” his finger touched the decoration on his
breast––“it is given to a––You won’t take half? Then
I’ll throw them away.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take them all until you’re sane enough to know what
you’re doing. Give them to me.” He took them back
and crept quietly, ghostlike, about the room until he found
a receptacle in which he knew they would be safe; then,
removing one hundred francs from the amount, he brought
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_393' name='page_393'></SPAN>393</span>
it back and thrust it in his friend’s pocket. “There––that’s
enough for you to throw away on us to-night. Why
are you taking off your decoration? Leave it where it is.
It’s yours.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I suppose it is.” Robert Kater brushed his hand
across his eyes and stepped down from the throne. Then
lifting his head and shoulders as if he threw off a burden, he
leaped from the dais, and with one long howl, began an
Indian war dance. He was the center and life of the hilarious
crowd from that moment. The selection of materials
had been made. A curtain of royal purple hung behind
the throne, and this they threw around him as a toga, then
crowned him as Mark Antony. They found for him also
a tunic of soft wool, and with a strip of gold braid they converted
a pair of sheepskin bedroom slippers into sandals,
bound on his feet over his short socks.</p>
<p>“I say! Mark Antony never wore things like these,”
he shouted. “Give me a mask. I’ll not wear these things
without a mask.” He snatched at the head of the owl,
who ducked under his arm and escaped. “Go then. This
is better. Mark, the illustrious, was an ass.” He made a
dive for the head of his braying friend and barely missed him.</p>
<p>“Come. We waste time. Cleopatra awaits him at
‘la Fourchette d’or’; all our Cleopatras await us there.”</p>
<p>“Surely?”</p>
<p>“Surely. Madame la Charne is there and the sisters
Lucie and Bertha,––all are there,––and with them one
very beautiful blonde whom you have never seen.”</p>
<p>“She is for you––you cold Scotchman! That stone
within you, which you call heart, to-night it will melt.”</p>
<p>“You have everything planned then?”</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_394' name='page_394'></SPAN>394</span></div>
<p>“Everything is made ready.”</p>
<p>“Look here! Wait, my friends! I haven’t expressed
myself yet.” They were preparing to lift him above their
heads. “I wish to say that you are all to share my good
fortune and allow––”</p>
<p>“Wait for the champagne. You can say it then with
more force.”</p>
<p>“I say! Hold on! I ask you to––”</p>
<p>“So we do. We hold on. Now, up––so.” He was
borne in triumph down the stairs and out on the street
and away to the sign of the Golden Fork, and seated at
the head of the table in a small banquet room opening off
from the balcony at one side where the feast which had been
ordered and prepared was awaiting them.</p>
<p>A group of masked young women, gathered on the balcony,
pelted them with flowers as they passed beneath it,
and when the men were all seated, they trooped out, and
each slid into her appointed place, still masked.</p>
<p>Then came a confusion of tongues, badinage, repartee,
wit undiluted by discretion––and rippling laughter as one
mask after another was torn off.</p>
<p>“Ah, how glad I am to be rid of it! I was suffocating,”
said a soft voice at Robert Kater’s side.</p>
<p>He looked down quickly into a pair of clear, red-brown
eyes––eyes into which he had never looked before.</p>
<p>“Then we are both content that it is off.” He smiled
as he spoke. She glanced up at him, then down and away.
When she lifted her eyes an instant later again to his face,
he was no longer regarding her. She was piqued, and
quickly began conversing with the man on her left, the one
who had removed her mask.</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_395' name='page_395'></SPAN>395</span></div>
<p>“It is no use, your smile, mademoiselle. He is impervious,
that man. He has no sense or he could not turn his
eyes away.”</p>
<p>“I like best the impervious ones.” With a light
ripple of laughter she turned again to her right. “Monsieur
has forgotten?”</p>
<p>“Forgotten?” Robert was mystified until he realized
in the instant that she was pretending to a former acquaintance.
“Could I forget, mademoiselle? Permit me.” He
lifted his glass. “To your eyes––and to your––memory,”
he said, and drank it off.</p>
<p>After that he became the gayest of them all, and the
merriment never flagged. He ate heartily, for he was very
hungry, but he drank sparingly. His brain seemed supplied
with intellectual missiles which he hurled right and left,
but when they struck, it was only to send out a rain of
sparks like the balls of holiday fireworks that explode in
a fountain of brilliance and hurt no one.</p>
<p>“Monsieur is so gay!” said the soft voice of the blonde
at his side.</p>
<p>“Are we not here for that, to enjoy ourselves?”</p>
<p>“Ah, if I could but believe that you remember me!”</p>
<p>“Is it possible mademoiselle thinks herself one to be so
easily forgotten?”</p>
<p>“Monsieur, tell me the truth.” She glanced up archly.
“I have one very good reason for asking.”</p>
<p>“You are very beautiful.”</p>
<p>“But that is so banal––that remark.”</p>
<p>“You complain that I tell you the truth when you ask
it? You have so often heard it that the telling becomes
banal? Shall I continue?”</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_396' name='page_396'></SPAN>396</span></div>
<p>“But it is of yourself that I would hear.”</p>
<p>“So? Then it is as I feared. It is you who have forgotten.”</p>
<p>They were interrupted at that moment, for he was called
upon for a story, and he related one of his life as a soldier,––a
little incident, but everything pleased. They called
upon him for another and another. The hour grew late,
and at last the banqueters rose and began to remask and
assume their various characters.</p>
<p>“What are you, monsieur, with that very strange dress
that you wear, a Roman or a Greek?” asked his companion.</p>
<p>“I really don’t know––a sort of nondescript. I did not
choose my costume; it was made up for me by my friends.
They called me Mark Antony, but that was because
they did not know what else to call me. But they promised
me Cleopatra if I would come with them.”</p>
<p>“They would have done better to call you Petrarch, for
I am Laura.”</p>
<p>“But I never could have taken that part. I could make
a very decent sort of ass of myself, but not a poet.”</p>
<p>“What a very terrible voice your Lady Macbeth has!”</p>
<p>“Yes; but she was a terror, you know. Shall we follow
the rest?”</p>
<p>They all trooped out of the café, and fiacres were called
to take them to the house where the mask was held. The
women were placed in their respective carriages, but the
men walked. At the door of the house, as they entered the
ballroom, they reunited, but again were soon scattered.
Robert Kater wandered about, searching here and there for
his very elusive Laura, so slim and elegant in her white
and gold draperies, who seemed to be greatly in demand.
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_397' name='page_397'></SPAN>397</span>
He saw many whom he recognized; some by their carriage,
some by their voices, but Laura baffled him. Had he ever
seen her before? He could not remember. He would
not have forgotten her––never. No, she was amusing
herself with him.</p>
<p>“Monsieur does not dance?” It was a Spanish gypsy
with her lace mantilla and the inevitable red rose in her
hair. He knew the voice. It was that of a little model he
sometimes employed.</p>
<p>“I dance, yes. But I will only take you out on the floor,
my little Julie,––ha––ha––I know you, never fear––I
will take you out on the floor, but on one condition.”</p>
<p>“It is granted before I know it.”</p>
<p>“Then tell me, who is she just passing?”</p>
<p>“The one whose clothing is so––so––as if she would
pose for the––”</p>
<p>“Hush, Julie. The one in white and gold.”</p>
<p>“I asked if it were she. Yes, I know her very well, for I
saw a gentleman unmask her on the balcony above there, to
kiss her. It is she who dances so wonderfully at the Opéra
Comique. You have seen her, Mademoiselle Fée. Ah,
come. Let us dance. It is the most perfect waltz.”</p>
<p>At the close of the waltz the owl came and took the little
gypsy away from Robert, and a moment later he heard the
mellifluous voice of his companion of the banquet.</p>
<p>“I am so weary, monsieur. Take me away where we may
refresh ourselves.”</p>
<p>The red-brown eyes looked pleadingly into his, and the
slender fingers rested on his arm, and together they wandered
to a corner of palms where he seated her and brought her
cool wine jelly and other confections. She thanked him
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_398' name='page_398'></SPAN>398</span>
sweetly, and, drooping, she rested her head upon her hand
and her arm on the arm of her chair.</p>
<p>“So dull they are, these fêtes, and the people––bah!
They are dull to the point of despair.”</p>
<p>She was a dream of gold and white as she sat there––the
red-gold hair and the red-brown eyes, and the soft gold and
white draperies, too clinging, as the little gypsy had
indicated, but beautiful as a gold and white lily. He sat
beside her and gazed on her dreamily, but in a manner too
detached. She was not pleased, and she sighed.</p>
<p>“Take the refreshment, mademoiselle; you will feel
better. I will bring you wine. What will you have?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you men, who always think that to eat and drink
something alone can refresh! Have you never a sadness?”</p>
<p>“Very often, mademoiselle.”</p>
<p>“Then what do you do?”</p>
<p>“I eat and drink, mademoiselle. Try it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you strange man from the cold north! You make
me shiver. Touch my hand. See? You have made me
cold.”</p>
<p>“Cold? You are a flame from the crown of gold on your
head to your shoes of gold.”</p>
<p>“Now that you are become a success, monsieur, what
will you do? To you is given the heart’s desire.” She
toyed with the quivering jelly, merely tasting it. It too
was golden in hue, and golden lights danced in the heart
of it.</p>
<p>“A great success? I am dreaming. It is so new to me
that I do not believe it.”</p>
<p>“You are very clever, monsieur. You never tell your
thoughts. I asked if you remembered me and you answered
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_399' name='page_399'></SPAN>399</span>
in a riddle. I knew you did not, for you never saw
me before.”</p>
<p>“Did I never see you dance?”</p>
<p>“Ah, there you are again! To see me dance––in a
great audience––one of many? That does not count.
You but pretended.”</p>
<p>He leaned forward, looking steadily in her eyes. “Did I
but pretend when I said I never could forget you? Ah,
mademoiselle, you are too modest.”</p>
<p>She was maddened that she could not pique him to a
more ardent manner, but gave no sign by so much as the
quiver of an eyelid. She only turned her profile toward
him indifferently. He noticed the piquant line of her lips
and chin and throat, and the golden tones of her delicate
skin.</p>
<p>“Did I not also tell you the truth when you asked me?
And you rewarded me by calling me banal.”</p>
<p>“And I was right. You, who are so clever, could think
of something better to say.” She gave him a quick glance,
and placed a quivering morsel of jelly between her lips.
“But you are so very strange to me. Tell me, were you
never in love?”</p>
<p>“That is a question I may not answer.” He still smiled,
but it was merely the continuation of the smile he had worn
before she shot that last arrow. He still looked in her eyes,
but she knew he was not seeing her. Then he rallied and
laughed. “Come, question for question. Were you never
in love––or out of love––let us say?”</p>
<p>“Oh! Me!” She lifted her shoulders delicately.
“Me! I am in love now––at this moment. You do not
treat me well. You have not danced with me once.”</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_400' name='page_400'></SPAN>400</span></div>
<p>“No. You have been dancing always, and fully occupied.
How could I?”</p>
<p>“Ah, you have not learned. To dance with me––you
must take me, not stand one side and wait.”</p>
<p>“Are you engaged for the next?”</p>
<p>“But, yes. It is no matter. I will dance it with you.
He will be consoled.” She laughed, showing her beautiful,
even teeth. “I make you a confession. I said to him,
‘I will dance it with you unless the cold monsieur asks me––then
I will dance with him, for it will do him good.’”</p>
<p>Robert Kater rose and stood a moment looking through
the palms. The silken folds of his toga fell gracefully
around him, and he held his head high. Then he withdrew
his eyes from the distance and turned them again on her,––the
gold and white being at his feet,––and she seemed
to him no longer human, but a phantom from which he
must flee, if but he might do so courteously, for he knew
her to be no phantom, and he could not be other than
courteous.</p>
<p>“Will you accept from me my laurel crown?” He took
the chaplet from his head and laid it at her feet. Then, lifting
her hand to his lips, he kissed the tips of her pink fingers,
bowing low before her. “I go to send you wine. Console
your partner. It is better so, for I too am in love.” He
smiled upon her as he had smiled at first, and was gone,
walking out through the crowd––the weird, fantastic,
bizarre company, as if he were no part of them. One and
another greeted him as he passed, but he did not seem to
hear them. He called a waiter and ordered wine to be
taken to Mademoiselle Fée, and quickly was gone. They
saw him no more.</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_401' name='page_401'></SPAN>401</span></div>
<p>It was nearly morning. A drizzling rain was falling, and
the air was chill after the heat of the crowded ballroom.
He drew it into his lungs in deep draughts, glad to be out
in the freshness, and to feel the cool rain on his forehead.
He threw off his encumbering toga and walked in his tunic,
with bare throat and bare knees, and carried the toga over
one bare arm, and swung the other bare arm free. He
walked with head held high, for he was seeing visions, and
hearing a far-distant call. Now at last he might choose his
path. He had not failed, but with that call from afar––what
should he do? Should he answer it? Was it only
a call from out his own heart––a passing, futile call, luring
him back?</p>
<p>Of one thing he was sure. There was the painting on
which he had labored and staked his all now hanging in the
Salon. He could see it, one of his visions realized,––David
and Saul. The deep, rich shadows, the throne, the tiger
skin, the sandaled feet of the remorseful king resting on
the great fanged and leering head, the eyes of the king looking
hungrily out from under his forbidding brows, the cruel
lips pressed tightly together, and the lithe, thin hands grasping
the carved arms of the throne in fierce restraint,––all
this in the deep shadows between the majestic carved columns,
their bases concealed by the rich carpet covering the
dais and their tops lost in the brooding darkness above––the
lowering darkness of purple gloom that only served to
reveal the sinister outlines of the somber, sorrowful, suffering
king, while he indulged the one pure passion left him––listening––gazing
from the shadows out into the light,
seeing nothing, only listening.</p>
<p>And before him, standing in the one ray of light, clothed
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_402' name='page_402'></SPAN>402</span>
only in his tunic of white and his sandals, a human jewel
of radiant color and slender strength, a godlike conception
of youth and grace, his harp before him, the lilies
crushed under his feet that he had torn from the strings
which his fingers touched caressingly, with sunlight in his
crown of golden, curling hair and the light of the stars in
his eyes––David, the strong, the simple, the trusting, the
God-fearing youth, as Robert Kater saw him, looking back
through the ages.</p>
<p>Ah, now he could live. Now he could create––work:
he had been recognized, and rewarded––Dust and ashes!
Dust and ashes! The hope of his life realized, the goblet
raised to his lips, and the draft––bitter. The call
falling upon his heart––imperative––beseeching––what
did it mean?</p>
<p>Slowly and heavily he mounted the stairs to his studio,
and there fumbled about in the darkness and the confusion
left by his admiring comrades until he found candles and
made a light. He was cold, and his light clothing clung to
him wet and chilling as grave clothes. He tore them off
and got himself into things that were warm and dry, and
wrapping himself in an old dressing gown of flannel, sat
down to think.</p>
<p>He took the money his friend had brought him and
counted it over. Good old Ben Howard! Half of it must
go to him, of course. And here were finished canvases
quite as good as the ones that had sold. Ben might turn
them to as good an account as the others,––yes,––here
was enough to carry him through a year and leave him
leisure to paint unhampered by the necessity of making
pot boilers for a bare living.</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_403' name='page_403'></SPAN>403</span></div>
<p>“Tell me, were you never in love?” That soft, insinuating
voice haunted him against his will. In love? What did
she know of love––the divine passion? Love! Fame!
Neither were possible to him. He bowed his head upon the
table, hiding his face, crushing the bank notes beneath his
arms. Deep in his soul the eye of his own conscience regarded
him,––an outcast hiding under an assumed name,
covering the scar above his temple with a falling lock
of hair seldom lifted, and deep in his soul a memory of a
love. Oh, God! Dust and ashes! Dust and ashes!</p>
<p>He rose, and, taking his candle with him, opened a door
leading from the studio up a short flight of steps to a little
cupboard of a sleeping room. Here he cast himself on the
bed and closed his eyes. He must sleep: but no, he could
not. After a time of restless tossing he got up and drew an
old portmanteau from the closet and threw the contents
out on the bed. From among them he picked up the thing
he sought and sat on the edge of his bed with it in his hands,
turning it over and regarding it, tieing and untieing the
worn, frayed, but still bright ribbons, which had once been
the cherry-colored hair ribbons of little Betty Ballard.</p>
<p>Suddenly he rose and lifted his head high, in his old,
rather imperious way, put out his candle, and looked
through the small, dusty panes of his window. It was day––early
dawn. He was jaded and weary, but he would try
no longer to sleep. He must act, and shake off sentimentalism.
Yes, he must act. He bathed and dressed with care,
and then in haste, as if life depended on hurry, he packed
the portmanteau and stepped briskly into the studio,
looking all about, noting everything as if taking stock of
it all, then sat down with pen and paper to write.</p>
<div><span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_404' name='page_404'></SPAN>404</span></div>
<p>The letter was a long one. It took time and thought.
When he was nearly through with it, Ben Howard lagged
wearily in.</p>
<p>“Halloo! Why didn’t you wait for me? What did
you clear out for and leave me in the lurch? Fresh as a
daisy, you are, old chap, and I’m done for, dead.”</p>
<p>“You’re not scientific in your pleasures.” Robert Kater
lifted his eyes and looked at his friend. “Are you alive
enough to hear me and remember what I say? Will you
do something for me? Shall I tell you now or will you
breakfast first?”</p>
<p>“Breakfast? Faugh!” He looked disgustedly around
him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. You drink too much. Listen, Ben. I’ll
tell you what I mean to do and what I wish you to do for
me––and––you remember all you can of it, will you?
I must do it now, for you’ll be asleep soon, and this will be
the last I shall see of you––ever. I’m leaving in two hours––as
soon as I’ve breakfasted.”</p>
<p>“What’s that? Hold on!” Ben Howard sprang up, and
darting behind a screen where they washed their brushes,
he dashed cold water over his head and came back toweling
himself. “I’m fit now. I did drink too much champagne,
but I’ll sleep it off. Now fire away,––what’s up?”</p>
<p>“In two hours I’ll be en route for the coast, and to-morrow
I’ll take passage for home on the first boat.” Robert
closed and sealed the long letter he had been writing and
tossed it on the table. “I want this mailed one week from
to-day. Put it in your pocket so you won’t lose it among
the rubbish here. One week from to-day it must be mailed.
It’s to my great aunt, Jean Craigmile, who gave me the
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_405' name='page_405'></SPAN>405</span>
money to set up here the first year. I’ve paid that up––last
week––with my last sou––and with interest. By
rights she should have whatever there is here of any value,
for, if it were not for her help, there would not have been a
thing here anyway, and I’ve no one else to whom to leave
it––so see that this letter is mailed without fail, will you?”</p>
<p>The Englishman stood, now thoroughly awake, gazing
at him, unable to make common sense out of Robert’s
remarks. “B––b––but––what’s up? What are you
leaving things to anybody for? You’re not on your deathbed.”</p>
<p>“I’m going home, don’t you see?”</p>
<p>“But why don’t you take the letter to her yourself––if
you’re going home?”</p>
<p>“Not there, man; not to Scotland.”</p>
<p>“Your home’s there.”</p>
<p>“I have allowed you to think so.” Robert forced himself
to talk calmly. “In truth, I have no home, but the
place I call home by courtesy is where I was brought up––in
America.”</p>
<p>“You––you––d––d––don’t––”</p>
<p>“Yes––it’s time you knew this. I’ve been leading a
double life, and I’m done with it. I committed a crime,
and I’m living under an assumed name. There is no such
man as Robert Kater that I know of on earth, nor ever was.
My name is––no matter––. I’m going back to the place
where I killed my best friend––to give myself up––to
imprisonment––I do not know to what––maybe death––but
it will end my torture of mind. Now you know why
I could not go to the Vernissage, to be treated––well, I
could not go, that’s all. Nor could I accept the honors
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_406' name='page_406'></SPAN>406</span>
given me under a name not my own. All the time I’ve
lived in Paris I’ve been hiding––and this thing has been
following me––although my occupation seems to have
been the best cover I could have had––yet my soul has
known no peace. Always––always––night and day––my
own conscience has been watching and accusing me, an eye
of dread steadily gazing down into my soul and seeing my sin
deep, deep in my heart. I could not hide from it. And I
would have given up before only that I wished to make
good in something before I stepped down and out. I’ve
done it.” He put his hand heavily on Ben Howard’s
shoulder. “I’ve had a revelation this night. The lesson of
my life is learned at last. It is, that there is but one road
to freedom and life for me––and that road leads to a prison.
It leads to a prison,––maybe worse,––but it leads me to
freedom––from the thing that haunts me, that watches
me and drives me. I may write you from that place which
I will call home––Were you ever in love?”</p>
<p>The abruptness of the question set Ben Howard stammering
again. He seized Robert’s hand in both his own
and held to it. “I––I––I––old chap––I––n––n––no––were
you?”</p>
<p>“Yes; I’ve heard the call of her voice in my heart––and
I’m gone. Now, Ben, stop your––well, I’ll not preach to
you, you of all men,––but––do something worth while.
I’ve need of part of the money you got for me––to get back
on––and pay a bill or two––and the rest I leave to you––there
where you put it you’ll find it. Will you live here
and take care of these things for me until my good aunt,
Jean Craigmile, writes you? She’ll tell you what to do
with them––and more than likely she’ll take you under
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_407' name='page_407'></SPAN>407</span>
her wing––anyway, work, man, work. The place is yours
for the present––perhaps for a good while, and you’ll
have a chance to make good. If I could live on that money
for a year, as you yourself said, you can live on half of it
for half a year, and in that time you can get ahead. Work.”</p>
<p>He seized his portmanteau and was gone before Ben
Howard could gather his scattered senses or make reply.</p>
<hr class='toprule' />
<div class='chsp'>
<span class='pagenum pncolor'><SPAN name='page_408' name='page_408'></SPAN>408</span>
<SPAN name='CHAPTER_XXXII_THE_PRISONER' id='CHAPTER_XXXII_THE_PRISONER'></SPAN>
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