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<h3>CHAPTER XIX</h3>
<h3>"No; My Lord, I Do Not"<br/> </h3>
<p>Between two and three o'clock Lord Silverbridge, in spite of his
sorrow, found himself able to eat his lunch at his club. The place
was deserted, the Beargarden world having gone to the races. As he
sat eating cold lamb and drinking soda-and-brandy he did confirm
himself in certain modified resolutions, which might be more probably
kept than those sterner laws of absolute renunciation to which he had
thought of pledging himself in his half-starved morning condition.
His father had spoken in very strong language against racing,—saying
that those who went were either fools or rascals. He was sure that
this was exaggerated. Half the House of Lords and two-thirds of the
House of Commons were to be seen at the Derby; but no doubt there
were many rascals and fools, and he could not associate with the
legislators without finding himself among the fools and rascals. He
would,—as soon as he could,—separate himself from the Major. And he
would not bet. It was on that side of the sport that the rascals and
the fools showed themselves. Of what service could betting be to him
whom Providence had provided with all things wanted to make life
pleasant? As to the drag, his father had in a certain measure
approved of that, and he would keep the drag, as he must have some
relaxation. But his great effort of all should be made in the House
of Commons. He would endeavour to make his father perceive that he
had appreciated that letter. He would always be in the House soon
after four, and would remain there,—for, if possible, as long as the
Speaker sat in the chair. He had already begun to feel that there was
a difficulty in keeping his seat upon those benches. The half-hours
there would be so much longer than elsewhere! An irresistible desire
of sauntering out would come upon him. There were men the very sound
of whose voices was already odious to him. There had come upon him a
feeling in regard to certain orators, that when once they had begun
there was no reason why they should ever stop. Words of some sort
were always forthcoming, like spiders' webs. He did not think that he
could learn to take a pleasure in sitting in the House; but he hoped
that he might be man enough to do it, though it was not pleasant. He
would begin to-day, instead of going to the Oaks.</p>
<p>But before he went to the House he would see Lady Mabel Grex. And
here it may be well to state that in making his resolutions as to a
better life, he had considered much whether it would not be well for
him to take a wife. His father had once told him that when he
married, the house in Carlton Terrace should be his own. "I will be a
lodger if you will have me," said the Duke; "or if your wife should
not like that, I will find a lodging elsewhere." This had been in the
sadness and tenderness which had immediately followed the death of
the Duchess. Marriage would steady him. Were he a married man, Tifto
would of course disappear. Upon the whole he thought it would be good
that he should marry. And, if so, who could be so nice as Lady Mabel?
That his father would be contented with Lady Mab, he was inclined to
believe. There was no better blood in England. And Lady Mabel was
known to be clever, beautiful, and, in her peculiar circumstances,
very wise.</p>
<p>He was aware, however, of a certain drawback. Lady Mabel as his wife
would be his superior, and in some degree his master. Though not
older she was wiser than he,—and not only wiser but more powerful
also. And he was not quite sure but that she regarded him as a boy.
He thought that she did love him,—or would do so if he asked
her,—but that her love would be bestowed upon him as on an inferior
creature. He was already jealous of his own dignity, and fearful lest
he should miss the glory of being loved by this lovely one for his
own sake,—for his own manhood, and his own gifts and his own
character.</p>
<p>And yet his attraction to her was so great that now in the day of his
sorrow he could think of no solace but what was to be found in her
company.</p>
<p>"Not at the Oaks!" she said as soon as he was shown into the
drawing-room.</p>
<p>"No;—not at the Oaks. Lord Grex is there, I suppose?"</p>
<p>"Oh yes;—that is a matter of course. Why are you a recreant?"</p>
<p>"The House sits to-day."</p>
<p>"How virtuous! Is it coming to that,—that when the House sits you
will never be absent?"</p>
<p>"That's the kind of life I'm going to lead. You haven't heard about
Gerald?"</p>
<p>"About your brother?"</p>
<p>"Yes—you haven't heard?"</p>
<p>"Not a word. I hope there is no misfortune."</p>
<p>"But indeed there is,—a most terrible misfortune." Then he told the
whole story. How Gerald had been kept in London, and how he had gone
down to Cambridge,—all in vain; how his father had taken the matter
to heart, telling him that he had ruined his brother; and how he, in
consequence, had determined not to go to the races. "Then he said,"
continued Silverbridge, "that his children between them would bring
him to his grave."</p>
<p>"That was terrible."</p>
<p>"Very terrible."</p>
<p>"But what did he mean by that?" asked Lady Mabel, anxious to hear
something about Lady Mary and Tregear.</p>
<p>"Well; of course what I did at Oxford made him unhappy; and now there
is this affair of Gerald's."</p>
<p>"He did not allude to your sister?"</p>
<p>"Yes he did. You have heard of all that. Tregear told you."</p>
<p>"He told me something."</p>
<p>"Of course my father does not like it."</p>
<p>"Do you approve of it?"</p>
<p>"No," said he—curtly and sturdily.</p>
<p>"Why not? You like Tregear."</p>
<p>"Certainly I like Tregear. He is the friend, among men, whom I like
the best. I have only two real friends."</p>
<p>"Who are they?" she asked, sinking her voice very low.</p>
<p>"He is one;—and you are the other. You know that."</p>
<p>"I hoped that I was one," she said. "But if you love Tregear so
dearly, why do you not approve of him for your sister?"</p>
<p>"I always knew it would not do."</p>
<p>"But why not?"</p>
<p>"Mary ought to marry a man of higher standing."</p>
<p>"Of higher rank you mean. The daughters of Dukes have married
commoners before."</p>
<p>"It is not exactly that. I don't like to talk of it in that way. I
knew it would make my father unhappy. In point of fact he can't marry
her. What is the good of approving of a thing that is impossible?"</p>
<p>"I wish I knew your sister. Is she—firm?"</p>
<p>"Indeed she is."</p>
<p>"I am not so sure that you are."</p>
<p>"No," said he, after considering awhile; "nor am I. But she is not
like Gerald or me. She is more obstinate."</p>
<p>"Less fickle perhaps."</p>
<p>"Yes, if you choose to call it fickle. I don't know that I am fickle.
If I were in love with a girl I should be true to her."</p>
<p>"Are you sure of that?"</p>
<p>"Quite sure. If I were really in love with her I certainly should not
change. It is possible that I might be bullied out of it."</p>
<p>"But she will not be bullied out of it?"</p>
<p>"Mary? No. That is just it. She will stick to it if he does."</p>
<p>"I would if I were she. Where will you find any young man equal to
Frank Tregear?"</p>
<p>"Perhaps you mean to cut poor Mary out."</p>
<p>"That isn't a nice thing for you to say, Lord Silverbridge. Frank is
my cousin,—as indeed you are also; but it so happens that I have
seen a great deal of him all my life. And, though I don't want to cut
your sister out, as you so prettily say, I love him well enough to
understand that any girl whom he loves ought to be true to him." So
far what she said was very well, but she afterwards added a word
which might have been wisely omitted. "Frank and I are almost
beggars."</p>
<p>"What an accursed thing money is," he exclaimed, jumping up from his
chair.</p>
<p>"I don't agree with you at all. It is a very comfortable thing."</p>
<p>"How is anybody who has got it to know if anybody cares for him?"</p>
<p>"You must find that out. There is such a thing I suppose as real
sympathy."</p>
<p>"You tell me to my face that you and Tregear would have been lovers
only that you are both poor."</p>
<p>"I never said anything of the kind."</p>
<p>"And that he is to be passed on to my sister because it is supposed
that she will have some money."</p>
<p>"You are putting words into my mouth which I never spoke, and ideas
into my mind which I never thought."</p>
<p>"And of course I feel the same about myself. How can a fellow help
it? I wish you had a lot of money, I know."</p>
<p>"It is very kind of you;—but why?"</p>
<p>"Well;—I can't explain myself," he said, blushing as was his wont.
"I daresay it wouldn't make any difference."</p>
<p>"It would make a great difference to me. As it is, having none, and
knowing as I do that papa and Percival are getting things into a
worse mess every day, I am obliged to hope that I may some day marry
a man who has got an income."</p>
<p>"I suppose so," said he, still blushing, but frowning at the same
time.</p>
<p>"You see I can be very frank with a real friend. But I am sure of
myself in this,—that I will never marry a man I do not love. A girl
needn't love a man unless she likes it, I suppose. She doesn't tumble
into love as she does into the fire. It would not suit me to marry a
poor man, and so I don't mean to fall in love with a poor man."</p>
<p>"But you do mean to fall in love with a rich one?"</p>
<p>"That remains to be seen, Lord Silverbridge. The rich man will at any
rate have to fall in love with me first. If you know of any one you
need not tell him to be too sure because he has a good income."</p>
<p>"There's Popplecourt. He's his own master, and, fool as he is, he
knows how to keep his money."</p>
<p>"I don't want a fool. You must do better for me than Lord
Popplecourt."</p>
<p>"What do you say to Dolly Longstaff?"</p>
<p>"He would be just the man, only he never would take the trouble to
come out and be married."</p>
<p>"Or Glasslough?"</p>
<p>"I'm afraid he is cross, and wouldn't let me have my own way."</p>
<p>"I can only think of one other;—but you would not take him."</p>
<p>"Then you had better not mention him. It is no good crowding the list
with impossibles."</p>
<p>"I was thinking of—myself."</p>
<p>"You are certainly one of the impossibles."</p>
<p>"Why, Lady Mab?"</p>
<p>"For twenty reasons. You are too young, and you are bound to oblige
your father, and you are to be wedded to Parliament,—at any rate for
the next ten years. And altogether it wouldn't do,—for a great many
reasons."</p>
<p>"I suppose you don't like me well enough?"</p>
<p>"What a question to ask! No; my Lord, I do not. There; that's what
you may call an answer. Don't you pretend to look offended, because
if you do, I shall laugh at you. If you may have your joke surely I
may have mine."</p>
<p>"I don't see any joke in it."</p>
<p>"But I do. Suppose I were to say the other thing. Oh, Lord
Silverbridge, you do me so much honour! And now I come to think about
it, there is no one in the world I am so fond of as you. Would that
suit you?"</p>
<p>"Exactly."</p>
<p>"But it wouldn't suit me. There's papa. Don't run away."</p>
<p>"It's ever so much past five," said the legislator, "and I had
intended to be in the House more than an hour ago. Good-bye. Give my
love to Miss Cassewary."</p>
<p>"Certainly. Miss Cassewary is your most devoted friend. Won't you
bring your sister to see me some day?"</p>
<p>"When she is in town I will."</p>
<p>"I should so like to know her. Good-bye."</p>
<p>As he hurried down to the House in a hansom he thought over it all,
and told himself that he feared it would not do. She might perhaps
accept him, but if so, she would do it simply in order that she might
become Duchess of Omnium. She might, he thought, have accepted him
then, had she chosen. He had spoken plainly enough. But she had
laughed at him. He felt that if she loved him, there ought to have
been something of that feminine tremor, of that doubting, hesitating
half-avowal of which he had perhaps read in novels, and which his own
instincts taught him to desire. But there had been no tremor nor
hesitating. "No; my Lord, I do not," she had said when he asked her
to her face whether she liked him well enough to be his wife. "No; my
Lord, I do not." It was not the refusal conveyed in these words which
annoyed him. He did believe that if he were to press his suit with
the usual forms she would accept him. But it was that there should be
such a total absence of trepidation in her words and manner. Before
her he blushed and hesitated and felt that he did not know how to
express himself. If she would only have done the same, then there
would have been an equality. Then he could have seized her in his
arms and sworn that never, never, never would he care for any one but
her.</p>
<p>In truth he saw everything as it was only too truly. Though she might
choose to marry him if he pressed his request, she would never
subject herself to him as he would have the girl do whom he loved.
She was his superior, and in every word uttered between them showed
that it was so. But yet how beautiful she was;—how much more
beautiful than any other thing he had ever seen!</p>
<p>He sat on one of the high seats behind Sir Timothy Beeswax and Sir
Orlando Drought, listening, or pretending to listen, to the speeches
of three or four gentlemen respecting sugar, thinking of all this
till half-past seven;—and then he went to dine with the proud
consciousness of having done his duty. The forms and methods of the
House were, he flattered himself, soaking into him gradually,—as his
father had desired. The theory of legislation was sinking into his
mind. The welfare of the nation depended chiefly on sugar. But he
thought that, after all, his own welfare must depend on the
possession of Mab Grex.</p>
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