<p>frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have
in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and out of them all
sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that have to be out
all the night from their wives and families in those roasting engines stifling
it was today Im glad I burned the half of those old Freemans and Photo Bits
leaving things like that lying about hes getting very careless and threw the
rest of them up in the W C I’ll get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of
having them there for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking
wheres last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the
hall making the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and refreshing
just after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get like Gibraltar my
goodness the heat there before the levanter came on black as night and the
glare of the rock standing up in it like a big giant compared with their 3 Rock
mountain they think is so great with the red sentries here and there the
poplars and they all whitehot and the smell of the rainwater in those tanks
watching the sun all the time weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock
fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent me from the B Marche paris what a shame my
dearest Doggerina she wrote on it she was very nice whats this her other name
was just a p c to tell you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm
bath and feel a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd
give anything to be back in Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid
Concone is the name of those exercises he bought me one of those new some word
I couldnt make out shawls amusing things but tear for the least thing still
there lovely I think dont you will always think of the lovely teas we had
together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now
dearest Doggerina be sure and write soon kind she left out regards to your
father also Captain Grove with love yrs affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a
bit married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was awfully
fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to step over at the
bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these
clothes we have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to walk up Killiney
hill then for example at that picnic all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing
in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why I was afraid when that
other ferocious old Bull began to charge the banderilleros with the sashes and
the 2 things in their hats and the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the
women were as bad in their nice white mantillas ripping all the whole insides
out of those poor horses I never heard of such a thing in all my life yes he
used to break his heart at me taking off the dog barking in bell lane poor
brute and it sick what became of them ever I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2
of them its like all through a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones of
course I had everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our
hair mine was thicker than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when
I put it up and whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one
hand we were like cousins what age was I then the night of the storm I slept in
her bed she had her arms round me then we were fighting in the morning with the
pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an opportunity at the band
on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father and Captain Grove I looked up
at the church first and then at the windows then down and our eyes met I felt
something go through me like all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after
when I looked at myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was
attractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligent looking
disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas in the shadow of
Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and the excitement like a rose I
didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been nice on account of her but I
could have stopped it in time she gave me the Moonstone to read that was the
first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat
Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman I lent him afterwards with
Mulveys photo in it so as he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram
Molly bawn she gave me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like
books with a Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one from
Flanders a whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and
yards of it O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one
decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and his
fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched
with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chair when I stood up
they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the sofa cushions to see with my
clothes up and the bugs tons of them at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt
read a line Lord how long ago it seems centuries of course they never came back
and she didnt put her address right on it either she may have noticed her
wogger people were always going away and we never I remember that day with the
waves and the boats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those
Officers uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything he was
very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she
kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near it my lips
were taittering when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap of some special
kind of blue colour on her for the voyage made very peculiarly to one side like
and it was extremely pretty it got as dull as the devil after they went I was
almost planning to run away mad out of it somewhere were never easy where we
are father or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me
waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all
over the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing everything down in
all directions if you didnt open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever
he was or did supposed to be some great fellow landed off the ship and old
Sprague the consul that was there from before the flood dressed up poor man and
he in mourning for the son then the same old bugles for reveille in the morning
and drums rolling and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about
with messtins smelling the place more than the old longbearded jews in their
jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross
the lines and the warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the
bagpipes and only captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and
Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for
them everytime they went out drunken old devil with his grog on the windowsill
catch him leaving any of it picking his nose trying to think of some other
dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgot himself when I was there
sending me out of the room on some blind excuse paying his compliments the
Bushmills whisky talking of course but hed do the same to the next woman that
came along I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years
not a letter from a living soul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits
of paper in them so bored sometimes I could fight with my nails listening to
that old Arab with the one eye and his heass of an instrument singing his heah
heah aheah all my compriment on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now
with the hands hanging off me looking out of the window if there was a nice
fellow even in the opposite house that medical in Holles street the nurse was
after when I put on my gloves and hat at the window to show I was going out not
a notion what I meant arent they thick never understand what you say even youd
want to print it up on a big poster for them not even if you shake hands twice
with the left he didnt recognise me either when I half frowned at him outside
Westland row chapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to know
grey matter they have it all in their tail if you ask me those country gougers
up in the City Arms intelligence they had a damn sight less than the bulls and
cows they were selling the meat and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying
to swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of his hat what a pair of paws
and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a poor man today
and no visitors or post ever except his cheques or some advertisement like that
wonderworker they sent him addressed dear Madam only his letter and the card
from Milly this morning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last
letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what possessed her to write from Canada after so
many years to know the recipe I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she
wrote to say she was married to a very rich architect if Im to believe all I
hear with a villa and eight rooms her father was an awfully nice man he was
near seventy always goodhumoured well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres
the piannyer that was a solid silver coffee service he had too on the mahogany
sideboard then dying so far away I hate people that have always their poor
story to tell everybody has their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a
month ago of acute neumonia well I didnt know her so well as all that she was
Floeys friend more than mine poor Nancy its a bother having to answer he always
tells me the wrong things and no stops to say like making a speech your sad
bereavement symph̸athy I always make that mistake and new̸phew with
2 double yous in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if its a
thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebody to give me
what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me youve no chances at all in
this place like you used long ago I wish somebody would write me a loveletter
his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he liked yours ever Hugh
Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is sighing I am dying still
if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth in it true or no it fills up your
whole day and life always something to think about every moment and see it all
round you like a new world I could write the answer in bed to let him imagine
me short just a few words not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used to
write to the fellow that was something in the four courts that jilted her after
out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to say a few simple words he
could twist how he liked not acting with precipat precipitancy with equal
candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans proposal
affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all very fine for them but as
for being a woman as soon as youre old they might as well throw you out in the
bottom of the ashpit.</p>
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