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<h2> CHAPTER 2 </h2>
<p>Family misfortunes. The loss of fortune only serves to encrease the pride
of the worthy</p>
<p>The temporal concerns of our family were chiefly committed to my wife's
management, as to the spiritual I took them entirely under my own
direction. The profits of my living, which amounted to but thirty-five
pounds a year, I made over to the orphans and widows of the clergy of our
diocese; for having a sufficient fortune of my own, I was careless of
temporalities, and felt a secret pleasure in doing my duty without reward.
I also set a resolution of keeping no curate, and of being acquainted with
every man in the parish, exhorting the married men to temperance and the
bachelors to matrimony; so that in a few years it was a common saying,
that there were three strange wants at Wakefield, a parson wanting pride,
young men wanting wives, and ale-houses wanting customers. Matrimony was
always one of my favourite topics, and I wrote several sermons to prove
its happiness: but there was a peculiar tenet which I made a point of
supporting; for I maintained with Whiston, that it was unlawful for a
priest of the church of England, after the death of his first wife, to
take a second, or to express it in one word, I valued myself upon being a
strict monogamist. I was early innitiated into this important dispute, on
which so many laborious volumes have been written. I published some tracts
upon the subject myself, which, as they never sold, I have the consolation
of thinking are read only by the happy Few. Some of my friends called this
my weak side; but alas! they had not like me made it the subject of long
contemplation. The more I reflected upon it, the more important it
appeared. I even went a step beyond Whiston in displaying my principles:
as he had engraven upon his wife's tomb that she was the only wife of
William Whiston; so I wrote a similar epitaph for my wife, though still
living, in which I extolled her prudence, oeconomy, and obedience till
death; and having got it copied fair, with an elegant frame, it was placed
over the chimney-piece, where it answered several very useful purposes. It
admonished my wife of her duty to me, and my fidelity to her; it inspired
her with a passion for fame, and constantly put her in mind of her end.</p>
<p>It was thus, perhaps, from hearing marriage so often recommended, that my
eldest son, just upon leaving college, fixed his affections upon the
daughter of a neighbouring clergyman, who was a dignitary in the church,
and in circumstances to give her a large fortune: but fortune was her
smallest accomplishment. Miss Arabella Wilmot was allowed by all, except
my two daughters, to be completely pretty. Her youth, health, and
innocence, were still heightened by a complexion so transparent, and such
an happy sensibility of look, as even age could not gaze on with
indifference. As Mr Wilmot knew that I could make a very handsome
settlement on my son, he was not averse to the match; so both families
lived together in all that harmony which generally precedes an expected
alliance. Being convinced by experience that the days of courtship are the
most happy of our lives, I was willing enough to lengthen the period; and
the various amusements which the young couple every day shared in each
other's company, seemed to encrease their passion. We were generally
awaked in the morning by music, and on fine days rode a hunting. The hours
between breakfast and dinner the ladies devoted to dress and study: they
usually read a page, and then gazed at themselves in the glass, which even
philosophers might own often presented the page of greatest beauty. At
dinner my wife took the lead; for as she always insisted upon carving
every thing herself, it being her mother's way, she gave us upon these
occasions the history of every dish. When we had dined, to prevent the
ladies leaving us, I generally ordered the table to be removed; and
sometimes, with the music master's assistance, the girls would give us a
very agreeable concert. Walking out, drinking tea, country dances, and
forfeits, shortened the rest of the day, without the assistance of cards,
as I hated all manner of gaming, except backgammon, at which my old friend
and I sometimes took a two-penny hit. Nor can I here pass over an ominous
circumstance that happened the last time we played together: I only wanted
to fling a quatre, and yet I threw deuce ace five times running. Some
months were elapsed in this manner, till at last it was thought convenient
to fix a day for the nuptials of the young couple, who seemed earnestly to
desire it. During the preparations for the wedding, I need not describe
the busy importance of my wife, nor the sly looks of my daughters: in
fact, my attention was fixed on another object, the completing a tract
which I intended shortly to publish in defence of my favourite principle.
As I looked upon this as a master-piece both for argument and style, I
could not in the pride of my heart avoid shewing it to my old friend Mr
Wilmot, as I made no doubt of receiving his approbation; but not till too
late I discovered that he was most violently attached to the contrary
opinion, and with good reason; for he was at that time actually courting a
fourth wife. This, as may be expected, produced a dispute attended with
some acrimony, which threatened to interrupt our intended alliance: but on
the day before that appointed for the ceremony, we agreed to discuss the
subject at large. It was managed with proper spirit on both sides: he
asserted that I was heterodox, I retorted the charge: he replied, and I
rejoined. In the mean time, while the controversy was hottest, I was
called out by one of my relations, who, with a face of concern, advised me
to give up the dispute, at least till my son's wedding was over. 'How,'
cried I, 'relinquish the cause of truth, and let him be an husband,
already driven to the very verge of absurdity. You might as well advise me
to give up my fortune as my argument.' 'Your fortune,' returned my friend,
'I am now sorry to inform you, is almost nothing. The merchant in town, in
whose hands your money was lodged, has gone off, to avoid a statute of
bankruptcy, and is thought not to have left a shilling in the pound. I was
unwilling to shock you or the family with the account till after the
wedding: but now it may serve to moderate your warmth in the argument;
for, I suppose, your own prudence will enforce the necessity of
dissembling at least till your son has the young lady's fortune secure.'—'Well,'
returned I, 'if what you tell me be true, and if I am to be a beggar, it
shall never make me a rascal, or induce me to disavow my principles. I'll
go this moment and inform the company of my circumstances; and as for the
argument, I even here retract my former concessions in the old gentleman's
favour, nor will I allow him now to be an husband in any sense of the
expression.'</p>
<p>It would be endless to describe the different sensations of both families
when I divulged the news of our misfortune; but what others felt was
slight to what the lovers appeared to endure. Mr Wilmot, who seemed before
sufficiently inclined to break off the match, was by this blow soon
determined: one virtue he had in perfection, which was prudence, too often
the only one that is left us at seventy-two.</p>
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