Wit and Humor of America, The Vol 03

<h2><SPAN name="THE_RHYME_OF_THE_CHIVALROUS_SHARK2" id="THE_RHYME_OF_THE_CHIVALROUS_SHARK2"></SPAN>THE RHYME OF THE CHIVALROUS SHARK<SPAN name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></SPAN><SPAN href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</SPAN></h2> <h3>BY WALLACE IRWIN</h3> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Most chivalrous fish of the ocean,<br/></span> <span class="i2">To ladies forbearing and mild,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark<br/></span> <span class="i2">Who will eat neither woman nor child.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">He dines upon seamen and skippers,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And tourists his hunger assuage,<br/></span> <span class="i0">And a fresh cabin boy will inspire him with joy<br/></span> <span class="i2">If he's past the maturity age.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">A doctor, a lawyer, a preacher,<br/></span> <span class="i2">He'll gobble one any fine day,<br/></span> <span class="i0">But the ladies, God bless 'em, he'll only address 'em<br/></span> <span class="i2">Politely and go on his way.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">I can readily cite you an instance<br/></span> <span class="i2">Where a lovely young lady of Breem,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Who was tender and sweet and delicious to eat,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Fell into the bay with a scream.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">She struggled and flounced in the water<br/></span> <span class="i2">And signaled in vain for her bark,<br/></span> <span class="i0">And she'd surely been drowned if she hadn't been found<br/></span> <span class="i2">By a chivalrous man-eating shark.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">He bowed in a manner most polished,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Thus soothing her impulses wild;<br/></span> <span class="i0">"Don't be frightened," he said, "I've been properly bred<br/></span> <span class="i2">And will eat neither woman nor child."<br/></span> <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_484" id="Page_484"></SPAN></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Then he proffered his fin and she took it&mdash;<br/></span> <span class="i2">Such a gallantry none can dispute&mdash;<br/></span> <span class="i0">While the passengers cheered as the vessel they neared<br/></span> <span class="i2">And a broadside was fired in salute.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">And they soon stood alongside the vessel,<br/></span> <span class="i2">When a life-saving dingey was lowered<br/></span> <span class="i0">With the pick of the crew, and her relatives, too,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And the mate and the skipper aboard.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">So they took her aboard in a jiffy,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And the shark stood attention the while,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Then he raised on his flipper and ate up the skipper<br/></span> <span class="i2">And went on his way with a smile.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">And this shows that the prince of the ocean,<br/></span> <span class="i2">To ladies forbearing and mild,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark<br/></span> <span class="i2">Who will eat neither woman nor child.<br/></span> <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_485" id="Page_485"></SPAN></span></div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />