Wit and Humor of America, The Vol 04

<h2><SPAN name="THE_BRIEFLESS_BARRISTER" id="THE_BRIEFLESS_BARRISTER"></SPAN>THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER</h2> <h3><i>A Ballad</i></h3> <h3>BY JOHN G. SAXE</h3> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">An attorney was taking a turn,<br/></span> <span class="i2">In shabby habiliments drest;<br/></span> <span class="i0">His coat it was shockingly worn,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And the rust had invested his vest.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">His breeches had suffered a breach,<br/></span> <span class="i2">His linen and worsted were worse;<br/></span> <span class="i0">He had scarce a whole crown in his hat,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And not half a crown in his purse.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">And thus as he wandered along,<br/></span> <span class="i2">A cheerless and comfortless elf,<br/></span> <span class="i0">He sought for relief in a song,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Or complainingly talked to himself:&mdash;<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">"Unfortunate man that I am!<br/></span> <span class="i2">I've never a client but grief:<br/></span> <span class="i0">The case is, I've no case at all,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And in brief, I've ne'er had a brief!<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">"I've waited and waited in vain,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Expecting an 'opening' to find,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Where an honest young lawyer might gain<br/></span> <span class="i2">Some reward for toil of his mind.<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">"'Tis not that I'm wanting in law,<br/></span> <span class="i2">Or lack an intelligent face,<br/></span> <span class="i0">That others have cases to plead,<br/></span> <span class="i2">While I have to plead for a case.<br/></span><span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_586" id="Page_586"></SPAN></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">"O, how can a modest young man<br/></span> <span class="i2">E'er hope for the smallest progression,&mdash;<br/></span> <span class="i0">The profession's already so full<br/></span> <span class="i2">Of lawyers so full of profession!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">While thus he was strolling around,<br/></span> <span class="i2">His eye accidentally fell<br/></span> <span class="i0">On a very deep hole in the ground,<br/></span> <span class="i2">And he sighed to himself, "It is well!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">To curb his emotions, he sat<br/></span> <span class="i2">On the curbstone the space of a minute,<br/></span> <span class="i0">Then cried, "Here's an opening at last!"<br/></span> <span class="i2">And in less than a jiffy was in it!<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">Next morning twelve citizens came<br/></span> <span class="i2">('Twas the coroner bade them attend),<br/></span> <span class="i0">To the end that it might be determined<br/></span> <span class="i2">How the man had determined his end!<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">"The man was a lawyer, I hear,"<br/></span> <span class="i2">Quoth the foreman who sat on the corse.<br/></span> <span class="i0">"A lawyer? Alas!" said another,<br/></span> <span class="i2">"Undoubtedly died of remorse!"<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">A third said, "He knew the deceased,<br/></span> <span class="i2">An attorney well versed in the laws,<br/></span> <span class="i0">And as to the cause of his death,<br/></span> <span class="i2">'Twas no doubt for the want of a cause."<br/></span></div> <div class="stanza"> <span class="i0">The jury decided at length,<br/></span> <span class="i2">After solemnly weighing the matter,<br/></span> <span class="i0">That the lawyer was drown<i>d</i>ed, because<br/></span> <span class="i2">He could not keep his head above water!<br/></span> <span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_587" id="Page_587"></SPAN></span></div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />