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Wit and Humor of America, The Vol 04

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<h2>CÆSAR'S QUIET LUNCH WITH CICERO</h2> <h3>BY JAMES T. FIELDS</h3> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Have you read how Julius Cæsar Made a call on Cicero In his modest Formian villa, Many and many a year ago? </div> <div class="stanza"> "I shall pass your way," wrote Cæsar, "On the Saturnalia, Third, And I'll just drop in, my Tullius, For a quiet friendly word: </div> <div class="stanza"> "Don't make a stranger of me, Marc, Nor be at all put out, A snack of anything you have Will serve my need, no doubt. </div> <div class="stanza"> "I wish to show my confidence— The invitation's mine— I come to share your simple food, And taste your honest wine." </div> <div class="stanza"> Up rose M. Tullius Cicero, And seized a Roman punch,— Then mused upon the god-like soul Was coming round to lunch. </div> <div class="stanza"> "By Hercules!" he murmured low Unto his lordly self, "There are not many dainties left Upon my pantry shelf! </div> <div class="stanza"> "But what I have shall Julius share. What, ho!" he proudly cried, "Great Cæsar comes this way anon To sit my chair beside. </div> <div class="stanza"> "A dish of lampreys quickly stew, And cook them with a turn, For that's his favorite pabulum From Mamurra I learn." </div> <div class="stanza">          *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   * </div> <div class="stanza"> His slaves obey their lord's command; The table soon is laid For two distinguished gentlemen,— One rather bald, 'tis said. </div> <div class="stanza"> When lo! a messenger appears To sound approach—and then, "Brave Cæsar comes to greet his friend With twice a thousand men! </div> <div class="stanza"> "His cohorts rend the air with shouts; That is their dust you see; The trumpeters announce him near!" Said Marcus, "Woe is me! </div> <div class="stanza"> "Fly, Cassius, fly! assign a guard! Borrow what tents you can! Encamp his soldiers round the field, Or I'm a ruined man! </div> <div class="stanza"> "Get sheep and oxen by the score! Buy corn at any price! O Jupiter! befriend me now, And give me your advice!" </div> <div class="stanza">          *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   * </div> <div class="stanza"> It turned out better than he feared,— Things proved enough and good,— And Cæsar made himself at home, And much enjoyed his food. </div> <div class="stanza"> But Marcus had an awful fright,— That can not be denied; "I'm glad 'tis over!"—when it was— The host sat down and sighed, </div> <div class="stanza"> And when he wrote to Atticus, And all the story told, He ended his epistle thus: "J.C.'s a warrior bold, </div> <div class="stanza"> "A vastly entertaining man, In Learning quite immense, So full of literary skill, And most uncommon sense, </div> <div class="stanza"> "But, frankly, I should never say 'No trouble, sir, at all; And when you pass this way again, Give us another call!'" </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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