<SPAN name="chap03"></SPAN>
<h3> CHAPTER III </h3>
<h3> RELATES HOW OLIVER TWIST WAS VERY NEAR GETTING A PLACE <br/> WHICH WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN A SINECURE </h3>
<p>For a week after the commission of the impious and profane offence of
asking for more, Oliver remained a close prisoner in the dark and
solitary room to which he had been consigned by the wisdom and mercy of
the board. It appears, at first sight not unreasonable to suppose,
that, if he had entertained a becoming feeling of respect for the
prediction of the gentleman in the white waistcoat, he would have
established that sage individual's prophetic character, once and for
ever, by tying one end of his pocket-handkerchief to a hook in the
wall, and attaching himself to the other. To the performance of this
feat, however, there was one obstacle: namely, that
pocket-handkerchiefs being decided articles of luxury, had been, for
all future times and ages, removed from the noses of paupers by the
express order of the board, in council assembled: solemnly given and
pronounced under their hands and seals. There was a still greater
obstacle in Oliver's youth and childishness. He only cried bitterly
all day; and, when the long, dismal night came on, spread his little
hands before his eyes to shut out the darkness, and crouching in the
corner, tried to sleep: ever and anon waking with a start and tremble,
and drawing himself closer and closer to the wall, as if to feel even
its cold hard surface were a protection in the gloom and loneliness
which surrounded him.</p>
<p>Let it not be supposed by the enemies of 'the system,' that, during the
period of his solitary incarceration, Oliver was denied the benefit of
exercise, the pleasure of society, or the advantages of religious
consolation. As for exercise, it was nice cold weather, and he was
allowed to perform his ablutions every morning under the pump, in a
stone yard, in the presence of Mr. Bumble, who prevented his catching
cold, and caused a tingling sensation to pervade his frame, by repeated
applications of the cane. As for society, he was carried every other
day into the hall where the boys dined, and there sociably flogged as a
public warning and example. And so far from being denied the
advantages of religious consolation, he was kicked into the same
apartment every evening at prayer-time, and there permitted to listen
to, and console his mind with, a general supplication of the boys,
containing a special clause, therein inserted by authority of the
board, in which they entreated to be made good, virtuous, contented,
and obedient, and to be guarded from the sins and vices of Oliver
Twist: whom the supplication distinctly set forth to be under the
exclusive patronage and protection of the powers of wickedness, and an
article direct from the manufactory of the very Devil himself.</p>
<p>It chanced one morning, while Oliver's affairs were in this auspicious
and comfortable state, that Mr. Gamfield, chimney-sweep, went his way
down the High Street, deeply cogitating in his mind his ways and means
of paying certain arrears of rent, for which his landlord had become
rather pressing. Mr. Gamfield's most sanguine estimate of his finances
could not raise them within full five pounds of the desired amount;
and, in a species of arithmetical desperation, he was alternately
cudgelling his brains and his donkey, when passing the workhouse, his
eyes encountered the bill on the gate.</p>
<p>'Wo—o!' said Mr. Gamfield to the donkey.</p>
<p>The donkey was in a state of profound abstraction: wondering, probably,
whether he was destined to be regaled with a cabbage-stalk or two when
he had disposed of the two sacks of soot with which the little cart was
laden; so, without noticing the word of command, he jogged onward.</p>
<p>Mr. Gamfield growled a fierce imprecation on the donkey generally, but
more particularly on his eyes; and, running after him, bestowed a blow
on his head, which would inevitably have beaten in any skull but a
donkey's. Then, catching hold of the bridle, he gave his jaw a sharp
wrench, by way of gentle reminder that he was not his own master; and
by these means turned him round. He then gave him another blow on the
head, just to stun him till he came back again. Having completed these
arrangements, he walked up to the gate, to read the bill.</p>
<p>The gentleman with the white waistcoat was standing at the gate with
his hands behind him, after having delivered himself of some profound
sentiments in the board-room. Having witnessed the little dispute
between Mr. Gamfield and the donkey, he smiled joyously when that
person came up to read the bill, for he saw at once that Mr. Gamfield
was exactly the sort of master Oliver Twist wanted. Mr. Gamfield
smiled, too, as he perused the document; for five pounds was just the
sum he had been wishing for; and, as to the boy with which it was
encumbered, Mr. Gamfield, knowing what the dietary of the workhouse
was, well knew he would be a nice small pattern, just the very thing
for register stoves. So, he spelt the bill through again, from
beginning to end; and then, touching his fur cap in token of humility,
accosted the gentleman in the white waistcoat.</p>
<p>'This here boy, sir, wot the parish wants to 'prentis,' said Mr.
Gamfield.</p>
<p>'Ay, my man,' said the gentleman in the white waistcoat, with a
condescending smile. 'What of him?'</p>
<p>'If the parish vould like him to learn a right pleasant trade, in a
good 'spectable chimbley-sweepin' bisness,' said Mr. Gamfield, 'I wants
a 'prentis, and I am ready to take him.'</p>
<p>'Walk in,' said the gentleman in the white waistcoat. Mr. Gamfield
having lingered behind, to give the donkey another blow on the head,
and another wrench of the jaw, as a caution not to run away in his
absence, followed the gentleman with the white waistcoat into the room
where Oliver had first seen him.</p>
<p>'It's a nasty trade,' said Mr. Limbkins, when Gamfield had again stated
his wish.</p>
<p>'Young boys have been smothered in chimneys before now,' said another
gentleman.</p>
<p>'That's acause they damped the straw afore they lit it in the chimbley
to make 'em come down again,' said Gamfield; 'that's all smoke, and no
blaze; vereas smoke ain't o' no use at all in making a boy come down,
for it only sinds him to sleep, and that's wot he likes. Boys is wery
obstinit, and wery lazy, Gen'l'men, and there's nothink like a good hot
blaze to make 'em come down vith a run. It's humane too, gen'l'men,
acause, even if they've stuck in the chimbley, roasting their feet
makes 'em struggle to hextricate theirselves.'</p>
<p>The gentleman in the white waistcoat appeared very much amused by this
explanation; but his mirth was speedily checked by a look from Mr.
Limbkins. The board then proceeded to converse among themselves for a
few minutes, but in so low a tone, that the words 'saving of
expenditure,' 'looked well in the accounts,' 'have a printed report
published,' were alone audible. These only chanced to be heard,
indeed, or account of their being very frequently repeated with great
emphasis.</p>
<p>At length the whispering ceased; and the members of the board, having
resumed their seats and their solemnity, Mr. Limbkins said:</p>
<p>'We have considered your proposition, and we don't approve of it.'</p>
<p>'Not at all,' said the gentleman in the white waistcoat.</p>
<p>'Decidedly not,' added the other members.</p>
<p>As Mr. Gamfield did happen to labour under the slight imputation of
having bruised three or four boys to death already, it occurred to him
that the board had, perhaps, in some unaccountable freak, taken it into
their heads that this extraneous circumstance ought to influence their
proceedings. It was very unlike their general mode of doing business,
if they had; but still, as he had no particular wish to revive the
rumour, he twisted his cap in his hands, and walked slowly from the
table.</p>
<p>'So you won't let me have him, gen'l'men?' said Mr. Gamfield, pausing
near the door.</p>
<p>'No,' replied Mr. Limbkins; 'at least, as it's a nasty business, we
think you ought to take something less than the premium we offered.'</p>
<p>Mr. Gamfield's countenance brightened, as, with a quick step, he
returned to the table, and said,</p>
<p>'What'll you give, gen'l'men? Come! Don't be too hard on a poor man.
What'll you give?'</p>
<p>'I should say, three pound ten was plenty,' said Mr. Limbkins.</p>
<p>'Ten shillings too much,' said the gentleman in the white waistcoat.</p>
<p>'Come!' said Gamfield; 'say four pound, gen'l'men. Say four pound, and
you've got rid of him for good and all. There!'</p>
<p>'Three pound ten,' repeated Mr. Limbkins, firmly.</p>
<p>'Come! I'll split the diff'erence, gen'l'men,' urged Gamfield. 'Three
pound fifteen.'</p>
<p>'Not a farthing more,' was the firm reply of Mr. Limbkins.</p>
<p>'You're desperate hard upon me, gen'l'men,' said Gamfield, wavering.</p>
<p>'Pooh! pooh! nonsense!' said the gentleman in the white waistcoat.
'He'd be cheap with nothing at all, as a premium. Take him, you silly
fellow! He's just the boy for you. He wants the stick, now and then:
it'll do him good; and his board needn't come very expensive, for he
hasn't been overfed since he was born. Ha! ha! ha!'</p>
<p>Mr. Gamfield gave an arch look at the faces round the table, and,
observing a smile on all of them, gradually broke into a smile himself.
The bargain was made. Mr. Bumble, was at once instructed that Oliver
Twist and his indentures were to be conveyed before the magistrate, for
signature and approval, that very afternoon.</p>
<p>In pursuance of this determination, little Oliver, to his excessive
astonishment, was released from bondage, and ordered to put himself
into a clean shirt. He had hardly achieved this very unusual gymnastic
performance, when Mr. Bumble brought him, with his own hands, a basin
of gruel, and the holiday allowance of two ounces and a quarter of
bread. At this tremendous sight, Oliver began to cry very piteously:
thinking, not unnaturally, that the board must have determined to kill
him for some useful purpose, or they never would have begun to fatten
him up in that way.</p>
<p>'Don't make your eyes red, Oliver, but eat your food and be thankful,'
said Mr. Bumble, in a tone of impressive pomposity. 'You're a going to
be made a 'prentice of, Oliver.'</p>
<p>'A prentice, sir!' said the child, trembling.</p>
<p>'Yes, Oliver,' said Mr. Bumble. 'The kind and blessed gentleman which
is so many parents to you, Oliver, when you have none of your own: are
a going to 'prentice' you: and to set you up in life, and make a man of
you: although the expense to the parish is three pound ten!—three
pound ten, Oliver!—seventy shillins—one hundred and forty
sixpences!—and all for a naughty orphan which nobody can't love.'</p>
<p>As Mr. Bumble paused to take breath, after delivering this address in
an awful voice, the tears rolled down the poor child's face, and he
sobbed bitterly.</p>
<p>'Come,' said Mr. Bumble, somewhat less pompously, for it was gratifying
to his feelings to observe the effect his eloquence had produced;
'Come, Oliver! Wipe your eyes with the cuffs of your jacket, and don't
cry into your gruel; that's a very foolish action, Oliver.' It
certainly was, for there was quite enough water in it already.</p>
<p>On their way to the magistrate, Mr. Bumble instructed Oliver that all
he would have to do, would be to look very happy, and say, when the
gentleman asked him if he wanted to be apprenticed, that he should like
it very much indeed; both of which injunctions Oliver promised to obey:
the rather as Mr. Bumble threw in a gentle hint, that if he failed in
either particular, there was no telling what would be done to him. When
they arrived at the office, he was shut up in a little room by himself,
and admonished by Mr. Bumble to stay there, until he came back to fetch
him.</p>
<p>There the boy remained, with a palpitating heart, for half an hour. At
the expiration of which time Mr. Bumble thrust in his head, unadorned
with the cocked hat, and said aloud:</p>
<p>'Now, Oliver, my dear, come to the gentleman.' As Mr. Bumble said
this, he put on a grim and threatening look, and added, in a low voice,
'Mind what I told you, you young rascal!'</p>
<p>Oliver stared innocently in Mr. Bumble's face at this somewhat
contradictory style of address; but that gentleman prevented his
offering any remark thereupon, by leading him at once into an adjoining
room: the door of which was open. It was a large room, with a great
window. Behind a desk, sat two old gentleman with powdered heads: one
of whom was reading the newspaper; while the other was perusing, with
the aid of a pair of tortoise-shell spectacles, a small piece of
parchment which lay before him. Mr. Limbkins was standing in front of
the desk on one side; and Mr. Gamfield, with a partially washed face,
on the other; while two or three bluff-looking men, in top-boots, were
lounging about.</p>
<p>The old gentleman with the spectacles gradually dozed off, over the
little bit of parchment; and there was a short pause, after Oliver had
been stationed by Mr. Bumble in front of the desk.</p>
<p>'This is the boy, your worship,' said Mr. Bumble.</p>
<p>The old gentleman who was reading the newspaper raised his head for a
moment, and pulled the other old gentleman by the sleeve; whereupon,
the last-mentioned old gentleman woke up.</p>
<p>'Oh, is this the boy?' said the old gentleman.</p>
<p>'This is him, sir,' replied Mr. Bumble. 'Bow to the magistrate, my
dear.'</p>
<p>Oliver roused himself, and made his best obeisance. He had been
wondering, with his eyes fixed on the magistrates' powder, whether all
boards were born with that white stuff on their heads, and were boards
from thenceforth on that account.</p>
<p>'Well,' said the old gentleman, 'I suppose he's fond of
chimney-sweeping?'</p>
<p>'He doats on it, your worship,' replied Bumble; giving Oliver a sly
pinch, to intimate that he had better not say he didn't.</p>
<p>'And he <i>will</i> be a sweep, will he?' inquired the old gentleman.</p>
<p>'If we was to bind him to any other trade to-morrow, he'd run away
simultaneous, your worship,' replied Bumble.</p>
<p>'And this man that's to be his master—you, sir—you'll treat him well,
and feed him, and do all that sort of thing, will you?' said the old
gentleman.</p>
<p>'When I says I will, I means I will,' replied Mr. Gamfield doggedly.</p>
<p>'You're a rough speaker, my friend, but you look an honest,
open-hearted man,' said the old gentleman: turning his spectacles in
the direction of the candidate for Oliver's premium, whose villainous
countenance was a regular stamped receipt for cruelty. But the
magistrate was half blind and half childish, so he couldn't reasonably
be expected to discern what other people did.</p>
<p>'I hope I am, sir,' said Mr. Gamfield, with an ugly leer.</p>
<p>'I have no doubt you are, my friend,' replied the old gentleman: fixing
his spectacles more firmly on his nose, and looking about him for the
inkstand.</p>
<p>It was the critical moment of Oliver's fate. If the inkstand had been
where the old gentleman thought it was, he would have dipped his pen
into it, and signed the indentures, and Oliver would have been
straightway hurried off. But, as it chanced to be immediately under
his nose, it followed, as a matter of course, that he looked all over
his desk for it, without finding it; and happening in the course of his
search to look straight before him, his gaze encountered the pale and
terrified face of Oliver Twist: who, despite all the admonitory looks
and pinches of Bumble, was regarding the repulsive countenance of his
future master, with a mingled expression of horror and fear, too
palpable to be mistaken, even by a half-blind magistrate.</p>
<p>The old gentleman stopped, laid down his pen, and looked from Oliver to
Mr. Limbkins; who attempted to take snuff with a cheerful and
unconcerned aspect.</p>
<p>'My boy!' said the old gentleman, 'you look pale and alarmed. What is
the matter?'</p>
<p>'Stand a little away from him, Beadle,' said the other magistrate:
laying aside the paper, and leaning forward with an expression of
interest. 'Now, boy, tell us what's the matter: don't be afraid.'</p>
<p>Oliver fell on his knees, and clasping his hands together, prayed that
they would order him back to the dark room—that they would starve
him—beat him—kill him if they pleased—rather than send him away with
that dreadful man.</p>
<p>'Well!' said Mr. Bumble, raising his hands and eyes with most
impressive solemnity. 'Well! of all the artful and designing orphans
that ever I see, Oliver, you are one of the most bare-facedest.'</p>
<p>'Hold your tongue, Beadle,' said the second old gentleman, when Mr.
Bumble had given vent to this compound adjective.</p>
<p>'I beg your worship's pardon,' said Mr. Bumble, incredulous of having
heard aright. 'Did your worship speak to me?'</p>
<p>'Yes. Hold your tongue.'</p>
<p>Mr. Bumble was stupefied with astonishment. A beadle ordered to hold
his tongue! A moral revolution!</p>
<p>The old gentleman in the tortoise-shell spectacles looked at his
companion, he nodded significantly.</p>
<p>'We refuse to sanction these indentures,' said the old gentleman:
tossing aside the piece of parchment as he spoke.</p>
<p>'I hope,' stammered Mr. Limbkins: 'I hope the magistrates will not
form the opinion that the authorities have been guilty of any improper
conduct, on the unsupported testimony of a child.'</p>
<p>'The magistrates are not called upon to pronounce any opinion on the
matter,' said the second old gentleman sharply. 'Take the boy back to
the workhouse, and treat him kindly. He seems to want it.'</p>
<p>That same evening, the gentleman in the white waistcoat most positively
and decidedly affirmed, not only that Oliver would be hung, but that he
would be drawn and quartered into the bargain. Mr. Bumble shook his
head with gloomy mystery, and said he wished he might come to good;
whereunto Mr. Gamfield replied, that he wished he might come to him;
which, although he agreed with the beadle in most matters, would seem
to be a wish of a totally opposite description.</p>
<p>The next morning, the public were once informed that Oliver Twist was
again To Let, and that five pounds would be paid to anybody who would
take possession of him.</p>
<br/><br/><br/>
<div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />