<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Uncle Josh in a Department Store </h2>
<p>ONE day while I wuz in New York I sed to a feller, now whar kin I find one
of them stores whar they hav purty near everything to sell what thar is on
earth, and he sed "I guess you mean a department store, don't you?" I sed,
wall I don't know bout that; they may sell departments at one of them
stores, but what I want to git is some muzlin and some caliker. Wall he
showed me which way to go, and I started out, and wuz walkin' along down
the street lookin' at things, when some feller throwed a bananer peelin'
on the sidewalk. Wall now I don't think much of a man what throws a
bananer peelin' on the sidewalk, and I don't think much of a bananer what
throws a man on the sidewalk, neether. Wall, by chowder, my foot hit that
bananer peelin' and I went up in the air, and cum down ker-plunk, and fer
about a minnit I seen all the stars what stronomy tells about, and some
that haint been discovered yit. Wall jist as I wuz pickin' myself up a
little boy cum runnin' cross the street and he sed "Oh mister, won't you
please do that agin, my mother didn't see you do it." Wall I wish I could
a got my hands on that little rascal fer about a minnit, and his mother
would a seen me do it.</p>
<p>I found one of them stores finally, and I got on the inside and told a
feller what I wanted, and he sent me over to a red-headed girl, and she
sent me over to a bald-headed feller; she sed he didn't have anythin' to
do only walk the floor and answer questions. Wall I went up to him and I
sed, mister I'm sort of a stranger round here, wish you'd show me round
'til I do a little bargainin'. And he sed "Oh you git out, you've got hay
seed in your hair." Wall I jist looked at that bald head of hisn, and I
sed, wall now, you haint got any hay seed in YOUR hair, hav you? Everybody
commenced a laffin', and he got purty riled, so he sed, smart like, "jist
step this way, please." Wall he showed me round and I bought what I
wanted, and when I cum to pay the feller what I had to pay, it didn't look
as though I wuz a goin' to git any of my money back. I handed him a ten
dollar bill, and he jist took it and put it in a little baskit and hitched
it onto a wire, and the durned thing commenced runnin' all over the store.
Wall now you can jist bet your boots I lit out right after it; I chased it
up one side and down the other, I knocked down five or six wimmin clerks,
and I upset five or six bargain counters; I took a wrastle out of that
bald-headed feller, and jist then some one commenced to holler "CASH" and
I sed yep, that's what I'm after. Wall I chased that durned little baskit
round 'til I got up to it, and when I did I was right thar whar I started
from. Gee whiz, I never felt more foolish in all my life.</p>
<p>Prosperity—Consists principally of contentment; for the man<br/>
who is contented is prosperous, in his own way of thinking,<br/>
though his neighbors may have a different opinion.<br/>
—Punkin Centre Philosophy.<br/></p>
<div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />
1 of 2
2 of 2
Previous
Next
Update Required
To play the media you will need to either update your browser to a recent version or update your Flash plugin.