<h2><SPAN name="2HCH0030"></SPAN> CHAPTER XXX.</h2>
<p class="poem">
No penitence and no confessional,<br/>
No priest ordains it, yet they’re forced to sit<br/>
Amid deep ashes of their vanished years.</p>
<p>Imagine a rambling, patchy house, the best part built of gray stone, and
red-tiled, a round tower jutting at one of the corners, the mellow darkness of
its conical roof surmounted by a weather-cock making an agreeable object either
amidst the gleams and greenth of summer or the low-hanging clouds and snowy
branches of winter: the ground shady with spreading trees: a great tree
flourishing on one side, backward some Scotch firs on a broken bank where the
roots hung naked, and beyond, a rookery: on the other side a pool overhung with
bushes, where the water-fowl fluttered and screamed: all around, a vast meadow
which might be called a park, bordered by an old plantation and guarded by
stone lodges which looked like little prisons. Outside the gate the country,
once entirely rural and lovely, now black with coal mines, was chiefly peopled
by men and brethren with candles stuck in their hats, and with a diabolic
complexion which laid them peculiarly open to suspicion in the eyes of the
children at Gadsmere—Mrs. Glasher’s four beautiful children, who
had dwelt there for about three years. Now, in November, when the flower-beds
were empty, the trees leafless, and the pool blackly shivering, one might have
said that the place was sombrely in keeping with the black roads and black
mounds which seemed to put the district in mourning;—except when the
children were playing on the gravel with the dogs for their companions. But
Mrs. Glasher, under her present circumstances, liked Gadsmere as well as she
would have liked any other abode. The complete seclusion of the place, which
the unattractiveness of the country secured, was exactly to her taste. When she
drove her two ponies with a waggonet full of children, there were no gentry in
carriages to be met, only men of business in gigs; at church there were no eyes
she cared to avoid, for the curate’s wife and the curate himself were
either ignorant of anything to her disadvantage, or ignored it: to them she was
simply a widow lady, the tenant of Gadsmere; and the name of Grandcourt was of
little interest in that district compared with the names of Fletcher and
Gawcome, the lessees of the collieries.</p>
<p>It was full ten years since the elopement of an Irish officer’s beautiful
wife with young Grandcourt, and a consequent duel where the bullets wounded the
air only, had made some little noise. Most of those who remembered the affair
now wondered what had become of that Mrs. Glasher, whose beauty and brilliancy
had made her rather conspicuous to them in foreign places, where she was known
to be living with young Grandcourt.</p>
<p>That he should have disentangled himself from that connection seemed only
natural and desirable. As to her, it was thought that a woman who was
understood to have forsaken her child along with her husband had probably sunk
lower. Grandcourt had of course got weary of her. He was much given to the
pursuit of women: but a man in his position would by this time desire to make a
suitable marriage with the fair young daughter of a noble house. No one talked
of Mrs. Glasher now, any more than they talked of the victim in a trial for
manslaughter ten years before: she was a lost vessel after whom nobody would
send out an expedition of search; but Grandcourt was seen in harbor with his
colors flying, registered as seaworthy as ever.</p>
<p>Yet, in fact, Grandcourt had never disentangled himself from Mrs. Glasher. His
passion for her had been the strongest and most lasting he had ever known; and
though it was now as dead as the music of a cracked flute, it had left a
certain dull disposedness, which, on the death of her husband three years
before, had prompted in him a vacillating notion of marrying her, in accordance
with the understanding often expressed between them during the days of his
first ardor. At that early time Grandcourt would willingly have paid for the
freedom to be won by a divorce; but the husband would not oblige him, not
wanting to be married again himself, and not wishing to have his domestic
habits printed in evidence.</p>
<p>The altered poise which the years had brought in Mrs. Glasher was just the
reverse. At first she was comparatively careless about the possibility of
marriage. It was enough that she had escaped from a disagreeable husband and
found a sort of bliss with a lover who had completely fascinated
her—young, handsome, amorous, and living in the best style, with equipage
and conversation of the kind to be expected in young men of fortune who have
seen everything. She was an impassioned, vivacious woman, fond of adoration,
exasperated by five years of marital rudeness; and the sense of release was so
strong upon her that it stilled anxiety for more than she actually enjoyed. An
equivocal position was of no importance to her then; she had no envy for the
honors of a dull, disregarded wife: the one spot which spoiled her vision of
her new pleasant world, was the sense that she left her three-year-old boy, who
died two years afterward, and whose first tones saying “mamma”
retained a difference from those of the children that came after. But now the
years had brought many changes besides those in the contour of her cheek and
throat; and that Grandcourt should marry her had become her dominant desire.
The equivocal position which she had not minded about for herself was now
telling upon her through her children, whom she loved with a devotion charged
with the added passion of atonement. She had no repentance except in this
direction. If Grandcourt married her, the children would be none the worse off
for what had passed: they would see their mother in a dignified position, and
they would be at no disadvantage with the world: her son could be made his
father’s heir. It was the yearning for this result which gave the supreme
importance to Grandcourt’s feeling for her; her love for him had long
resolved itself into anxiety that he should give her the unique, permanent
claim of a wife, and she expected no other happiness in marriage than the
satisfaction of her maternal love and pride—including her pride for
herself in the presence of her children. For the sake of that result she was
prepared even with a tragic firmness to endure anything quietly in marriage;
and she had acuteness enough to cherish Grandcourt’s flickering purpose
negatively, by not molesting him with passionate appeals and with scene-making.
In her, as in every one else who wanted anything of him, his incalculable
turns, and his tendency to harden under beseeching, had created a reasonable
dread:—a slow discovery, of which no presentiment had been given in the
bearing of a youthful lover with a fine line of face and the softest manners.
But reticence had necessarily cost something to this impassioned woman, and she
was the bitterer for it. There is no quailing—even that forced on the
helpless and injured—which has not an ugly obverse: the withheld sting
was gathering venom. She was absolutely dependent on Grandcourt; for though he
had been always liberal in expenses for her, he had kept everything voluntary
on his part; and with the goal of marriage before her, she would ask for
nothing less. He had said that he would never settle anything except by will;
and when she was thinking of alternatives for the future it often occurred to
her that, even if she did not become Grandcourt’s wife, he might never
have a son who would have a legitimate claim on him, and the end might be that
her son would be made heir to the best part of his estates. No son at that
early age could promise to have more of his father’s physique. But her
becoming Grandcourt’s wife was so far from being an extravagant notion of
possibility, that even Lush had entertained it, and had said that he would as
soon bet on it as on any other likelihood with regard to his familiar
companion. Lush, indeed, on inferring that Grandcourt had a preconception of
using his residence at Diplow in order to win Miss Arrowpoint, had thought it
well to fan that project, taking it as a tacit renunciation of the marriage
with Mrs. Glasher, which had long been a mark for the hovering and wheeling of
Grandcourt’s caprice. But both prospects had been negatived by
Gwendolen’s appearance on the scene; and it was natural enough for Mrs.
Glasher to enter with eagerness into Lush’s plan of hindering that new
danger by setting up a barrier in the mind of the girl who was being sought as
a bride. She entered into it with an eagerness which had passion in it as well
as purpose, some of the stored-up venom delivering itself in that way.</p>
<p>After that, she had heard from Lush of Gwendolen’s departure, and the
probability that all danger from her was got rid of; but there had been no
letter to tell her that the danger had returned and had become a certainty. She
had since then written to Grandcourt, as she did habitually, and he had been
longer than usual in answering. She was inferring that he might intend coming
to Gadsmere at the time when he was actually on the way; and she was not
without hope—what construction of another’s mind is not strong
wishing equal to?—that a certain sickening from that frustrated courtship
might dispose him to slip the more easily into the old track of intention.</p>
<p>Grandcourt had two grave purposes in coming to Gadsmere: to convey the news of
his approaching marriage in person, in order to make this first difficulty
final; and to get from Lydia his mother’s diamonds, which long ago he had
confided to her and wished her to wear. Her person suited diamonds, and made
them look as if they were worth some of the money given for them. These
particular diamonds were not mountains of light—they were mere peas and
haricots for the ears, neck and hair; but they were worth some thousands, and
Grandcourt necessarily wished to have them for his wife. Formerly when he had
asked Lydia to put them into his keeping again, simply on the ground that they
would be safer and ought to be deposited at the bank, she had quietly but
absolutely refused, declaring that they were quite safe; and at last had said,
“If you ever marry another woman I will give them up to her: are you
going to marry another woman?” At that time Grandcourt had no motive
which urged him to persist, and he had this grace in him, that the disposition
to exercise power either by cowing or disappointing others or exciting in them
a rage which they dared not express—a disposition which was active in him
as other propensities became languid—had always been in abeyance before
Lydia. A severe interpreter might say that the mere facts of their relation to
each other, the melancholy position of this woman who depended on his will,
made a standing banquet for his delight in dominating. But there was something
else than this in his forbearance toward her: there was the surviving though
metamorphosed effect of the power she had had over him; and it was this effect,
the fitful dull lapse toward solicitations that once had the zest now missing
from life, which had again and again inclined him to espouse a familiar past
rather than rouse himself to the expectation of novelty. But now novelty had
taken hold of him and urged him to make the most of it.</p>
<p>Mrs. Glasher was seated in the pleasant room where she habitually passed her
mornings with her children round her. It had a square projecting window and
looked on broad gravel and grass, sloping toward a little brook that entered
the pool. The top of a low, black cabinet, the old oak table, the chairs in
tawny leather, were littered with the children’s toys, books and garden
garments, at which a maternal lady in pastel looked down from the walls with
smiling indulgence. The children were all there. The three girls, seated round
their mother near the window, were miniature portraits of her—dark-eyed,
delicate-featured brunettes with a rich bloom on their cheeks, their little
nostrils and eyebrows singularly finished as if they were tiny women, the
eldest being barely nine. The boy was seated on the carpet at some distance,
bending his blonde head over the animals from a Noah’s ark, admonishing
them separately in a voice of threatening command, and occasionally licking the
spotted ones to see if the colors would hold. Josephine, the eldest, was having
her French lesson; and the others, with their dolls on their laps, sat demurely
enough for images of the Madonna. Mrs. Glasher’s toilet had been made
very carefully—each day now she said to herself that Grandcourt might
come in. Her head, which, spite of emaciation, had an ineffaceable beauty in
the fine profile, crisp curves of hair, and clearly-marked eyebrows, rose
impressively above her bronze-colored silk and velvet, and the gold necklace
which Grandcourt had first clasped round her neck years ago. Not that she had
any pleasure in her toilet; her chief thought of herself seen in the glass was,
“How changed!”—but such good in life as remained to her she
would keep. If her chief wish were fulfilled, she could imagine herself getting
the comeliness of a matron fit for the highest rank. The little faces beside
her, almost exact reductions of her own, seemed to tell of the blooming curves
which had once been where now was sunken pallor. But the children kissed the
pale cheeks and never found them deficient. That love was now the one end of
her life.</p>
<p>Suddenly Mrs. Glasher turned away her head from Josephine’s book and
listened. “Hush, dear! I think some one is coming.”</p>
<p>Henleigh the boy jumped up and said, “Mamma, is it the miller with my
donkey?”</p>
<p>He got no answer, and going up to his mamma’s knee repeated his question
in an insistent tone. But the door opened, and the servant announced Mr.
Grandcourt. Mrs. Glasher rose in some agitation. Henleigh frowned at him in
disgust at his not being the miller, and the three little girls lifted up their
dark eyes to him timidly. They had none of them any particular liking for this
friend of mamma’s—in fact, when he had taken Mrs. Glasher’s
hand and then turned to put his other hand on Henleigh’s head, that
energetic scion began to beat the friend’s arm away with his fists. The
little girls submitted bashfully to be patted under the chin and kissed, but on
the whole it seemed better to send them into the garden, where they were
presently dancing and chatting with the dogs on the gravel.</p>
<p>“How far are you come?” said Mrs. Glasher, as Grandcourt put away
his hat and overcoat.</p>
<p>“From Diplow,” he answered slowly, seating himself opposite her and
looking at her with an unnoting gaze which she noted.</p>
<p>“You are tired, then.”</p>
<p>“No, I rested at the Junction—a hideous hole. These railway
journeys are always a confounded bore. But I had coffee and smoked.”</p>
<p>Grandcourt drew out his handkerchief, rubbed his face, and in returning the
handkerchief to his pocket looked at his crossed knee and blameless boot, as if
any stranger were opposite to him, instead of a woman quivering with a suspense
which every word and look of his was to incline toward hope or dread. But he
was really occupied with their interview and what it was likely to include.
Imagine the difference in rate of emotion between this woman whom the years had
worn to a more conscious dependence and sharper eagerness, and this man whom
they were dulling into a more neutral obstinacy.</p>
<p>“I expected to see you—it was so long since I had heard from you. I
suppose the weeks seem longer at Gadsmere than they do at Diplow,” said
Mrs. Glasher. She had a quick, incisive way of speaking that seemed to go with
her features, as the tone and <i>timbre</i> of a violin go with its form.</p>
<p>“Yes,” drawled Grandcourt. “But you found the money paid into
the bank.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yes,” said Mrs. Glasher, curtly, tingling with impatience.
Always before—at least she fancied so—Grandcourt had taken more
notice of her and the children than he did to-day.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he resumed, playing with his whisker, and at first not
looking at her, “the time has gone on at rather a rattling pace with me;
generally it is slow enough. But there has been a good deal happening, as you
know”—here he turned his eyes upon her.</p>
<p>“What do I know?” said she, sharply.</p>
<p>He left a pause before he said, without change of manner, “That I was
thinking of marrying. You saw Miss Harleth?”</p>
<p>“<i>She</i> told you that?”</p>
<p>The pale cheeks looked even paler, perhaps from the fierce brightness in the
eyes above them.</p>
<p>“No. Lush told me,” was the slow answer. It was as if the
thumb-screw and the iron boot were being placed by creeping hands within sight
of the expectant victim.</p>
<p>“Good God! say at once that you are going to marry her,” she burst
out, passionately, her knees shaking and her hands tightly clasped.</p>
<p>“Of course, this kind of thing must happen some time or other,
Lydia,” said he; really, now the thumb-screw was on, not wishing to make
the pain worse.</p>
<p>“You didn’t always see the necessity.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps not. I see it now.”</p>
<p>In those few undertoned words of Grandcourt’s she felt as absolute a
resistance as if her thin fingers had been pushing at a fast shut iron door.
She knew her helplessness, and shrank from testing it by any
appeal—shrank from crying in a dead ear and clinging to dead knees, only
to see the immovable face and feel the rigid limbs. She did not weep nor speak;
she was too hard pressed by the sudden certainty which had as much of chill
sickness in it as of thought and emotion. The defeated clutch of struggling
hope gave her in these first moments a horrible sensation. At last she rose,
with a spasmodic effort, and, unconscious of every thing but her wretchedness,
pressed her forehead against the hard, cold glass of the window. The children,
playing on the gravel, took this as a sign that she wanted them, and, running
forward, stood in front of her with their sweet faces upturned expectantly.
This roused her: she shook her head at them, waved them off, and overcome with
this painful exertion, sank back in the nearest chair.</p>
<p>Grandcourt had risen too. He was doubly annoyed—at the scene itself, and
at the sense that no imperiousness of his could save him from it; but the task
had to be gone through, and there was the administrative necessity of arranging
things so that there should be as little annoyance as possible in the future.
He was leaning against the corner of the fire-place. She looked up at him and
said, bitterly,</p>
<p>“All this is of no consequence to you. I and the children are importunate
creatures. You wish to get away again and be with Miss Harleth.”</p>
<p>“Don’t make the affair more disagreeable than it need be. Lydia. It
is of no use to harp on things that can’t be altered. Of course, its
deucedly disagreeable to me to see you making yourself miserable. I’ve
taken this journey to tell you what you must make up your mind to—you and
the children will be provided for as usual—and there’s an end of
it.”</p>
<p>Silence. She dared not answer. This woman with the intense, eager look had had
the iron of the mother’s anguish in her soul, and it had made her
sometimes capable of a repression harder than shrieking and struggle. But
underneath the silence there was an outlash of hatred and vindictiveness: she
wished that the marriage might make two others wretched, besides herself.
Presently he went on,</p>
<p>“It will be better for you. You may go on living here. But I think of
by-and-by settling a good sum on you and the children, and you can live where
you like. There will be nothing for you to complain of then. Whatever happens,
you will feel secure. Nothing could be done beforehand. Every thing has gone on
in a hurry.”</p>
<p>Grandcourt ceased his slow delivery of sentences. He did not expect her to
thank him, but he considered that she might reasonably be contented; if it were
possible for Lydia to be contented. She showed no change, and after a minute he
said,</p>
<p>“You have never had any reason to fear that I should be illiberal. I
don’t care a curse about the money.”</p>
<p>“If you did care about it, I suppose you would not give it us,”
said Lydia. The sarcasm was irrepressible.</p>
<p>“That’s a devilishly unfair thing to say,” Grandcourt
replied, in a lower tone; “and I advise you not to say that sort of thing
again.”</p>
<p>“Should you punish me by leaving the children in beggary?” In spite
of herself, the one outlet of venom had brought the other.</p>
<p>“There is no question about leaving the children in beggary,” said
Grandcourt, still in his low voice. “I advise you not to say things that
you will repent of.”</p>
<p>“I am used to repenting,” said she, bitterly. “Perhaps you
will repent. You have already repented of loving me.”</p>
<p>“All this will only make it uncommonly difficult for us to meet again.
What friend have you besides me?”</p>
<p>“Quite true.”</p>
<p>The words came like a low moan. At the same moment there flashed through her
the wish that after promising himself a better happiness than that he had had
with her, he might feel a misery and loneliness which would drive him back to
her to find some memory of a time when he was young, glad, and hopeful. But no!
he would go scathless; it was she that had to suffer.</p>
<p>With this the scorching words were ended. Grandcourt had meant to stay till
evening; he wished to curtail his visit, but there was no suitable train
earlier than the one he had arranged to go by, and he had still to speak to
Lydia on the second object of his visit, which like a second surgical operation
seemed to require an interval. The hours had to go by; there was eating to be
done; the children came in—all this mechanism of life had to be gone
through with the dreary sense of constraint which is often felt in domestic
quarrels of a commoner kind. To Lydia it was some slight relief for her stifled
fury to have the children present: she felt a savage glory in their loveliness,
as if it would taunt Grandcourt with his indifference to her and them—a
secret darting of venom which was strongly imaginative. He acquitted himself
with all the advantage of a man whose grace of bearing has long been moulded on
an experience of boredom—nursed the little Antonia, who sat with her
hands crossed and eyes upturned to his bald head, which struck her as worthy of
observation—and propitiated Henleigh by promising him a beautiful saddle
and bridle. It was only the two eldest girls who had known him as a continual
presence; and the intervening years had overlaid their infantine memories with
a bashfulness which Grandcourt’s bearing was not likely to dissipate. He
and Lydia occasionally, in the presence of the servants, made a conventional
remark; otherwise they never spoke; and the stagnant thought in
Grandcourt’s mind all the while was of his own infatuation in having
given her those diamonds, which obliged him to incur the nuisance of speaking
about them. He had an ingrained care for what he held to belong to his caste,
and about property he liked to be lordly; also he had a consciousness of
indignity to himself in having to ask for anything in the world. But however he
might assert his independence of Mrs. Glasher’s past, he had made a past
for himself which was a stronger yoke than any he could impose. He must ask for
the diamonds which he had promised to Gwendolen.</p>
<p>At last they were alone again, with the candles above them, face to face with
each other. Grandcourt looked at his watch, and then said, in an apparently
indifferent drawl, “There is one thing I had to mention, Lydia. My
diamonds—you have them.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I have them,” she answered promptly, rising and standing with
her arms thrust down and her fingers threaded, while Grandcourt sat still. She
had expected the topic, and made her resolve about it. But she meant to carry
out her resolve, if possible, without exasperating him. During the hours of
silence she had longed to recall the words which had only widened the breach
between them.</p>
<p>“They are in this house, I suppose?”</p>
<p>“No; not in this house.”</p>
<p>“I thought you said you kept them by you.”</p>
<p>“When I said so it was true. They are in the bank at Dudley.”</p>
<p>“Get them away, will you? I must make an arrangement for your delivering
them to some one.”</p>
<p>“Make no arrangement. They shall be delivered to the person you intended
them for. <i>I</i> will make the arrangement.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“What I say. I have always told you that I would give them up to your
wife. I shall keep my word. She is not your wife yet.”</p>
<p>“This is foolery,” said Grandcourt, with undertoned disgust. It was
too irritating that this indulgence of Lydia had given her a sort of mastery
over him in spite of dependent condition.</p>
<p>She did not speak. He also rose now, but stood leaning against the mantle-piece
with his side-face toward her.</p>
<p>“The diamonds must be delivered to me before my marriage,” he began
again.</p>
<p>“What is your wedding-day?”</p>
<p>“The tenth. There is no time to be lost.”</p>
<p>“And where do you go after the marriage?”</p>
<p>He did not reply except by looking more sullen. Presently he said, “You
must appoint a day before then, to get them from the bank and meet me—or
somebody else I will commission;—it’s a great nuisance. Mention a
day.”</p>
<p>“No; I shall not do that. They shall be delivered to her safely. I shall
keep my word.”</p>
<p>“Do you mean to say,” said Grandcourt, just audibly, turning to
face her, “that you will not do as I tell you?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I mean that,” was the answer that leaped out, while her eyes
flashed close to him. The poor creature was immediately conscious that if her
words had any effect on her own lot, the effect must be mischievous, and might
nullify all the remaining advantage of her long patience. But the word had been
spoken.</p>
<p>He was in a position the most irritating to him. He could not shake her nor
touch her hostilely; and if he could, the process would not bring his
mother’s diamonds. He shrank from the only sort of threat that would
frighten her—if she believed it. And in general, there was nothing he
hated more than to be forced into anything like violence even in words: his
will must impose itself without trouble. After looking at her for a moment, he
turned his side-face toward her again, leaning as before, and said,</p>
<p>“Infernal idiots that women are!”</p>
<p>“Why will you not tell me where you are going after the marriage? I could
be at the wedding if I liked, and learn in that way,” said Lydia, not
shrinking from the one suicidal form of threat within her power.</p>
<p>“Of course, if you like, you can play the mad woman,” said
Grandcourt, with <i>sotto voce</i> scorn. “It is not to be supposed that
you will wait to think what good will come of it—or what you owe to
me.”</p>
<p>He was in a state of disgust and embitterment quite new in the history of their
relation to each other. It was undeniable that this woman, whose life he had
allowed to send such deep suckers into his, had a terrible power of annoyance
in her; and the rash hurry of his proceedings had left her opportunities open.
His pride saw very ugly possibilities threatening it, and he stood for several
minutes in silence reviewing the situation—considering how he could act
upon her. Unlike himself she was of a direct nature, with certain simple
strongly-colored tendencies, and there was one often-experienced effect which
he thought he could count upon now. As Sir Hugo had said of him, Grandcourt
knew how to play his cards upon occasion.</p>
<p>He did not speak again, but looked at his watch, rang the bell, and ordered the
vehicle to be brought round immediately. Then he removed farther from her,
walked as if in expectation of a summons, and remained silent without turning
his eyes upon her.</p>
<p>She was suffering the horrible conflict of self-reproach and tenacity. She saw
beforehand Grandcourt leaving her without even looking at her
again—herself left behind in lonely uncertainty—hearing nothing
from him—not knowing whether she had done her children harm—feeling
that she had perhaps made him hate her;—all the wretchedness of a
creature who had defeated her own motives. And yet she could not bear to give
up a purpose which was a sweet morsel to her vindictiveness. If she had not
been a mother she would willingly have sacrificed herself to her
revenge—to what she felt to be the justice of hindering another from
getting happiness by willingly giving her over to misery. The two dominant
passions were at struggle. She must satisfy them both.</p>
<p>“Don’t let us part in anger, Henleigh,” she began, without
changing her voice or attitude: “it is a very little thing I ask. If I
were refusing to give anything up that you call yours it would be different:
that would be a reason for treating me as if you hated me. But I ask such a
little thing. If you will tell me where you are going on the wedding-day I will
take care that the diamonds shall be delivered to her without scandal. Without
scandal,” she repeated entreatingly.</p>
<p>“Such preposterous whims make a woman odious,” said Grandcourt, not
giving way in look or movement. “What is the use of talking to mad
people?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I am foolish—loneliness has made me foolish—indulge
me.” Sobs rose as she spoke. “If you will indulge me in this one
folly I will be very meek—I will never trouble you.” She burst into
hysterical crying, and said again almost with a scream—“I will be
very meek after that.”</p>
<p>There was a strange mixture of acting and reality in this passion. She kept
hold of her purpose as a child might tighten its hand over a small stolen
thing, crying and denying all the while. Even Grandcourt was wrought upon by
surprise: this capricious wish, this childish violence, was as unlike
Lydia’s bearing as it was incongruous with her person. Both had always
had a stamp of dignity on them. Yet she seemed more manageable in this state
than in her former attitude of defiance. He came close up to her again, and
said, in his low imperious tone, “Be quiet, and hear what I tell you, I
will never forgive you if you present yourself again and make a scene.”</p>
<p>She pressed her handkerchief against her face, and when she could speak firmly
said, in the muffled voice that follows sobbing, “I will not—if you
will let me have my way—I promise you not to thrust myself forward again.
I have never broken my word to you—how many have you broken to me? When
you gave me the diamonds to wear you were not thinking of having another wife.
And I now give them up—I don’t reproach you—I only ask you to
let me give them up in my own way. Have I not borne it well? Everything is to
be taken away from me, and when I ask for a straw, a chip—you deny it
me.” She had spoken rapidly, but after a little pause she said more
slowly, her voice freed from its muffled tone: “I will not bear to have
it denied me.”</p>
<p>Grandcourt had a baffling sense that he had to deal with something like
madness; he could only govern by giving way. The servant came to say the fly
was ready. When the door was shut again Grandcourt said sullenly, “We are
going to Ryelands then.”</p>
<p>“They shall be delivered to her there,” said Lydia, with decision.</p>
<p>“Very well, I am going.” He felt no inclination even to take her
hand: she had annoyed him too sorely. But now that she had gained her point,
she was prepared to humble herself that she might propitiate him.</p>
<p>“Forgive me; I will never vex you again,” she said, with beseeching
looks. Her inward voice said distinctly—“It is only I who have to
forgive.” Yet she was obliged to ask forgiveness.</p>
<p>“You had better keep that promise. You have made me feel uncommonly ill
with your folly,” said Grandcourt, apparently choosing this statement as
the strongest possible use of language.</p>
<p>“Poor thing!” cried Lydia, with a faint smile;—was he aware
of the minor fact that he made her feel ill this morning?</p>
<p>But with the quick transition natural to her, she was now ready to coax him if
he would let her, that they might part in some degree reconciled. She ventured
to lay her hand on his shoulder, and he did not move away from her: she had so
far succeeded in alarming him, that he was not sorry for these proofs of
returned subjection.</p>
<p>“Light a cigar,” she said, soothingly, taking the case from his
breast-pocket and opening it.</p>
<p>Amidst such caressing signs of mutual fear they parted. The effect that clung
and gnawed within Grandcourt was a sense of imperfect mastery.</p>
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