<p><SPAN name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"></SPAN></p>
<h2> Chapter XIX </h2>
<p>Morning made a considerable difference in my general prospect of Life, and
brightened it so much that it scarcely seemed the same. What lay heaviest
on my mind was, the consideration that six days intervened between me and
the day of departure; for I could not divest myself of a misgiving that
something might happen to London in the meanwhile, and that, when I got
there, it would be either greatly deteriorated or clean gone.</p>
<p>Joe and Biddy were very sympathetic and pleasant when I spoke of our
approaching separation; but they only referred to it when I did. After
breakfast, Joe brought out my indentures from the press in the best
parlor, and we put them in the fire, and I felt that I was free. With all
the novelty of my emancipation on me, I went to church with Joe, and
thought perhaps the clergyman wouldn't have read that about the rich man
and the kingdom of Heaven, if he had known all.</p>
<p>After our early dinner, I strolled out alone, purposing to finish off the
marshes at once, and get them done with. As I passed the church, I felt
(as I had felt during service in the morning) a sublime compassion for the
poor creatures who were destined to go there, Sunday after Sunday, all
their lives through, and to lie obscurely at last among the low green
mounds. I promised myself that I would do something for them one of these
days, and formed a plan in outline for bestowing a dinner of roast-beef
and plum-pudding, a pint of ale, and a gallon of condescension, upon
everybody in the village.</p>
<p>If I had often thought before, with something allied to shame, of my
companionship with the fugitive whom I had once seen limping among those
graves, what were my thoughts on this Sunday, when the place recalled the
wretch, ragged and shivering, with his felon iron and badge! My comfort
was, that it happened a long time ago, and that he had doubtless been
transported a long way off, and that he was dead to me, and might be
veritably dead into the bargain.</p>
<p>No more low, wet grounds, no more dikes and sluices, no more of these
grazing cattle,—though they seemed, in their dull manner, to wear a
more respectful air now, and to face round, in order that they might stare
as long as possible at the possessor of such great expectations,—farewell,
monotonous acquaintances of my childhood, henceforth I was for London and
greatness; not for smith's work in general, and for you! I made my
exultant way to the old Battery, and, lying down there to consider the
question whether Miss Havisham intended me for Estella, fell asleep.</p>
<p>When I awoke, I was much surprised to find Joe sitting beside me, smoking
his pipe. He greeted me with a cheerful smile on my opening my eyes, and
said,—</p>
<p>"As being the last time, Pip, I thought I'd foller."</p>
<p>"And Joe, I am very glad you did so."</p>
<p>"Thankee, Pip."</p>
<p>"You may be sure, dear Joe," I went on, after we had shaken hands, "that I
shall never forget you."</p>
<p>"No, no, Pip!" said Joe, in a comfortable tone, "I'm sure of that. Ay, ay,
old chap! Bless you, it were only necessary to get it well round in a
man's mind, to be certain on it. But it took a bit of time to get it well
round, the change come so oncommon plump; didn't it?"</p>
<p>Somehow, I was not best pleased with Joe's being so mightily secure of me.
I should have liked him to have betrayed emotion, or to have said, "It
does you credit, Pip," or something of that sort. Therefore, I made no
remark on Joe's first head; merely saying as to his second, that the
tidings had indeed come suddenly, but that I had always wanted to be a
gentleman, and had often and often speculated on what I would do, if I
were one.</p>
<p>"Have you though?" said Joe. "Astonishing!"</p>
<p>"It's a pity now, Joe," said I, "that you did not get on a little more,
when we had our lessons here; isn't it?"</p>
<p>"Well, I don't know," returned Joe. "I'm so awful dull. I'm only master of
my own trade. It were always a pity as I was so awful dull; but it's no
more of a pity now, than it was—this day twelvemonth—don't you
see?"</p>
<p>What I had meant was, that when I came into my property and was able to do
something for Joe, it would have been much more agreeable if he had been
better qualified for a rise in station. He was so perfectly innocent of my
meaning, however, that I thought I would mention it to Biddy in
preference.</p>
<p>So, when we had walked home and had had tea, I took Biddy into our little
garden by the side of the lane, and, after throwing out in a general way
for the elevation of her spirits, that I should never forget her, said I
had a favor to ask of her.</p>
<p>"And it is, Biddy," said I, "that you will not omit any opportunity of
helping Joe on, a little."</p>
<p>"How helping him on?" asked Biddy, with a steady sort of glance.</p>
<p>"Well! Joe is a dear good fellow,—in fact, I think he is the dearest
fellow that ever lived,—but he is rather backward in some things.
For instance, Biddy, in his learning and his manners."</p>
<p>Although I was looking at Biddy as I spoke, and although she opened her
eyes very wide when I had spoken, she did not look at me.</p>
<p>"O, his manners! won't his manners do then?" asked Biddy, plucking a
black-currant leaf.</p>
<p>"My dear Biddy, they do very well here—"</p>
<p>"O! they do very well here?" interrupted Biddy, looking closely at the
leaf in her hand.</p>
<p>"Hear me out,—but if I were to remove Joe into a higher sphere, as I
shall hope to remove him when I fully come into my property, they would
hardly do him justice."</p>
<p>"And don't you think he knows that?" asked Biddy.</p>
<p>It was such a very provoking question (for it had never in the most
distant manner occurred to me), that I said, snappishly,—</p>
<p>"Biddy, what do you mean?"</p>
<p>Biddy, having rubbed the leaf to pieces between her hands,—and the
smell of a black-currant bush has ever since recalled to me that evening
in the little garden by the side of the lane,—said, "Have you never
considered that he may be proud?"</p>
<p>"Proud?" I repeated, with disdainful emphasis.</p>
<p>"O! there are many kinds of pride," said Biddy, looking full at me and
shaking her head; "pride is not all of one kind—"</p>
<p>"Well? What are you stopping for?" said I.</p>
<p>"Not all of one kind," resumed Biddy. "He may be too proud to let any one
take him out of a place that he is competent to fill, and fills well and
with respect. To tell you the truth, I think he is; though it sounds bold
in me to say so, for you must know him far better than I do."</p>
<p>"Now, Biddy," said I, "I am very sorry to see this in you. I did not
expect to see this in you. You are envious, Biddy, and grudging. You are
dissatisfied on account of my rise in fortune, and you can't help showing
it."</p>
<p>"If you have the heart to think so," returned Biddy, "say so. Say so over
and over again, if you have the heart to think so."</p>
<p>"If you have the heart to be so, you mean, Biddy," said I, in a virtuous
and superior tone; "don't put it off upon me. I am very sorry to see it,
and it's a—it's a bad side of human nature. I did intend to ask you
to use any little opportunities you might have after I was gone, of
improving dear Joe. But after this I ask you nothing. I am extremely sorry
to see this in you, Biddy," I repeated. "It's a—it's a bad side of
human nature."</p>
<p>"Whether you scold me or approve of me," returned poor Biddy, "you may
equally depend upon my trying to do all that lies in my power, here, at
all times. And whatever opinion you take away of me, shall make no
difference in my remembrance of you. Yet a gentleman should not be unjust
neither," said Biddy, turning away her head.</p>
<p>I again warmly repeated that it was a bad side of human nature (in which
sentiment, waiving its application, I have since seen reason to think I
was right), and I walked down the little path away from Biddy, and Biddy
went into the house, and I went out at the garden gate and took a dejected
stroll until supper-time; again feeling it very sorrowful and strange that
this, the second night of my bright fortunes, should be as lonely and
unsatisfactory as the first.</p>
<p>But, morning once more brightened my view, and I extended my clemency to
Biddy, and we dropped the subject. Putting on the best clothes I had, I
went into town as early as I could hope to find the shops open, and
presented myself before Mr. Trabb, the tailor, who was having his
breakfast in the parlor behind his shop, and who did not think it worth
his while to come out to me, but called me in to him.</p>
<p>"Well!" said Mr. Trabb, in a hail-fellow-well-met kind of way. "How are
you, and what can I do for you?"</p>
<p>Mr. Trabb had sliced his hot roll into three feather-beds, and was
slipping butter in between the blankets, and covering it up. He was a
prosperous old bachelor, and his open window looked into a prosperous
little garden and orchard, and there was a prosperous iron safe let into
the wall at the side of his fireplace, and I did not doubt that heaps of
his prosperity were put away in it in bags.</p>
<p>"Mr. Trabb," said I, "it's an unpleasant thing to have to mention, because
it looks like boasting; but I have come into a handsome property."</p>
<p>A change passed over Mr. Trabb. He forgot the butter in bed, got up from
the bedside, and wiped his fingers on the tablecloth, exclaiming, "Lord
bless my soul!"</p>
<p>"I am going up to my guardian in London," said I, casually drawing some
guineas out of my pocket and looking at them; "and I want a fashionable
suit of clothes to go in. I wish to pay for them," I added—otherwise
I thought he might only pretend to make them, "with ready money."</p>
<p>"My dear sir," said Mr. Trabb, as he respectfully bent his body, opened
his arms, and took the liberty of touching me on the outside of each
elbow, "don't hurt me by mentioning that. May I venture to congratulate
you? Would you do me the favor of stepping into the shop?"</p>
<p>Mr. Trabb's boy was the most audacious boy in all that country-side. When
I had entered he was sweeping the shop, and he had sweetened his labors by
sweeping over me. He was still sweeping when I came out into the shop with
Mr. Trabb, and he knocked the broom against all possible corners and
obstacles, to express (as I understood it) equality with any blacksmith,
alive or dead.</p>
<p>"Hold that noise," said Mr. Trabb, with the greatest sternness, "or I'll
knock your head off!—Do me the favor to be seated, sir. Now, this,"
said Mr. Trabb, taking down a roll of cloth, and tiding it out in a
flowing manner over the counter, preparatory to getting his hand under it
to show the gloss, "is a very sweet article. I can recommend it for your
purpose, sir, because it really is extra super. But you shall see some
others. Give me Number Four, you!" (To the boy, and with a dreadfully
severe stare; foreseeing the danger of that miscreant's brushing me with
it, or making some other sign of familiarity.)</p>
<p>Mr. Trabb never removed his stern eye from the boy until he had deposited
number four on the counter and was at a safe distance again. Then he
commanded him to bring number five, and number eight. "And let me have
none of your tricks here," said Mr. Trabb, "or you shall repent it, you
young scoundrel, the longest day you have to live."</p>
<p>Mr. Trabb then bent over number four, and in a sort of deferential
confidence recommended it to me as a light article for summer wear, an
article much in vogue among the nobility and gentry, an article that it
would ever be an honor to him to reflect upon a distinguished
fellow-townsman's (if he might claim me for a fellow-townsman) having
worn. "Are you bringing numbers five and eight, you vagabond," said Mr.
Trabb to the boy after that, "or shall I kick you out of the shop and
bring them myself?"</p>
<p>I selected the materials for a suit, with the assistance of Mr. Trabb's
judgment, and re-entered the parlor to be measured. For although Mr. Trabb
had my measure already, and had previously been quite contented with it,
he said apologetically that it "wouldn't do under existing circumstances,
sir,—wouldn't do at all." So, Mr. Trabb measured and calculated me
in the parlor, as if I were an estate and he the finest species of
surveyor, and gave himself such a world of trouble that I felt that no
suit of clothes could possibly remunerate him for his pains. When he had
at last done and had appointed to send the articles to Mr. Pumblechook's
on the Thursday evening, he said, with his hand upon the parlor lock, "I
know, sir, that London gentlemen cannot be expected to patronize local
work, as a rule; but if you would give me a turn now and then in the
quality of a townsman, I should greatly esteem it. Good morning, sir, much
obliged.—Door!"</p>
<p>The last word was flung at the boy, who had not the least notion what it
meant. But I saw him collapse as his master rubbed me out with his hands,
and my first decided experience of the stupendous power of money was, that
it had morally laid upon his back Trabb's boy.</p>
<p>After this memorable event, I went to the hatter's, and the bootmaker's,
and the hosier's, and felt rather like Mother Hubbard's dog whose outfit
required the services of so many trades. I also went to the coach-office
and took my place for seven o'clock on Saturday morning. It was not
necessary to explain everywhere that I had come into a handsome property;
but whenever I said anything to that effect, it followed that the
officiating tradesman ceased to have his attention diverted through the
window by the High Street, and concentrated his mind upon me. When I had
ordered everything I wanted, I directed my steps towards Pumblechook's,
and, as I approached that gentleman's place of business, I saw him
standing at his door.</p>
<p>He was waiting for me with great impatience. He had been out early with
the chaise-cart, and had called at the forge and heard the news. He had
prepared a collation for me in the Barnwell parlor, and he too ordered his
shopman to "come out of the gangway" as my sacred person passed.</p>
<p>"My dear friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, taking me by both hands, when he
and I and the collation were alone, "I give you joy of your good fortune.
Well deserved, well deserved!"</p>
<p>This was coming to the point, and I thought it a sensible way of
expressing himself.</p>
<p>"To think," said Mr. Pumblechook, after snorting admiration at me for some
moments, "that I should have been the humble instrument of leading up to
this, is a proud reward."</p>
<p>I begged Mr. Pumblechook to remember that nothing was to be ever said or
hinted, on that point.</p>
<p>"My dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook; "if you will allow me to
call you so—"</p>
<p>I murmured "Certainly," and Mr. Pumblechook took me by both hands again,
and communicated a movement to his waistcoat, which had an emotional
appearance, though it was rather low down, "My dear young friend, rely
upon my doing my little all in your absence, by keeping the fact before
the mind of Joseph.—Joseph!" said Mr. Pumblechook, in the way of a
compassionate adjuration. "Joseph!! Joseph!!!" Thereupon he shook his head
and tapped it, expressing his sense of deficiency in Joseph.</p>
<p>"But my dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, "you must be hungry, you
must be exhausted. Be seated. Here is a chicken had round from the Boar,
here is a tongue had round from the Boar, here's one or two little things
had round from the Boar, that I hope you may not despise. But do I," said
Mr. Pumblechook, getting up again the moment after he had sat down, "see
afore me, him as I ever sported with in his times of happy infancy? And
may I—may I—?"</p>
<p>This May I, meant might he shake hands? I consented, and he was fervent,
and then sat down again.</p>
<p>"Here is wine," said Mr. Pumblechook. "Let us drink, Thanks to Fortune,
and may she ever pick out her favorites with equal judgment! And yet I
cannot," said Mr. Pumblechook, getting up again, "see afore me One—and
likewise drink to One—without again expressing—May I—may
I—?"</p>
<p>I said he might, and he shook hands with me again, and emptied his glass
and turned it upside down. I did the same; and if I had turned myself
upside down before drinking, the wine could not have gone more direct to
my head.</p>
<p>Mr. Pumblechook helped me to the liver wing, and to the best slice of
tongue (none of those out-of-the-way No Thoroughfares of Pork now), and
took, comparatively speaking, no care of himself at all. "Ah! poultry,
poultry! You little thought," said Mr. Pumblechook, apostrophizing the
fowl in the dish, "when you was a young fledgling, what was in store for
you. You little thought you was to be refreshment beneath this humble roof
for one as—Call it a weakness, if you will," said Mr. Pumblechook,
getting up again, "but may I? may I—?"</p>
<p>It began to be unnecessary to repeat the form of saying he might, so he
did it at once. How he ever did it so often without wounding himself with
my knife, I don't know.</p>
<p>"And your sister," he resumed, after a little steady eating, "which had
the honor of bringing you up by hand! It's a sad picter, to reflect that
she's no longer equal to fully understanding the honor. May—"</p>
<p>I saw he was about to come at me again, and I stopped him.</p>
<p>"We'll drink her health," said I.</p>
<p>"Ah!" cried Mr. Pumblechook, leaning back in his chair, quite flaccid with
admiration, "that's the way you know 'em, sir!" (I don't know who Sir was,
but he certainly was not I, and there was no third person present);
"that's the way you know the noble-minded, sir! Ever forgiving and ever
affable. It might," said the servile Pumblechook, putting down his
untasted glass in a hurry and getting up again, "to a common person, have
the appearance of repeating—but may I—?"</p>
<p>When he had done it, he resumed his seat and drank to my sister. "Let us
never be blind," said Mr. Pumblechook, "to her faults of temper, but it is
to be hoped she meant well."</p>
<p>At about this time, I began to observe that he was getting flushed in the
face; as to myself, I felt all face, steeped in wine and smarting.</p>
<p>I mentioned to Mr. Pumblechook that I wished to have my new clothes sent
to his house, and he was ecstatic on my so distinguishing him. I mentioned
my reason for desiring to avoid observation in the village, and he lauded
it to the skies. There was nobody but himself, he intimated, worthy of my
confidence, and—in short, might he? Then he asked me tenderly if I
remembered our boyish games at sums, and how we had gone together to have
me bound apprentice, and, in effect, how he had ever been my favorite
fancy and my chosen friend? If I had taken ten times as many glasses of
wine as I had, I should have known that he never had stood in that
relation towards me, and should in my heart of hearts have repudiated the
idea. Yet for all that, I remember feeling convinced that I had been much
mistaken in him, and that he was a sensible, practical, good-hearted prime
fellow.</p>
<p>By degrees he fell to reposing such great confidence in me, as to ask my
advice in reference to his own affairs. He mentioned that there was an
opportunity for a great amalgamation and monopoly of the corn and seed
trade on those premises, if enlarged, such as had never occurred before in
that or any other neighborhood. What alone was wanting to the realization
of a vast fortune, he considered to be More Capital. Those were the two
little words, more capital. Now it appeared to him (Pumblechook) that if
that capital were got into the business, through a sleeping partner, sir,—which
sleeping partner would have nothing to do but walk in, by self or deputy,
whenever he pleased, and examine the books,—and walk in twice a year
and take his profits away in his pocket, to the tune of fifty per cent,—it
appeared to him that that might be an opening for a young gentleman of
spirit combined with property, which would be worthy of his attention. But
what did I think? He had great confidence in my opinion, and what did I
think? I gave it as my opinion. "Wait a bit!" The united vastness and
distinctness of this view so struck him, that he no longer asked if he
might shake hands with me, but said he really must,—and did.</p>
<p>We drank all the wine, and Mr. Pumblechook pledged himself over and over
again to keep Joseph up to the mark (I don't know what mark), and to
render me efficient and constant service (I don't know what service). He
also made known to me for the first time in my life, and certainly after
having kept his secret wonderfully well, that he had always said of me,
"That boy is no common boy, and mark me, his fortun' will be no common
fortun'." He said with a tearful smile that it was a singular thing to
think of now, and I said so too. Finally, I went out into the air, with a
dim perception that there was something unwonted in the conduct of the
sunshine, and found that I had slumberously got to the turnpike without
having taken any account of the road.</p>
<p>There, I was roused by Mr. Pumblechook's hailing me. He was a long way
down the sunny street, and was making expressive gestures for me to stop.
I stopped, and he came up breathless.</p>
<p>"No, my dear friend," said he, when he had recovered wind for speech. "Not
if I can help it. This occasion shall not entirely pass without that
affability on your part.—May I, as an old friend and well-wisher?
May I?"</p>
<p>We shook hands for the hundredth time at least, and he ordered a young
carter out of my way with the greatest indignation. Then, he blessed me
and stood waving his hand to me until I had passed the crook in the road;
and then I turned into a field and had a long nap under a hedge before I
pursued my way home.</p>
<p>I had scant luggage to take with me to London, for little of the little I
possessed was adapted to my new station. But I began packing that same
afternoon, and wildly packed up things that I knew I should want next
morning, in a fiction that there was not a moment to be lost.</p>
<p>So, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, passed; and on Friday morning I went
to Mr. Pumblechook's, to put on my new clothes and pay my visit to Miss
Havisham. Mr. Pumblechook's own room was given up to me to dress in, and
was decorated with clean towels expressly for the event. My clothes were
rather a disappointment, of course. Probably every new and eagerly
expected garment ever put on since clothes came in, fell a trifle short of
the wearer's expectation. But after I had had my new suit on some half an
hour, and had gone through an immensity of posturing with Mr.
Pumblechook's very limited dressing-glass, in the futile endeavor to see
my legs, it seemed to fit me better. It being market morning at a
neighboring town some ten miles off, Mr. Pumblechook was not at home. I
had not told him exactly when I meant to leave, and was not likely to
shake hands with him again before departing. This was all as it should be,
and I went out in my new array, fearfully ashamed of having to pass the
shopman, and suspicious after all that I was at a personal disadvantage,
something like Joe's in his Sunday suit.</p>
<p>I went circuitously to Miss Havisham's by all the back ways, and rang at
the bell constrainedly, on account of the stiff long fingers of my gloves.
Sarah Pocket came to the gate, and positively reeled back when she saw me
so changed; her walnut-shell countenance likewise turned from brown to
green and yellow.</p>
<p>"You?" said she. "You? Good gracious! What do you want?"</p>
<p>"I am going to London, Miss Pocket," said I, "and want to say good by to
Miss Havisham."</p>
<p>I was not expected, for she left me locked in the yard, while she went to
ask if I were to be admitted. After a very short delay, she returned and
took me up, staring at me all the way.</p>
<p>Miss Havisham was taking exercise in the room with the long spread table,
leaning on her crutch stick. The room was lighted as of yore, and at the
sound of our entrance, she stopped and turned. She was then just abreast
of the rotted bride-cake.</p>
<p>"Don't go, Sarah," she said. "Well, Pip?"</p>
<p>"I start for London, Miss Havisham, to-morrow," I was exceedingly careful
what I said, "and I thought you would kindly not mind my taking leave of
you."</p>
<p>"This is a gay figure, Pip," said she, making her crutch stick play round
me, as if she, the fairy godmother who had changed me, were bestowing the
finishing gift.</p>
<p>"I have come into such good fortune since I saw you last, Miss Havisham,"
I murmured. "And I am so grateful for it, Miss Havisham!"</p>
<p>"Ay, ay!" said she, looking at the discomfited and envious Sarah, with
delight. "I have seen Mr. Jaggers. I have heard about it, Pip. So you go
to-morrow?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Miss Havisham."</p>
<p>"And you are adopted by a rich person?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Miss Havisham."</p>
<p>"Not named?"</p>
<p>"No, Miss Havisham."</p>
<p>"And Mr. Jaggers is made your guardian?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Miss Havisham."</p>
<p>She quite gloated on these questions and answers, so keen was her
enjoyment of Sarah Pocket's jealous dismay. "Well!" she went on; "you have
a promising career before you. Be good—deserve it—and abide by
Mr. Jaggers's instructions." She looked at me, and looked at Sarah, and
Sarah's countenance wrung out of her watchful face a cruel smile. "Good
by, Pip!—you will always keep the name of Pip, you know."</p>
<p>"Yes, Miss Havisham."</p>
<p>"Good by, Pip!"</p>
<p>She stretched out her hand, and I went down on my knee and put it to my
lips. I had not considered how I should take leave of her; it came
naturally to me at the moment to do this. She looked at Sarah Pocket with
triumph in her weird eyes, and so I left my fairy godmother, with both her
hands on her crutch stick, standing in the midst of the dimly lighted room
beside the rotten bride-cake that was hidden in cobwebs.</p>
<p>Sarah Pocket conducted me down, as if I were a ghost who must be seen out.
She could not get over my appearance, and was in the last degree
confounded. I said "Good by, Miss Pocket;" but she merely stared, and did
not seem collected enough to know that I had spoken. Clear of the house, I
made the best of my way back to Pumblechook's, took off my new clothes,
made them into a bundle, and went back home in my older dress, carrying it—to
speak the truth—much more at my ease too, though I had the bundle to
carry.</p>
<p>And now, those six days which were to have run out so slowly, had run out
fast and were gone, and to-morrow looked me in the face more steadily than
I could look at it. As the six evenings had dwindled away, to five, to
four, to three, to two, I had become more and more appreciative of the
society of Joe and Biddy. On this last evening, I dressed my self out in
my new clothes for their delight, and sat in my splendor until bedtime. We
had a hot supper on the occasion, graced by the inevitable roast fowl, and
we had some flip to finish with. We were all very low, and none the higher
for pretending to be in spirits.</p>
<p>I was to leave our village at five in the morning, carrying my little
hand-portmanteau, and I had told Joe that I wished to walk away all alone.
I am afraid—sore afraid—that this purpose originated in my
sense of the contrast there would be between me and Joe, if we went to the
coach together. I had pretended with myself that there was nothing of this
taint in the arrangement; but when I went up to my little room on this
last night, I felt compelled to admit that it might be so, and had an
impulse upon me to go down again and entreat Joe to walk with me in the
morning. I did not.</p>
<p>All night there were coaches in my broken sleep, going to wrong places
instead of to London, and having in the traces, now dogs, now cats, now
pigs, now men,—never horses. Fantastic failures of journeys occupied
me until the day dawned and the birds were singing. Then, I got up and
partly dressed, and sat at the window to take a last look out, and in
taking it fell asleep.</p>
<p>Biddy was astir so early to get my breakfast, that, although I did not
sleep at the window an hour, I smelt the smoke of the kitchen fire when I
started up with a terrible idea that it must be late in the afternoon. But
long after that, and long after I had heard the clinking of the teacups
and was quite ready, I wanted the resolution to go down stairs. After all,
I remained up there, repeatedly unlocking and unstrapping my small
portmanteau and locking and strapping it up again, until Biddy called to
me that I was late.</p>
<p>It was a hurried breakfast with no taste in it. I got up from the meal,
saying with a sort of briskness, as if it had only just occurred to me,
"Well! I suppose I must be off!" and then I kissed my sister who was
laughing and nodding and shaking in her usual chair, and kissed Biddy, and
threw my arms around Joe's neck. Then I took up my little portmanteau and
walked out. The last I saw of them was, when I presently heard a scuffle
behind me, and looking back, saw Joe throwing an old shoe after me and
Biddy throwing another old shoe. I stopped then, to wave my hat, and dear
old Joe waved his strong right arm above his head, crying huskily
"Hooroar!" and Biddy put her apron to her face.</p>
<p>I walked away at a good pace, thinking it was easier to go than I had
supposed it would be, and reflecting that it would never have done to have
had an old shoe thrown after the coach, in sight of all the High Street. I
whistled and made nothing of going. But the village was very peaceful and
quiet, and the light mists were solemnly rising, as if to show me the
world, and I had been so innocent and little there, and all beyond was so
unknown and great, that in a moment with a strong heave and sob I broke
into tears. It was by the finger-post at the end of the village, and I
laid my hand upon it, and said, "Good by, O my dear, dear friend!"</p>
<p>Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon
the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after
I had cried than before,—more sorry, more aware of my own
ingratitude, more gentle. If I had cried before, I should have had Joe
with me then.</p>
<p>So subdued I was by those tears, and by their breaking out again in the
course of the quiet walk, that when I was on the coach, and it was clear
of the town, I deliberated with an aching heart whether I would not get
down when we changed horses and walk back, and have another evening at
home, and a better parting. We changed, and I had not made up my mind, and
still reflected for my comfort that it would be quite practicable to get
down and walk back, when we changed again. And while I was occupied with
these deliberations, I would fancy an exact resemblance to Joe in some man
coming along the road towards us, and my heart would beat high.—As
if he could possibly be there!</p>
<p>We changed again, and yet again, and it was now too late and too far to go
back, and I went on. And the mists had all solemnly risen now, and the
world lay spread before me.</p>
<p>This is the end of the first stage of Pip's expectations.</p>
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