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<h2> Chapter XXXVI </h2>
<p>Herbert and I went on from bad to worse, in the way of increasing our
debts, looking into our affairs, leaving Margins, and the like exemplary
transactions; and Time went on, whether or no, as he has a way of doing;
and I came of age,—in fulfilment of Herbert's prediction, that I
should do so before I knew where I was.</p>
<p>Herbert himself had come of age eight months before me. As he had nothing
else than his majority to come into, the event did not make a profound
sensation in Barnard's Inn. But we had looked forward to my
one-and-twentieth birthday, with a crowd of speculations and
anticipations, for we had both considered that my guardian could hardly
help saying something definite on that occasion.</p>
<p>I had taken care to have it well understood in Little Britain when my
birthday was. On the day before it, I received an official note from
Wemmick, informing me that Mr. Jaggers would be glad if I would call upon
him at five in the afternoon of the auspicious day. This convinced us that
something great was to happen, and threw me into an unusual flutter when I
repaired to my guardian's office, a model of punctuality.</p>
<p>In the outer office Wemmick offered me his congratulations, and
incidentally rubbed the side of his nose with a folded piece of
tissue-paper that I liked the look of. But he said nothing respecting it,
and motioned me with a nod into my guardian's room. It was November, and
my guardian was standing before his fire leaning his back against the
chimney-piece, with his hands under his coattails.</p>
<p>"Well, Pip," said he, "I must call you Mr. Pip to-day. Congratulations,
Mr. Pip."</p>
<p>We shook hands,—he was always a remarkably short shaker,—and I
thanked him.</p>
<p>"Take a chair, Mr. Pip," said my guardian.</p>
<p>As I sat down, and he preserved his attitude and bent his brows at his
boots, I felt at a disadvantage, which reminded me of that old time when I
had been put upon a tombstone. The two ghastly casts on the shelf were not
far from him, and their expression was as if they were making a stupid
apoplectic attempt to attend to the conversation.</p>
<p>"Now my young friend," my guardian began, as if I were a witness in the
box, "I am going to have a word or two with you."</p>
<p>"If you please, sir."</p>
<p>"What do you suppose," said Mr. Jaggers, bending forward to look at the
ground, and then throwing his head back to look at the ceiling,—"what
do you suppose you are living at the rate of?"</p>
<p>"At the rate of, sir?"</p>
<p>"At," repeated Mr. Jaggers, still looking at the ceiling, "the—rate—of?"
And then looked all round the room, and paused with his
pocket-handkerchief in his hand, half-way to his nose.</p>
<p>I had looked into my affairs so often, that I had thoroughly destroyed any
slight notion I might ever have had of their bearings. Reluctantly, I
confessed myself quite unable to answer the question. This reply seemed
agreeable to Mr. Jaggers, who said, "I thought so!" and blew his nose with
an air of satisfaction.</p>
<p>"Now, I have asked you a question, my friend," said Mr. Jaggers. "Have you
anything to ask me?"</p>
<p>"Of course it would be a great relief to me to ask you several questions,
sir; but I remember your prohibition."</p>
<p>"Ask one," said Mr. Jaggers.</p>
<p>"Is my benefactor to be made known to me to-day?"</p>
<p>"No. Ask another."</p>
<p>"Is that confidence to be imparted to me soon?"</p>
<p>"Waive that, a moment," said Mr. Jaggers, "and ask another."</p>
<p>I looked about me, but there appeared to be now no possible escape from
the inquiry, "Have-I—anything to receive, sir?" On that, Mr. Jaggers
said, triumphantly, "I thought we should come to it!" and called to
Wemmick to give him that piece of paper. Wemmick appeared, handed it in,
and disappeared.</p>
<p>"Now, Mr. Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, "attend, if you please. You have been
drawing pretty freely here; your name occurs pretty often in Wemmick's
cash-book; but you are in debt, of course?"</p>
<p>"I am afraid I must say yes, sir."</p>
<p>"You know you must say yes; don't you?" said Mr. Jaggers.</p>
<p>"Yes, sir."</p>
<p>"I don't ask you what you owe, because you don't know; and if you did
know, you wouldn't tell me; you would say less. Yes, yes, my friend,"
cried Mr. Jaggers, waving his forefinger to stop me as I made a show of
protesting: "it's likely enough that you think you wouldn't, but you
would. You'll excuse me, but I know better than you. Now, take this piece
of paper in your hand. You have got it? Very good. Now, unfold it and tell
me what it is."</p>
<p>"This is a bank-note," said I, "for five hundred pounds."</p>
<p>"That is a bank-note," repeated Mr. Jaggers, "for five hundred pounds. And
a very handsome sum of money too, I think. You consider it so?"</p>
<p>"How could I do otherwise!"</p>
<p>"Ah! But answer the question," said Mr. Jaggers.</p>
<p>"Undoubtedly."</p>
<p>"You consider it, undoubtedly, a handsome sum of money. Now, that handsome
sum of money, Pip, is your own. It is a present to you on this day, in
earnest of your expectations. And at the rate of that handsome sum of
money per annum, and at no higher rate, you are to live until the donor of
the whole appears. That is to say, you will now take your money affairs
entirely into your own hands, and you will draw from Wemmick one hundred
and twenty-five pounds per quarter, until you are in communication with
the fountain-head, and no longer with the mere agent. As I have told you
before, I am the mere agent. I execute my instructions, and I am paid for
doing so. I think them injudicious, but I am not paid for giving any
opinion on their merits."</p>
<p>I was beginning to express my gratitude to my benefactor for the great
liberality with which I was treated, when Mr. Jaggers stopped me. "I am
not paid, Pip," said he, coolly, "to carry your words to any one;" and
then gathered up his coat-tails, as he had gathered up the subject, and
stood frowning at his boots as if he suspected them of designs against
him.</p>
<p>After a pause, I hinted,—</p>
<p>"There was a question just now, Mr. Jaggers, which you desired me to waive
for a moment. I hope I am doing nothing wrong in asking it again?"</p>
<p>"What is it?" said he.</p>
<p>I might have known that he would never help me out; but it took me aback
to have to shape the question afresh, as if it were quite new. "Is it
likely," I said, after hesitating, "that my patron, the fountain-head you
have spoken of, Mr. Jaggers, will soon—" there I delicately stopped.</p>
<p>"Will soon what?" asked Mr. Jaggers. "That's no question as it stands, you
know."</p>
<p>"Will soon come to London," said I, after casting about for a precise form
of words, "or summon me anywhere else?"</p>
<p>"Now, here," replied Mr. Jaggers, fixing me for the first time with his
dark deep-set eyes, "we must revert to the evening when we first
encountered one another in your village. What did I tell you then, Pip?"</p>
<p>"You told me, Mr. Jaggers, that it might be years hence when that person
appeared."</p>
<p>"Just so," said Mr. Jaggers, "that's my answer."</p>
<p>As we looked full at one another, I felt my breath come quicker in my
strong desire to get something out of him. And as I felt that it came
quicker, and as I felt that he saw that it came quicker, I felt that I had
less chance than ever of getting anything out of him.</p>
<p>"Do you suppose it will still be years hence, Mr. Jaggers?"</p>
<p>Mr. Jaggers shook his head,—not in negativing the question, but in
altogether negativing the notion that he could anyhow be got to answer it,—and
the two horrible casts of the twitched faces looked, when my eyes strayed
up to them, as if they had come to a crisis in their suspended attention,
and were going to sneeze.</p>
<p>"Come!" said Mr. Jaggers, warming the backs of his legs with the backs of
his warmed hands, "I'll be plain with you, my friend Pip. That's a
question I must not be asked. You'll understand that better, when I tell
you it's a question that might compromise me. Come! I'll go a little
further with you; I'll say something more."</p>
<p>He bent down so low to frown at his boots, that he was able to rub the
calves of his legs in the pause he made.</p>
<p>"When that person discloses," said Mr. Jaggers, straightening himself,
"you and that person will settle your own affairs. When that person
discloses, my part in this business will cease and determine. When that
person discloses, it will not be necessary for me to know anything about
it. And that's all I have got to say."</p>
<p>We looked at one another until I withdrew my eyes, and looked thoughtfully
at the floor. From this last speech I derived the notion that Miss
Havisham, for some reason or no reason, had not taken him into her
confidence as to her designing me for Estella; that he resented this, and
felt a jealousy about it; or that he really did object to that scheme, and
would have nothing to do with it. When I raised my eyes again, I found
that he had been shrewdly looking at me all the time, and was doing so
still.</p>
<p>"If that is all you have to say, sir," I remarked, "there can be nothing
left for me to say."</p>
<p>He nodded assent, and pulled out his thief-dreaded watch, and asked me
where I was going to dine? I replied at my own chambers, with Herbert. As
a necessary sequence, I asked him if he would favor us with his company,
and he promptly accepted the invitation. But he insisted on walking home
with me, in order that I might make no extra preparation for him, and
first he had a letter or two to write, and (of course) had his hands to
wash. So I said I would go into the outer office and talk to Wemmick.</p>
<p>The fact was, that when the five hundred pounds had come into my pocket, a
thought had come into my head which had been often there before; and it
appeared to me that Wemmick was a good person to advise with concerning
such thought.</p>
<p>He had already locked up his safe, and made preparations for going home.
He had left his desk, brought out his two greasy office candlesticks and
stood them in line with the snuffers on a slab near the door, ready to be
extinguished; he had raked his fire low, put his hat and great-coat ready,
and was beating himself all over the chest with his safe-key, as an
athletic exercise after business.</p>
<p>"Mr. Wemmick," said I, "I want to ask your opinion. I am very desirous to
serve a friend."</p>
<p>Wemmick tightened his post-office and shook his head, as if his opinion
were dead against any fatal weakness of that sort.</p>
<p>"This friend," I pursued, "is trying to get on in commercial life, but has
no money, and finds it difficult and disheartening to make a beginning.
Now I want somehow to help him to a beginning."</p>
<p>"With money down?" said Wemmick, in a tone drier than any sawdust.</p>
<p>"With some money down," I replied, for an uneasy remembrance shot across
me of that symmetrical bundle of papers at home—"with some money
down, and perhaps some anticipation of my expectations."</p>
<p>"Mr. Pip," said Wemmick, "I should like just to run over with you on my
fingers, if you please, the names of the various bridges up as high as
Chelsea Reach. Let's see; there's London, one; Southwark, two;
Blackfriars, three; Waterloo, four; Westminster, five; Vauxhall, six." He
had checked off each bridge in its turn, with the handle of his safe-key
on the palm of his hand. "There's as many as six, you see, to choose
from."</p>
<p>"I don't understand you," said I.</p>
<p>"Choose your bridge, Mr. Pip," returned Wemmick, "and take a walk upon
your bridge, and pitch your money into the Thames over the centre arch of
your bridge, and you know the end of it. Serve a friend with it, and you
may know the end of it too,—but it's a less pleasant and profitable
end."</p>
<p>I could have posted a newspaper in his mouth, he made it so wide after
saying this.</p>
<p>"This is very discouraging," said I.</p>
<p>"Meant to be so," said Wemmick.</p>
<p>"Then is it your opinion," I inquired, with some little indignation, "that
a man should never—"</p>
<p>"—Invest portable property in a friend?" said Wemmick. "Certainly he
should not. Unless he wants to get rid of the friend,—and then it
becomes a question how much portable property it may be worth to get rid
of him."</p>
<p>"And that," said I, "is your deliberate opinion, Mr. Wemmick?"</p>
<p>"That," he returned, "is my deliberate opinion in this office."</p>
<p>"Ah!" said I, pressing him, for I thought I saw him near a loophole here;
"but would that be your opinion at Walworth?"</p>
<p>"Mr. Pip," he replied, with gravity, "Walworth is one place, and this
office is another. Much as the Aged is one person, and Mr. Jaggers is
another. They must not be confounded together. My Walworth sentiments must
be taken at Walworth; none but my official sentiments can be taken in this
office."</p>
<p>"Very well," said I, much relieved, "then I shall look you up at Walworth,
you may depend upon it."</p>
<p>"Mr. Pip," he returned, "you will be welcome there, in a private and
personal capacity."</p>
<p>We had held this conversation in a low voice, well knowing my guardian's
ears to be the sharpest of the sharp. As he now appeared in his doorway,
towelling his hands, Wemmick got on his great-coat and stood by to snuff
out the candles. We all three went into the street together, and from the
door-step Wemmick turned his way, and Mr. Jaggers and I turned ours.</p>
<p>I could not help wishing more than once that evening, that Mr. Jaggers had
had an Aged in Gerrard Street, or a Stinger, or a Something, or a
Somebody, to unbend his brows a little. It was an uncomfortable
consideration on a twenty-first birthday, that coming of age at all seemed
hardly worth while in such a guarded and suspicious world as he made of
it. He was a thousand times better informed and cleverer than Wemmick, and
yet I would a thousand times rather have had Wemmick to dinner. And Mr.
Jaggers made not me alone intensely melancholy, because, after he was
gone, Herbert said of himself, with his eyes fixed on the fire, that he
thought he must have committed a felony and forgotten the details of it,
he felt so dejected and guilty.</p>
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