<h2><SPAN name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></SPAN>CHAPTER V.</h2>
<p class="center">JACK AND THE BEAN-STALK'S FARM.</p>
<p>It was quite an ordinary-looking farm-yard and quite an
ordinary-looking Cow, but she stared so earnestly up at Davy that he
felt positively certain she had something to say to him. "Every
creature I meet <i>does</i> have something to say," he thought, as he felt
about for the window-fastening, "and I should really like to hear a
Cow"—and just at this moment the window suddenly flew open, and he
pitched head-foremost out upon a pile of hay in the farm-yard, and
rolled from it off upon the ground. As he sat up, feeling exceedingly
foolish, he looked anxiously at the Cow, expecting to see her laughing
at his misfortune, but she stood gazing at him with a very serious
expression of countenance, solemnly chewing, and slowly swishing her
tail from side to side. As Davy really didn't know how to begin a
conversation with a Cow, he waited for her to speak first, and there
was consequently a long pause. Presently the Cow said, in a
melancholy, lowing tone of voice, "The old gray goose is dead."</p>
<p>"I'm very sorry," said Davy, not knowing what else to say.</p>
<p>"She is," said the Cow, positively, "and we've buried
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</SPAN></span>her in the
vegetable garden. We thought gooseberries would come up, but they
didn't. Nothing came up but feathers."</p>
<p>"That's very curious," said Davy.</p>
<p>"Curious, but comfortable," replied the Cow. "You see, it makes a
feather-bed in the garden. The pig sleeps there, and calls it his
quill pen. Now <i>I</i> think that pigpens should be made of porcupine
quills."</p>
<p>"So do I," said Davy, laughing. "What else is there in the garden?"</p>
<p>"Nothing but the bean-stalk," said the Cow. "You've heard of 'Jack and
the Bean-stalk,' haven't you?"</p>
<p>"Oh! yes, indeed!" said Davy, beginning to be very much interested. "I
should like to see the bean-stalk."</p>
<p>"You can't <i>see</i> the beans talk," said the Cow, gravely. "You might
<i>hear</i> them talk; that is, if they had anything to say, and you
listened long enough. By the way, that's the house that Jack built.
Pretty, isn't it?"</p>
<p>Davy turned and looked up at the house. It certainly was a very pretty
house, built of bright red brick, with little gables, and
dormer-windows in the roof, and with a trim little porch quite
overgrown with climbing roses. Suddenly an idea struck him, and he
exclaimed:—</p>
<p>"Then you must be the Cow with a crumpled horn!"</p>
<p>"It's not crumpled," said the Cow, with great dignity. "There's a
slight crimp in it, to be sure, but nothing that can properly be
called a crump. Then the story was all wrong about my tossing the dog.
It was the<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</SPAN></span>
cat that ate the malt. He was a Maltese cat, and his name
was Flipmegilder."</p>
<p>"Did you toss <i>him</i>?" inquired Davy.</p>
<p>"Certainly not," said the Cow, indignantly. "Who ever heard of a cow
tossing a cat? The fact is, I've never had a fair chance to toss
<i>anything</i>. As for the dog, Mother Hubbard never permitted any
liberties to be taken with <i>him</i>."</p>
<p>"I'd dearly love to see Mother Hubbard," said Davy, eagerly.</p>
<p>"Well, you can," said the Cow, indifferently. "She isn't much to see.
If you'll look in at the kitchen window you'll probably find her
performing on the piano and singing a song. She's always at it."</p>
<p>Davy stole softly to the kitchen window and peeped in, and, as the Cow
had said, Mother Hubbard was there, sitting at the piano, and
evidently just preparing to sing. The piano was very remarkable, and
Davy could not remember ever having seen one like it before. The top
of it was arranged with shelves, on which stood all the kitchen
crockery, and in the under part of it, at one end, was an oven with
glass doors, through which he could see several pies baking.</p>
<p>Mother Hubbard was dressed, just as he expected, in a very ornamental
flowered gown, with high-heeled shoes and buckles, and wore a tall
pointed hat over her nightcap. She was so like the pictures Davy had
seen of her that he thought he would have recognized her anywhere.</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</SPAN></span></p>
<div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/i009a.jpg" width-obs="300" height-obs="403" alt="MOTHER HUBBARD SINGS A SONG." title="MOTHER HUBBARD SINGS A SONG." /> <span class="caption"><small>MOTHER HUBBARD SINGS A SONG.</small></span></div>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</SPAN></span>
She sang in a high key with a very quavering voice, and this was the
song:—</p>
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<td><span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>I had an educated pug</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>His name was Tommy Jones</i>;</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>He lived upon the parlor rug</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>Exclusively on bones.</i></span><br/>
<br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>And if, in a secluded room</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>I hid one on a shelf</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>It disappeared; so I presume</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>He used to help himself</i>.</span><br/>
<br/>
</td>
</tr>
</table></div>
<div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/i010a.jpg" width-obs="300" height-obs="178" alt="" title="" /></div>
<div class="centered">
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="4" width="55%" summary="">
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<td><span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>He had an entertaining trick</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>Of feigning he was dead</i>;</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>Then, with a reassuring kick</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>Would stand upon his head.</i></span><br/>
<br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>I could not take the proper change</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>And go to buy him shoes</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>But what he'd sit upon the range</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>And read the latest news</i>.</span><br/><br/>
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</SPAN></span>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>And when I ventured out, one day</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>To order him a coat</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>I found him, in his artless way</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>Careering on a goat</i>.</span><br/>
<br/>
</td>
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<div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/i011a.jpg" width-obs="300" height-obs="297" alt="" title="" /></div>
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<td><span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>I could not go to look at hats</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>But that, with childish glee</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>He'd ask in all the neighbors' cats</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>To join him at his tea</i>.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>And when I went to pay a bill</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>(I think it was for tripe)</i>,</span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;"><i>He made himself extremely ill</i></span><br/>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;"><i>By smoking with a pipe</i>.</span><br/>
</td>
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<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</SPAN></span>
There was something about the prim language of this song that sounded
very familiar to Davy, and when Mother Hubbard chanced to turn her
face towards him he was surprised to see that she looked very like old
Miss Peggs, his school-teacher. While she was singing the song little
handfuls of gravel were constantly thrown at her through one of the
kitchen windows, and by the time the song was finished her lap was
quite full of it.</p>
<p>"I'd just like to know who is throwing that gravel," said Davy,
indignantly.</p>
<p>"It's Gobobbles," said the Cow, calmly. "You'll find him around at the
front of the house. By the way, have you any chewing-gum about you?"</p>
<p>"No," said Davy, greatly surprised at the question.</p>
<p>"So I supposed," said the Cow. "It's precisely what I should expect of
a person who would fall out of a window."</p>
<p>"But I couldn't help <i>that</i>," said Davy.</p>
<p>"Of course you couldn't," said the Cow, yawning indolently. "It's
precisely what I should expect of a person who hadn't any
chewing-gum." And with this the Cow walked gravely away, just as
Mother Hubbard made her appearance at the window.</p>
<p>"Boy," said Mother Hubbard, beaming mildly upon Davy through her
spectacles, "you shouldn't throw gravel."</p>
<p>"I haven't thrown any," said Davy.</p>
<p>"Fie!" said Mother Hubbard, shaking her head; "always speak the
truth."</p>
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</SPAN></span>
"I am speaking the truth," said Davy, indignantly. "It was
Gobobbles."</p>
<p>"So I supposed," said Mother Hubbard, gently shaking her head again.
"It would have been far better if he had been cooked last Christmas
instead of being left over. Stuffing him and then letting him go has
made a very proud creature of him. You should never be proud."</p>
<p>"I'm not proud," replied Davy, provoked at being mixed up with
Gobobbles in this way.</p>
<p>"You may define the word <i>proud</i>, and give a few examples," continued
Mother Hubbard; and by this time she had grown to be so surprisingly
like Miss Peggs that Davy immediately clasped his hands behind him,
according to rule, and prepared to recite.</p>
<p>"Proud means being set up, I think," he said, respectfully; "but I
don't think I know any examples."</p>
<p>"You may take Gobobbles for an example," replied Mother Hubbard.
"You'll find <i>him</i> set up in front of the house, and mind you don't
aggravate him;" and after again beaming mildly through her spectacles
she disappeared from the window, and Davy went cautiously around the
corner of the house, curious to see what Gobobbles might be like. As
he approached the front of the house he heard a loud, thumping noise,
and presently he came in sight of Gobobbles, who proved to be a large
and very bold-mannered turkey with all his feathers taken off except a
frowzy tuft about his neck. He was tied fast in a baby's high chair,
and was thumping his<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</SPAN></span>
chest with his wings in such a violent and
ill-tempered manner that Davy at once made up his mind not to
aggravate him under any circumstances. As Gobobbles caught sight of
him he discontinued his thumping, and, after staring at him for a
moment, said sulkily:—</p>
<p>"I can't abide boys!"</p>
<p>"Why not?" said Davy.</p>
<p>"Oh, they're so hungry!" said Gobobbles, passionately. "They're so
everlastingly hungry. Now don't deny that you're fond of turkey."</p>
<p>"Well, I <i>do</i> like turkey," said Davy, seeing no way out of the
difficulty.</p>
<p>"Of course you do!" said Gobobbles, tossing his head. "Now you might
as well know," he continued, resuming his thumping with increased
energy, "that I'm as hollow as a drum and as tough as a hat-box. Just
mention that fact to any one you meet, will you? I suppose Christmas
is coming, of course."</p>
<p>"Of course it is," replied Davy.</p>
<p>"It's <i>always</i> coming!" said Gobobbles, angrily; "I never knew a time
yet when it <i>wasn't</i> coming!"</p>
<p>"<i>I</i> don't mind having it come," said Davy, stoutly.</p>
<p>"Oh, don't you, indeed!" said Gobobbles. "Well, then, <i>I</i> don't mind
having <i>you</i> go!" and here he began hopping his chair forward in such
a threatening manner that Davy turned and walked away with as much
dignity as he could assume.</p>
<p>As he went around the corner of the house again he
<span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</SPAN></span> found himself in a
pleasant lane, bordered on either side by a tall hedge, and, as he was
now out of sight of Gobobbles, he started off on a gentle run by way
of getting out of the neighborhood as soon as possible. Before he had
gone a dozen steps, however, he heard a thumping sound behind him,
and, looking back, he saw, to his dismay, that Gobobbles had in some
way got loose from his high chair, and was coming after him, thumping
himself in a perfect frenzy. In fact, his appearance was so formidable
that Davy did not pause for a second look, but started off at the top
of his speed.</p>
<p>Gobobbles, however, proved himself to be a capital runner, and, in
spite of all Davy's efforts, he could hear the dreadful thumping sound
coming nearer and nearer, until it seemed to be just at his heels. At
this instant something sprang upon his back; but, before he could cry
out in his terror, a head was suddenly thrust over his shoulder, and
he found the Goblin, who was now of a bright purple color, staring him
in the face and laughing with all his might.</p>
<hr style="width: 33%;" />
<p><span class="pagenum"><SPAN name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</SPAN></span></p>
<div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />