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<h2> SOCIETY OF AMERICAN AUTHORS </h2>
<p>On November 15, 1900, the society gave a reception to Mr.<br/>
Clemens, who came with his wife and daughter. So many members<br/>
surrounded the guests that Mr. Clemens asked: “Is this genuine<br/>
popularity or is it all a part of a prearranged programme?”<br/></p>
<p>MR. CHAIRMAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,—It seems a most difficult thing
for any man to say anything about me that is not complimentary. I don’t
know what the charm is about me which makes it impossible for a person to
say a harsh thing about me and say it heartily, as if he was glad to say
it.</p>
<p>If this thing keeps on it will make me believe that I am what these kind
chairmen say of me. In introducing me, Judge Ransom spoke of my modesty as
if he was envious of me. I would like to have one man come out flat-footed
and say something harsh and disparaging of me, even if it were true. I
thought at one time, as the learned judge was speaking, that I had found
that man; but he wound up, like all the others, by saying complimentary
things.</p>
<p>I am constructed like everybody else, and enjoy a compliment as well as
any other fool, but I do like to have the other side presented. And there
is another side. I have a wicked side. Estimable friends who know all
about it would tell you and take a certain delight in telling you things
that I have done, and things further that I have not repented.</p>
<p>The real life that I live, and the real life that I suppose all of you
live, is a life of interior sin. That is what makes life valuable and
pleasant. To lead a life of undiscovered sin! That is true joy.</p>
<p>Judge Ransom seems to have all the virtues that he ascribes to me. But, oh
my! if you could throw an X-ray through him. We are a pair. I have made a
life-study of trying to appear to be what he seems to think I am.
Everybody believes that I am a monument of all the virtues, but it is
nothing of the sort. I am living two lives, and it keeps me pretty busy.</p>
<p>Some day there will be a chairman who will forget some of these merits of
mine, and then he will make a speech.</p>
<p>I have more personal vanity than modesty, and twice as much veracity as
the two put together.</p>
<p>When that fearless and forgetful chairman is found there will be another
story told. At the Press Club recently I thought that I had found him. He
started in in the way that I knew I should be painted with all sincerity,
and was leading to things that would not be to my credit; but when he said
that he never read a book of mine I knew at once that he was a liar,
because he never could have had all the wit and intelligence with which he
was blessed unless he had read my works as a basis.</p>
<p>I like compliments. I like to go home and tell them all over again to the
members of my family. They don’t believe them, but I like to tell them in
the home circle, all the same. I like to dream of them if I can.</p>
<p>I thank everybody for their compliments, but I don’t think that I am
praised any more than I am entitled to be.</p>
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