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Alice in Wonderland (Drama)

<h2>ACT II</h2>   SCENE The March Hare’s garden, showing part of the Duchess’ house. On a small platform there is a tea table, set with many cups, continuing into wings to give impression of limitless length. The March Hare, Hatter, and Dormouse are crowded at one end. Alice sits on the ground where she has been dropped from the sky. Finding herself not bruised she rises and approaches the table. March Hare and Hatter No room! No room! Alice There’s plenty of room! [She sits in a large armchair at one end of the table.] I don’t know who you are. March Hare I am the March Hare, that’s the Hatter, and this is the Dormouse. Have some wine? Alice I don’t see any wine. [Pg 48] March Hare There isn’t any. Alice Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it. March Hare It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited. Alice I didn’t know it was your table; it’s laid for a great many more than three. Hatter Your hair wants cutting. Alice You should learn not to make personal remarks; it’s very rude. Hatter Why is a raven like a writing-desk? Alice Come, we shall have some fun now! I’m glad you’ve begun asking riddles—I believe I can guess that. March Hare So you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img09tmb.jpg" alt="" /> Larger Image</div> Hatter: Your hair wants cutting.   [Pg 49]Alice Exactly so. March Hare Then you should say what you mean. Alice I do; at least—at least I mean what I say—that’s the same thing, you know. Hatter Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as, “I eat what I see!” March Hare You might just as well say that “I like what I get,” is the same thing as “I get what I like.” Dormouse You might just as well say that “I breathe when I sleep” is the same thing as “I sleep when I breathe.” Hatter It is the same thing with you. [Takes out his watch, looks at it uneasily, shakes it, holds it to his ear.] [Pg 50]What day of the month is it? Alice The fourth. Hatter Two days wrong. I told you butter wouldn’t suit the works! March Hare It was the best butter. Hatter Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well; you shouldn’t have put it in with the bread-knife— March Hare [Takes the watch, looks at it gloomily, dips it into his cup of tea and looks at it again but doesn’t know what else to say.] It was the best butter, you know. Alice What a funny watch! It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is. Hatter Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is? [Pg 51] Alice Of course not, but that’s because it stays the same year for such a long time together. Hatter Which is just the case with mine. Alice I don’t quite understand you. What you said had no sort of meaning in it and yet it was certainly English. Hatter [Pouring some hot tea on the Dormouse’s nose.] The Dormouse is asleep again. Dormouse Of course, of course, just what I was going to remark myself. Hatter Have you guessed the riddle yet? Alice No, I give it up, what’s the answer? Hatter I haven’t the slightest idea. [Pg 52] March Hare Nor I. Alice I think you might do something better with the time, than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers. Hatter If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s him. Alice I don’t know what you mean. Hatter Of course you don’t. I dare say you never even spoke to Time. Alice Perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time when I learn music. Hatter Ah, that accounts for it. He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons. You’d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half past one, time for dinner. [Pg 53] March Hare I only wish it was. Alice That would be grand, certainly, but then—I shouldn’t be hungry for it, you know. Hatter Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it to half past one as long as you liked. Alice Is that the way you manage? Hatter Not I, we quarreled last March—just before he went mad, you know. It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts and I had to sing. “Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you’re at!” You know the song, perhaps. Alice I’ve heard something like it. Dormouse Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle— [Pg 54] Hatter Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse when the Queen bawled out, “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!” Alice How dreadfully savage! Hatter And ever since that, he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now. Alice Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here? Hatter Yes, that’s it; it’s always tea time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles. Alice Then you keep moving round, I suppose? Hatter Exactly so, as the things get used up. Alice But when you come to the beginning again? [Pg 55] March Hare Suppose we change the subject. I vote the young lady tells us a story. Alice I’m afraid I don’t know one. March Hare and Hatter Then the Dormouse shall. Wake up Dormouse. [They pinch him on both sides at once.] Dormouse [Opens his eyes slowly and says in a hoarse, feeble voice.] I wasn’t asleep, I heard every word you fellows were saying. March Hare Tell us a story. Alice Yes, please do! Hatter And be quick about it, or you’ll be asleep again before it’s done. Dormouse Once upon a time there were three little sisters, and their[Pg 56] names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie and they lived at the bottom of a well— Alice What did they live on?   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img10.jpg" alt="" /></div>   Dormouse They lived on treacle. [Pg 57] Alice They couldn’t have done that, you know, they’d have been ill. Dormouse So they were, very ill. Alice But why did they live at the bottom of a well? March Hare Take some more tea. Alice I’ve had nothing yet, so I can’t take more. Hatter You mean, you can’t take less; it’s very easy to take more than nothing. Alice Nobody asked your opinion. Hatter Who’s making personal remarks now? Alice [Helps herself to tea and bread and butter.] Why did they live at the bottom of a well? [Pg 58] Dormouse [Takes a minute or two to think.] It was a treacle-well. Alice There’s no such thing! Hatter and March Hare Sh! Sh! Dormouse If you can’t be civil, you’d better finish the story for yourself. Alice [Very humbly.] No, please go on. I won’t interrupt you again. I dare say there may be one. Dormouse One, indeed! And so these three little sisters—they were learning to draw, you know— Alice What did they draw? Dormouse Treacle. [Pg 59] Hatter I want a clean cup. Let’s all move one place on. [Hatter moves on, Dormouse takes his place, March Hare takes Dormouse’s place and Alice unwillingly takes March Hare’s place.] Alice I’m worse off than I was before. You’ve upset the milk jug into your plate. March Hare It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited. Alice Where did they draw the treacle from? Hatter You can draw water out of a water well, so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle well—eh, stupid? Alice But they were in the well. Dormouse Of course they were—well in. They were learning to draw, and they drew all manner of things—everything that begins with an M— [Pg 60] Alice Why with an M?   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img11.jpg" alt="" /></div>   March Hare Why not? [Alice is silent and confused. Hatter pinches Dormouse to wake him up.] [Pg 61] Dormouse [Wakes with a little shriek and continues.] —that begins with an M, such as mousetraps and the moon and memory and muchness—you know you say things are “much of a muchness”—did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness? Hatter Did you? Alice Really now you ask me, I don’t think— Hatter Then you shouldn’t talk. March Hare No! Alice [Rises and walks away.] You are very rude. It’s the stupidest tea party I ever was at in all my life— [White Rabbit enters carrying a huge envelope with a seal and crown on it.] March Hare and Hatter No room! no room! [Pg 62][Rabbit pays no attention to them but goes to the house and raps loudly. A footman in livery with a round face and large eyes like a frog and powdered hair opens the door.] White Rabbit For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet. Frog From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet. [White Rabbit bows and goes out.] March Hare and Hatter [To White Rabbit.] No room! No room! No room! [The Frog disappears into the house but leaves the door open. There is a terrible din and many sauce pans fly out.] March Hare She’s at it again. Hatter It’s perfectly disgusting. March Hare Let’s move on. [The platform moves off with table, chairs, March Hare, [Pg 63]Hatter, and Dormouse. Meanwhile the Frog has come out again and is sitting near the closed door, staring stupidly at the sky. Alice goes to the door timidly and knocks.] Frog There’s no sort of use in knocking, and that for two reasons: first, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you. Alice Please then, how am I to get in? Frog There might be some sense in your knocking if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know. Alice How am I to get in? Frog I shall sit here, till tomorrow. [The door opens and a large plate skims out straight at the Frog’s head; it grazes his nose and breaks into pieces.] [Frog acts as if nothing had happened.] Or next day, maybe. [Pg 64] Alice How am I to get in? Frog Are you to get in at all? That’s the first question, you know. Alice It’s really dreadful the way all you creatures argue. It’s enough to drive one crazy. Frog I shall sit here, on and off, for days and days. Alice But what am I to do? Frog Anything you like. [He begins to whistle.] Alice Where’s the servant whose business it is to answer the door? Frog Which door? Alice This door, of course! [The Frog looks at the door, and rubs his thumb on it to see if the paint will come off.]   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img12tmb.jpg" alt="" /> Larger Image</div> Frog: I shall sit here till tomorrow.   [Pg 65]   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img13.jpg" alt="" /></div>   Frog To answer the door? What’s it been asking for? Alice I don’t know what you mean. [Pg 66] Frog I speaks English, doesn’t I? Or are you deaf? What did it ask you? Alice Nothing! I’ve been knocking at it. Frog Shouldn’t do that—shouldn’t do that, vexes it, you know. [He kicks the door.] You let it alone, and it’ll let you alone, you know. Alice Oh, there’s no use talking to you— [She starts to open the door just as the Duchess comes out carrying a pig in baby’s clothes. She sneezes—Frog sneezes and Alice sneezes.] Duchess If everybody minded her own business— [She sneezes.] Alice It’s pepper. Duchess Of course, my cook puts it in the soup. [Pg 67] Alice There’s certainly too much pepper in the soup. Duchess Sneeze then and get rid of it! [Duchess begins to sing to the baby, giving it a violent shake at the end of every line of the lullaby.] “Speak roughly to your little boy, And beat him when he sneezes; [Frog and Alice sneeze.] He only does it to annoy, Because he knows it teases. [Duchess sneezes, Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes.] I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes; [Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes.] For he can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he pleases!” [Duchess sneezes, Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes, Duchess gasps and gives a tremendous sneeze.] Alice Oh dear! [She jumps aside as kettles and pots come flying out of the door. The Duchess pays no attention.] What a cook to have! [She calls inside.] Oh! please mind what you’re doing! [Pg 68][Another pan comes out and almost hits the baby.] Oh! there goes his precious nose! Duchess If everybody minded her own business, the world would go round a deal faster than it does. Alice Which would not be an advantage. Just think what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis— Duchess Talking of axes, chop off her head! [The head of a grinning Cheshire cat appears in a tree above a wall.] Alice Oh, what’s that? Duchess Cat, of course. Alice Why does it grin like that? Duchess It’s a Cheshire cat! and that’s why. [To baby.] Pig!   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img14tmb.jpg" alt="" /> Larger Image</div> Duchess: I speak severely to my boy, I beat him when he sneezes. [Pg 69] Alice I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin. Duchess They all can and most of ’em do. Alice I don’t know of any that do. Duchess You don’t know much and that’s a fact. Here, you may nurse it a bit, if you like! [Flings the baby at Alice.] I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen. [She goes into the house.] Alice If I don’t take this child away with me, they’re sure to kill it in a day or two. Cheshire Puss, would you tell me please, which way I ought to walk from here? Cat That depends a good deal on where you want to get to. Alice I don’t much care where— [Pg 70] Cat Then it doesn’t matter which way you walk. Alice So long as I get somewhere. Cat Oh, you’re sure to do that, if you only walk long enough. Alice Please, will you tell me what sort of people live about here? Cat All mad people. Alice But I don’t want to go among mad people. Cat Oh, you can’t help that; we’re all mad here. I’m mad. He’s mad. He’s dreaming now, and what do you think he’s dreaming about? Alice [Goes to the Frog to scrutinize his face.] Nobody could guess that. [Pg 71] Cat Why, about you! And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you’d be? Alice Where I am now, of course. Cat Not you. You’d be nowhere. Why, you’re only a sort of thing in his dream; and you’re mad too. Alice How do you know I’m mad? Cat You must be, or you wouldn’t have come here. Alice How do you know that you’re mad? Cat To begin with, a dog’s not mad. You grant that? Alice I suppose so. Cat Well then, you see a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its[Pg 72] tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad. Alice I call it purring, not growling.   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img15.jpg" alt="" /></div>   Cat Call it what you like. Do you play croquet with the Queen today? [Pg 73] Alice I should like it very much, but I haven’t been invited yet. Cat You’ll see me there. [Vanishes.] Alice [To squirming baby.] Oh, dear, it’s heavy and so ugly. Don’t grunt—Oh—Oh—it’s a—pig. Please Mr. Footman take it! Frog [Rises with dignity, whistles and disappears into the house; a kettle comes bounding out. Alice puts pig down and it crawls off.] Cat [Appearing again.] By-the-bye, what became of the baby? Alice It turned into a pig. Cat I thought it would. [Vanishes.] [Pg 74][Frog comes out of the house with hedgehogs and flamingoes.] Cat [Reappearing.] Did you say pig, or fig? Alice I said pig; and I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy. Cat All right. [It vanishes slowly.] [Frog puts flamingoes down and reenters house. While Alice is examining the flamingoes curiously, Tweedledum and Tweedledee, each with an arm round the other’s neck, sidestep in and stand looking at Alice.] Alice [Turns, sees them, starts in surprise and involuntarily whispers.] Tweedle—dee. Dum Dum! Dee If you think we’re waxworks, you ought to pay. [Pg 75] Dum Contrariwise, if you think we’re alive, you ought to speak. Dee The first thing in a visit is to say “How d’ye do?” and shake hands! [The brothers give each other a hug, then hold out the two hands that are free, to shake hands with her. Alice does not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting the other one’s feelings; she takes hold of both hands at once and they all dance round in a ring, quite naturally to music, “Here we go round the mulberry bush.”] Alice Would you tell me which road leads out of— Dee What shall I repeat to her? Dum The “Walrus and the Carpenter” is the longest. [Gives his brother an affectionate hug.] Dee The sun was shining— Alice If it’s very long, would you please tell me first which road— [Pg 76] Dee The moon was shining sulkily. Dum The sea was wet as wet could be— Dee O Oysters, come and walk with us The Walrus did beseech— Dum [Looks at Dee.] A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach— Dee [Looks at Dum.] The eldest Oyster winked his eye And shook his heavy head— Dum [Looks at Dee.] Meaning to say he did not choose To leave the oyster bed. Dee But four young Oysters hurried up And yet another four— [Pg 77] Dum And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more— Dee The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so, Dum And then they rested on a rock Conveniently low, Dee And all the little Oysters stood And waited in a row. Dum “A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said, “Is what we chiefly need. Dee Now if you’re ready, Oysters dear, We can begin to feed.” Dum “But not on us!” the Oysters cried, Turning a little blue. [Pg 78] Dee “The night is fine,” the Walrus said, “Do you admire the view?” Dum The Carpenter said nothing but “Cut us another slice. I wish you were not quite so deaf— I’ve had to ask you twice!” Dee “It seems a shame,” the Walrus said, “To play them such a trick, After we’ve brought them out so far, And made them trot so quick!” Dum “O, Oysters,” said the Carpenter, “You’ve had a pleasant run! Dee Shall we be trotting home again?” Dum But answer came there none— Dee And this was scarcely odd, because [Pg 79] Dum They’d eaten every— Dee [Interrupts in a passion, pointing to a white rattle on the ground.] Do you see that? Alice It’s only a rattle— Dum [Stamps wildly and tears his hair.] I knew it was! It’s spoilt of course. My nice new rattle! [To Dee.] You agree to have a battle? [He collects sauce pans and pots.] Dee [Picks up a sauce pan.] I suppose so. Let’s fight till dinner. [They go out hand in hand.] Alice [Hears music.] I wonder what is going to happen next. [She backs down stage respectfully as the King and Queen of Hearts enter, followed by the Knave of Hearts carrying the King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and the White Rabbit and others. When they come opposite to Alice they stop and look at her.] [The Duchess comes out of her house.] [Pg 80] Queen [To the Knave.] Who is this?   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img16.jpg" alt="" /></div>   Knave [Bows three times, smiles and giggles.] [Pg 81] Queen Idiot! What’s your name, child? Alice My name is Alice, so please your Majesty. Queen Off with her head! Off— Alice Nonsense! King Consider, my dear, she is only a child. Queen Can you play croquet? Alice Yes. Queen Come on then. Get to your places. Where are the mallets? Duchess Here. [The Frog appears with the flamingoes and hedgehogs.] [Pg 82] Queen Off with his head! [No one pays any attention.] Knave What fun! Alice What is the fun? Knave Why she; it’s all her fancy, that. They never execute anyone. Alice What does one do? Queen Get to your places! [She takes a flamingo, uses its neck as a mallet and a hedgehog as a ball. The Frog doubles himself into an arch. The King does the same with the followers and the Knave offers himself as an arch for Alice. Even though Alice does not notice him he holds the arch position. The Queen shouts at intervals, “Off with his head, off with her head.”] Alice Where are the Chess Queens? [Pg 83] Rabbit Under sentence of execution. Alice What for? Rabbit Did you say, “what a pity”? Alice No, I didn’t. I don’t think it’s at all a pity. I said, “What for?” Rabbit They boxed the Queen’s ears. [Alice gives a little scream of laughter.] Rabbit Oh, hush! The Queen will hear you! You see they came rather late and the Queen said—Oh dear, the Queen hears me— [He hurries away.] Alice [Noticing the Knave who still pretends to be an arch.] How can you go on thinking so quietly, with your head downwards? [Pg 84] Knave What does it matter where my body happens to be? My mind goes on working just the same. The fact of it is, the more head downwards I am, the more I keep on inventing new things. King Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came through the wood? Alice Yes, I did; several thousand I should think. King Four thousand, two hundred and seven, that’s the exact number. They couldn’t send all the horses, you know, because two of them are wanted in the game. And I haven’t sent the two messengers, either. Alice What’s the war about? King The red Chess King has the whole army against us but he can’t kill a man who has thirteen hearts. [The Duchess, Queen, Frog, and followers go out. The Knave and the Five-Spot, Seven-Spot, and Nine-Spot of Hearts stand behind the King.]   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img17tmb.jpg" alt="" /> Larger Image</div> King: I only wish I had such eyes; to be able to see Nobody!   [Pg 85]King Just look along the road and tell me if you can see either of my messengers. Alice I see nobody on the road. King I only wish I had such eyes; to be able to see Nobody! And at that distance too! Why, it’s as much as I can do to see real people, by this light. Alice I see somebody now! But he’s coming very slowly—and what curious attitudes he goes into—skipping up and down, and wriggling like an eel. King Not at all, those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he’s happy. I must have two messengers, you know—to come and go. One to come and one to go. Alice I beg your pardon? King It isn’t respectable to beg. [Pg 86] Alice I only meant that I didn’t understand. Why one to come and one to go? King Don’t I tell you? I must have two—to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry. March Hare [Enters, pants for breath—waves his hands about and makes fearful faces at the King.] King You alarm me! I feel faint—give me a ham sandwich. Another sandwich! March Hare There’s nothing but hay left now. King Hay, then. There’s nothing like eating hay when you’re faint. Alice I should think throwing cold water over you would be better. King I didn’t say there was nothing better; I said there was nothing like it. [Pg 87] King Who did you pass on the road? March Hare Nobody. King Quite right; this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you. March Hare I do my best; I’m sure nobody walks much faster than I do. King He can’t do that; or else he’d have been here first. However, now you’ve got your breath, you may tell us what’s happened in the town. March Hare I’ll whisper it. [Much to Alice’s surprise, he shouts into the King’s ear.] They’re at it again! King Do you call that a whisper? If you do such a thing again, I’ll have you buttered. It went through and through my head like an earthquake. Give me details, quick! [Pg 88][The King and March Hare go out, followed by Five, Seven, and Nine Spots.] Duchess [Runs in and tucks her arm affectionately into Alice’s.] You can’t think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing! Alice Oh! Duchess You’re thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can’t tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit. Alice Perhaps it hasn’t one. Duchess Tut, tut, child! Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it. [Squeezes closely, digs her chin into Alice’s shoulder, and roughly drags Alice along for a walk.] Alice The game’s going on rather better now. [Pg 89] Duchess ’Tis so, and the moral of that is—“Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes the world go round!” Alice Somebody said, that it’s done by everybody minding their own business. Duchess Ah, well! It means much the same thing, and the moral of that is—“Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.” Alice How fond you are of finding morals in things. Duchess I daresay you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist. The reason is, that I’m doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment? Alice He might bite. Duchess Very true; flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is—“Birds of a feather flock together.” [Pg 90] Alice Only mustard isn’t a bird. Duchess Right, as usual; what a clear way you have of putting things. Alice It’s a mineral, I think. Duchess Of course it is; there’s a large mustard mine near here. And the moral of that is—“The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.” Alice Oh! I know, it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like one, but it is. Duchess I quite agree with you, and the moral of that is—“Be what you would seem to be;” or, if you’d like it put more simply, “Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.” Alice I think I should understand that better if I had it written down, but I can’t quite follow it as you say it. [Pg 91] Duchess That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose. Alice Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer than that. Duchess Oh, don’t talk about trouble; I make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet. Alice Uhm! Duchess Thinking again? Alice I’ve got a right to think. Duchess Just about as much right as pigs have to fly, and the moral— [The arm of the Duchess begins to tremble and her voice dies down. The Queen of Hearts stands before them with folded arms and frowning like a thunderstorm.] Duchess A fine day, your Majesty. [Pg 92]Queen Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time. Take your choice! [The Duchess goes meekly into the house.]   <div class="figcenter"><ANTIMG src="images/img18.jpg" alt="" /></div>   Queen Let’s go on with the game. [She goes off and shouts at intervals, “Off with his head; off with her head.”] [Pg 93] Cat How are you getting on? Alice It’s no use speaking to you till your ears have come. I don’t think they play at all fairly and they all quarrel so and they don’t seem to have any rules in particular. And you’ve no idea how confusing it is with all the things alive; there’s the arch I’ve got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground—and I should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming. [Music begins.] Cat How do you like the Queen? Alice Not at all; she’s so extremely— [The King, Queen and entire court enter. The Queen is near to Alice. The music stops and all look at Alice questioningly.] [Alice tries to propitiate the Queen.] —likely to win, [Music continues.] that it’s hardly worth while finishing the game. [Queen smiles and passes on.] [Pg 94] King Who are you talking to? Alice It’s a friend of mine—a Cheshire Cat—allow me to introduce it. King I don’t like the look of it at all; however, it may kiss my hand if it likes. Cat I’d rather not. King Don’t be impertinent and don’t look at me like that. Alice A cat may look at a king. I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t remember where. King Well, it must be removed. My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed. Queen Off with his head! [Pg 95] Knave But you can’t cut off a head unless there’s a body to cut it off from. King Anything that has a head can be beheaded. Queen If something isn’t done about it in less than no time, I’ll have everybody executed, all round. Alice It belongs to the Duchess; you’d better ask her about it. Duchess It’s a lie! Cat You’d better ask me. Do it if you can. [It grins away. The Duchess and Frog escape into the house.] Queen Cut it off! King It’s gone. [Pg 96] Everybody It’s gone! It’s gone! Where, where, where— Queen Cut it off. Cut them all off! Everybody No, no, no! Alice Save me, save me! Knave [Shouts to Alice and gives her a tart for safety.] Take a tart! Queen [Seeing Alice stand out a moment from the others.] Cut hers off! Cut hers off! Others [Glad to distract Queen’s attention from themselves.] Cut hers off, cut hers off, cut— Alice [Cries in fear and takes a quick bite at the tart. If there is a trap door on the stage Alice disappears down it, leaving the[Pg 97] crowd circling around the hole screaming and amazed. If the stage has no trap door, a bridge is built across the footlights with stairs leading down into the orchestra pit. When the crowd is chasing Alice she jumps over the footlights onto the bridge and as the curtain is falling dividing her from the crowd she appeals to the audience, “Save me, save me, who will save me?” and runs down the stairs and disappears.] CURTAIN     <hr style="width: 50%;" /> [Pg 98] <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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